Eye-contact between men and women
I remember a few months ago there was a post here talking about how there's this subtle form of male privilege whenever a woman and a man cross each other on the street. The two people make eye contact, but usually, it is the woman who looks away/down first. After this post, I started to try holding my gaze longer than a man, although I must admit, I failed many a time. But whenever I didn't fail, there was this peculiar surge of energy I felt inside of me! it almost felt like those video games where you win points for every can you hit with your gun (sorry for the violent reference, but it is the actual feeling that goes through me).
Anyhow, lately, since I'm a college freshman in a setting where many young men already think very highly of themselves, (it's also the #4 party school of the nation, supposedly, so the guys here are VERY influenced by all those misogynistic standards of what a female body should look like, and how a woman should act). Sadly, I'm finding myself dealing with very rigid gendered behavior and macho-posturing here. The party school factor plays into the very polarized views on what a male should act like vs. what a female should LOOK like... *shrug*... just think of your standard Ken and Barbie dolls, honestly. :\
So ok...that's some background.. here's the point of my post:
When I try doing that whole see-who-looks-away-first routine here, it's not being taken in a way where the guy sees that I'm not intimidated by him, like it was out in the streets. For example, today, I was eating lunch alone, and this guy was with his group of friends at the table across from mine, and as I'm eating, I casually looked around the room, and caught him looking at me. I tried the see-who-looks-away-first test and the thing is, he didn't stop staring. And it really bothered me... because I guess there are a certain number of seconds until a gaze turns into a stare, and then an intimidating one... and above all, I just think that the guy might have thought I was somehow being coy with him-- which I wasn't trying to be at all!
But it completely defeated my once-empowering practice. It's happened so many times ever since I've arrived on campus. If we catch eyes and I look away, I'll just be re-enforcing the submissive role that women play against a man's stare, but if I keep staring, it has potential to give him the wrong (WRONG!) idea that I might fancy him. And for lack of better words... this makes things super annoying!!! *sigh*
Does anyone see a different way that I can approach this? thank you for any input.
Anyhow, lately, since I'm a college freshman in a setting where many young men already think very highly of themselves, (it's also the #4 party school of the nation, supposedly, so the guys here are VERY influenced by all those misogynistic standards of what a female body should look like, and how a woman should act). Sadly, I'm finding myself dealing with very rigid gendered behavior and macho-posturing here. The party school factor plays into the very polarized views on what a male should act like vs. what a female should LOOK like... *shrug*... just think of your standard Ken and Barbie dolls, honestly. :\
So ok...that's some background.. here's the point of my post:
When I try doing that whole see-who-looks-away-first routine here, it's not being taken in a way where the guy sees that I'm not intimidated by him, like it was out in the streets. For example, today, I was eating lunch alone, and this guy was with his group of friends at the table across from mine, and as I'm eating, I casually looked around the room, and caught him looking at me. I tried the see-who-looks-away-first test and the thing is, he didn't stop staring. And it really bothered me... because I guess there are a certain number of seconds until a gaze turns into a stare, and then an intimidating one... and above all, I just think that the guy might have thought I was somehow being coy with him-- which I wasn't trying to be at all!
But it completely defeated my once-empowering practice. It's happened so many times ever since I've arrived on campus. If we catch eyes and I look away, I'll just be re-enforcing the submissive role that women play against a man's stare, but if I keep staring, it has potential to give him the wrong (WRONG!) idea that I might fancy him. And for lack of better words... this makes things super annoying!!! *sigh*
Does anyone see a different way that I can approach this? thank you for any input.