Women and their careers

[pepperedmoth]

A bunch of the prior entries (particularly this one) have really made me think about the attitudes women encounter when contemplating careers. I'm sure this is all quite obvious to many of you, but I hadn't thought of it in quite these terms before, and wanted to talk about it

Comments

[bodlon]

I've been thinking about this. It's one of those things that, as a woman working and going to college and not entirely anti-child, does cross my mind.

There's absolutely a difference in how we view career in heterosexual partnerships, especially when it comes to who should be the breadwinner, who should be the primary caregiver, etc.

When my present partner moved in, he didn't work or worked sporadically. It felt strange to be supporting a household. Of course, now that he's secured at least semi-permanent work, he's now making almost $200/week more than me, doing similar (if not simpler) work. I feel angry about this sometimes, like I'm being forced into a subordinate role.

I'll grant that I like the idea of working at home, but that's something that would be nice with or without a child. Interestingly, I'd be less comfortable with it if I were a mother -- I dislike the home-mom stereotype.

My dream parenting scenario isn't necessarily a stay-at-home dad in an apron, but culture makes it really easy for women to wind up being THE parent by default, which makes me distinctly uncomfortable. The only time I should be THE parent is if I'm a single mom. Conceptually, this idea is more palatable for me.

Then again, looking at how dog ownership is playing out in my present relationship, and knowing that these patterns will statistically hold true in a parenting scenario, odds aren't looking great on the equality end of things.

I am fortunate that right now I work in an occupation and in a Department where men and women seem to be valued equally, though with a job title that ends in "Secretary," a lot more women apply than men, and I sometimes it makes me kind of uncomfortable. It's actually kind of woman-heavy here, now that I think about it, even at higher administrative levels.

Fact is, though, I make less money than my partner, and am already the default caregiver. I feel like I have to choose between motherhood and a career at this point.

My motivation has nothing to do with being a "castrating bitch" -- I try to combat sexist attitudes that harm men just as much as I combat sexist attitudes that harm women -- but that I feel like I should be able to utilize my intellect and do something I care about and have a successful career in addition to being a woman. I don't think this is outrageous, radical, or bizarre. My fate should not have to be 100% attached to someone else's good will and income. If anything, my motivation is to have equal freedoms and power (and pay, ahem).

I think it's sad that a lot of people, having seen that having a career and working is difficult, want to go back to the old way. I feel like we haven't learned a lot. I feel like the old joke about college being where women go to get married is still playing out. And that makes me sad.

[krazyhippie]

I agree that the one person shouldn't be the default caregiver simply because of which kind of genitals they have. For us, I'm going to be the one to stay at home but that's because I REALLY want to do it (but only for the first year or so, I don't think I could stand it for more than a few anyway...I get too antsy) and my partner feels indifferent toward it. Because of his indifference, if it was something I really DIDN'T want to do, he'd step in and be the SAH dad. He just doesn't really care either way and I do. Heh. Plus I really look forward to breastfeeding and he can't do that. ha. But that's certainly not the most important reason. I think it's a decisino a couple should actually make together if they feel being at home with the baby is important, not something that should automatically go to one person or the other.