keeping it positive
Trying to keep the glass half full. The last week has been pretty hard. My heart is hurting but I'm trying to keep focused and not fall back into bad habits. I think you get use to something being the way it is and it's very hard to change old habits. I've been using lots of mantras to make myself remember what it means to be happy and healthy. It's hard not having that feeling that there is someone there to catch you if it all falls apart. I've always needed a Daddy and not having that is sometimes difficult, it's just hard learning how to take care of yourself. This is probably a good life lesson.
Knowing that Levi is sick has been really hard. Lesson number one is that you can't make someone love you or want you when they don't. It's so hard sometimes when you think you have let go and then you want to help someone even when they don't want your help. When someone pushes you away it's time to leave but that does not always make it easy.
Lana says that I have been weird all week and maybe I have. Just today she reminded me how I was not wanted and I needed to go. It's so hard after so many years. I'm ready for it to feel better.
I've been very focused on work and have negotiated some hard won deals. I actually sold two houses today and that makes 3 for the week for my biggest investor. He is really happy and I'm feeling very happy too but know I need to do more. There is never enough time to do everything that I need to do. Most of the time I just go and go until I fall down. Healing is hard work. I've been working out again and I put a yoga class on my schedule for tomorrow. I focused on taking better care of myself and looking forward to going to ES in a few weeks. I need some time away. I just got invited to go back to NOLA in October with my friends that I went with before and it's nice to have something to look forward to. I don't know how I will make it all work or how it will all get done or how I will learn to heal and feel better but I'll keep trying.
Knowing that Levi is sick has been really hard. Lesson number one is that you can't make someone love you or want you when they don't. It's so hard sometimes when you think you have let go and then you want to help someone even when they don't want your help. When someone pushes you away it's time to leave but that does not always make it easy.
Lana says that I have been weird all week and maybe I have. Just today she reminded me how I was not wanted and I needed to go. It's so hard after so many years. I'm ready for it to feel better.
I've been very focused on work and have negotiated some hard won deals. I actually sold two houses today and that makes 3 for the week for my biggest investor. He is really happy and I'm feeling very happy too but know I need to do more. There is never enough time to do everything that I need to do. Most of the time I just go and go until I fall down. Healing is hard work. I've been working out again and I put a yoga class on my schedule for tomorrow. I focused on taking better care of myself and looking forward to going to ES in a few weeks. I need some time away. I just got invited to go back to NOLA in October with my friends that I went with before and it's nice to have something to look forward to. I don't know how I will make it all work or how it will all get done or how I will learn to heal and feel better but I'll keep trying.