Wow! It's been a long time....

[femgyrl]

It's been awhile since I've updated and a lot has changed and a lot has not changed. Living without Levi in my life has been a hard adjustment. I thought we would part friends that we could continue to honor everything we had had and been through but unfortunately, that was not how things turned out. For her, she had to make me out to be some evil monster, she had to cut me out like I was the cancer. In a single moment it was just over and we have not seen or spoken to each other since...You know that song, "if I had known it was going to be the last time..." but maybe it's better this way. There is no doubt, regret or going back because this is the only way forward. I had a few things left at the house and she just had them left on the driveway without warning or care and my requests to see my dogs have gone unanswered, my mail has been returned to sender. Sad that after 12 years this is the way it ended but it is what it is. Then I found out through a friend that she had been talking crap about me all over social media while keeping it all hidden from me and that is when the decision had to be made to block her which was much harder than I thought it would be but necessary. I wish I could be really angry but I can't. When I saw Bob & Allison parting ways and how they honored what they had had by spending a last weekend together, dividing their toys & meaningful items of their relationship and then having one last scene together to say good bye to each other...I don't know that I could do it but it really showed me what love & respect looks like and what it means to honor what once was.
Now my life is filled with work, learning how to love myself again, learning how to love. Finding myself, redefining who I am and embarking on new adventures. I am lucky to have lots of love in my life but it's still hard.
I saw Stevie Nicks in concert last night and it was amazing. It honestly felt surreal at times because I've always felt so connected to her music. I just planned a trip to Eureka Springs and I'm starting to rebuild my camping stuff so I can go out and do some camping since all I have now is a tent. Camping is very good for my soul. Love is a state of mind...
The one thing I know for sure is that I am blessed and happy. I am loved and free.