Title: Cassiopeia
Author:
trinity1986, Trialia
Rating: G
Warnings: N/A
Prompt: 85) Lost things, she felt certain, had a life of their own. They come back to their families like stray dogs.--Nancy Willard.
Summary: What does it really mean? Teyla and Elizabeth talk under the stars.
Notes: Word count 1180. Many thanks to
irony_rocks and Skyler for beta-reading and pre-post vetting.
Home. So many different meanings in one word, yet ultimately its definition is unique to the person who happens to be doing the defining. There's no generic term to encompass everything it means. Not even the Ancients had that.
My home. What is it? Where is it? Why is it there? Earth? Washington D.C., the United States of America? The Milky Way? Atlantis? Pegasus? Perhaps the location where I feel most comfortable, or maybe wherever my family, my dog or my beloved happens to be? None of these? All of them? Do I even know for certain which I’d choose if I were asked outright?
It's the middle of the night, and I don't know what set me to thinking about this. No, wait... I do know. I was sitting on the balcony outside the control room some hours ago, drinking Athosian tea with Teyla after a quiet day which most of the Earth personnel had spent exploring the city. She’d been over to the mainland to check on the progress of their crops, and I had found her out on the balcony at sunset. The stars were shining brightly in the night sky above the city, and she had turned her face up to watch them. I can say that I don't know why I asked her, then, about the differences between the night skies of Atlantica and the skies of her previous home, about how the constellations visible from Pegasus differed between planets. Curiosity, I suppose.
"What does 'home' really mean?" Her expression was a little sad. She never looked away from the stars, but sipped her drink. I took a gulp of my own. The taste of Athosian tea has always reminded me of camomile tea back on Earth, a little; it's familiar now, and comforting, but in some ways it's still very different. Deeper, somehow, with a fiery aftertaste that warms the throat.
"Our camp moved a great deal even on Athos. It is - or it was - a tradition to move to another site after the death of a leader. We appoint or invest a new leader, and then he or she is given the task of organising our removal. The only real home I ever knew before I came here was the planet of Athos - no single settlement. The stars' position was different from season to season and dependent upon the location to which we were moving."
She finally faced me, and smiled slightly. "How much do your own constellations differ between viewing points on Earth? I imagine it is much the same way."
"You're right," I replied. "I suppose it's different for everyone... Which would you call home?"
"I might ask you the same question." Teyla's eyes were serious, despite the smile still on her lips. "I have only moved from planet to planet within this galaxy, but you came from somewhere even more distant than Atlantis from the outer reaches of Pegasus. How does it feel to look at the sky and see constellations that differ not only from one's viewing position, but that are altogether unfamiliar?"
I returned the smile, and sipped my drink while considering the question; finishing it, I placed the tin mug on the floor and drew my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. It was getting cold out there. We'd been talking for a long time, and had been back to refill our drinks twice by this point.
"Honestly? Very, very weird."
Her grin this time was teasing.
"So you see it is not so different after all, Doctor Weir."
"Teyla, please. When will you and Ronon start calling me Elizabeth?" I arched an eyebrow, the corner of my mouth quirked in vague amusement. "I feel twenty years older than my age when I'm called by my professional title."
Teyla chuckled a little, apologising and flashing another of those teasing smirks she so rarely sends in my direction. "It is quite difficult to get used to calling you by your first name when almost everyone else on Atlantis does not do likewise," she pointed out.
"I... suppose you're right." I shook my head lightly. "But I would like to think, Teyla, that you and Ronon could see me as a friend and colleague rather than someone to whom you have to defer on certain matters. You chose to join us and you signed nothing when you did so. I’m not in command of you under my country’s laws. I would feel more comfortable if you could treat me as such." I tilted my head back, softening the words with a small smile.
"I am sorry. It is not an easy habit to break. However, if you still wish me to call you Elizabeth, I shall try to remember to do so." Tipping her head back, she swallowed the remainder of her drink in one gulp. We were both silent for a few moments; I breathed in the night air and relaxed, content and thankful that there lay, for the present, no danger in sight.
“Is this home to us?” I asked her after a while, quietly. “I mean, Atlantis? We’ve been here for years, now. We’ve defended the city when it looked like there was no way we could save it, and we’re still around.”
“I believe there is what Colonel Sheppard would call a cliché, in your parlance,” Teyla replied thoughtfully, “'Home is where the heart is.' It is no less true for being a little trite. My father would have said much the same thing.”
“So would mine,” I responded wryly, slipping my hand into my pocket and fingering the silver watch I keep there. “I suppose home is a different thing to everyone, in some ways.”
“All ways,” she stated softly. “Home is where you feel it to be, with whom you wish it to be.”
I breathed deep. “Then home isn’t just here, it’s everywhere.”
Teyla met my eyes, and I nodded; we shared a smile. Some decisions weren’t so hard to make after all.
“Forgive me if I seem presumptuous, but I think it is time you sought your bed, Elizabeth.” She winked at me, and involuntarily, I chuckled. “We can discuss the matter further some other time, if you would like to do so, but I know that tomorrow is to be a full day. We should get some sleep.”
“Thank you, Teyla. Goodnight,” I nodded to her, and she returned the gesture before leaving. I collected both mugs, made my way to the mess hall, and then to bed.
Atlantis may not have belonged to us in the beginning, but we can still call it ours; and we’ll fight to defend it, no matter what happens or where we go. I never believed I’d find myself able to call a planet outside my own galaxy my home; now I realise it is more of a home than anywhere I’ve ever known. I know the answer to my own question.
Home is where I want it to be. Right here, right now, with these people.
~fin