Updating...meh
Yes I do update...rarely.
Let's see. In the past week I've told my theology class I'm suicidal, had a nurse go back on a confidentiality agreement, had my old best friend die because he was shot where he worked (the Arby's for the SE Wisconsin people who know the story), went to the funeral and learned that most of his body was plastic, and got my navel pierced with Paula.
Let's say that I don't feel much right now.
Poems from Creative Writing (stole the idea from Alisha thanks hon!)
I am
I am the lost glove lying in the middle of the icy winter street
Unclaimed and unloved
Frozen and stiff
Waiting for its owner to return
I am a scientist hidden away in a maze of papers and lab equipment
Searching for an answer
Cautious and calculating
Unaware of the sunshine just peeking around the corner, begging to play
I am a cloud-filled midnight sky
Precious diamonds glittering, sparkling
With a modest cloak carefully concealing the treasures within
Protective to the point when no one can enjoy them
I am the child in the corner
Playing quietly by herself
Managing to sit still and maintain her behavior
With a mischievous gleam in her eye allowing everyone to see the
tiger pacing inside
I am that favorite threadbare blanket
Left over from the days when teddy bears breathed and laughed
I can still console and comfort
When the world seems like too much
I am that sickening, stomach-dropping fear
When faced with the loss of a loved one
A syringe filled with foreign fluids
The glimpse of a ghost over one’s shoulder
I am a chameleon
Who knows its skin and its true color
But has no difficulty blending in with others
Allowing invisibility’s disguise to glide over its reptilian flesh
I am the first love note from a boyfriend
The box of chocolates from years ago
Dried, shriveled roses that whisper at the beauty they once held
The carnival stuffed animal that once represented “true love”
I am the movie you can watch over and over
That feeling when you laugh so hard you simply cannot breathe
A craving for chocolate
An overworked professional
A true Mona Lisa (who knows what her expression means?)
The creaky hinges of an attic door
Those few moments of waking dreamland
A newborn infant
A withered crone
A hawk and a swan
A waterfall and a pond
Electric summer thunderstorms and wispy cirrus clouds
A Greek goddess and a hyperactive lunatic of a child
I am caught somewhere between sunrise and sunset
Always rising
Always falling
Always burning brightly
Memories
I remember my grandfather, my hero
Sharing bowls of strawberry ice cream, slightly freezer-burnt
Stickiness coating my face
I remember looking into the casket and seeing his smile
Red roses everywhere
Tears overflowing as they ran down my cheeks; inconsolable
"He's smiling down at you from heaven."
I remember thinking I could fly
Because I could in my dreams
I found out that I couldn't by jumping down the stairs
The harsh jolt of reality fresh on my bottom
I remember feeling like such an outcast
Watching everyone else walk through the pews
Wondering why I could not take part in this ceremony
Feeling like a sinner
I remember swallowing the purple, capsule-shaped pills
One after another
My best friend finally pulling them from the palm of my hand
My heart had died
And was waiting for my body to join it
I remember him walking into the classroom door
Like a ghost who had come back for my soul
To pull me into his hell once again
Tearing the safety net that I had so carefully constructed
I remember Alan
Wearing the same ninja costume year after year for Halloween
He walked on his toes
I wish I could hug him one last time
I remember my class singing half-heartedly at the Christmas concert
Uko breaking into Scatman John at the end
I remember watching the blood enter the vial
Realizing there was no pain
But the loss of a part of my being
Falling to the floor
I remember taking her home
Her claws digging into my skin
Naming her after my late great-aunt
Only to find that her personality was the exact opposite
I remember seeing him for the first time
Leaning against the wall, observing everyone else
But not participating in their wild fever
Realizing I had met the male version of myself
I remember the concert
My best friend at my side
The rain pouring down in torrents, causing me to shiver violently
Yet loving every second of it
Completely surreal
I remember standing at the starting line
Those last five seconds of pure adrenaline
I remember hearing his name
Unbelieving, shock
Weeping for an angel had been lost
With no chance for goodbye
I remember the clamp on my skin
The terrible anxiety
My vision clouding from the outside in
Falling to the floor
Waking again
I remember hugs, and kisses, and tears, and blood
And pain, and love, and a new dawn
I remember.
Let's see. In the past week I've told my theology class I'm suicidal, had a nurse go back on a confidentiality agreement, had my old best friend die because he was shot where he worked (the Arby's for the SE Wisconsin people who know the story), went to the funeral and learned that most of his body was plastic, and got my navel pierced with Paula.
Let's say that I don't feel much right now.
Poems from Creative Writing (stole the idea from Alisha thanks hon!)
I am
I am the lost glove lying in the middle of the icy winter street
Unclaimed and unloved
Frozen and stiff
Waiting for its owner to return
I am a scientist hidden away in a maze of papers and lab equipment
Searching for an answer
Cautious and calculating
Unaware of the sunshine just peeking around the corner, begging to play
I am a cloud-filled midnight sky
Precious diamonds glittering, sparkling
With a modest cloak carefully concealing the treasures within
Protective to the point when no one can enjoy them
I am the child in the corner
Playing quietly by herself
Managing to sit still and maintain her behavior
With a mischievous gleam in her eye allowing everyone to see the
tiger pacing inside
I am that favorite threadbare blanket
Left over from the days when teddy bears breathed and laughed
I can still console and comfort
When the world seems like too much
I am that sickening, stomach-dropping fear
When faced with the loss of a loved one
A syringe filled with foreign fluids
The glimpse of a ghost over one’s shoulder
I am a chameleon
Who knows its skin and its true color
But has no difficulty blending in with others
Allowing invisibility’s disguise to glide over its reptilian flesh
I am the first love note from a boyfriend
The box of chocolates from years ago
Dried, shriveled roses that whisper at the beauty they once held
The carnival stuffed animal that once represented “true love”
I am the movie you can watch over and over
That feeling when you laugh so hard you simply cannot breathe
A craving for chocolate
An overworked professional
A true Mona Lisa (who knows what her expression means?)
The creaky hinges of an attic door
Those few moments of waking dreamland
A newborn infant
A withered crone
A hawk and a swan
A waterfall and a pond
Electric summer thunderstorms and wispy cirrus clouds
A Greek goddess and a hyperactive lunatic of a child
I am caught somewhere between sunrise and sunset
Always rising
Always falling
Always burning brightly
Memories
I remember my grandfather, my hero
Sharing bowls of strawberry ice cream, slightly freezer-burnt
Stickiness coating my face
I remember looking into the casket and seeing his smile
Red roses everywhere
Tears overflowing as they ran down my cheeks; inconsolable
"He's smiling down at you from heaven."
I remember thinking I could fly
Because I could in my dreams
I found out that I couldn't by jumping down the stairs
The harsh jolt of reality fresh on my bottom
I remember feeling like such an outcast
Watching everyone else walk through the pews
Wondering why I could not take part in this ceremony
Feeling like a sinner
I remember swallowing the purple, capsule-shaped pills
One after another
My best friend finally pulling them from the palm of my hand
My heart had died
And was waiting for my body to join it
I remember him walking into the classroom door
Like a ghost who had come back for my soul
To pull me into his hell once again
Tearing the safety net that I had so carefully constructed
I remember Alan
Wearing the same ninja costume year after year for Halloween
He walked on his toes
I wish I could hug him one last time
I remember my class singing half-heartedly at the Christmas concert
Uko breaking into Scatman John at the end
I remember watching the blood enter the vial
Realizing there was no pain
But the loss of a part of my being
Falling to the floor
I remember taking her home
Her claws digging into my skin
Naming her after my late great-aunt
Only to find that her personality was the exact opposite
I remember seeing him for the first time
Leaning against the wall, observing everyone else
But not participating in their wild fever
Realizing I had met the male version of myself
I remember the concert
My best friend at my side
The rain pouring down in torrents, causing me to shiver violently
Yet loving every second of it
Completely surreal
I remember standing at the starting line
Those last five seconds of pure adrenaline
I remember hearing his name
Unbelieving, shock
Weeping for an angel had been lost
With no chance for goodbye
I remember the clamp on my skin
The terrible anxiety
My vision clouding from the outside in
Falling to the floor
Waking again
I remember hugs, and kisses, and tears, and blood
And pain, and love, and a new dawn
I remember.