insane100 :: Coven Of The Crescent Moon
[ooc: Lame!prompt response is lame. Filling the request of reporter_chloe made a couple of months ago for what she refers to as "Lanois". AU Season 8, negative Brainiac and Clana hookup. Doesn't apply to any Lois muses out there, of course. Unless you want it to, but I seriously doubt that. It's slightly femmeslashy, but not really. I would rate it...a high PG13. I warned, so don't yell at me. It's just an inside joke, anyway.]
"This isn't going to work, Lois."
Lana was sitting on the floor of her apartment with a glass bowl and a few other items, while Lois was plucking a few roses from a vase.
"It won't if you keep whining. You're spreading negative energy." Lois plopped down in a spot in front of her friend and set the flowers down with everything else. "It's obvious you and Smallville aren't taking another ride down the tunnel of love, so I'm helping you find yourself a new Romeo."
"A spell? Don't you remember what happened the last time we messed with magic?"
"You mean when you messed with magic. I have absolutely no witchy ancestors to speak of. Besides, this is different."
Lana sighed. She didn't need this. She didn't need a man, or some stupid spell Lois found on the internet to get one.
"Okay," Lois started, pretty much ignoring the fact that her friend wasn't all that into doing this, "first pour in the milk." She waited for a second. "Come on, Lana, pour it in! It's your man!"
Lana sighed again and did as she was told.
"...chocolate milk?" Lois raised an eyebrow. "Trying for some dark meat?"
"I'm not going to go out of my way to buy milk for a spell."
"I guess it doesn't matter. Doesn't say it has to be a certain kind of milk."
Lana tried not to roll her eyes.
"Sprinkle in the rose petals."
Done.
"Did you write down-"
"The traits of my ideal man," Lana said, holding up the list, now folded over a few times.
"Great, now you just burn it, put the ashes in with everything else, then pour it out your bedroom window."
"...all this and I'm pouring it out?"
"Focus, Lana. Positive thoughts."
As the lighter ignited, Lana had a brief thought about setting her friend's hair on fire, but instead touched the flame to the paper. It burned until she couldn't hold it anymore, then she tossed it into the bowl. Soon it's contents were being poured out her window and soaking into the dirt below.
"I can't believe you talked me into doing that."
"Believe it or not, I can be very persuasive." A groan from Lana. "Don't worry, it'll work. Now we just have to do something with those girls of yours."
Lana shot her a look. "Excuse me?"
"It's one of those areas guys pay a lot of attention to, and let's face it, there's not even enough to grab."
"Yes, there is."
"I'm not saying plastic surgery, just, you know...something, to look your best. Maybe one of those excerise things on TV. What are they called?"
She put her hands on her hips. "You don't believe me, go ahead and try it."
Lois blinked. "What?"
"Grab one."
"I'm not going to grab one of your tits."
Lana was already pulling off her shirt. She tossed it to the side and looked back at a slightly disturbed Lois. "I dare you. If you really think you're right, do it."
Lois looked hesitant, but the word dare was clearly getting the best of her. That and she knew she was right. She reached out and gave a squeeze, then retracted her hand just as quickly and she'd extended it.
"Well?"
"...fine. They're not so bad."
"Told you."
Lana reached for her shirt and was about to put it back on when Lois spoke from just outside the bedroom door.
"For the record? That never happened."
"This isn't going to work, Lois."
Lana was sitting on the floor of her apartment with a glass bowl and a few other items, while Lois was plucking a few roses from a vase.
"It won't if you keep whining. You're spreading negative energy." Lois plopped down in a spot in front of her friend and set the flowers down with everything else. "It's obvious you and Smallville aren't taking another ride down the tunnel of love, so I'm helping you find yourself a new Romeo."
"A spell? Don't you remember what happened the last time we messed with magic?"
"You mean when you messed with magic. I have absolutely no witchy ancestors to speak of. Besides, this is different."
Lana sighed. She didn't need this. She didn't need a man, or some stupid spell Lois found on the internet to get one.
"Okay," Lois started, pretty much ignoring the fact that her friend wasn't all that into doing this, "first pour in the milk." She waited for a second. "Come on, Lana, pour it in! It's your man!"
Lana sighed again and did as she was told.
"...chocolate milk?" Lois raised an eyebrow. "Trying for some dark meat?"
"I'm not going to go out of my way to buy milk for a spell."
"I guess it doesn't matter. Doesn't say it has to be a certain kind of milk."
Lana tried not to roll her eyes.
"Sprinkle in the rose petals."
Done.
"Did you write down-"
"The traits of my ideal man," Lana said, holding up the list, now folded over a few times.
"Great, now you just burn it, put the ashes in with everything else, then pour it out your bedroom window."
"...all this and I'm pouring it out?"
"Focus, Lana. Positive thoughts."
As the lighter ignited, Lana had a brief thought about setting her friend's hair on fire, but instead touched the flame to the paper. It burned until she couldn't hold it anymore, then she tossed it into the bowl. Soon it's contents were being poured out her window and soaking into the dirt below.
"I can't believe you talked me into doing that."
"Believe it or not, I can be very persuasive." A groan from Lana. "Don't worry, it'll work. Now we just have to do something with those girls of yours."
Lana shot her a look. "Excuse me?"
"It's one of those areas guys pay a lot of attention to, and let's face it, there's not even enough to grab."
"Yes, there is."
"I'm not saying plastic surgery, just, you know...something, to look your best. Maybe one of those excerise things on TV. What are they called?"
She put her hands on her hips. "You don't believe me, go ahead and try it."
Lois blinked. "What?"
"Grab one."
"I'm not going to grab one of your tits."
Lana was already pulling off her shirt. She tossed it to the side and looked back at a slightly disturbed Lois. "I dare you. If you really think you're right, do it."
Lois looked hesitant, but the word dare was clearly getting the best of her. That and she knew she was right. She reached out and gave a squeeze, then retracted her hand just as quickly and she'd extended it.
"Well?"
"...fine. They're not so bad."
"Told you."
Lana reached for her shirt and was about to put it back on when Lois spoke from just outside the bedroom door.
"For the record? That never happened."