(no subject)
i'm starting a new column in the newspaper for the really really absurd shit you can't believe got into the news, or even happened in the first place.
here are a few:
January 25, 2006, Bogota, Colombia - Tragedy struck when a Colombian man accidentally shot his nephew to death while trying to cure his hiccups by pointing a revolver at him to scare him. Police said that after 35-year-old Rafael Vargas shot 21-year-old David Galvan in the neck, he was so distraught that he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide. Witnesses told officials at the scene that the two had been drinking, but that they were aware of what they were doing.
January 25, 2006, Melbourne, Australia - A couple stumbled upon a possible fortune on a beach in South Australia state. Loralee and Leon Wright found what appeared to be an odd-looking tree stump. It was determined later, however, that the object was in fact a rare lump of ambergris. This substance is a whale excretion used in perfumes and is known as “floating gold.” It is actually spewed out of the intestines of sperm whales. At first foul-smelling, ambergris can float on the ocean for years before making landfall, during which time it is purified by the sun and salt water. When this process is complete, it becomes hard, waxy, and has a rich, musky scent prized by perfume makers. What’s in it for the them, you ask? Ambergris can sell for $25-$60 per gram. This particular lump weighs in at 32 pounds, which makes it worth a minimum of $295,000. Hard to believe it ever came out of the bowels of a marine mammal, isn't it?
January 18, 2006, Los Angeles - It seems that whales aren’t the only creatures with valuable objects coming out of their bodies. William Shatner sold his kidney stone in a fundraiser for Habitat for Humanity. The stone fetched $25,000 for the charity. The buyer was GoldenPalace.com, which is known for it’s collection of oddities, among them a partially consumed grilled cheese sandwich thought to contain an image of the Virgin Mary.
January 26, 2006, Nairobi, Kenya - This will teach you all not to mess with God. A starving Kenyan woman placed a powerful curse on God, accusing Him of sending the extreme drought that has afflicted the country for over three years. “’Whoever brought this famine, let him perish,’ the woman chanted, striking a cooking pot with a stick” (Reuters). This was enough, it seems, to get the attention of the Almighty, and she died in her sleep that night.
January 24, 2006, Portland, OR - What started as an arrest for drunken driving became quite a dicey situation when a man hurled his prosthetic legs at a state trooper. The trooper stopped an SUV going the wrong way on Friday, January 20. At first only the driver, 26-year-old Adam Kackstetter, was arrested for driving under the influence. Then however, his father, 53-year-old Joel Kacksetter, became belligerent and hurled not one but both of his prosthetic legs at the officer, striking him in the chest with one of them. The father and son both face multiple charges, including assault on a public safety officer. One thing is for certain, this guy doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Literally.
January 23, 2006, Tokyo, Japan - A nurse at a hospital in Kyoto was sentenced to three years, eight months in prison for tearing off the nails of patients in September and October 2004. The 32-year-old woman ripped off the finger and toenails of six female patients, all of whom were immobile after strokes and other ailments. According to the Kyoto District Court, the nurse committed these crimes to relieve stress.
ahahahahahahahah
here are a few:
January 25, 2006, Bogota, Colombia - Tragedy struck when a Colombian man accidentally shot his nephew to death while trying to cure his hiccups by pointing a revolver at him to scare him. Police said that after 35-year-old Rafael Vargas shot 21-year-old David Galvan in the neck, he was so distraught that he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide. Witnesses told officials at the scene that the two had been drinking, but that they were aware of what they were doing.
January 25, 2006, Melbourne, Australia - A couple stumbled upon a possible fortune on a beach in South Australia state. Loralee and Leon Wright found what appeared to be an odd-looking tree stump. It was determined later, however, that the object was in fact a rare lump of ambergris. This substance is a whale excretion used in perfumes and is known as “floating gold.” It is actually spewed out of the intestines of sperm whales. At first foul-smelling, ambergris can float on the ocean for years before making landfall, during which time it is purified by the sun and salt water. When this process is complete, it becomes hard, waxy, and has a rich, musky scent prized by perfume makers. What’s in it for the them, you ask? Ambergris can sell for $25-$60 per gram. This particular lump weighs in at 32 pounds, which makes it worth a minimum of $295,000. Hard to believe it ever came out of the bowels of a marine mammal, isn't it?
January 18, 2006, Los Angeles - It seems that whales aren’t the only creatures with valuable objects coming out of their bodies. William Shatner sold his kidney stone in a fundraiser for Habitat for Humanity. The stone fetched $25,000 for the charity. The buyer was GoldenPalace.com, which is known for it’s collection of oddities, among them a partially consumed grilled cheese sandwich thought to contain an image of the Virgin Mary.
January 26, 2006, Nairobi, Kenya - This will teach you all not to mess with God. A starving Kenyan woman placed a powerful curse on God, accusing Him of sending the extreme drought that has afflicted the country for over three years. “’Whoever brought this famine, let him perish,’ the woman chanted, striking a cooking pot with a stick” (Reuters). This was enough, it seems, to get the attention of the Almighty, and she died in her sleep that night.
January 24, 2006, Portland, OR - What started as an arrest for drunken driving became quite a dicey situation when a man hurled his prosthetic legs at a state trooper. The trooper stopped an SUV going the wrong way on Friday, January 20. At first only the driver, 26-year-old Adam Kackstetter, was arrested for driving under the influence. Then however, his father, 53-year-old Joel Kacksetter, became belligerent and hurled not one but both of his prosthetic legs at the officer, striking him in the chest with one of them. The father and son both face multiple charges, including assault on a public safety officer. One thing is for certain, this guy doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Literally.
January 23, 2006, Tokyo, Japan - A nurse at a hospital in Kyoto was sentenced to three years, eight months in prison for tearing off the nails of patients in September and October 2004. The 32-year-old woman ripped off the finger and toenails of six female patients, all of whom were immobile after strokes and other ailments. According to the Kyoto District Court, the nurse committed these crimes to relieve stress.
ahahahahahahahah