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Today has not been the greatest day. I woke up at six this morning with an earphone in my ear (I fell asleep listening to Smashing Pumpkins... not intentionally), the light in my room too bright, and a stomach ache. I looked at my phone and realized that my friend, who was supposed to call me back, never called. I sighed, put my CD player on my chair, and tried to go back to sleep, not waking up again until noon.
I started on my research project. It's so fucking boring! I have to write about music censorship and why it is necessay, when I think that people should be free to create and listen to whatever they please. After writing the first paragraph, I decided to instant message my best friend, who turned out to be mad at me for something that happened weeks ago: Katie's party. Geez, people! Don't think I'm not grateful when people try to make me happy by putting together a party for me! And don't think I don't feel guilty for ditching it. However, at this point, I am SICK of hearing all the fucking complaints... and I'm tired of all my friends being so "one-sided". I can see their point of view... can they take the consideration to look at mine? I'm depressed, crazy, and stupid, and when you have a combination of those three characteristics, you're bound to have trouble. I can't be perfect for them. They have declared me unappreciative and anti-social. I guess I am anti-social in a way... I really didn't feel like hanging with them at the party, and I, being kind of moronic, thought, "Hey, it's my party, and if I'm only MORE depressed hanging around them, then maybe I should stay out of their way." This doesn't make much sense, but neither do I.
Getting back to the point, my friend kept on loading me up with sarcastic comments, trying to make me feel bad about myself. Okay, maybe she had some other goal besides lowering my self-esteem and putting me in a worse mood, but I couldn't seem to find one. She just told me all this shit how it was wrong for me to do this, and wrong for me to do that... and maybe she's right, but I can't turn back time. If I could, I'd probably ask Katie not to throw the party in the first place... oh wait, I did... kinda. I said, "Um... Katie... you don't have to do this..." and when that didn't stop her, I told her, "I don't really need a birthday party, you know..." I guess she didn't really pick up on the hints. Whatever. It's not her fault. In fact, it's nobody's fault but mine.
*sigh* I'm tired of talking about this issue. I thought it would be a dead topic by now.
It's my birthday in two days. I'm not gunna be here, though; I'm going to be in Palm Springs. Notice I'm not excited... I don't want it to be my birthday. I don't want to be fifteen, I don't want people to say "Happy Birthday" all day long, I don't want to have a freakin' cake, I don't want people to sing to me, and I especially don't want any presents. Yeah, I'm weird... but I'm really not looking forward to it. March 26th... the day I was born. *shudder* Ughhhhhhhhhhh. I want to just sit in my room and be depressed... I don't want all these freaky smiling people around me. I just want to draw pictures, write stuff for my story, and listen to music... and be alone. I hate my birthday.
I should probably get going.
Love,
Brittany
I started on my research project. It's so fucking boring! I have to write about music censorship and why it is necessay, when I think that people should be free to create and listen to whatever they please. After writing the first paragraph, I decided to instant message my best friend, who turned out to be mad at me for something that happened weeks ago: Katie's party. Geez, people! Don't think I'm not grateful when people try to make me happy by putting together a party for me! And don't think I don't feel guilty for ditching it. However, at this point, I am SICK of hearing all the fucking complaints... and I'm tired of all my friends being so "one-sided". I can see their point of view... can they take the consideration to look at mine? I'm depressed, crazy, and stupid, and when you have a combination of those three characteristics, you're bound to have trouble. I can't be perfect for them. They have declared me unappreciative and anti-social. I guess I am anti-social in a way... I really didn't feel like hanging with them at the party, and I, being kind of moronic, thought, "Hey, it's my party, and if I'm only MORE depressed hanging around them, then maybe I should stay out of their way." This doesn't make much sense, but neither do I.
Getting back to the point, my friend kept on loading me up with sarcastic comments, trying to make me feel bad about myself. Okay, maybe she had some other goal besides lowering my self-esteem and putting me in a worse mood, but I couldn't seem to find one. She just told me all this shit how it was wrong for me to do this, and wrong for me to do that... and maybe she's right, but I can't turn back time. If I could, I'd probably ask Katie not to throw the party in the first place... oh wait, I did... kinda. I said, "Um... Katie... you don't have to do this..." and when that didn't stop her, I told her, "I don't really need a birthday party, you know..." I guess she didn't really pick up on the hints. Whatever. It's not her fault. In fact, it's nobody's fault but mine.
*sigh* I'm tired of talking about this issue. I thought it would be a dead topic by now.
It's my birthday in two days. I'm not gunna be here, though; I'm going to be in Palm Springs. Notice I'm not excited... I don't want it to be my birthday. I don't want to be fifteen, I don't want people to say "Happy Birthday" all day long, I don't want to have a freakin' cake, I don't want people to sing to me, and I especially don't want any presents. Yeah, I'm weird... but I'm really not looking forward to it. March 26th... the day I was born. *shudder* Ughhhhhhhhhhh. I want to just sit in my room and be depressed... I don't want all these freaky smiling people around me. I just want to draw pictures, write stuff for my story, and listen to music... and be alone. I hate my birthday.
I should probably get going.
Love,
Brittany