Need friend advice...(warning: kind of long)
I feel funny asking for friend advice as though I'm writing to Ann Landers, but I could really use some good input! Ok here's a brief synopsis:
I've known this girl, Meredith, for almost 3 years. We worked together in the summer of 2004 and we go to the same university. After the summer, Meredith and I kept in touch but we really only hung out like every once in a while. Within a few months, we lost touch and rarely hung out.
Fast forward like a year (beginning of 2006). I was going through some personal turmoil so I needed all the friends I could get. So I got back in touch with Meredith and we started to hang out more. Eventually it started to be more and more frequent...maybe every week we'd hang out. Then, like last time, we kinda lost touch last summer because I was working full-time and went on a few vacations. But whenever the school year resumed, we resumed our friendship.
Nowadays, Meredith is calling me frequently always wanting to do something. This includes times during the school week where I have other things to do (homework, meeting with project teams, work, etc.) and sometimes I just don't feel like hanging out. I'm tired and would rather stay at home and do the things I do. I get the sense that she doesn't have a lot of other friends to be with so I'm one of her top people. She's getting married this September and I'm in her wedding so she must think of me as a really close friend. Personally, I wouldn't put her in my wedding (not being petty, I just would put others before her). Whenever I tell her I can't do something, she has a way of making me feel guilty. There's been times where she wanted me to come over but I wasn't feeling well, and she thinks I'm lying! I even remember a time that she had some people over at her apartment and everybody was drinking but I did not drink because 1) I was not 21 yet and wanted to drive myself home and 2) I'm on medication that does not allow to consume alcohol. Well, she gave me a hard time about not drinking and implied that I was a party pooper. That really pissed me off. This sounds so incredibly stupid and immature, I know.
Meredith is incredibly selfish as well and I feel that she has a deviant side to her, although I'm not sure if she's aware of it or not. She's very outspoken and sometimes it goes too far. For example, a few months ago I had really bad acne and it was really starting to affect me. I went to the dermatologist and he put me on a medication (all clear now!) but at the time it was really bad. Well, Meredith proceeds to tell me that she had "heard" some people making fun of me and my acne. I was already SO self-conscious that hearing that really hurt my feelings. I remember I went home and cried. Meredith later apologized and I accepted because I was really upset at these supposed people. But later I couldn't shake the thought of why she told me something that was so obviously going to hurt me. Gah, this sounds like we're in middle school!!
I write all of this to say that I don't hate Meredith or don't want to have any contact with her. There are times that I want to see her and be her friend but I don't desire to see her often. She's one of those people you can only take in doses. I find myself making excuses for not hanging out with her whenever she calls and I dread talking to her so often. However, I don't think simply telling her to back off would go over either. I'm not a confrontational person in the first place either. I'm graduating in a month and trying to decide on whether to go or stay and Meredith keeps begging me to stay because I'll be her only friend left here. That very thought makes me want to move! So I must ask: Anybody have any advice for this situation? Anybody experience something similar???
I've known this girl, Meredith, for almost 3 years. We worked together in the summer of 2004 and we go to the same university. After the summer, Meredith and I kept in touch but we really only hung out like every once in a while. Within a few months, we lost touch and rarely hung out.
Fast forward like a year (beginning of 2006). I was going through some personal turmoil so I needed all the friends I could get. So I got back in touch with Meredith and we started to hang out more. Eventually it started to be more and more frequent...maybe every week we'd hang out. Then, like last time, we kinda lost touch last summer because I was working full-time and went on a few vacations. But whenever the school year resumed, we resumed our friendship.
Nowadays, Meredith is calling me frequently always wanting to do something. This includes times during the school week where I have other things to do (homework, meeting with project teams, work, etc.) and sometimes I just don't feel like hanging out. I'm tired and would rather stay at home and do the things I do. I get the sense that she doesn't have a lot of other friends to be with so I'm one of her top people. She's getting married this September and I'm in her wedding so she must think of me as a really close friend. Personally, I wouldn't put her in my wedding (not being petty, I just would put others before her). Whenever I tell her I can't do something, she has a way of making me feel guilty. There's been times where she wanted me to come over but I wasn't feeling well, and she thinks I'm lying! I even remember a time that she had some people over at her apartment and everybody was drinking but I did not drink because 1) I was not 21 yet and wanted to drive myself home and 2) I'm on medication that does not allow to consume alcohol. Well, she gave me a hard time about not drinking and implied that I was a party pooper. That really pissed me off. This sounds so incredibly stupid and immature, I know.
Meredith is incredibly selfish as well and I feel that she has a deviant side to her, although I'm not sure if she's aware of it or not. She's very outspoken and sometimes it goes too far. For example, a few months ago I had really bad acne and it was really starting to affect me. I went to the dermatologist and he put me on a medication (all clear now!) but at the time it was really bad. Well, Meredith proceeds to tell me that she had "heard" some people making fun of me and my acne. I was already SO self-conscious that hearing that really hurt my feelings. I remember I went home and cried. Meredith later apologized and I accepted because I was really upset at these supposed people. But later I couldn't shake the thought of why she told me something that was so obviously going to hurt me. Gah, this sounds like we're in middle school!!
I write all of this to say that I don't hate Meredith or don't want to have any contact with her. There are times that I want to see her and be her friend but I don't desire to see her often. She's one of those people you can only take in doses. I find myself making excuses for not hanging out with her whenever she calls and I dread talking to her so often. However, I don't think simply telling her to back off would go over either. I'm not a confrontational person in the first place either. I'm graduating in a month and trying to decide on whether to go or stay and Meredith keeps begging me to stay because I'll be her only friend left here. That very thought makes me want to move! So I must ask: Anybody have any advice for this situation? Anybody experience something similar???