(no subject)
Dear Rob G,
So when I saw you I knew you were a mess and it probably was about me b/c if it wasn't you would have told me what it was, and you called and didn't say much so of course my stomach was in knots b/c I have this way of fearing the worst, that you're leaving me and I have done lots of thinking and realized that my biggest problem with our relationship is the way you doubt me and i realized I'm sittin here doubting you and it's totally unfounded. and I thought of the way I was a mess last week and all the things you said and how you tell me you love me, and I believe it b/c it's in the way you smile everytime you see me and I hear it in your voice when you call and it's the way you call me every day, at least twice, and the way you like to hold me about as much as I love to be held and I believe you when you tell me we can work through anything (short of cheating, which I highly doubt will happen) So I am not worried and the things that used to scare me, the house, the family, the career, the white picket fence containing the well behaved dog, the thought of you sticking around for awhile, growing up, all these things I've found frightening are growing more appealing and almost comforting (though I hesitate to admit it). and I've been troubled lately, thinking about what happens next year and it stresses me and scares me and yes in part it has to do with you, but mostly it's the uncertainly and I think of the past year and the year before that and how much has happened in that time and I"m not talking about the day to day stuff, but major life altering things, almost all of which were not planned for and realize how much things can and probably will change between now and then, much of which I probably can't control, all of which is unpredictable and I realize that it's not worth stressing about now and ruining my time now b/c I've got enough on my plate, but that dosen't mean I should ignore my future completely either. and I do know you mean more to me than I ever intended when I told you I'd join you for a drink months ago. and I know it's been hard for you to accept too. but I love you. you make me smile and you don't have to try, and the thought of you giving up kills me, but you told me you wouldn't and I will try my best to believe it, which is growing easier, b/c I know you love me too.
Love,
Janie
So when I saw you I knew you were a mess and it probably was about me b/c if it wasn't you would have told me what it was, and you called and didn't say much so of course my stomach was in knots b/c I have this way of fearing the worst, that you're leaving me and I have done lots of thinking and realized that my biggest problem with our relationship is the way you doubt me and i realized I'm sittin here doubting you and it's totally unfounded. and I thought of the way I was a mess last week and all the things you said and how you tell me you love me, and I believe it b/c it's in the way you smile everytime you see me and I hear it in your voice when you call and it's the way you call me every day, at least twice, and the way you like to hold me about as much as I love to be held and I believe you when you tell me we can work through anything (short of cheating, which I highly doubt will happen) So I am not worried and the things that used to scare me, the house, the family, the career, the white picket fence containing the well behaved dog, the thought of you sticking around for awhile, growing up, all these things I've found frightening are growing more appealing and almost comforting (though I hesitate to admit it). and I've been troubled lately, thinking about what happens next year and it stresses me and scares me and yes in part it has to do with you, but mostly it's the uncertainly and I think of the past year and the year before that and how much has happened in that time and I"m not talking about the day to day stuff, but major life altering things, almost all of which were not planned for and realize how much things can and probably will change between now and then, much of which I probably can't control, all of which is unpredictable and I realize that it's not worth stressing about now and ruining my time now b/c I've got enough on my plate, but that dosen't mean I should ignore my future completely either. and I do know you mean more to me than I ever intended when I told you I'd join you for a drink months ago. and I know it's been hard for you to accept too. but I love you. you make me smile and you don't have to try, and the thought of you giving up kills me, but you told me you wouldn't and I will try my best to believe it, which is growing easier, b/c I know you love me too.
Love,
Janie