Kelenar: April 11th: Forgive Me
((The following is written in a scrawling, shaking hand and is barely legible.))
I failed.
Utterly, completely failed. Betrayed him. He's angry with me. Disappointed. I don't know how to make amends.
I don't know where the blanket came from. Maybe one of the bartenders. I should tell them to stay away. I'm sick. So cold. I know it's not from the temperature, but the fever. My head hurts where his runeblade cut the skin. I felt the cleansing warmth of the Light flow through me. I know it did. So why am I still sick? The sewer water, perhaps? Or was I too late or too soft on the plague my lord put in my veins? I'll know soon enough.
I cleansed it while I was still able. Now it hurts too bad. I'm too tired. Can't concentrate enough to channel the Light. I...haven't asked for a healer. After my talk with Rain, told her not to bother. Don't think she would have anyway. She was angry. I failed her, too.
I'll give you something to believe in, he told me. I remember it. I can see the scar on my palm where our blood mingled. We were so close then. Why does he doubt me now? Is it so hard to accept that I'd believe wholeheartedly what he whispered in my very soul?
I don't know.
I await his judgment. All I'm good for now. Chance at redemption or punishment for failure. Betrayal...I...I can't write anymore.
I failed. Forgive me, lord?
I failed.
Utterly, completely failed. Betrayed him. He's angry with me. Disappointed. I don't know how to make amends.
I don't know where the blanket came from. Maybe one of the bartenders. I should tell them to stay away. I'm sick. So cold. I know it's not from the temperature, but the fever. My head hurts where his runeblade cut the skin. I felt the cleansing warmth of the Light flow through me. I know it did. So why am I still sick? The sewer water, perhaps? Or was I too late or too soft on the plague my lord put in my veins? I'll know soon enough.
I cleansed it while I was still able. Now it hurts too bad. I'm too tired. Can't concentrate enough to channel the Light. I...haven't asked for a healer. After my talk with Rain, told her not to bother. Don't think she would have anyway. She was angry. I failed her, too.
I'll give you something to believe in, he told me. I remember it. I can see the scar on my palm where our blood mingled. We were so close then. Why does he doubt me now? Is it so hard to accept that I'd believe wholeheartedly what he whispered in my very soul?
I don't know.
I await his judgment. All I'm good for now. Chance at redemption or punishment for failure. Betrayal...I...I can't write anymore.
I failed. Forgive me, lord?