Wow, this is so random
Since my friend V has had children, she has randomly become very religious. She asked me the other day to come to the Judgment House her church is doing this month, which is a pretty common thing in Tennessee. Being in the so-called 'Bible Belt', churches are a dime a dozen here, (Well, not really more like one church for every 2,900 people, as compared to 6,200 in California and 6,600 in New York.) and a lot of the Baptist churches do the Judgment House deal every Halloween.
For those of you not familiar, here's how it works: You go around in groups of about 10 to different rooms, following a character who we will call Cassie. We see Cassie cheering at the Friday night game, see her talking to her friends about post-game party and whether they should go, see her at the party boozing it up, see her die in a fiery car crash because they were all drunk, then we go to heaven and to hell, wherein Cassie will show up depending on which group you are in. The whole thing has always been weird to me and I've only been to two of them because little sis wanted me to take her.
The last time I went was when I was sixteen and A had invited the new girl across the street and her older sister, Kelly. Kelly was from New York and was still not . . . acclimated we'll say to good ol' Tennessee. So I took A, Kelly, and Kelly's little sis Kim, who was developmentally delayed due to epileptic seizures. We went through the whole thing with Kelly loudly commenting how ridiculous it was and finally ended up in the Heaven Room. Jesus was being played by one of the hot twin football players (I never found out which one because they apparently alternated) and he would come up to each person, put his hands on their shoulders, look in their eyes and say "Well done, my good and faithful servant" and then turn to the next person. When he got to Kim, things went a little differently.
The Lord: Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Kim: What?
The Lord: Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Kim: What did you say?
The Lord: Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Kim: (turns to me) I can't understand what he's saying.
The Lord: Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Kim: (turns to me again) What does that mean?
Finally, the Lord moved on, having not effectively communicated his appreciation to Kim and then we all got shuffled into Hell. Here, they make everyone stand on specific spots marked with tape and tell you not to move from that spot and no one will touch you. Then they turn off the lights and people walk around in the dark moaning and carrying chains, etc. Kelly was about five feet to my right before the lights went out, but 15 seconds later, she was clutching my arm and screaming that someone had touched her. "Oh Hell no! Don't you fucking touch me! Turn the damn lights on cause somebody keeps running into me!" I could feel her moving around then someone was behind us, trying to get Kelly to move back over to her spot. "Bitch, get your hands off me and turn on the damn lights!" The lights came up and the four of us were escorted from the church and asked not to return. Where's the forgiveness in that?
Needless to say, I told V that I'd pass this year.
For those of you not familiar, here's how it works: You go around in groups of about 10 to different rooms, following a character who we will call Cassie. We see Cassie cheering at the Friday night game, see her talking to her friends about post-game party and whether they should go, see her at the party boozing it up, see her die in a fiery car crash because they were all drunk, then we go to heaven and to hell, wherein Cassie will show up depending on which group you are in. The whole thing has always been weird to me and I've only been to two of them because little sis wanted me to take her.
The last time I went was when I was sixteen and A had invited the new girl across the street and her older sister, Kelly. Kelly was from New York and was still not . . . acclimated we'll say to good ol' Tennessee. So I took A, Kelly, and Kelly's little sis Kim, who was developmentally delayed due to epileptic seizures. We went through the whole thing with Kelly loudly commenting how ridiculous it was and finally ended up in the Heaven Room. Jesus was being played by one of the hot twin football players (I never found out which one because they apparently alternated) and he would come up to each person, put his hands on their shoulders, look in their eyes and say "Well done, my good and faithful servant" and then turn to the next person. When he got to Kim, things went a little differently.
The Lord: Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Kim: What?
The Lord: Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Kim: What did you say?
The Lord: Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Kim: (turns to me) I can't understand what he's saying.
The Lord: Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Kim: (turns to me again) What does that mean?
Finally, the Lord moved on, having not effectively communicated his appreciation to Kim and then we all got shuffled into Hell. Here, they make everyone stand on specific spots marked with tape and tell you not to move from that spot and no one will touch you. Then they turn off the lights and people walk around in the dark moaning and carrying chains, etc. Kelly was about five feet to my right before the lights went out, but 15 seconds later, she was clutching my arm and screaming that someone had touched her. "Oh Hell no! Don't you fucking touch me! Turn the damn lights on cause somebody keeps running into me!" I could feel her moving around then someone was behind us, trying to get Kelly to move back over to her spot. "Bitch, get your hands off me and turn on the damn lights!" The lights came up and the four of us were escorted from the church and asked not to return. Where's the forgiveness in that?
Needless to say, I told V that I'd pass this year.