Some Mitch Hedberg Moments ...
"Someone handed me a picture and said, "This is a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. "... Here's a picture of me when I'm older." Where'd you get that camera man?"
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
"I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that day..."
"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."
and so on.
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
"I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that day..."
"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."
and so on.