Fic: Closer II: Tear Down My Reason
Yep, I did it. I wrote a sequel to Closer to God. Probably not a good idea. Like you know, Highlander was brilliant, but the sequels and the TV-shows, not to mention the dreadful comics? Not so much. Which should tell us that if you have a good thing, leave it be, don't try to milk it. (But then again we have Terminator and MIB and Mission Impossible... hmmm) But my muse said 'Fuck that', got drunk, got high and quite possibly insane and put a gun to my head ordering me to write this. So if it's bad, blame her. If it's good, thank me.
Anyway, a few things I'd like to mention. One of them now has a name. After talking about the pro's and con's of pronoun confusion with zinnydark I decided that it was so obvious who he was anyway that saying the name, just to clarify a few of the he's and him's and his's wouldn't really spoil the story. Think of it as a clue game. In part one you get a hint, in part two you get one answer, in part three... Did I say part three? Damn. *facepalm*
Second, I want to put some heavy warnings on this one. It is dark, it borderlines on non-con, it has foul language, spanking, daddy!kink and dirtybadwrong mansex. Which means you lot will come running, sickos that you are.
Third, enjoy.
[ETA. This turned into a series. Link to next chapter at the bottom]
Closer II:Tear Down My Reason
For the next two months Will went to the club every night, staying until the early hours of morning, desperately scanning the crowd for a tall, dark-haired… backside.
Fuck, he didn’t even know if that had really been him. All he knew was that he had to see him again. Had to touch him to know it had all been real. Never mind the bruises or the blood he’d still been wiping from his arse a day later, it still seemed like a dream. Or a nightmare, he wasn’t sure.
He couldn’t get what happened out of his head. It haunted him in his sleep and in his every. Fucking. Waking. Hour. He hadn’t been able to write at all, he slept all day and drank in this god-awful club all night. He knew he was obsessed but he didn’t care. He just… had to know.
He felt like shit. If his mysterious fuck-buddy indeed did turn up he most likely wouldn’t even look at him twice, except to frown at his sickly face and sunken eyes. It was all useless, a fucking hunt for a bad dream that he wasn’t even sure he wanted to relive.
Fuck this shit. Pissed off, he downed the drink then moved on to the dance floor, grinding his way through the writhing masses. Closing his eyes he let the place take over his senses. The air reeked of sweat, cologne, alcohol and sex. His clothes were getting drenched by tossed water, spilled drinks and perspiration, his body bruised by hard elbows and sometimes even harder cocks, thumping against him before moving on. No one stayed.
He didn’t care about that. Not anymore. He didn’t crave them, he craved him. And if he couldn’t have him he’d rather be alone. The money he’d gotten for his last story was running out fast and the magazine’s editor kept leaving messages on his machine, telling him to either give him something worth publishing or fuck off. He’d mumbled at the beeping machine that fuck off sounded brilliant. It didn’t answer.
An extra hard bump into his hip and a ‘Watch it, mate.’ made him open his eyes and then the world started spinning. Oh bugger.
Shoving his way through the crowd to the restrooms he pushed aside some guy that already had his dick out from the closest urinal and returned all the drinks he’d imbibed during the night. Wiping his mouth on his sleeve he breathed deeply, trying to calm his stomach. Bloody expensive drinks considering he’d only barely rented them. Standing up on shaky legs he washed his hands and face and rinsed his mouth with water. The taste on his tongue was foul, like a rat had crawled in there and died. Time to get the hell home. As soon as he was sure he could walk.
He rested his head against the cold tiles. Out of the corner of his eye he saw two guys kissing, grinding against each other like they were totally alone and not surrounded by horny queers who were pissing and laughing, groping a feel and eyeing the merchandise. Someone was moaning. Soon a grunt followed and one of the booths started shaking. Great. Just great. He closed his eyes again.
It was just a fuck, he kept telling himself. Just a stupid one-time fuck. The guy had forgotten about him before his dick went limp. He was probably pounding into someone else in some club across town right this minute. Whispering those same words with that same husky voice, pushing that lucky bugger against a wall, slamming into him with that bloody huge cock of his, splitting the eager arse open, making his selected victim scream in pain and pleasure.
Great, now he was all hard again.
“That looks painful. Want some help?”
The voice was seductive and slutty and far from the right one. He opened his eyes and glared at the little shit. No more than eighteen but he was licking his lips and his eyes had that certain look of dark need that you get when you’re high. Oh fuck, why not?
“You offering?”
The boy smiled. “That’s what I said, right? By the way, my name’s And…”
“Not gonna take you home to meet my mother, am I? If you wanna suck me, do it. Or get the fuck out of my face.”
Maybe he was hoping, deep inside, that the boy would take offence and leave but he only seemed more turned on. Guess he wasn’t the only one with a kink for submission. Curling his tongue the boy sank to his knees, expert hands popping the buttons on the strained jeans and finally freeing Will’s dick. He closed his eyes as the kid rolled on a condom and then started sucking away like a damn pro. Maybe he was. Well, he as sure wasn’t gonna pay him. The kid’s own damn fault for beginning to blow without negotiating the price.
It didn’t take him long. He kept his eyes closed and in his mind it was a dark haired brute of a man sucking him, big hands grabbing his arse, prying the cheeks apart, then stabbing a finger into his hole. Hard. Fast. Dry. So fucking deep.
With a grunt he came, fucking the boy’s mouth hard, hands fisted in the blond hair. When he opened his eyes, panting from the exertion, the kid was wiping his mouth, face flushed red and tears in his eyes. Not quite gotten the hang of deep-throating then. He felt a sting of guilt but it didn’t last long. The kid was already scanning for his next dick and blew him a kiss before walking over to a big leather clad biker, once again licking his lips in seduction. Just a kinky cocksucker then. To each their own, he thought as he pulled the wet condom of his limp dick and threw it in the trash. Probably gonna get the kid into some deep shit one day but he wasn’t his daddy. Not his problem.
When he got back out the music seemed too loud, the smoke too thick and his head was hurting like shit. Yeah, definitely time for bed. It was only a few blocks to his shitty apartment so he decided to walk, hoping the chilly air and the drizzle of rain would sober him up enough that he’d avoid the god of all hangovers again. Flipping up the collar on his jacket he shoved his hands into his pockets. He’d be wet as a dog when he finally got home but that was all right. A long hot shower and he would sleep all the better for it.
He considered himself a logical and cautious man in general. He looked both ways before crossing the street, he didn’t take candy from strangers unless they were too bloody delicious to be turned away and he always kept vigil when walking home alone on a dark night.
So when turning the key in the door he was suddenly being pushed inside and up against the hall wall, a fucking giant of a cock pressing into his arse, all he could really think of was ‘How?’ quickly followed by ‘Fuck, I’m being raped!’ Feeling wet fingers clawing at his clothes he desperately pushed against the intruder with all his strength, anger and fear making his voice shrill.
“Get the fuck off me! I’ll fucking scream until the whole house wakes up if you don’t…”
“Now is that any way to greet your lover?”
He froze. That voice. That voice had been haunting him for the last two months. “You?”
“Me. Gonna scream then? Lover?” There was a soft laugh in the dark.
Not your sodding… “No. What are you doing here?”
The man chuckled. “Thought that was pretty obvious.” He grinded his erection harder into Will’s arse and he couldn’t help gasping.
“You can’t… it’s been two fucking months, you bastard. And now you just…” The tongue licking his neck shut him up.
“You missed me. How sweet.” The man chuckled again and Will felt himself blush.
“Fuck you.”
“Really? You want that? You feel the need to take someone, make him yours, show him who’s the boss? Want to hear him scream as you rip him open? Beg as you fuck him like a dog?”
He faltered. “I’m not…”
“That’s right, you’re not. You don’t really want to be the fucker, you want to be fucked. Want to be the victim, the slave, the one begging and whimpering for mercy. Am I right?”
God, he was panting. Each word hit him right in the groin. It was true, all of it. He was used to being the one in charge, the one topping but this man… this tall dark shadow that was licking his neck and grinding his cock into his arse, making him whimper with need, this man made him want to fall to his knees and bow in submission. Made him want to beg for his touch, his cock, his attention. Made him want to suck in the punishment as he was being fucked into oblivion.
Dazed, he shook his head, trying to clear those sick and bad thoughts from his mind. The man was tugging at his wet jacket, finally getting it off his shoulders, then turned him around for better access to his pants. It was very dark inside, the hall only lit by the streetlights shining through the tinted window of the front door. It made the man’s face seem even more obscure, features hidden by treacherous shadows.
“The lights.” Will reached out for the switch but his wrist was grabbed by strong fingers and pinned to the wall.
“No. I like the dark.”
He tried to pull free but the grip was like a vice. “So I’ve noticed. Really think it’s fair that you know me, but I have no idea what you look like?”
The man snorted. “Who said anything about being fair? I like it better this way. Besides, maybe I’m ugly as fuck.”
“Maybe.” He growled. “Or maybe you’re just a coward.”
The back of his head hit the wall so hard he saw stars and for a moment he thought he might throw up again. The man was breathing heavily, gripping his throat hard and ruthless. “Maybe you just earned yourself some punishment. But you like being a bad boy, don’t you? You want to be punished, want to be shown your place. Isn’t that right, ‘boy’?”
“Not your bo…” The pain was even greater this time and he was heaving for breath when the fingers started squeezing his throat. “All right, all right! Yes.”
“Yes what?”
“Oh, you got to be joki…” The blow sent him to the floor sprawling. He should have felt angry or scared or humiliated. But instead he felt more turned on than ever. Slowly he pulled himself up to his feet and bowed his head. “Yes, sir.”
As the words left his mouth he felt right for the first time since that night two months ago. He didn’t know what would happen but he wanted it more than anything. The man stood still, his heavy breathing slowly calming down to normal. Then he leaned forward and kissed Will on the forehead. “Good boy.”
The words made him shiver. He wondered if this was how that kid had felt when he’d been fucking his throat raw, treating him like dirt. If it was he now understood better the look of bliss on the kid’s face. He imagined that was about how he looked now.
“Why don’t we get more comfortable? Where’s your apartment?”
He hesitated. His place was messy and probably stank of last night’s pizza and three months dirty laundry. “It’s down there. It’s a fucking rat hole though. I don’t know if…”
“I’m here to fuck you, not write an article for House and Garden. But if you prefer we can do it right here in the hall. Nice friendly neighbours you have?”
“Okay, okay. Just… I’m sorry for the mess, all right?” He fumbled for his keys then remembered they were in the pocket of his jacket, lying on the floor. Stumbling he reached for it, and with shaking hands got them out.
“Hurry up.”
‘I bloody well would if you weren’t practically humping my leg. It’s a bit distracting’, he thought, then added ‘sir’ even if it was just in his head.
Finally he got the door open and once again he was pushed inside, the door making a fatal clicking sound as it closed behind them. No turning back now. It was pitch dark inside, the thick curtains still covering the windows since his dreadful hangover this morning and he stumbled over the rug before hitting his leg on a chair. His guest seemed to have no trouble at all though, but moved around the small all-in-one-room apartment like it was bright as day.
“Strip.” The voice was casual, not even aimed his way. Will hesitated for a moment but then he started undressing slowly, the wet clothes clinging to his cold and damp skin. Finally he had only his jeans left, buttons still undone since earlier, and he was shyly aware of his vulnerability. Biting his lip he peeled them off and threw them aside, standing naked and shivering, goose bumps pricking his skin. He didn’t know what to do with his hands so he self-consciously hugged himself. At least in the dark the man wouldn’t see how bad he looked. He hadn’t been eating or sleeping and his body showed it. Ugly as fuck sounded just about right.
The man turned around and lazily took of his clothes. Then he walked over to the bed and sat down. “Down on your knees and suck me.”
He felt like in trance as he walked over and kneeled between the strong thighs. The air in front of him smelled of musk and warm skin. He leaned forward until his chin hit the hard swaying cock. Then he reached out his tongue and licked.
He only managed a few salty tastes before hands were gripping his hair and the fucking huge cock was being forced down his throat, making him gag, black spots dancing in front of his eyes.
“I said suck, don’t lick like a fucking kitten.” The hands released him and he heaved for breath before bowing his head again. “Sorry, sir. I only wanted to…”
“Suck.”
Obedient, he let the throbbing cock slide in between his lips and in as far as he could. He worked on it like he’d never done before, sucking and deep throating and swallowing it down until he was pulled off so hard he fell over.
“That’s enough.” The man was panting but his voice was steady. Then he stood up, looming over Will like a gigantic shadow. “On the bed. Now.”
He scrambled to his feet and crawled up on the bed, panicking when he realised he didn’t know which way to turn.
“Your knees. Now. Don’t let me ask you twice.”
Ask? That’s a laugh. Suddenly he felt a manic giggle threatening to break through. He was so damn turned on but he remembered what it had felt like being breeched by that monster of a cock and the muscles in his arse were clenching already in fright. It was going to hurt so much and here he was, practically begging to be raped. It all seemed so bizarre, he wondered if he was going mad.
When the man grabbed his arse what was about to happen finally hit home. He wasn’t ready, he couldn’t… Not one damn fuck in two months and now this? And he wasn’t a bottom in general anyway and he’d never had anything close to the cock now sliding between his sweat-drenched buttocks except for that night. “Please, sir. I…”
The man leaned over and licked his neck, then bit lightly into his shoulder. “It will be easier this time. Trust me. Just relax.” The slick finger prodding at his entrance made him jump. Then it pushed inside slowly. This he could handle, even if the man’s fingers were in proportion to the rest of him, thick and long. He pushed back against it, moaning his appreciation. When it was pulled out and two came in its place he tensed slightly but it still felt too good and soon he was fucking himself on them, grunting and chanting ‘Yes, yes’ and ‘Please, sir, please’.
“Like that, do you? Such a slut. Such a pretty little whore. You want more, boy?”
He shuddered. Did he? The fingers brushed his prostate. “Yes! Please. More, sir.”
Three fingers and he pushed his face into the pillows to muffle the scream. A fist tugged at his hair, pulling him up so his neck was stretched back. “Keep still. I want to hear your screams, boy. Scream for me.” The fingers jabbed inside him again and this time he screamed his agony into the dark. “Oh yeah. Just like that.” The man grunted and grinded his hard cock against the trembling backside. “Want this? Want me to fuck you now? Say it!”
However huge it was it wasn’t as thick as three sausage fingers. “Yes! Sir! Please, sir! I want you to fuck me. Please, sir!”
“That’s what I want to hear. Such a good boy.” The painful pressure disappeared from his hole, leaving him empty and alone. Then slick fingers were digging into his hips and something blunt was pressing into his stretched entrance. His head started spinning and he thought his heart would jump out of his chest. Oh God. Ohgodohgodohgod…
“Easy. Relax. Daddy’s not gonna hurt you.” The man chuckled when his words brought on gasps and even more shivering. “Not much anyway.” And he slammed his cock inside.
When Will came to he was lying face down on the bed, his arse throbbing with pain, his throat raw. He coughed. “Are we… is it over?” The laughter chilled his bones and when he tried to move he realised he was pinned down, or more accurately staked to the bed by the huge cock still in his arse.
“Now what fun would that be, fucking you when you’re unconscious? Which by the way is very rude, passing out like that. I think you deserve some punishment.”
Oh God. He felt helpless as the man pulled him up to his knees, whimpering when the hardening cock swelled again inside him. He could hardly hold himself up, his arms and legs were trembling so hard but as he looked down he saw his own cock swaying fully erect in the shadows between his thighs. Kinky bastard.
The first blow took him totally by surprise. He didn’t even have time to object before the man was spanking him with the palm of his huge hand, again and again until he wanted to cry from the pain. Or quite possibly come because his cock had never been so hard. Each blow made him whimper but suddenly he was pushing back against the hand, wanting it harder and faster. Shocked he heard his own voice crying, “Please, daddy, please. More. I need more.”
“Never enough, is it? Oh, I’m gonna have such fun with you, my boy. Daddy’s gonna teach you so many things.” Smack. Smack. “Want me to fuck you now? Are you going to behave?”
He didn’t know what the right answer was. Did behaving mean more or less punishment? Would being bad earn him more pleasures than being good? “I’ll try, daddy. Please, fuck me.”
His voice was hardly above a whisper but the answer seemed to satisfy the man. Once again gripping him by the hips he pulled the cock out until only the tip remained inside. There he paused for a moment before slamming back inside with just as much force as last time. This time Will managed to remain conscious but his screams pierced through the darkness. God, it hurt. It hurt so much he wished he had passed out. How could he ever think he wanted this? He was totally at this monster’s mercy but mercy was obviously not in his vocabulary. Tears started to run down his face.
“Please… It’s too much. Please don’t. Pleasepleasepleaseplease…”
“Sshh. You can take it. Don’t you want to be good for me? You don’t want to make daddy angry, do you?”
“No… please don’t be angry. I want to be good but it’s too big. I can’t…”
“Yes, you can. Remember last time? It only hurt at first and then it was so good. You loved it, my little whore. You begged me for more, remember?”
The cock pulled out again. Hands held him tight. Then bam! Again and again, harder and faster. It went much deeper in this position than at the club or maybe his memory had just blocked out the worst parts.
It felt like it was going on forever. His throat hurt so much his screams were reduced to hoarse whimpers. He could feel something running down the inside of his thighs and he didn’t need light to tell him it was blood. Were they using a condom? He couldn’t remember. His whole world was filled with pain and fear and then the man shifted and suddenly there it was.
The world exploded into stars before his eyes. He threw his head back as waves of pleasure went through his body. The pain was forgotten, so was the fear. When it hit again he howled ‘Yes!’ and through the haze in his mind he could hear the man growling. “Oh yeah. That’s it. That’s it. Can you feel it? Can you fucking feel it?”
“Yes! God, yes!” He gasped and moaned, bucking and writhing like a beast. He wanted more, wanted it so much he didn’t care if it killed him. “Please, sir. Daddy. Please, yes!”
“Yeah. Beg, you whore.” Slam. “Such a tight little slut.” Slam. “Like fucking a virgin.” Slam. “Not a virgin, are you boy?”
“No. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He was babbling but he didn’t care. He didn’t want the man to be angry with him.
“All right. But from now on no one touches you but me.” Slam. “Understood?”
“Yes. No one but you. I promise. I promise.”
The pounding continued. He thought he was going to die from too much pleasure. He pushed back, clenched his muscles, whimpered and pleaded. It never seemed enough. Then he was pulled up by the hair, his hands placed on the headboard and his cock grabbed hard by a large slick hand. When the man growled ‘Come!’ and bit him hard in the shoulder his screams echoed in the dark room.
Through the waves of pleasure he felt the man tense behind him and with a few even rougher thrusts he was coming hard. Only when he was sure the man was done did Will dare to give in and sink down into the mattress, his shaking limbs reduced to jello. The man followed his moves and covered him like a very heavy blanket, pressing the air out of him. Possessing him.
They lay still, panting heavily for a long time. Then, as the high from the orgasm drained away, the painful reality came back to him. Unable to control himself he started sobbing into the pillows. Even when the weight was lifted from him and the cock slid out, making him shudder with even more pain, he didn’t lift his head. He felt humiliated and broken. He didn’t know who he was anymore. Had he really allowed this to happen? Or was ‘allowed’ the right word? Had he been that willing or just been tricked to think he was? The pain, the feeling of utter helplessness and revulsion, it didn’t seem right. This wasn’t what he had wanted. It couldn’t have been. Because if this was his innermost desire, what did that make him?
The warmth from the damp cloth surprised him. It swept across his buttocks, between his thighs and in between his cheeks. He flinched as it touched torn tissue but he didn’t move away. He couldn’t stop sobbing, his shoulders shook and his head was starting to hurt.
“Do you want me to go?”
The voice was soft and tinted with regret. He didn’t answer, didn’t know what to say.
“Look, I’m sorry. I got carried away. I didn’t mean to hurt you this much. I…” The man paused, seeming at loss for words. “I thought you wanted it, thought I recognised that hunger in your eyes….”
Will swallowed. “You were right. But…” He tried to roll over but the pain made him curl up, and he hid his face in his hands.
“I was too rough. I know. I just… I didn’t mean to, okay? You… you have this effect on me. I turn into an animal. Worse than usual. Fuck.”
He didn’t answer. The silence was deafening. He tried to breathe through the pain, fists clenched, muscles trembling.
“You want to report me?”
The question shocked him. He opened his eyes and stared up at the shadow. “Report who? I have no idea who you are. You stalk me, then break into my home and damn near rape me. Again. I should report you, you’re right. Except I did let you in, I stripped like a nice little whore and then I begged you to fuck me until I cried like a girl. ‘Yes, officer. I got fucked hard by a stranger. Please arrest him for making my arse bleed.’ They would just love that.”
He spit out the words, his humiliation making him angry with himself just as much as the stranger. He had let this happen. And by God, just thinking about it made him want it again. What the hell was wrong with him? He sat up and slowly got to his feet. “I need a shower. I’d appreciate it if you’d stick around to make sure I didn’t pass out. Again. Then you can go.”
When he reached the bathroom he turned on the lights but he didn’t look back or glance in the mirror. He’d rather the man was The Stranger. He didn’t want to know what he looked like anymore. He cried silently as the hot water poured over him, feeling sick as it swirled down the drain, coloured fresh pink. He didn’t smell the distinct aroma of semen though. Guess they had been using a condom. Well, at least that was one worry out of the way, he thought bitterly. Now he just had to deal with the rest of his fucked up life.
As he was carefully drying his bruised body he heard the door click shut. He stumbled out into the room, clutching the towel. The soft light by the bed cast a yellow shade over the room. The place was clean and tidy, the bed sheets changed and on his bedside table was a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers. Suddenly all the rage was drained out of him and he sank down on the bed.
He had never felt so alone in his life.
The pills hurt his raw throat, the water only slightly soothing it. He lay cautiously down and pulled the covers over his naked, bruised body. Twenty minutes later as the pills finally started to take effect he drifted off to sleep.
All through the night he dreamt of eyes he’d never seen, crying a name he didn’t know.
Longing for lips he’d never kissed.
You know I love feedback even if I'm lousy at answering it. I haven't even begun answering feedback to CTG and I never finished replying to feedback for the last chapter of DA. I'm so bad. I wish I had excuses, but apart from laziness and rather spending time reading other people's fics and writing I don't have them. Just... I'm sorry.
*hugs*
Continued in I Broke Apart My Insides
Anyway, a few things I'd like to mention. One of them now has a name. After talking about the pro's and con's of pronoun confusion with zinnydark I decided that it was so obvious who he was anyway that saying the name, just to clarify a few of the he's and him's and his's wouldn't really spoil the story. Think of it as a clue game. In part one you get a hint, in part two you get one answer, in part three... Did I say part three? Damn. *facepalm*
Second, I want to put some heavy warnings on this one. It is dark, it borderlines on non-con, it has foul language, spanking, daddy!kink and dirtybadwrong mansex. Which means you lot will come running, sickos that you are.
Third, enjoy.
[ETA. This turned into a series. Link to next chapter at the bottom]
Closer II:Tear Down My Reason
For the next two months Will went to the club every night, staying until the early hours of morning, desperately scanning the crowd for a tall, dark-haired… backside.
Fuck, he didn’t even know if that had really been him. All he knew was that he had to see him again. Had to touch him to know it had all been real. Never mind the bruises or the blood he’d still been wiping from his arse a day later, it still seemed like a dream. Or a nightmare, he wasn’t sure.
He couldn’t get what happened out of his head. It haunted him in his sleep and in his every. Fucking. Waking. Hour. He hadn’t been able to write at all, he slept all day and drank in this god-awful club all night. He knew he was obsessed but he didn’t care. He just… had to know.
He felt like shit. If his mysterious fuck-buddy indeed did turn up he most likely wouldn’t even look at him twice, except to frown at his sickly face and sunken eyes. It was all useless, a fucking hunt for a bad dream that he wasn’t even sure he wanted to relive.
Fuck this shit. Pissed off, he downed the drink then moved on to the dance floor, grinding his way through the writhing masses. Closing his eyes he let the place take over his senses. The air reeked of sweat, cologne, alcohol and sex. His clothes were getting drenched by tossed water, spilled drinks and perspiration, his body bruised by hard elbows and sometimes even harder cocks, thumping against him before moving on. No one stayed.
He didn’t care about that. Not anymore. He didn’t crave them, he craved him. And if he couldn’t have him he’d rather be alone. The money he’d gotten for his last story was running out fast and the magazine’s editor kept leaving messages on his machine, telling him to either give him something worth publishing or fuck off. He’d mumbled at the beeping machine that fuck off sounded brilliant. It didn’t answer.
An extra hard bump into his hip and a ‘Watch it, mate.’ made him open his eyes and then the world started spinning. Oh bugger.
Shoving his way through the crowd to the restrooms he pushed aside some guy that already had his dick out from the closest urinal and returned all the drinks he’d imbibed during the night. Wiping his mouth on his sleeve he breathed deeply, trying to calm his stomach. Bloody expensive drinks considering he’d only barely rented them. Standing up on shaky legs he washed his hands and face and rinsed his mouth with water. The taste on his tongue was foul, like a rat had crawled in there and died. Time to get the hell home. As soon as he was sure he could walk.
He rested his head against the cold tiles. Out of the corner of his eye he saw two guys kissing, grinding against each other like they were totally alone and not surrounded by horny queers who were pissing and laughing, groping a feel and eyeing the merchandise. Someone was moaning. Soon a grunt followed and one of the booths started shaking. Great. Just great. He closed his eyes again.
It was just a fuck, he kept telling himself. Just a stupid one-time fuck. The guy had forgotten about him before his dick went limp. He was probably pounding into someone else in some club across town right this minute. Whispering those same words with that same husky voice, pushing that lucky bugger against a wall, slamming into him with that bloody huge cock of his, splitting the eager arse open, making his selected victim scream in pain and pleasure.
Great, now he was all hard again.
“That looks painful. Want some help?”
The voice was seductive and slutty and far from the right one. He opened his eyes and glared at the little shit. No more than eighteen but he was licking his lips and his eyes had that certain look of dark need that you get when you’re high. Oh fuck, why not?
“You offering?”
The boy smiled. “That’s what I said, right? By the way, my name’s And…”
“Not gonna take you home to meet my mother, am I? If you wanna suck me, do it. Or get the fuck out of my face.”
Maybe he was hoping, deep inside, that the boy would take offence and leave but he only seemed more turned on. Guess he wasn’t the only one with a kink for submission. Curling his tongue the boy sank to his knees, expert hands popping the buttons on the strained jeans and finally freeing Will’s dick. He closed his eyes as the kid rolled on a condom and then started sucking away like a damn pro. Maybe he was. Well, he as sure wasn’t gonna pay him. The kid’s own damn fault for beginning to blow without negotiating the price.
It didn’t take him long. He kept his eyes closed and in his mind it was a dark haired brute of a man sucking him, big hands grabbing his arse, prying the cheeks apart, then stabbing a finger into his hole. Hard. Fast. Dry. So fucking deep.
With a grunt he came, fucking the boy’s mouth hard, hands fisted in the blond hair. When he opened his eyes, panting from the exertion, the kid was wiping his mouth, face flushed red and tears in his eyes. Not quite gotten the hang of deep-throating then. He felt a sting of guilt but it didn’t last long. The kid was already scanning for his next dick and blew him a kiss before walking over to a big leather clad biker, once again licking his lips in seduction. Just a kinky cocksucker then. To each their own, he thought as he pulled the wet condom of his limp dick and threw it in the trash. Probably gonna get the kid into some deep shit one day but he wasn’t his daddy. Not his problem.
When he got back out the music seemed too loud, the smoke too thick and his head was hurting like shit. Yeah, definitely time for bed. It was only a few blocks to his shitty apartment so he decided to walk, hoping the chilly air and the drizzle of rain would sober him up enough that he’d avoid the god of all hangovers again. Flipping up the collar on his jacket he shoved his hands into his pockets. He’d be wet as a dog when he finally got home but that was all right. A long hot shower and he would sleep all the better for it.
He considered himself a logical and cautious man in general. He looked both ways before crossing the street, he didn’t take candy from strangers unless they were too bloody delicious to be turned away and he always kept vigil when walking home alone on a dark night.
So when turning the key in the door he was suddenly being pushed inside and up against the hall wall, a fucking giant of a cock pressing into his arse, all he could really think of was ‘How?’ quickly followed by ‘Fuck, I’m being raped!’ Feeling wet fingers clawing at his clothes he desperately pushed against the intruder with all his strength, anger and fear making his voice shrill.
“Get the fuck off me! I’ll fucking scream until the whole house wakes up if you don’t…”
“Now is that any way to greet your lover?”
He froze. That voice. That voice had been haunting him for the last two months. “You?”
“Me. Gonna scream then? Lover?” There was a soft laugh in the dark.
Not your sodding… “No. What are you doing here?”
The man chuckled. “Thought that was pretty obvious.” He grinded his erection harder into Will’s arse and he couldn’t help gasping.
“You can’t… it’s been two fucking months, you bastard. And now you just…” The tongue licking his neck shut him up.
“You missed me. How sweet.” The man chuckled again and Will felt himself blush.
“Fuck you.”
“Really? You want that? You feel the need to take someone, make him yours, show him who’s the boss? Want to hear him scream as you rip him open? Beg as you fuck him like a dog?”
He faltered. “I’m not…”
“That’s right, you’re not. You don’t really want to be the fucker, you want to be fucked. Want to be the victim, the slave, the one begging and whimpering for mercy. Am I right?”
God, he was panting. Each word hit him right in the groin. It was true, all of it. He was used to being the one in charge, the one topping but this man… this tall dark shadow that was licking his neck and grinding his cock into his arse, making him whimper with need, this man made him want to fall to his knees and bow in submission. Made him want to beg for his touch, his cock, his attention. Made him want to suck in the punishment as he was being fucked into oblivion.
Dazed, he shook his head, trying to clear those sick and bad thoughts from his mind. The man was tugging at his wet jacket, finally getting it off his shoulders, then turned him around for better access to his pants. It was very dark inside, the hall only lit by the streetlights shining through the tinted window of the front door. It made the man’s face seem even more obscure, features hidden by treacherous shadows.
“The lights.” Will reached out for the switch but his wrist was grabbed by strong fingers and pinned to the wall.
“No. I like the dark.”
He tried to pull free but the grip was like a vice. “So I’ve noticed. Really think it’s fair that you know me, but I have no idea what you look like?”
The man snorted. “Who said anything about being fair? I like it better this way. Besides, maybe I’m ugly as fuck.”
“Maybe.” He growled. “Or maybe you’re just a coward.”
The back of his head hit the wall so hard he saw stars and for a moment he thought he might throw up again. The man was breathing heavily, gripping his throat hard and ruthless. “Maybe you just earned yourself some punishment. But you like being a bad boy, don’t you? You want to be punished, want to be shown your place. Isn’t that right, ‘boy’?”
“Not your bo…” The pain was even greater this time and he was heaving for breath when the fingers started squeezing his throat. “All right, all right! Yes.”
“Yes what?”
“Oh, you got to be joki…” The blow sent him to the floor sprawling. He should have felt angry or scared or humiliated. But instead he felt more turned on than ever. Slowly he pulled himself up to his feet and bowed his head. “Yes, sir.”
As the words left his mouth he felt right for the first time since that night two months ago. He didn’t know what would happen but he wanted it more than anything. The man stood still, his heavy breathing slowly calming down to normal. Then he leaned forward and kissed Will on the forehead. “Good boy.”
The words made him shiver. He wondered if this was how that kid had felt when he’d been fucking his throat raw, treating him like dirt. If it was he now understood better the look of bliss on the kid’s face. He imagined that was about how he looked now.
“Why don’t we get more comfortable? Where’s your apartment?”
He hesitated. His place was messy and probably stank of last night’s pizza and three months dirty laundry. “It’s down there. It’s a fucking rat hole though. I don’t know if…”
“I’m here to fuck you, not write an article for House and Garden. But if you prefer we can do it right here in the hall. Nice friendly neighbours you have?”
“Okay, okay. Just… I’m sorry for the mess, all right?” He fumbled for his keys then remembered they were in the pocket of his jacket, lying on the floor. Stumbling he reached for it, and with shaking hands got them out.
“Hurry up.”
‘I bloody well would if you weren’t practically humping my leg. It’s a bit distracting’, he thought, then added ‘sir’ even if it was just in his head.
Finally he got the door open and once again he was pushed inside, the door making a fatal clicking sound as it closed behind them. No turning back now. It was pitch dark inside, the thick curtains still covering the windows since his dreadful hangover this morning and he stumbled over the rug before hitting his leg on a chair. His guest seemed to have no trouble at all though, but moved around the small all-in-one-room apartment like it was bright as day.
“Strip.” The voice was casual, not even aimed his way. Will hesitated for a moment but then he started undressing slowly, the wet clothes clinging to his cold and damp skin. Finally he had only his jeans left, buttons still undone since earlier, and he was shyly aware of his vulnerability. Biting his lip he peeled them off and threw them aside, standing naked and shivering, goose bumps pricking his skin. He didn’t know what to do with his hands so he self-consciously hugged himself. At least in the dark the man wouldn’t see how bad he looked. He hadn’t been eating or sleeping and his body showed it. Ugly as fuck sounded just about right.
The man turned around and lazily took of his clothes. Then he walked over to the bed and sat down. “Down on your knees and suck me.”
He felt like in trance as he walked over and kneeled between the strong thighs. The air in front of him smelled of musk and warm skin. He leaned forward until his chin hit the hard swaying cock. Then he reached out his tongue and licked.
He only managed a few salty tastes before hands were gripping his hair and the fucking huge cock was being forced down his throat, making him gag, black spots dancing in front of his eyes.
“I said suck, don’t lick like a fucking kitten.” The hands released him and he heaved for breath before bowing his head again. “Sorry, sir. I only wanted to…”
“Suck.”
Obedient, he let the throbbing cock slide in between his lips and in as far as he could. He worked on it like he’d never done before, sucking and deep throating and swallowing it down until he was pulled off so hard he fell over.
“That’s enough.” The man was panting but his voice was steady. Then he stood up, looming over Will like a gigantic shadow. “On the bed. Now.”
He scrambled to his feet and crawled up on the bed, panicking when he realised he didn’t know which way to turn.
“Your knees. Now. Don’t let me ask you twice.”
Ask? That’s a laugh. Suddenly he felt a manic giggle threatening to break through. He was so damn turned on but he remembered what it had felt like being breeched by that monster of a cock and the muscles in his arse were clenching already in fright. It was going to hurt so much and here he was, practically begging to be raped. It all seemed so bizarre, he wondered if he was going mad.
When the man grabbed his arse what was about to happen finally hit home. He wasn’t ready, he couldn’t… Not one damn fuck in two months and now this? And he wasn’t a bottom in general anyway and he’d never had anything close to the cock now sliding between his sweat-drenched buttocks except for that night. “Please, sir. I…”
The man leaned over and licked his neck, then bit lightly into his shoulder. “It will be easier this time. Trust me. Just relax.” The slick finger prodding at his entrance made him jump. Then it pushed inside slowly. This he could handle, even if the man’s fingers were in proportion to the rest of him, thick and long. He pushed back against it, moaning his appreciation. When it was pulled out and two came in its place he tensed slightly but it still felt too good and soon he was fucking himself on them, grunting and chanting ‘Yes, yes’ and ‘Please, sir, please’.
“Like that, do you? Such a slut. Such a pretty little whore. You want more, boy?”
He shuddered. Did he? The fingers brushed his prostate. “Yes! Please. More, sir.”
Three fingers and he pushed his face into the pillows to muffle the scream. A fist tugged at his hair, pulling him up so his neck was stretched back. “Keep still. I want to hear your screams, boy. Scream for me.” The fingers jabbed inside him again and this time he screamed his agony into the dark. “Oh yeah. Just like that.” The man grunted and grinded his hard cock against the trembling backside. “Want this? Want me to fuck you now? Say it!”
However huge it was it wasn’t as thick as three sausage fingers. “Yes! Sir! Please, sir! I want you to fuck me. Please, sir!”
“That’s what I want to hear. Such a good boy.” The painful pressure disappeared from his hole, leaving him empty and alone. Then slick fingers were digging into his hips and something blunt was pressing into his stretched entrance. His head started spinning and he thought his heart would jump out of his chest. Oh God. Ohgodohgodohgod…
“Easy. Relax. Daddy’s not gonna hurt you.” The man chuckled when his words brought on gasps and even more shivering. “Not much anyway.” And he slammed his cock inside.
When Will came to he was lying face down on the bed, his arse throbbing with pain, his throat raw. He coughed. “Are we… is it over?” The laughter chilled his bones and when he tried to move he realised he was pinned down, or more accurately staked to the bed by the huge cock still in his arse.
“Now what fun would that be, fucking you when you’re unconscious? Which by the way is very rude, passing out like that. I think you deserve some punishment.”
Oh God. He felt helpless as the man pulled him up to his knees, whimpering when the hardening cock swelled again inside him. He could hardly hold himself up, his arms and legs were trembling so hard but as he looked down he saw his own cock swaying fully erect in the shadows between his thighs. Kinky bastard.
The first blow took him totally by surprise. He didn’t even have time to object before the man was spanking him with the palm of his huge hand, again and again until he wanted to cry from the pain. Or quite possibly come because his cock had never been so hard. Each blow made him whimper but suddenly he was pushing back against the hand, wanting it harder and faster. Shocked he heard his own voice crying, “Please, daddy, please. More. I need more.”
“Never enough, is it? Oh, I’m gonna have such fun with you, my boy. Daddy’s gonna teach you so many things.” Smack. Smack. “Want me to fuck you now? Are you going to behave?”
He didn’t know what the right answer was. Did behaving mean more or less punishment? Would being bad earn him more pleasures than being good? “I’ll try, daddy. Please, fuck me.”
His voice was hardly above a whisper but the answer seemed to satisfy the man. Once again gripping him by the hips he pulled the cock out until only the tip remained inside. There he paused for a moment before slamming back inside with just as much force as last time. This time Will managed to remain conscious but his screams pierced through the darkness. God, it hurt. It hurt so much he wished he had passed out. How could he ever think he wanted this? He was totally at this monster’s mercy but mercy was obviously not in his vocabulary. Tears started to run down his face.
“Please… It’s too much. Please don’t. Pleasepleasepleaseplease…”
“Sshh. You can take it. Don’t you want to be good for me? You don’t want to make daddy angry, do you?”
“No… please don’t be angry. I want to be good but it’s too big. I can’t…”
“Yes, you can. Remember last time? It only hurt at first and then it was so good. You loved it, my little whore. You begged me for more, remember?”
The cock pulled out again. Hands held him tight. Then bam! Again and again, harder and faster. It went much deeper in this position than at the club or maybe his memory had just blocked out the worst parts.
It felt like it was going on forever. His throat hurt so much his screams were reduced to hoarse whimpers. He could feel something running down the inside of his thighs and he didn’t need light to tell him it was blood. Were they using a condom? He couldn’t remember. His whole world was filled with pain and fear and then the man shifted and suddenly there it was.
The world exploded into stars before his eyes. He threw his head back as waves of pleasure went through his body. The pain was forgotten, so was the fear. When it hit again he howled ‘Yes!’ and through the haze in his mind he could hear the man growling. “Oh yeah. That’s it. That’s it. Can you feel it? Can you fucking feel it?”
“Yes! God, yes!” He gasped and moaned, bucking and writhing like a beast. He wanted more, wanted it so much he didn’t care if it killed him. “Please, sir. Daddy. Please, yes!”
“Yeah. Beg, you whore.” Slam. “Such a tight little slut.” Slam. “Like fucking a virgin.” Slam. “Not a virgin, are you boy?”
“No. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He was babbling but he didn’t care. He didn’t want the man to be angry with him.
“All right. But from now on no one touches you but me.” Slam. “Understood?”
“Yes. No one but you. I promise. I promise.”
The pounding continued. He thought he was going to die from too much pleasure. He pushed back, clenched his muscles, whimpered and pleaded. It never seemed enough. Then he was pulled up by the hair, his hands placed on the headboard and his cock grabbed hard by a large slick hand. When the man growled ‘Come!’ and bit him hard in the shoulder his screams echoed in the dark room.
Through the waves of pleasure he felt the man tense behind him and with a few even rougher thrusts he was coming hard. Only when he was sure the man was done did Will dare to give in and sink down into the mattress, his shaking limbs reduced to jello. The man followed his moves and covered him like a very heavy blanket, pressing the air out of him. Possessing him.
They lay still, panting heavily for a long time. Then, as the high from the orgasm drained away, the painful reality came back to him. Unable to control himself he started sobbing into the pillows. Even when the weight was lifted from him and the cock slid out, making him shudder with even more pain, he didn’t lift his head. He felt humiliated and broken. He didn’t know who he was anymore. Had he really allowed this to happen? Or was ‘allowed’ the right word? Had he been that willing or just been tricked to think he was? The pain, the feeling of utter helplessness and revulsion, it didn’t seem right. This wasn’t what he had wanted. It couldn’t have been. Because if this was his innermost desire, what did that make him?
The warmth from the damp cloth surprised him. It swept across his buttocks, between his thighs and in between his cheeks. He flinched as it touched torn tissue but he didn’t move away. He couldn’t stop sobbing, his shoulders shook and his head was starting to hurt.
“Do you want me to go?”
The voice was soft and tinted with regret. He didn’t answer, didn’t know what to say.
“Look, I’m sorry. I got carried away. I didn’t mean to hurt you this much. I…” The man paused, seeming at loss for words. “I thought you wanted it, thought I recognised that hunger in your eyes….”
Will swallowed. “You were right. But…” He tried to roll over but the pain made him curl up, and he hid his face in his hands.
“I was too rough. I know. I just… I didn’t mean to, okay? You… you have this effect on me. I turn into an animal. Worse than usual. Fuck.”
He didn’t answer. The silence was deafening. He tried to breathe through the pain, fists clenched, muscles trembling.
“You want to report me?”
The question shocked him. He opened his eyes and stared up at the shadow. “Report who? I have no idea who you are. You stalk me, then break into my home and damn near rape me. Again. I should report you, you’re right. Except I did let you in, I stripped like a nice little whore and then I begged you to fuck me until I cried like a girl. ‘Yes, officer. I got fucked hard by a stranger. Please arrest him for making my arse bleed.’ They would just love that.”
He spit out the words, his humiliation making him angry with himself just as much as the stranger. He had let this happen. And by God, just thinking about it made him want it again. What the hell was wrong with him? He sat up and slowly got to his feet. “I need a shower. I’d appreciate it if you’d stick around to make sure I didn’t pass out. Again. Then you can go.”
When he reached the bathroom he turned on the lights but he didn’t look back or glance in the mirror. He’d rather the man was The Stranger. He didn’t want to know what he looked like anymore. He cried silently as the hot water poured over him, feeling sick as it swirled down the drain, coloured fresh pink. He didn’t smell the distinct aroma of semen though. Guess they had been using a condom. Well, at least that was one worry out of the way, he thought bitterly. Now he just had to deal with the rest of his fucked up life.
As he was carefully drying his bruised body he heard the door click shut. He stumbled out into the room, clutching the towel. The soft light by the bed cast a yellow shade over the room. The place was clean and tidy, the bed sheets changed and on his bedside table was a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers. Suddenly all the rage was drained out of him and he sank down on the bed.
He had never felt so alone in his life.
The pills hurt his raw throat, the water only slightly soothing it. He lay cautiously down and pulled the covers over his naked, bruised body. Twenty minutes later as the pills finally started to take effect he drifted off to sleep.
All through the night he dreamt of eyes he’d never seen, crying a name he didn’t know.
Longing for lips he’d never kissed.
You know I love feedback even if I'm lousy at answering it. I haven't even begun answering feedback to CTG and I never finished replying to feedback for the last chapter of DA. I'm so bad. I wish I had excuses, but apart from laziness and rather spending time reading other people's fics and writing I don't have them. Just... I'm sorry.
*hugs*
Continued in I Broke Apart My Insides