Fic: Battered Soul. A "Sex and Coffee" story. AU RPS. Jensen/Jared plus more. NC-17 3/3
Continued from Part 2
Present day
Jared wakes up alone with another storm blowing sleet against the window, and Jensen yelling so loudly in the other room that even if there wasn’t a crack in the door, he’d still be able to hear every angry word. Jared’s out of bed, pulling on his jeans with lightning speed, but Chris must have heard him through the racket, because he meets him at the door with a gentle but firm palm on the chest.
“Wait,” he says quietly, shaking his head.
Twenty-four hours ago, Jared would simply have pushed him aside. Now he stops. Light spills through the crack from the living room, just enough that he can see the distress in Chris’s eyes. Just then Jensen stalks by without noticing either of them but Chris pulls Jared deeper into the room just the same. Jared looks through the open door, at Jensen who is pacing the floor, phone in hand, his face pale with anger.
“No! I don’t fucking care, Josh. No. Well, you’re not the one she beat half to death!”
Jared sucks in his breath. He wants to rush out there but Chris keeps shaking his head, holding him back.
“Yeah? Did she lock you up under the sink? For hours, Josh! For fucking days! No, she did! She did! You weren’t there. I don’t remember, but you weren’t there. Two days because she fucking forgot me! No, you don’t get to say that! No! She never did that to you! She never beat you ‘til you couldn’t stand. She never put a fucking…” his voice cracks, “…pillow over your face to stop you from crying.”
Jared can tell from the way Chris suddenly fists his shirt that that one is news even to him. He feels so sick he wants to throw up.
“I don’t fucking care. You can tell her to go to hell. The sooner the fucking better.” Even Jensen’s breathing is loud. “Call me when she’s dead,” he spits out, and then he screams, throwing the phone across the room so hard it smashes into the wall.
Jared and Chris stand frozen, staring at each other in the sudden silence. Just a moment, then a heart wrenching sob breaks the spell. Chris steps back, patting Jared on the chest. “Go, go. I’ll call Danni.”
Jared runs into the living room. Jensen is sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, hugging his knees, face hidden in the crook of his arm. He’s crying so hard his whole body shakes. Jared slides down the wall beside him, putting his arm around the heaving shoulders and pulling him into his lap. “Sshh, sshh, it’s okay. I’m here, baby. We’re all here.” But Jensen just shakes his head and keeps crying, through Jared rocking him back and forth, mumbling words of love and reassurance, and Chris settling on the other side of him, rubbing his back and talking in his most soothing voice, and Steve hovering nearby with tears in his eyes, and even Danni slamming the door open and crouching in front of him, saying, “It’s okay, Jen. You don’t ever have to go back. Never!” Finally he cries himself to exhaustion, falling asleep on Jared’s lap.
Jared breathes out, looking over at Chris and Steve and Danni, huddling together on the couch in silent surrender. He staggers to his feet with Jensen a deadweight in his arms and carries him into the bedroom, lays him out on the rumpled bed and gently pulls the covers over him, tucking him in. Then he slips on his t-shirt and goes looking for answers.
Danni is crying on the couch with Steve sitting awkwardly by her side, rubbing her back. “I’m alright, I’m alright,” she says, dismissing Jared with a wave when he puts a gentle hand on her shoulder.
He leaves her and Steve to it and goes to the kitchen, joining Chris who’s making coffee, his hands shaking as he drops an extra scoop into the filter. He looks even more tired and hungover than Jared feels. When he checks his watch, he sees it’s only a quarter past nine. Ugh. They stand silent, watching the coffee drip, neither of them having the energy to start a conversation until they’ve had that first sip.
They’re still waiting when Danni comes in, eyes red, and gives them each a quick hug, like she knows she’s gonna start crying again if she holds on too long. “I need to get back, I just flipped the sign and ran over.” She kisses Jared quickly on the cheek. “Let me know, honey, when he wakes up. Or he can call me, whichever he’d rather.” She sighs. “Guess now we know why Josh has been pestering him to go back home.” She sends Chris a tight smile and then she’s gone.
Chris pours coffee into three mugs, hands Jared one and carries the other two into the living room. Steve gratefully accepts his, gulps down a couple of mouthfuls, faster than should be humanly possible, then stands up. “You tell him, man. I can’t do this.”
“I know, love,” Chris says and pulls him in for a kiss. “Dress warmly, it’s another hellish day out there.”
“It’s another hellish day in here,” Steve says, gloomy, but he dutifully bundles up in a coat and hat and scarf. “Call me when … You know.”
Chris nods and gives him another kiss before he closes the door. Then he comes and sits beside Jared on the couch, like he knows that’s why he chose to sit there and not in one of the comfy chairs. “You okay, sweetheart?”
“No, not really. I mean, I didn’t … I didn’t know any of that. Did you?”
Chris hesitates. “Wait here, I need to show you something.” He gets up and disappears into the bedroom. A few minutes later he comes back with an envelope in his hand, sitting back down and taking a sip of his coffee before taking a deep breath and pulling a bunch of photographs out. “Jensen don’t know about these so don’t tell him. I know it’s creepy, but I wanted… I figured we better have some evidence if he ever wanted to make something of it.”
He lays the pictures out like cards. They’re all off Jensen sleeping, half-dressed or even naked, although he’s always tastefully covered below the waist. They must have been taken when he was very young because he looks slight and slender like a teenager. No, not slender. Thin. His limbs are barely more than bones, his wrists so narrow Jared could easily circle both with his fingers with inches to spare. His face is gaunt and pale. The faint scar above his eyebrow is still raw and angry.
Jared sits frozen, lost for words. He thinks if he opens his mouth he might throw up, and not just because last night’s drinks are finally catching up with him.
“Didn’t know about her locking him up under the sink, though. Or, or the pillow thing,” Chris says, his voice shaking. “Just that he was beaten. And starved. Wasn’t so noticeable when he wore clothes, he just looked thin. But that first night I checked in on him and he’d thrown the covers off. And I saw this.”
He taps a finger on a dark picture of Jensen lying on his back, one arm thrown over his eyes. His chest is caved in, the ribs sticking out. There are dark patches on his skin that might be shadows but Jared just knows are bruises. Only part visible of his face is his mouth, lips pinched tight, even in his sleep.
“I know I shouldn’t have taken that picture. Or any of them.” Chris hastily shuffles the pictures like a deck of cards and stuffs them back into the envelope. “Like I said, evidence. But he never said anything, and when I tried to ask, he’d just shut down. Just said she wasn’t nice, and that’s why he left.” He shakes his head. “Danni knows more but she’s not telling either. Says it’s not her place.” He looks at Jared. “Maybe he’ll tell you. If you ask him.”
“Yeah.” His voice is rough, and he clears his throat. “Maybe.” He takes a sip from his coffee, surprised that it’s still hot. It felt like he’d been staring at those pictures for hours.
“Thank god the bitch is finally kicking the bucket. Good fucking riddance.” Chris gets up and disappears into the bedroom with the envelope, on the way back he checks in on Jensen, shaking his head when he sits back down. “He’s still out like a light. Should sleep a while. We were up pretty late. Uh… early.” Like he suddenly remembers what went on the night before, he kisses Jared at the corner of his mouth. “You crashed pretty hard. You alright, love?”
“Yeah, I’m … I’m fine.” He gives Chris a quick smile when he keeps looking at him with concern. “Still processing, you know. All this,” he says, waving at the table where the picture lay a moment before. “Haven’t really had time to think about …” He puts the mug away on the table and leans back, breathing out hard. “You mean what you say?”
“About what, sweetheart?” Chris says, stroking his hair. “Us? Yeah. I did.”
Jared swallows. “Could we … could you …”
Chris’s lips are just as soft as last night. Soft and warm and tasting of coffee and last night’s whiskey. And a little of dick, which gives Jared some idea of what went on after he passed out because they did not do that. The kiss never turns heated, it just stays sweet, and loving and gentle, with slow sweeping of Chris’s tongue, light nibbles of his teeth. They slide down on the couch until they’re lying flat, Chris’s back to the room, Jared’s knees bent to fit. Their legs entangled, their arms tight around each other to keep Chris from tumbling to the floor. Every now and then they’ll stop for air, and Chris will stroke Jared’s hair, murmuring, “That’s right, love. You’re alright,” and then kiss him again. Jared’s head starts feeling heavy, his eyes struggling to keep open. He falls asleep.
When he wakes up Chris is gone, replaced by Jensen sleeping curled up in his arms. Jared kisses him on the forehead and falls right back to sleep.
The next time he wakes up he’s alone, but he can hear soft murmuring from the kitchen. He stands up and stretches out his kinks. As good as Chris and Steve’s couch is for making out on, it’s a bit too short for sleeping. At least for someone his size. He wanders into the kitchen, relieved to see Jensen, sitting half in Chris’s lap, sipping coffee and biting into a donut. He’s freshly showered, the smeared kohl from this morning replaced with a perfect thin black line, his hair clean and brushed away from his face in a sweep that makes him look like a teen from the fifties. As soon as he sees Jared, he jumps up to greet him with a soft kiss, tasting of caramel frosting and the ever-present coffee. And cigarettes but Jared will let it go this time.
“I saved you your favorite,” Jensen says, quickly slapping Steve’s hand, reaching for a raspberry jelly.
“Thanks, babe. Are you alright?”
Jensen looks away, cheeks flushing pink. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”
“Don’t.” Jared wipes a smear of caramel away from the corner of Jensen’s mouth before kissing him again. “Don’t apologize.”
Jensen shrugs. “I just lost my cool. I’m okay.” He turns away to stare into the sink, his shoulders pulling up halfway to his ears. “Josh says she’s asking for me. He thinks I’m obligated because it’s her fucking deathbed. I’m not going.”
Jared puts his hands gently on Jensen’s tense shoulders. “No. Of course not.”
Jensen sucks in a shaky breath. “I hope she dies in fucking agony. I hope, I hope she rots in Hell!”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah?” The quiet word holds the weight of his deep-seated guilt, his yearning to be absolved.
“Yes.”
Jensen’s shoulders go slack under Jared’s palms as he breathes out. Jared gently turns him around so he can pull him into his arms. Jensen doesn’t make a sound, just breathes heavily as the tension slowly leaves his body. “You should eat something,” he finally says into Jared’s armpit.
“I will,” Jared assures him, rolling his eyes at Chris who shakes his head, mouth quirking at the corner. Jensen’s bitch of a mother is dying but God forbid Jared goes hungry.
“We need to go home, I have to fix my hair.” This time Jared only barely holds back his laughter. Of course, can’t have Jensen’s hair out of order. Even if he knows it’s not really about Jensen’s vanity; today more than ever, it’s about him having his armor.
“Sure, babe. I’m just gonna have a donut and some coffee real quick.”
“Two,” Jensen says as he pushes away. “There should be two, if Steve hasn’t eaten them.”
“Dude, I would never!” Steve licks a drop of raspberry from the corner of his mouth and gives Jared a wink. Jared just shakes his head and grins. He doesn’t really have the stomach for more than one anyway.
Chris pulls him in for a light kiss as he sits down. “Eat up, sweetheart. You feeling better?”
Jared nods, feeling stupidly happy despite everything. He sips his coffee and eats his donut, and the whole time Chris keeps rubbing his back and playing with his hair, while Steve picks crumbs of the table and licks them off his fingers with a suggestive grin. Whatever was going on with him earlier - Jared suspects bad memories - it’s clearly over as he’s back to his old horny self. Jared doesn’t know Steve quite as well as Chris - a slight understatement after last night - him being a man of few words, but Jared already feels more at ease in his company. He doesn’t know if Chris told Steve what went down last night; if he hasn’t already, Jared guesses it’s only a matter of time. They don’t strike him as a couple with secrets. Strangely enough he doesn’t feel embarrassed about the whole thing. He just feels at home.
Jensen comes back, already puffed up in his thick coat, scarf thrown around his neck. “You ready?”
“Yeah, let me just get my shirt.” He gives Chris a casual kiss as he stands up, blushing at the grin Jensen sends him before sauntering over for a kiss of his own.
“Monday?” Jensen says quietly.
Chris nods, wrapping the scarf tighter around Jensen’s neck and tucking it in against the wind blowing outside. “Where’s your hat, love?” Jensen pulls it out of his pocket and obediently puts it on. “Gloves?” He rolls his eyes when Jensen shrugs. “Come on, I’ll lend you some.”
Jared can hear Jensen muttering, “I’m not an infant,” as he leaves them to fetch his socks and shirt from the bedroom. The rumpled bed makes his stomach flutter, and he hesitates. He should probably strip it or something. Or at least open a window. The air smells undeniably musky.
“Leave it,” Chris says from the doorway. “I’ll see to it. Go take care of our boy.” He stops Jared as he’s about to pass, looking him deep in the eye. “Remember, anytime, love.”
Jared nods. Then steals another quick kiss, which has Chris chuckling, before he goes to join an impatient Jensen, waiting by the door.
They don’t talk on the walk home, it’s too cold and windy, and halfway there the sleet starts up again. Jared’s getting really tired of this winter. Spring can’t come soon enough.
They’re cuddling on the couch that night, watching something Jared later can’t recall, when Jensen says, “My shoulders hurt.”
Jared shifts, thinking he means the position they’re in, but Jensen says, “No, not now. I mean…” He takes a deep breath. “She used to yank my arms out of their sockets. That was her go-to thing. Well, one of many. First time it happened, I screamed so loud she got really scared. Took me to the ER. Doctor told her it was nothing to worry about. These things happen all the time. And not to worry if it happens again, they’re prone to do that once they’ve popped. Then he laughed, like it was funny. Guess she figured no one would question it after that. Anytime I tried to dodge her hitting me, she’d grab my arm, yank it, and then just pull me around by it, until I blacked out or she got bored. Was just the left one at first but then once the other one popped, she could grab whichever. She didn’t even bother with doctors after the first two times, just pushed it back herself once she was done punishing me. Sometimes she forgot, and I had to do it myself. Got really good at that.” His laugh is clipped and dry. “They’re so loose now I hit a door the wrong way, they’ll pop right out.”
Jared covers his mouth. He feels sick. “Jesus! Jensen…”
“Wasn’t so much when I got older,” Jensen soldiers on. “Maybe because I got better at not getting on her nerves. Or I got too heavy to haul around. Don’t know. Wasn’t because I fought back or anything. Never did.”
“You were a kid, baby,” Jared whispers.
Jensen dismisses that with a wave. “Wasn’t a kid when I was eighteen. By then I was taller than her. I should…” He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Never been good at fighting back. I’m more of a run-for-your-life kind of guy.” He snorts in self-disgust.
Jared has noticed. The few times he’s witnessed trouble at Chevy’s and stood up from his table to see if he can help, he’s only just caught the backend of Jensen disappearing into the back room while Danni handles whoever is being a jackass. He just thought it was a manager thing. "Baby, that's still-"
Jensen shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. I just wanted you to know, because the cold gets to me. Wasn’t a problem down south, but the winters here, they’re fucking brutal, man. And this winter, it’s been bad. And sometimes, I mean, I know you don’t mean to, but sometimes you can grab a bit hard.” He snorts. “You’re wicked strong, babe. No, don’t feel bad,” he says quickly when Jared sits up, because this time he feels so sick he thinks he might hurl. “I should have told you.”
“Yeah, but … Jensen… You… I’m… Jesus!” he stammers.
Jensen shrugs. “I told you she was bad.”
“I know. I just didn’t …” He rubs his face, trying to find something to say that won’t make Jensen close up, or worse, cry. “How are you not claustrophobic?”
“What? Oh. You heard that. No, I am.” He shrugs. “I just like locked doors more than I hate small spaces. Not even mom could walk through locked doors. Bathroom at home was the only place she couldn’t get to me. Until she took the lock off.” He smiles suddenly. “My room at Chris and Steve’s, first place I had of my own I could actually lock. And then I never did. Turns out there’s no need when you live with normal people.” He pauses. “Well, not normal. They’re not really normal. But they’re good.”
Jared swallows. “I don’t understand how you can just talk about this. I mean, I’m glad you can but…”
Jensen shakes his head. “I don’t. I never talk about it. And I’m not gonna. After this, I’m done. I know it’s not healthy. I don’t care. It’s over. After she’s dead, we’re never mentioning her again. Alright?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Okay.” Jensen stands up. “I think I’m gonna go to bed. Been a long day.”
“I’ll be with you in a moment. I just need to …”
“Process. I know.” He leans over and gives Jared a kiss. “Just don’t waste too much time, baby, she’s not worth it.”
No, but you are, Jared thinks. He has severe doubts about Jensen’s plan of dealing, or rather not dealing, with his childhood trauma and his mother’s death, once she’s gone. But there’s nothing he can do about it except just be there when the inevitable fallout happens. Whether that be a week from now or years down the line. Because no matter what Jensen says, you can’t just close the door on all that trauma and expect it to go away on its own.
Jensen is reading when Jared finally comes to bed, an hour and a beer later. Jared thought maybe he’d already be asleep but seems he’d been waiting for Jared to join him. Which makes Jared feel bad, but some things take their time. Like figuring out how he’s gonna spend the next decades pretending every ache and pain Jensen experiences doesn’t make him wonder who’s to blame.
Jensen smiles easily enough when Jared snuggles closer, but Jared can feel the tension running through him that even kissing seems unable to ease. So he lays back and says casually, “Oh, how was the rest of the party? Did I miss much?”
Jensen laughs. “Man, yeah! I mean, no, it was pretty much the same as every party they throw. But you know what that means.” He puts away the book and shimmies down so they’re face to face. “So, we go out, right, and there’s Danni, sitting on Aldis’s face, which ugh, gross, but Steve’s going to town on the guy’s dick like… Man, he’s relentless, you know.”
Jared does know. Steve sucks cock like it’s his one mission in life. It’s pretty damn amazing but yeah, the one time Jared had been on the receiving end of that he’d almost passed out when Steve finally - finally! - let him come.
“So, Aldis is wriggling like a fish on dry land, right, moaning and whimpering like a two-dollar whore, and Danni is yelling at him, telling him don’t he dare stop, not now. Guess she was pretty close. Anyway, me and Chris, we’re still pretty spent so we just get us some drinks and light up, enjoying the show. Maybe kissing some. Next thing we know, Aldis is sputtering, cursing up a blue streak because Danni squirted all over his face. It was amazing!” Jensen laughs, even if he looks a little grossed out. “Anyway, Steve just put a finger up his ass, and that shut him up, quick as anything. But ugh, they really need to have that rug cleaned.” He frowns. “And the couch. And pretty much every surface of their apartment. There has been a lot of sex in that apartment.”
“We have the weirdest friends,” Jared says, quickly memorizing the scene for future reference. Still, no matter how much porn he writes, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get fully used to actually living it. Don’t get him wrong, it’s hot and fun and does wonders for his writing, but, like Jensen said, it’s far from normal.
“I know.” Jensen snuggles close. “Danni fell asleep after that, so I made out with Aldis a bit, after he cleaned himself up, mind you. And stopped bitching. Told him he should feel proud for making his woman that happy. That got him all interested, and he spent the rest of the night on his phone, researching squirting. Nerds, man. They’re weird. It was alright, I left him to it and joined Chris and Steve in their bedroom.” He sighs wistfully. “Felt a bit like old times.”
Jared kisses him. “Like Chris said, anytime.”
“Yeah.”
“I still like getting you alone to myself like this,” Jared says cautiously, not wanting to be misunderstood. “I mean, not just for sex but just, you know, like this.” He gazes into Jensen’s eyes, kissing him softly, enjoying the heat of him under the covers, the warm skin, the toned muscles. The quiet of just the two of them, breathing in tandem.
Jensen smiles. “Yeah, me too. Family is good but alone time is better.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
They lie warm inside their cocoon, with the wind once again howling outside their window, exchanging kisses and light touches until their eyes get heavy, and the room falls quiet.
True to his word, Chris stops by Chevy’s on Monday. Just saunters in like he owns the place, saying, “Come here, darling,” and Jensen instantly drops the sandwich he’s making, much to Danni’s dismay, hurries around the counter and throws himself into Chris’s waiting arms. “Easy, love,” Chris says, blue eyes sparkling as he tucks a stray hair behind Jensen’s ear.
Jensen breathes out, pressing his cheek against Chris’s palm. “Wasn’t sure you’d come,” he admits.
“Said I would, didn’t I?” Chris admonishes fondly.
“Yeah, but…” He glances at the clock on the wall that shows it’s close to closing time.
“Never said when.” Chris gives him a light kiss, and Jensen breathes a happy sigh. “Does you good to learn some patience.” Jensen snorts. Yeah, that’s not really one of his virtues. “Plus, I had some things to take care of. We’re getting a bigger bed.” Jensen raises an eyebrow. Size hasn’t really been a issue with the bed they already have. “Seeing as one of us is a bit bigger than most.”
Oh! Jensen’s smile is so wide it hurts. He feels stupidly happy. Doesn’t mean they’re moving in, but whenever they want to sleep over, the invitation is there.
“Now, how about that kiss?” Chris says, pulling him closer, and Jensen eagerly leans in. The softness, the gentleness, the sweet slow movements of Chris’s lips against his, tongue licking just a little into his mouth, to remind him that this isn’t that kind, but whenever he needs or wants, it will be. When they pull apart, Jensen feels lighter than he’s done in a long time. He wraps his arms around Chris’s neck and buries his face in the familiar-smelling hair. “Thank you,” he murmurs.
Chris rubs his back, like he’s soothing a tired child. “Anytime, love.”
“Jared’s over in the corner,” Jensen reminds him, shooting a hopeful looking Jared a grin, before reluctantly letting go. Danni’s been clearing her throat loudly a few times now, he should probably get back to work.
“I’ll take care of him, love.” Chris gives Jensen a quick kiss, chuckling when he chases his lips for more. “Not promising I’m gonna come every day, sweetheart, but… a little walk over here now and then ain’t gonna kill me.”
Jensen breathes out. He’d hoped but hadn’t wanted to ask. “Thank you.”
“Stop thanking me. It’s what family’s for, right?” He smiles and pats Jensen lovingly on the cheek, before making his way between the tables toward Jared who is trying, and failing, to look cool and not like a kid at Christmas.
“For a moment there I was starting to think you and Jared broke up,” Danni says as he joins her behind the counter to watch Chris and Jared kissing in the corner booth. “But I see you’ve just extended the relationship.”
“Family,” Jensen corrects her, adjusting himself discreetly. Not only from the kissing, for some reason seeing Jared happy always makes him horny as hell.
“Weirdest family this side of the Bible belt, but sure,” Danni allows.
Jensen grins. “Aww, don’t be jealous, baby. You’ve got a fine man of your own. He can take a squirting like no man I’ve ever seen.”
“Jensen!” she hisses, punching him in the arm. Ow! “There are customers!”
“What? They should all be so fortunate,” he says and winks at the couple of very flushed women that just so happen to have walked in. Oops. “What can I get you, ladies? Something hot? Something to cool you down? Something sweet and delicious?”
“Uhm, just a latte for me,” one of them says awkwardly and the other nods her head in agreement, eyes tracking Chris who has just left Jared looking flushed and happy.
He gives her a wink as he heads for the door. “Sorry, sweetheart. I’m strictly for the boys.” His parting grin has Jensen laughing.
“Yeah, yeah. Except that one time…” he adds, smirking as Danni goes red.
“Shut up,” she grumbles. “It was fucking charity, and you know it.”
“He goes where he’s needed,” Jensen explains to the women who now look more confused than embarrassed. “You still enjoyed it.”
“Well, duh.”
Jensen throws a kiss at Jared, who is still looking dazed, instead of going back to work as he should. Half an hour more, and Jensen will get to take that happy man home and fuck the hell out of him. Life truly is good.
Three days later the phone rings as they’re finishing dinner. Jensen takes one look at the display and hands the phone over to Jared before getting up and leaving. It takes the sudden slam of the front door for Jared to realize he’s gone out. Well, chances are Jared knows where Jensen’s going. He answers the phone with some trepidation, stating his name and relation, listens and offers his condolences, even if he’d rather say good riddance, and hangs up when Josh starts talking about funeral arrangements. They’re not doing that.
He glances out the window. At least it’s not snowing but it’s cold as hell. He sighs and goes to put on his coat, leaving the kitchen as it is. It will hold. He’s freezing by the time he reaches Chris and Steve’s, and it automatically makes him think of Jensen, and his aching shoulders and the bitch who did that to him. The bitch that Jensen is finally free from. Still, he can’t help worrying what state he will find Jensen in.
Steve greets him at the door with a tight hug. “They’re in the bedroom,” he says, taking Jared’s coat. “He’s alright. Just a bit tense.”
Jared nods, kicking off his wet shoes and hurrying inside. He can hear their voices, Chris’s low soothing murmur, and Jensen’s clipped answers, like he doesn’t have enough breath in him to manage more than simple yeses and noes. Jared’s at the door when he hears Jensen spit out, “Why the hell would I mourn her?” his voice breaking on the last word, and Jared’s heart breaks along with it.
“Not her, love,” he hears Chris say softly. “The mama she should have been. The mama who should have been there for you, and loved you and taken care of you. Darling, it’s alright to mourn her.”
Jared pushes the door open. Jensen is lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, so tense his jaw is ticking. Chris is lying by his side, one arm folded under his head, the other hand stroking Jensen’s hair. He looks up when Jared comes in, looking relieved but also conflicted by the news he can see is coming.
Jared slips into place on Jensen’s other side, his arms long enough to reach around him and Chris both. “She’s gone,” is all he says, kissing Jensen gently on the temple.
Jensen sucks in a shaky breath and lets it out with a low sob. It’s the only sound he makes; after that he lies still and silent as tears trickle from his closed eyes. It's hard to tell what he’s feeling. Mostly relief, Jared thinks, but also grief. The grief Chris so delicately pointed out it was perfectly alright to feel. For the mother he should have had, the childhood he didn’t get.
Jared mouths, ‘Thank you’ at Chris, and Chris answers with the ever soothing, ‘Anytime, love,’ while he keeps stroking Jensen’s hair and kissing his face, every now and then reaching over to touch Jared’s face, his arm, wherever he can reach, just to let him know he’s there. Slowly but surely the tension leaves Jensen’s body, and before long his breathing turns deep, and his mouth falls slack. Jared kisses the corner of his mouth softly then lies down on the pillow, seeking out Chris’s hand and gripping it tight, because Chris is for once not his calm self but clearly struggling. Steve crawls in behind Chris, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his neck. Chris sighs, closes his eyes and tips his head back to rest on Steve’s shoulder in exhaustion, his fingers braided with Jared’s, resting in the valley of Jensen’s stomach. They fall asleep like that, all four of them, on the new bed that fills up the modest room, leaving just enough space for a person to walk around and crawl in, wherever is needed.
Jared wakes up to Chris kissing him good morning. The air smells of freshly brewed coffee and toast. Jensen is half hidden under the covers, mumbling something about having a free pass from going to work because of his dead mother, “Like Bambi.” Then fake crying when Chris tells him to stop whining and, “Get up, darling. Or no coffee, I mean it.” While Steve lies sprawled over more than half the bed, snoring like a walrus.
Jared yawns and stretches, then reaches under the covers and tickles Jensen until he yells and threatens to never fuck any of them again. “Jared! Stop! Don’t… stop... Oh… Uh. Ungh!”
Chris groans. “For crying out loud. You don’t have time… Alright, alright! I’ll call Danni for you. Just… wait until I get back! Jensen, you hear me? Jared? You two better not come without me! You fucking… Sorry, Danni. Yeah, Jensen is gonna be late. The bitch finally died. What? Noises? No, he’s not celebrating. I mean, okay, I guess maybe sort of… He needs time to… process. What? No, Jensen. I’m not gonna tell her that. Because it’s stupid!” Chris sighs. “He says he gets a free Bambi pass. Yeah, I know. Yes. Yes. Thank you.” He throws the phone on the bedside table. “You have until noon. Now, let me in. I wanna kiss Jared. No, you can’t have him all to yourself. Steve, hold Jensen back. Steve? Babe? How the fuck are you still sleeping? That’s it, I’m¬- Mmm.”
Who needs normal anyway?
fin
Feedback is very much appreciated.
Present day
Jared wakes up alone with another storm blowing sleet against the window, and Jensen yelling so loudly in the other room that even if there wasn’t a crack in the door, he’d still be able to hear every angry word. Jared’s out of bed, pulling on his jeans with lightning speed, but Chris must have heard him through the racket, because he meets him at the door with a gentle but firm palm on the chest.
“Wait,” he says quietly, shaking his head.
Twenty-four hours ago, Jared would simply have pushed him aside. Now he stops. Light spills through the crack from the living room, just enough that he can see the distress in Chris’s eyes. Just then Jensen stalks by without noticing either of them but Chris pulls Jared deeper into the room just the same. Jared looks through the open door, at Jensen who is pacing the floor, phone in hand, his face pale with anger.
“No! I don’t fucking care, Josh. No. Well, you’re not the one she beat half to death!”
Jared sucks in his breath. He wants to rush out there but Chris keeps shaking his head, holding him back.
“Yeah? Did she lock you up under the sink? For hours, Josh! For fucking days! No, she did! She did! You weren’t there. I don’t remember, but you weren’t there. Two days because she fucking forgot me! No, you don’t get to say that! No! She never did that to you! She never beat you ‘til you couldn’t stand. She never put a fucking…” his voice cracks, “…pillow over your face to stop you from crying.”
Jared can tell from the way Chris suddenly fists his shirt that that one is news even to him. He feels so sick he wants to throw up.
“I don’t fucking care. You can tell her to go to hell. The sooner the fucking better.” Even Jensen’s breathing is loud. “Call me when she’s dead,” he spits out, and then he screams, throwing the phone across the room so hard it smashes into the wall.
Jared and Chris stand frozen, staring at each other in the sudden silence. Just a moment, then a heart wrenching sob breaks the spell. Chris steps back, patting Jared on the chest. “Go, go. I’ll call Danni.”
Jared runs into the living room. Jensen is sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, hugging his knees, face hidden in the crook of his arm. He’s crying so hard his whole body shakes. Jared slides down the wall beside him, putting his arm around the heaving shoulders and pulling him into his lap. “Sshh, sshh, it’s okay. I’m here, baby. We’re all here.” But Jensen just shakes his head and keeps crying, through Jared rocking him back and forth, mumbling words of love and reassurance, and Chris settling on the other side of him, rubbing his back and talking in his most soothing voice, and Steve hovering nearby with tears in his eyes, and even Danni slamming the door open and crouching in front of him, saying, “It’s okay, Jen. You don’t ever have to go back. Never!” Finally he cries himself to exhaustion, falling asleep on Jared’s lap.
Jared breathes out, looking over at Chris and Steve and Danni, huddling together on the couch in silent surrender. He staggers to his feet with Jensen a deadweight in his arms and carries him into the bedroom, lays him out on the rumpled bed and gently pulls the covers over him, tucking him in. Then he slips on his t-shirt and goes looking for answers.
Danni is crying on the couch with Steve sitting awkwardly by her side, rubbing her back. “I’m alright, I’m alright,” she says, dismissing Jared with a wave when he puts a gentle hand on her shoulder.
He leaves her and Steve to it and goes to the kitchen, joining Chris who’s making coffee, his hands shaking as he drops an extra scoop into the filter. He looks even more tired and hungover than Jared feels. When he checks his watch, he sees it’s only a quarter past nine. Ugh. They stand silent, watching the coffee drip, neither of them having the energy to start a conversation until they’ve had that first sip.
They’re still waiting when Danni comes in, eyes red, and gives them each a quick hug, like she knows she’s gonna start crying again if she holds on too long. “I need to get back, I just flipped the sign and ran over.” She kisses Jared quickly on the cheek. “Let me know, honey, when he wakes up. Or he can call me, whichever he’d rather.” She sighs. “Guess now we know why Josh has been pestering him to go back home.” She sends Chris a tight smile and then she’s gone.
Chris pours coffee into three mugs, hands Jared one and carries the other two into the living room. Steve gratefully accepts his, gulps down a couple of mouthfuls, faster than should be humanly possible, then stands up. “You tell him, man. I can’t do this.”
“I know, love,” Chris says and pulls him in for a kiss. “Dress warmly, it’s another hellish day out there.”
“It’s another hellish day in here,” Steve says, gloomy, but he dutifully bundles up in a coat and hat and scarf. “Call me when … You know.”
Chris nods and gives him another kiss before he closes the door. Then he comes and sits beside Jared on the couch, like he knows that’s why he chose to sit there and not in one of the comfy chairs. “You okay, sweetheart?”
“No, not really. I mean, I didn’t … I didn’t know any of that. Did you?”
Chris hesitates. “Wait here, I need to show you something.” He gets up and disappears into the bedroom. A few minutes later he comes back with an envelope in his hand, sitting back down and taking a sip of his coffee before taking a deep breath and pulling a bunch of photographs out. “Jensen don’t know about these so don’t tell him. I know it’s creepy, but I wanted… I figured we better have some evidence if he ever wanted to make something of it.”
He lays the pictures out like cards. They’re all off Jensen sleeping, half-dressed or even naked, although he’s always tastefully covered below the waist. They must have been taken when he was very young because he looks slight and slender like a teenager. No, not slender. Thin. His limbs are barely more than bones, his wrists so narrow Jared could easily circle both with his fingers with inches to spare. His face is gaunt and pale. The faint scar above his eyebrow is still raw and angry.
Jared sits frozen, lost for words. He thinks if he opens his mouth he might throw up, and not just because last night’s drinks are finally catching up with him.
“Didn’t know about her locking him up under the sink, though. Or, or the pillow thing,” Chris says, his voice shaking. “Just that he was beaten. And starved. Wasn’t so noticeable when he wore clothes, he just looked thin. But that first night I checked in on him and he’d thrown the covers off. And I saw this.”
He taps a finger on a dark picture of Jensen lying on his back, one arm thrown over his eyes. His chest is caved in, the ribs sticking out. There are dark patches on his skin that might be shadows but Jared just knows are bruises. Only part visible of his face is his mouth, lips pinched tight, even in his sleep.
“I know I shouldn’t have taken that picture. Or any of them.” Chris hastily shuffles the pictures like a deck of cards and stuffs them back into the envelope. “Like I said, evidence. But he never said anything, and when I tried to ask, he’d just shut down. Just said she wasn’t nice, and that’s why he left.” He shakes his head. “Danni knows more but she’s not telling either. Says it’s not her place.” He looks at Jared. “Maybe he’ll tell you. If you ask him.”
“Yeah.” His voice is rough, and he clears his throat. “Maybe.” He takes a sip from his coffee, surprised that it’s still hot. It felt like he’d been staring at those pictures for hours.
“Thank god the bitch is finally kicking the bucket. Good fucking riddance.” Chris gets up and disappears into the bedroom with the envelope, on the way back he checks in on Jensen, shaking his head when he sits back down. “He’s still out like a light. Should sleep a while. We were up pretty late. Uh… early.” Like he suddenly remembers what went on the night before, he kisses Jared at the corner of his mouth. “You crashed pretty hard. You alright, love?”
“Yeah, I’m … I’m fine.” He gives Chris a quick smile when he keeps looking at him with concern. “Still processing, you know. All this,” he says, waving at the table where the picture lay a moment before. “Haven’t really had time to think about …” He puts the mug away on the table and leans back, breathing out hard. “You mean what you say?”
“About what, sweetheart?” Chris says, stroking his hair. “Us? Yeah. I did.”
Jared swallows. “Could we … could you …”
Chris’s lips are just as soft as last night. Soft and warm and tasting of coffee and last night’s whiskey. And a little of dick, which gives Jared some idea of what went on after he passed out because they did not do that. The kiss never turns heated, it just stays sweet, and loving and gentle, with slow sweeping of Chris’s tongue, light nibbles of his teeth. They slide down on the couch until they’re lying flat, Chris’s back to the room, Jared’s knees bent to fit. Their legs entangled, their arms tight around each other to keep Chris from tumbling to the floor. Every now and then they’ll stop for air, and Chris will stroke Jared’s hair, murmuring, “That’s right, love. You’re alright,” and then kiss him again. Jared’s head starts feeling heavy, his eyes struggling to keep open. He falls asleep.
When he wakes up Chris is gone, replaced by Jensen sleeping curled up in his arms. Jared kisses him on the forehead and falls right back to sleep.
The next time he wakes up he’s alone, but he can hear soft murmuring from the kitchen. He stands up and stretches out his kinks. As good as Chris and Steve’s couch is for making out on, it’s a bit too short for sleeping. At least for someone his size. He wanders into the kitchen, relieved to see Jensen, sitting half in Chris’s lap, sipping coffee and biting into a donut. He’s freshly showered, the smeared kohl from this morning replaced with a perfect thin black line, his hair clean and brushed away from his face in a sweep that makes him look like a teen from the fifties. As soon as he sees Jared, he jumps up to greet him with a soft kiss, tasting of caramel frosting and the ever-present coffee. And cigarettes but Jared will let it go this time.
“I saved you your favorite,” Jensen says, quickly slapping Steve’s hand, reaching for a raspberry jelly.
“Thanks, babe. Are you alright?”
Jensen looks away, cheeks flushing pink. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”
“Don’t.” Jared wipes a smear of caramel away from the corner of Jensen’s mouth before kissing him again. “Don’t apologize.”
Jensen shrugs. “I just lost my cool. I’m okay.” He turns away to stare into the sink, his shoulders pulling up halfway to his ears. “Josh says she’s asking for me. He thinks I’m obligated because it’s her fucking deathbed. I’m not going.”
Jared puts his hands gently on Jensen’s tense shoulders. “No. Of course not.”
Jensen sucks in a shaky breath. “I hope she dies in fucking agony. I hope, I hope she rots in Hell!”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah?” The quiet word holds the weight of his deep-seated guilt, his yearning to be absolved.
“Yes.”
Jensen’s shoulders go slack under Jared’s palms as he breathes out. Jared gently turns him around so he can pull him into his arms. Jensen doesn’t make a sound, just breathes heavily as the tension slowly leaves his body. “You should eat something,” he finally says into Jared’s armpit.
“I will,” Jared assures him, rolling his eyes at Chris who shakes his head, mouth quirking at the corner. Jensen’s bitch of a mother is dying but God forbid Jared goes hungry.
“We need to go home, I have to fix my hair.” This time Jared only barely holds back his laughter. Of course, can’t have Jensen’s hair out of order. Even if he knows it’s not really about Jensen’s vanity; today more than ever, it’s about him having his armor.
“Sure, babe. I’m just gonna have a donut and some coffee real quick.”
“Two,” Jensen says as he pushes away. “There should be two, if Steve hasn’t eaten them.”
“Dude, I would never!” Steve licks a drop of raspberry from the corner of his mouth and gives Jared a wink. Jared just shakes his head and grins. He doesn’t really have the stomach for more than one anyway.
Chris pulls him in for a light kiss as he sits down. “Eat up, sweetheart. You feeling better?”
Jared nods, feeling stupidly happy despite everything. He sips his coffee and eats his donut, and the whole time Chris keeps rubbing his back and playing with his hair, while Steve picks crumbs of the table and licks them off his fingers with a suggestive grin. Whatever was going on with him earlier - Jared suspects bad memories - it’s clearly over as he’s back to his old horny self. Jared doesn’t know Steve quite as well as Chris - a slight understatement after last night - him being a man of few words, but Jared already feels more at ease in his company. He doesn’t know if Chris told Steve what went down last night; if he hasn’t already, Jared guesses it’s only a matter of time. They don’t strike him as a couple with secrets. Strangely enough he doesn’t feel embarrassed about the whole thing. He just feels at home.
Jensen comes back, already puffed up in his thick coat, scarf thrown around his neck. “You ready?”
“Yeah, let me just get my shirt.” He gives Chris a casual kiss as he stands up, blushing at the grin Jensen sends him before sauntering over for a kiss of his own.
“Monday?” Jensen says quietly.
Chris nods, wrapping the scarf tighter around Jensen’s neck and tucking it in against the wind blowing outside. “Where’s your hat, love?” Jensen pulls it out of his pocket and obediently puts it on. “Gloves?” He rolls his eyes when Jensen shrugs. “Come on, I’ll lend you some.”
Jared can hear Jensen muttering, “I’m not an infant,” as he leaves them to fetch his socks and shirt from the bedroom. The rumpled bed makes his stomach flutter, and he hesitates. He should probably strip it or something. Or at least open a window. The air smells undeniably musky.
“Leave it,” Chris says from the doorway. “I’ll see to it. Go take care of our boy.” He stops Jared as he’s about to pass, looking him deep in the eye. “Remember, anytime, love.”
Jared nods. Then steals another quick kiss, which has Chris chuckling, before he goes to join an impatient Jensen, waiting by the door.
They don’t talk on the walk home, it’s too cold and windy, and halfway there the sleet starts up again. Jared’s getting really tired of this winter. Spring can’t come soon enough.
They’re cuddling on the couch that night, watching something Jared later can’t recall, when Jensen says, “My shoulders hurt.”
Jared shifts, thinking he means the position they’re in, but Jensen says, “No, not now. I mean…” He takes a deep breath. “She used to yank my arms out of their sockets. That was her go-to thing. Well, one of many. First time it happened, I screamed so loud she got really scared. Took me to the ER. Doctor told her it was nothing to worry about. These things happen all the time. And not to worry if it happens again, they’re prone to do that once they’ve popped. Then he laughed, like it was funny. Guess she figured no one would question it after that. Anytime I tried to dodge her hitting me, she’d grab my arm, yank it, and then just pull me around by it, until I blacked out or she got bored. Was just the left one at first but then once the other one popped, she could grab whichever. She didn’t even bother with doctors after the first two times, just pushed it back herself once she was done punishing me. Sometimes she forgot, and I had to do it myself. Got really good at that.” His laugh is clipped and dry. “They’re so loose now I hit a door the wrong way, they’ll pop right out.”
Jared covers his mouth. He feels sick. “Jesus! Jensen…”
“Wasn’t so much when I got older,” Jensen soldiers on. “Maybe because I got better at not getting on her nerves. Or I got too heavy to haul around. Don’t know. Wasn’t because I fought back or anything. Never did.”
“You were a kid, baby,” Jared whispers.
Jensen dismisses that with a wave. “Wasn’t a kid when I was eighteen. By then I was taller than her. I should…” He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Never been good at fighting back. I’m more of a run-for-your-life kind of guy.” He snorts in self-disgust.
Jared has noticed. The few times he’s witnessed trouble at Chevy’s and stood up from his table to see if he can help, he’s only just caught the backend of Jensen disappearing into the back room while Danni handles whoever is being a jackass. He just thought it was a manager thing. "Baby, that's still-"
Jensen shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. I just wanted you to know, because the cold gets to me. Wasn’t a problem down south, but the winters here, they’re fucking brutal, man. And this winter, it’s been bad. And sometimes, I mean, I know you don’t mean to, but sometimes you can grab a bit hard.” He snorts. “You’re wicked strong, babe. No, don’t feel bad,” he says quickly when Jared sits up, because this time he feels so sick he thinks he might hurl. “I should have told you.”
“Yeah, but … Jensen… You… I’m… Jesus!” he stammers.
Jensen shrugs. “I told you she was bad.”
“I know. I just didn’t …” He rubs his face, trying to find something to say that won’t make Jensen close up, or worse, cry. “How are you not claustrophobic?”
“What? Oh. You heard that. No, I am.” He shrugs. “I just like locked doors more than I hate small spaces. Not even mom could walk through locked doors. Bathroom at home was the only place she couldn’t get to me. Until she took the lock off.” He smiles suddenly. “My room at Chris and Steve’s, first place I had of my own I could actually lock. And then I never did. Turns out there’s no need when you live with normal people.” He pauses. “Well, not normal. They’re not really normal. But they’re good.”
Jared swallows. “I don’t understand how you can just talk about this. I mean, I’m glad you can but…”
Jensen shakes his head. “I don’t. I never talk about it. And I’m not gonna. After this, I’m done. I know it’s not healthy. I don’t care. It’s over. After she’s dead, we’re never mentioning her again. Alright?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Okay.” Jensen stands up. “I think I’m gonna go to bed. Been a long day.”
“I’ll be with you in a moment. I just need to …”
“Process. I know.” He leans over and gives Jared a kiss. “Just don’t waste too much time, baby, she’s not worth it.”
No, but you are, Jared thinks. He has severe doubts about Jensen’s plan of dealing, or rather not dealing, with his childhood trauma and his mother’s death, once she’s gone. But there’s nothing he can do about it except just be there when the inevitable fallout happens. Whether that be a week from now or years down the line. Because no matter what Jensen says, you can’t just close the door on all that trauma and expect it to go away on its own.
Jensen is reading when Jared finally comes to bed, an hour and a beer later. Jared thought maybe he’d already be asleep but seems he’d been waiting for Jared to join him. Which makes Jared feel bad, but some things take their time. Like figuring out how he’s gonna spend the next decades pretending every ache and pain Jensen experiences doesn’t make him wonder who’s to blame.
Jensen smiles easily enough when Jared snuggles closer, but Jared can feel the tension running through him that even kissing seems unable to ease. So he lays back and says casually, “Oh, how was the rest of the party? Did I miss much?”
Jensen laughs. “Man, yeah! I mean, no, it was pretty much the same as every party they throw. But you know what that means.” He puts away the book and shimmies down so they’re face to face. “So, we go out, right, and there’s Danni, sitting on Aldis’s face, which ugh, gross, but Steve’s going to town on the guy’s dick like… Man, he’s relentless, you know.”
Jared does know. Steve sucks cock like it’s his one mission in life. It’s pretty damn amazing but yeah, the one time Jared had been on the receiving end of that he’d almost passed out when Steve finally - finally! - let him come.
“So, Aldis is wriggling like a fish on dry land, right, moaning and whimpering like a two-dollar whore, and Danni is yelling at him, telling him don’t he dare stop, not now. Guess she was pretty close. Anyway, me and Chris, we’re still pretty spent so we just get us some drinks and light up, enjoying the show. Maybe kissing some. Next thing we know, Aldis is sputtering, cursing up a blue streak because Danni squirted all over his face. It was amazing!” Jensen laughs, even if he looks a little grossed out. “Anyway, Steve just put a finger up his ass, and that shut him up, quick as anything. But ugh, they really need to have that rug cleaned.” He frowns. “And the couch. And pretty much every surface of their apartment. There has been a lot of sex in that apartment.”
“We have the weirdest friends,” Jared says, quickly memorizing the scene for future reference. Still, no matter how much porn he writes, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get fully used to actually living it. Don’t get him wrong, it’s hot and fun and does wonders for his writing, but, like Jensen said, it’s far from normal.
“I know.” Jensen snuggles close. “Danni fell asleep after that, so I made out with Aldis a bit, after he cleaned himself up, mind you. And stopped bitching. Told him he should feel proud for making his woman that happy. That got him all interested, and he spent the rest of the night on his phone, researching squirting. Nerds, man. They’re weird. It was alright, I left him to it and joined Chris and Steve in their bedroom.” He sighs wistfully. “Felt a bit like old times.”
Jared kisses him. “Like Chris said, anytime.”
“Yeah.”
“I still like getting you alone to myself like this,” Jared says cautiously, not wanting to be misunderstood. “I mean, not just for sex but just, you know, like this.” He gazes into Jensen’s eyes, kissing him softly, enjoying the heat of him under the covers, the warm skin, the toned muscles. The quiet of just the two of them, breathing in tandem.
Jensen smiles. “Yeah, me too. Family is good but alone time is better.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
They lie warm inside their cocoon, with the wind once again howling outside their window, exchanging kisses and light touches until their eyes get heavy, and the room falls quiet.
True to his word, Chris stops by Chevy’s on Monday. Just saunters in like he owns the place, saying, “Come here, darling,” and Jensen instantly drops the sandwich he’s making, much to Danni’s dismay, hurries around the counter and throws himself into Chris’s waiting arms. “Easy, love,” Chris says, blue eyes sparkling as he tucks a stray hair behind Jensen’s ear.
Jensen breathes out, pressing his cheek against Chris’s palm. “Wasn’t sure you’d come,” he admits.
“Said I would, didn’t I?” Chris admonishes fondly.
“Yeah, but…” He glances at the clock on the wall that shows it’s close to closing time.
“Never said when.” Chris gives him a light kiss, and Jensen breathes a happy sigh. “Does you good to learn some patience.” Jensen snorts. Yeah, that’s not really one of his virtues. “Plus, I had some things to take care of. We’re getting a bigger bed.” Jensen raises an eyebrow. Size hasn’t really been a issue with the bed they already have. “Seeing as one of us is a bit bigger than most.”
Oh! Jensen’s smile is so wide it hurts. He feels stupidly happy. Doesn’t mean they’re moving in, but whenever they want to sleep over, the invitation is there.
“Now, how about that kiss?” Chris says, pulling him closer, and Jensen eagerly leans in. The softness, the gentleness, the sweet slow movements of Chris’s lips against his, tongue licking just a little into his mouth, to remind him that this isn’t that kind, but whenever he needs or wants, it will be. When they pull apart, Jensen feels lighter than he’s done in a long time. He wraps his arms around Chris’s neck and buries his face in the familiar-smelling hair. “Thank you,” he murmurs.
Chris rubs his back, like he’s soothing a tired child. “Anytime, love.”
“Jared’s over in the corner,” Jensen reminds him, shooting a hopeful looking Jared a grin, before reluctantly letting go. Danni’s been clearing her throat loudly a few times now, he should probably get back to work.
“I’ll take care of him, love.” Chris gives Jensen a quick kiss, chuckling when he chases his lips for more. “Not promising I’m gonna come every day, sweetheart, but… a little walk over here now and then ain’t gonna kill me.”
Jensen breathes out. He’d hoped but hadn’t wanted to ask. “Thank you.”
“Stop thanking me. It’s what family’s for, right?” He smiles and pats Jensen lovingly on the cheek, before making his way between the tables toward Jared who is trying, and failing, to look cool and not like a kid at Christmas.
“For a moment there I was starting to think you and Jared broke up,” Danni says as he joins her behind the counter to watch Chris and Jared kissing in the corner booth. “But I see you’ve just extended the relationship.”
“Family,” Jensen corrects her, adjusting himself discreetly. Not only from the kissing, for some reason seeing Jared happy always makes him horny as hell.
“Weirdest family this side of the Bible belt, but sure,” Danni allows.
Jensen grins. “Aww, don’t be jealous, baby. You’ve got a fine man of your own. He can take a squirting like no man I’ve ever seen.”
“Jensen!” she hisses, punching him in the arm. Ow! “There are customers!”
“What? They should all be so fortunate,” he says and winks at the couple of very flushed women that just so happen to have walked in. Oops. “What can I get you, ladies? Something hot? Something to cool you down? Something sweet and delicious?”
“Uhm, just a latte for me,” one of them says awkwardly and the other nods her head in agreement, eyes tracking Chris who has just left Jared looking flushed and happy.
He gives her a wink as he heads for the door. “Sorry, sweetheart. I’m strictly for the boys.” His parting grin has Jensen laughing.
“Yeah, yeah. Except that one time…” he adds, smirking as Danni goes red.
“Shut up,” she grumbles. “It was fucking charity, and you know it.”
“He goes where he’s needed,” Jensen explains to the women who now look more confused than embarrassed. “You still enjoyed it.”
“Well, duh.”
Jensen throws a kiss at Jared, who is still looking dazed, instead of going back to work as he should. Half an hour more, and Jensen will get to take that happy man home and fuck the hell out of him. Life truly is good.
Three days later the phone rings as they’re finishing dinner. Jensen takes one look at the display and hands the phone over to Jared before getting up and leaving. It takes the sudden slam of the front door for Jared to realize he’s gone out. Well, chances are Jared knows where Jensen’s going. He answers the phone with some trepidation, stating his name and relation, listens and offers his condolences, even if he’d rather say good riddance, and hangs up when Josh starts talking about funeral arrangements. They’re not doing that.
He glances out the window. At least it’s not snowing but it’s cold as hell. He sighs and goes to put on his coat, leaving the kitchen as it is. It will hold. He’s freezing by the time he reaches Chris and Steve’s, and it automatically makes him think of Jensen, and his aching shoulders and the bitch who did that to him. The bitch that Jensen is finally free from. Still, he can’t help worrying what state he will find Jensen in.
Steve greets him at the door with a tight hug. “They’re in the bedroom,” he says, taking Jared’s coat. “He’s alright. Just a bit tense.”
Jared nods, kicking off his wet shoes and hurrying inside. He can hear their voices, Chris’s low soothing murmur, and Jensen’s clipped answers, like he doesn’t have enough breath in him to manage more than simple yeses and noes. Jared’s at the door when he hears Jensen spit out, “Why the hell would I mourn her?” his voice breaking on the last word, and Jared’s heart breaks along with it.
“Not her, love,” he hears Chris say softly. “The mama she should have been. The mama who should have been there for you, and loved you and taken care of you. Darling, it’s alright to mourn her.”
Jared pushes the door open. Jensen is lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, so tense his jaw is ticking. Chris is lying by his side, one arm folded under his head, the other hand stroking Jensen’s hair. He looks up when Jared comes in, looking relieved but also conflicted by the news he can see is coming.
Jared slips into place on Jensen’s other side, his arms long enough to reach around him and Chris both. “She’s gone,” is all he says, kissing Jensen gently on the temple.
Jensen sucks in a shaky breath and lets it out with a low sob. It’s the only sound he makes; after that he lies still and silent as tears trickle from his closed eyes. It's hard to tell what he’s feeling. Mostly relief, Jared thinks, but also grief. The grief Chris so delicately pointed out it was perfectly alright to feel. For the mother he should have had, the childhood he didn’t get.
Jared mouths, ‘Thank you’ at Chris, and Chris answers with the ever soothing, ‘Anytime, love,’ while he keeps stroking Jensen’s hair and kissing his face, every now and then reaching over to touch Jared’s face, his arm, wherever he can reach, just to let him know he’s there. Slowly but surely the tension leaves Jensen’s body, and before long his breathing turns deep, and his mouth falls slack. Jared kisses the corner of his mouth softly then lies down on the pillow, seeking out Chris’s hand and gripping it tight, because Chris is for once not his calm self but clearly struggling. Steve crawls in behind Chris, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his neck. Chris sighs, closes his eyes and tips his head back to rest on Steve’s shoulder in exhaustion, his fingers braided with Jared’s, resting in the valley of Jensen’s stomach. They fall asleep like that, all four of them, on the new bed that fills up the modest room, leaving just enough space for a person to walk around and crawl in, wherever is needed.
Jared wakes up to Chris kissing him good morning. The air smells of freshly brewed coffee and toast. Jensen is half hidden under the covers, mumbling something about having a free pass from going to work because of his dead mother, “Like Bambi.” Then fake crying when Chris tells him to stop whining and, “Get up, darling. Or no coffee, I mean it.” While Steve lies sprawled over more than half the bed, snoring like a walrus.
Jared yawns and stretches, then reaches under the covers and tickles Jensen until he yells and threatens to never fuck any of them again. “Jared! Stop! Don’t… stop... Oh… Uh. Ungh!”
Chris groans. “For crying out loud. You don’t have time… Alright, alright! I’ll call Danni for you. Just… wait until I get back! Jensen, you hear me? Jared? You two better not come without me! You fucking… Sorry, Danni. Yeah, Jensen is gonna be late. The bitch finally died. What? Noises? No, he’s not celebrating. I mean, okay, I guess maybe sort of… He needs time to… process. What? No, Jensen. I’m not gonna tell her that. Because it’s stupid!” Chris sighs. “He says he gets a free Bambi pass. Yeah, I know. Yes. Yes. Thank you.” He throws the phone on the bedside table. “You have until noon. Now, let me in. I wanna kiss Jared. No, you can’t have him all to yourself. Steve, hold Jensen back. Steve? Babe? How the fuck are you still sleeping? That’s it, I’m¬- Mmm.”
Who needs normal anyway?
fin
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