To porn or not to porn, that is the question.
This probably sounds stupid but the only thing I'm unsure about with the new Doors is... well, the sex.
I've cut it down quite a bit because even if this is not a children's book I'm not looking to get hidden away on the back room's erotic shelf either. There's some oral though and I keep it pretty clean, using not too vulgar words. (Although cock and dick stays because, come on, that's what they are. Hubby says maybe I shouldn't use the word precome though... *frowns*) It's still somewhere between two and three thousand words (depending on what you consider porn), or seven pages. Now I read a lot of novels and don't matter how adult* the book is, the sex? Not even half a page. Even with details. It's like people are afraid of getting the tramp stamp if their characters actually have decent sex. Which of course makes me worry that I'll get the tramp stamp for having SEVEN PAGES OF BLOWJOBS!
If this was intended for the Icelandic market alone I wouldn't worry. Hell, I wouldn't worry if I was just looking at Europe. America though? That's a whole other ball game. No pun intended. To quote Eurotrip: "You know America was founded by prudes. Prudes who left Europe because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on." Generalization, yes, but still not too far from the truth. I mean, America rates movies based on inches of skin shown while Europeans worry more about people's heads getting blown off when considering things not suitable for children. Kinda like this. (Yes, Iceland is the sparkly one (because we're just THAT awesome, or at least we always think we are) and the collection mentioned? Is our Penis Museum. We have a Penis Museum. We just got our first human penis added to the collection actually. It belonged to a 95 year old man. You can now all thank me for putting that image into your head.)
All jokes aside though, I keep thinking back and forth on this. Every time I read the chapter (which ironically enough is number 69) over I think, "Dude, this is totally acceptable. Not too porny at all." Minute I close the file my brain goes, "Or is it? Oh God, it's too porny! I will scar people for life with all teh gay secks!!" and manically set the porn on fire. Well, not really. Just in my head. And then I sit in a corner and sob until it's time for bed. No, not really either. Mostly I just watch Doctor Who and knit.
Anyway...
Here is Chapter 69, the porn chapter, as it stands now. What do you think?
Chapter 69
They kiss in the cab, with Simon hands clasped over Daniel’s ears to keep out the real world of traffic and disapproving taxi drivers. They stop to kiss while Simon fumbles for his keys in front of the building, Daniel clinging to him like he’s drunk. They kiss on the way up in the elevator, the doors already sliding shut again on their floor when Simon slams his arm through the crack then wrestles them out into the hall. Daniel lets himself be manhandled, along the hall and to Simon’s door, not even protesting when he’s slammed up against it so hard his head rings. Simon kisses Daniel’s neck, fist caught in his t-shirt, knee shoved in between Daniel’s leg, holding him up. He drops his keys as he blindly tries to open the door and the short loss of contact as he bends down to pick them up again is enough to have Daniel’s knees buckling. He starts to slide down the door, feeling boneless and lightheaded but Simon catches him at the last moment, laughing breathlessly.
“Whoa. You all right there, Danny?”
“Dizzy,” Daniel admits, digging his fingers into Simon’s biceps as he wills the world to stop spinning. “Think I forgot to breathe.”
“Yeah, that can happen.” Simon jiggles the keys in the lock, smiling down at him with such fondness it makes Daniel even dizzier. “First time I made out with a girl I fell over and almost crushed her beneath me. Talk about embarrassing.” He shoves the door open and pulls Daniel in with him. “Of course I was fifteen,” he adds smugly.
“Shut up,” Daniel wheezes and gathers the last of his strength to push Simon up against the door as it closes, places and sides reversed, then kisses him until Simon looks just as dazed as Daniel feels. “Never did this before, okay? It’s just a bit…” He groans when Simon latches on to his neck, sucking the skin in between his teeth. “Overwhelming.”
“Never made out before?” Simon murmurs as he licks a trail up to Daniel’s ear and nibbles it. “Seriously?”
“Never kissed,” Daniel elaborates. “Not real people.”
Simon pulls away, staring at him stunned. Daniel gazes back, feeling drunk and high and really confused. “What?”
Simon grabs Daniel’s face between his big hands, long fingers reaching from the edge of Daniel’s jaw to the back of his head. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” he hisses.
He kisses Daniel hard and possessive, his desire hitting Daniel with such force his vision goes momentarily blurry. He gasps for breath, hands fumbling for a grip on Simon’s waist to steady himself but all it does is bring him closer, pressing the unyielding line of Simon’s erection against his thigh. Oh God.
“Jesus, Danny!” Simon gasps with a shudder. “Bed. Now!”
That is all the warning he gets before Simon is pushing him backwards through the living room and to the bedroom, finally just lifting him up and dumping him on the bed where he lies sprawled out, staring wide-eyed and dazed up at the man stripping right in front of him.
“God, I want you so much,” Simon is saying, frantically tugging at the button of his jeans. “You drive me fucking crazy.”
Daniel blinks. He can’t move. He’s aware that he should be doing something - like possibly take his own clothes off - but he’s completely paralyzed by the sight of miles and miles of tanned skin being so unceremoniously uncovered right in front of his eyes. Simon shoves his boxers down and Daniel sucks in his breath, eyes widening. Jesus!
“Uh... Daniel? You okay?”
Daniel nods, unable to take his eyes off Simon’s dick being right there. Oh God. All those dreams and fantasies, they were so off. Like miles off. Or more like... Well, inches. Several in fact. Truth is he never really bothered much with descriptive details seeing as it was all in his head anyway, but goddamn that is not small! Something he probably should have anticipated considering everything about Simon is large. Daniel hitches his breath, nervously licking his lips. He feels dizzy again.
“It’s okay. We don’t have to do this.”
Daniel blinks, reluctantly forcing his gaze away from Simon’s cock and up to his face. Simon is looking flushed and embarrassed as he slips a hand down to cover his groin. “Seriously, we can just-”
“I want to suck your cock,” Daniel blurts out. “I have no idea how and I’ll probably do it all wrong but Jesus, Simon, you have to let me suck your goddamn dick.”
Simon blinks. “What? Oh.” He pulls his hand awkwardly away, pre-come sticking to his palm and Daniel groans deep down in his chest. “You sure?”
“Have you seen your dick?” Daniel asks exasperated. “Yes, I’m sure!” He pushes himself up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed before grabbing Simon by the hips and pulling him closer. God, that skin, so smooth and warm under his palms.
“Smell so good,” he mumbles, thumbs stroking down the grove by Simon’s hipbone. “Like candy and Sundays.”
He closes his eyes and nuzzles his nose into Simon’s treasure trail, breathing in the warm and slightly spicy scent. Simon’s stomach jumps, muscles moving like waves under Daniel’s forehead. He laughs and presses a quick kiss to Simon’s bellybutton then sticks his tongue out and licks into it, resulting in another wave as Simon gasps and quivers.
“Jesus, Daniel!” he groans, one huge hand coming to rest on top of Daniel’s head. “You- What you do to me!”
Daniel smiles and presses another kiss into the skin right above the reddened line from Simon’s boxers. Another kiss a little lower and Simon is trembling. His hips jerk forward, seemingly involuntarily because he whimpers an apology, rambling, “Sorry, sorry. God, Danny, you’re… Please. Please just... Oh God, yes!”
It’s nothing like Daniel had imagined. Simon’s cock fills up his mouth, thick and heavy on his tongue. The skin is softer than anything he’s ever touched, like wet velvet slipping between his lips. A drop of pre-come hits the tip of his tongue, it tastes salty and a little bitter. Daniel licks hesitantly along the ridge of the head and Simon gasps, his hips again automatically jerking forward. It’s a little more than Daniel bargained for and he quickly pulls back, tears springing to his eyes as he gasps for air. He’s vaguely aware of Simon apologizing but he’s too annoyed with himself to really listen. He should be better at this. Seriously, it was never this hard when he was doing it in his head!
“Get on the bed,” he orders, moving to the side. “On your back.”
Simon doesn’t argue but scrambles up on the bed and flops down, staring up at Daniel with wonder in his eyes. “Jesus, Danny! Your mouth!” he breathes out. “You’re gonna kill me.”
Daniel frowns. He didn’t really think he was doing that great. “Yeah well,” he says awkwardly, “I’ll try not to.”
Simon’s strangled laugh is cut off by a groan when Daniel gets to work again. It’s easier this way, the angle isn’t as awkward and he has better control over what he’s doing. He’s finally starting to get the hang of it when Simon’s fingers suddenly tighten in his hair. At first Daniel thinks Simon wants to guide him but then he realizes he’s trying to pull him off.
“Wait! Daniel- Jesus! Wait!”
Daniel reluctantly lets him go, wiping his mouth awkwardly on the back of his hand as he sits up. He’s a little out of breath, his cheeks are flushed and his scalp itches from where Simon was pulling at his hair. He can’t help thinking that he must look ridiculous. “What?”
“Jesus! Can we just...?” Simon laughs a little shakily. “I’m gonna blow my load, man. Can we slow down a bit?”
“Okay. You want to...? Maybe we can-” Daniel stops, unsure and awkward.
“Come here,” Simon says softly and pulls him down for a kiss, all warm and gentle. “You’re amazing. Totally killing me. I just want it to last, okay?”
Daniel laughs nervously as Simon nibbles at his lower lip. “I have no idea what I’m doing. It was good?”
“So good. Oh God, so good.” Simon rolls them over, bringing Daniel dangerously close to the edge of the bed. “My turn. Want to taste you,” he says hungrily, pushing Daniel’s t-shirt up to his armpits. “God, I want to know what you taste like.”
“Probably like soap. I had a shower this morning,” Daniel means to say but the words get stuck in his throat as he sucks in his breath, eyes widening. Oh. Oh God!
The thing about dreams is that they are based on reality. Daniel can easily conjure a world where the flowers smell heavenly sweet and the grass under his feet is silky and cool. The air there feels fresh in his lungs, the sun is warm on his skin and everything he touches feels as real as it would out here.
But when he kissed Simon in his dreams it felt like kissing the soft flesh of his palm. When that Simon touched him it felt exactly the same as when Daniel touched himself. And when they made love all he had to base it on was the hazy memory of an experience he wasn’t even sure he’d gone through with.
This? This is nothing like that.
Simon’s fingers on his skin feel hot enough to burn, like they might actually leave pink and raw tracks in their wake. His lips are soft and warm and his tongue does things Daniel’s vivid imagination couldn’t ever have conjured. He keeps one large hand spread over Daniel’s chest, holding him down when his body threatens to lift off the bed. It’s so amazing, so agonizingly good Daniel can feel his control slipping away and it’s as terrifying as it is liberating. He’s biting his lip so hard he can taste copper on his tongue and his nostrils flare as he struggles to keep it together. Simon latches on to one nipple with his teeth while rolling the other between his fingers and Daniel squeezes his eyes shut. His legs kick the covers, hips pushing upward in desperate search for friction as his fingers dig into Simon’s biceps.
“Yeah,” Simon mumbles between kisses. “Just like that. Is that good? You like that?”
He tries to say yes but it just comes out as a strangled moan. Simon slides one leg over Daniel’s knees, holding him as he works his way down Daniel’s chest, kissing and sucking on his skin until he’s close to tears from frustration.
“Simon!” he finally manages to choke out. “Please! I need-”
Simon laughs but Daniel is too desperate to care, especially when Simon’s mouth finally moves further down, kissing a trail down Daniel’s stomach while nimble fingers work on unbuttoning his jeans.
“You want this?” Simon pants between licks and kisses. “You want my mouth on you?”
“Ungh…” Simon’s hands on his bare skin are so hot and so infuriatingly close that Daniel wants to cry. He barely notices Simon pulling his jeans and boxers down until his cock suddenly springs free, slapping his stomach so hard he has to bite his lip to keep from coming.
“God, you’re so beautiful. Jesus, Daniel, you’re so goddamn beautiful,” Simon murmurs, his hands stroking over Daniel’s hips and down his thighs.
Daniel wants to say ‘Not as beautiful as you,’ or just ‘Christ, get on with it,’ but he can’t get a word out. A warm breeze sweeps over his dick and he realizes it’s Simon’s breath, hot and heavy where he hovers over him. Time seems to stand still until suddenly- Oh God. Heat. Wet and smooth and- Jesus, it’s too much! He can’t- ‘Simon!’
The world starts to shake and tremble. It’s an earthquake! Oh God, he’s going to kill everyone!
“Danny, let go off the bed,” Simon laughs. “You’re making it vibrate like crazy.”
Oh. “Sorry, sorry,” he whimpers. His fingers are tangled in the sheets but he finally manages to pull free and slams his palms flat down on the bed instead. “I- Please don’t stop!”
He can hear Simon laughing. It sounds far, far away. “Don’t worry, I’m not stopping until I’m done,” he says and then he’s back, swallowing Daniel down into the same agonizing, infuriating, wonderful heat.
Daniel gasps, heels digging into the mattress and stomach bellowing as Simon works him slow and gentle like he’s got all the time in the world and nothing else he’d rather spend it on. It’s all Daniel can do not to sob like a baby, it’s so good.
“This okay?” Simon mumbles, the words vibrating around Daniel’s cock. A small moan slips out before he can stop it, instantly painting the walls a luminous pink. Daniel digs his fingers painfully into the tense muscle of his thighs. His whole body is strung like a bow, so taut he thinks it might just snap. He doesn’t even realize Simon has moved until he feels his warm breathe on his face.
“Hey,” Simon says gently, nudging Daniel’s jaw with his nose, “you don’t have to be so quiet. It’s okay.”
Daniel shudders. “Feels good,” he whispers. “Feels so good, Simon.”
Simon’s lips curl against his cheek. “Yeah? Let me hear it. Let me hear how good it feels.”
“Can’t. I can’t.” He hitches his breath. “I’ll let it out. Everything.” He opens his eyes, staring at Simon in desperation. “It’s too much. Everyone will feel it.”
Simon’s eyes soften but then they change, turning calculating and sly. “So? Let them.” He slides his hand down Daniel’s stomach, lower, lower... “I want to hear you, Danny. Come on.” His fingers wrap around Daniel’s cock and he starts stroking it, coaxing him in a low voice, “Come on, Danny. Tell me how you like it. Tell me what you want.”
“Oh God,” Daniel whispers, sucking in his breath, and then suddenly it all comes rushing out in a stream of babble and moans. “Fuck, Simon, feels so good. Please, don’t stop. Please, I want… I want your mouth. I want your goddamn cock. I want… Just touch me. Oh God, please touch me. Your hands, I love your hands. You have amazing hands. I can’t… Please, please, please… Wanted you for so long. Wanted this. And it’s nothing, nothing like I thought. It’s so, so much better. So, so much better. Oh God. I love you, I love you so much. Please. Please, please, please…”
“Yes, like that. I can feel it. Come one, Danny. Come on.”
Daniel’s eyes spring open. All he manages is a garbled version of Simon’s name and then he’s arching off the bed, coming harder than he’s ever done before in his whole life. It washes over him, like waves of almost painful pleasure, tightening every muscle in his body and shaking every nerve until finally he crashes down, sucking in a weak breath before going absolutely still.
He’s vaguely aware of Simon crawling up until he’s lying pressed up against Daniel’s side, one hand sliding under Daniel’s crumpled t-shirt to spread over his collarbone. Simon’s sweat-damp hair brushes Daniel’s temple when he lays his head down on the pillow beside him. He’s panting puffs of warm air that smell weird and familiar, and when he slides one leg over and in between Daniel’s he can feel Simon’s erection slipping in the sweat pooling in the grove by his hipbone.
“You okay?” Simon asks, out of breath and clearly amused. “Danny?”
“Mhbuh,” Daniel mumbles.
Simon laughs. “You think maybe you can put us down now?”
Daniel cracks one eye open, just enough to see the ceiling less than two feet above his nose. Oh. He slowly uncurls his fingers from where they’ve once again twisted the sheets and the bed lands with a loud bang on the floor, creaking dangerously but thankfully staying in one piece.
“Never taken anyone halfway to heaven before,” Simon says smugly, laughing when Daniel makes a lame attempt at slugging his arm. “So on the scale of one to ten,” Simon asks, the smirk evident in his voice, “how did I do?”
“Twelve. Billion.”
Daniel turns his head and catches Simon’s grinning lips in a kiss. He can feel Simon’s cock still lying heavy against his thigh, patiently waiting its turn. ‘Want me to do something about that?’ he plans to ask, all bold and confident. Offer to continue his rather sloppy attempt at a blowjob or maybe jerk him off, see if Simon likes the same things he does. Or maybe they could… If Simon wants to. Daniel wants to. So damn much. He wonders if that makes him a sad case, being so desperate for someone to shove their dick into him. But it’s not just someone, it’s Simon. And he’s been waiting twenty-eight years for this. That doesn’t mean he’s not nervous. God, he is. So damn nervous. Because he has no idea what to expect, except that it’s supposed to hurt. The first time that is. Even if it might not actually be his first time. He wishes he knew if it was or not. He wants it to be. He really wants his first time to be with Simon. Because that other time, even if it did happen, it was a mistake. Like he needed a test to know if he wanted Simon! So ridiculous. What was he thinking? He should have saved it for this. For Simon. Because Simon... Simon loves him. Simon is his boyfriend. Oh hey, he has a boyfriend now! The thought makes him want to giggle like a teenager. ‘Aaww, Danny,’ he can hear Chris say, ‘you boys going steady now? Is he going to give you his letter jacket? Are you in luuurve?’ And he’ll have to punch Chris in the arm and then pull him in and hug him, just hold him close and maybe cry a little because God, he’s been waiting for this for so long and now he has it! He has Simon and Simon loves him and he’s never going to leave him again. They’re going to go back to New York and…
[Next chapter]
On that note, I'm also looking for people to beta. The whole thing. Which is like... so much work, I know. Seriously, it's approximately 206.000 words of me rambling. And I have no money to offer, at the moment anyway. If I get famous and they make it into a movie and I get Jared and Jensen to play the lead roles I'll be the first one to share the sex tape but other than that... *turns pockets inside out*
I'm looking for someone or sometwo or somemany good at spelling and grammar. Who can spot Britishisism and plot holes and is not afraid to tell me I'm a crazy motherfucker what doesn't work. Experience with editing/publishing/reading lots and lots of booksies would probably be helpful.
I'm really nervous, I just drank two cups of coffee and I really, really need to go to the toilet. In case all of that made less sense than usual.
Help?
*Adult as in written for adults with violence and/or adult worries/themes and swearing, including frequent use of the F-word. Not adult as in porn.
[ETA: THANK YOU for all your support and suggestions. I'm exhausted right now but I'll get back to you first thing tomorrow. Well, probably not until after work, but then, yes. You guys are awesome. I feel a lot better about the whole thing now. *hugs*]
I've cut it down quite a bit because even if this is not a children's book I'm not looking to get hidden away on the back room's erotic shelf either. There's some oral though and I keep it pretty clean, using not too vulgar words. (Although cock and dick stays because, come on, that's what they are. Hubby says maybe I shouldn't use the word precome though... *frowns*) It's still somewhere between two and three thousand words (depending on what you consider porn), or seven pages. Now I read a lot of novels and don't matter how adult* the book is, the sex? Not even half a page. Even with details. It's like people are afraid of getting the tramp stamp if their characters actually have decent sex. Which of course makes me worry that I'll get the tramp stamp for having SEVEN PAGES OF BLOWJOBS!
If this was intended for the Icelandic market alone I wouldn't worry. Hell, I wouldn't worry if I was just looking at Europe. America though? That's a whole other ball game. No pun intended. To quote Eurotrip: "You know America was founded by prudes. Prudes who left Europe because they hated all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on." Generalization, yes, but still not too far from the truth. I mean, America rates movies based on inches of skin shown while Europeans worry more about people's heads getting blown off when considering things not suitable for children. Kinda like this. (Yes, Iceland is the sparkly one (because we're just THAT awesome, or at least we always think we are) and the collection mentioned? Is our Penis Museum. We have a Penis Museum. We just got our first human penis added to the collection actually. It belonged to a 95 year old man. You can now all thank me for putting that image into your head.)
All jokes aside though, I keep thinking back and forth on this. Every time I read the chapter (which ironically enough is number 69) over I think, "Dude, this is totally acceptable. Not too porny at all." Minute I close the file my brain goes, "Or is it? Oh God, it's too porny! I will scar people for life with all teh gay secks!!" and manically set the porn on fire. Well, not really. Just in my head. And then I sit in a corner and sob until it's time for bed. No, not really either. Mostly I just watch Doctor Who and knit.
Anyway...
Here is Chapter 69, the porn chapter, as it stands now. What do you think?
Chapter 69
They kiss in the cab, with Simon hands clasped over Daniel’s ears to keep out the real world of traffic and disapproving taxi drivers. They stop to kiss while Simon fumbles for his keys in front of the building, Daniel clinging to him like he’s drunk. They kiss on the way up in the elevator, the doors already sliding shut again on their floor when Simon slams his arm through the crack then wrestles them out into the hall. Daniel lets himself be manhandled, along the hall and to Simon’s door, not even protesting when he’s slammed up against it so hard his head rings. Simon kisses Daniel’s neck, fist caught in his t-shirt, knee shoved in between Daniel’s leg, holding him up. He drops his keys as he blindly tries to open the door and the short loss of contact as he bends down to pick them up again is enough to have Daniel’s knees buckling. He starts to slide down the door, feeling boneless and lightheaded but Simon catches him at the last moment, laughing breathlessly.
“Whoa. You all right there, Danny?”
“Dizzy,” Daniel admits, digging his fingers into Simon’s biceps as he wills the world to stop spinning. “Think I forgot to breathe.”
“Yeah, that can happen.” Simon jiggles the keys in the lock, smiling down at him with such fondness it makes Daniel even dizzier. “First time I made out with a girl I fell over and almost crushed her beneath me. Talk about embarrassing.” He shoves the door open and pulls Daniel in with him. “Of course I was fifteen,” he adds smugly.
“Shut up,” Daniel wheezes and gathers the last of his strength to push Simon up against the door as it closes, places and sides reversed, then kisses him until Simon looks just as dazed as Daniel feels. “Never did this before, okay? It’s just a bit…” He groans when Simon latches on to his neck, sucking the skin in between his teeth. “Overwhelming.”
“Never made out before?” Simon murmurs as he licks a trail up to Daniel’s ear and nibbles it. “Seriously?”
“Never kissed,” Daniel elaborates. “Not real people.”
Simon pulls away, staring at him stunned. Daniel gazes back, feeling drunk and high and really confused. “What?”
Simon grabs Daniel’s face between his big hands, long fingers reaching from the edge of Daniel’s jaw to the back of his head. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” he hisses.
He kisses Daniel hard and possessive, his desire hitting Daniel with such force his vision goes momentarily blurry. He gasps for breath, hands fumbling for a grip on Simon’s waist to steady himself but all it does is bring him closer, pressing the unyielding line of Simon’s erection against his thigh. Oh God.
“Jesus, Danny!” Simon gasps with a shudder. “Bed. Now!”
That is all the warning he gets before Simon is pushing him backwards through the living room and to the bedroom, finally just lifting him up and dumping him on the bed where he lies sprawled out, staring wide-eyed and dazed up at the man stripping right in front of him.
“God, I want you so much,” Simon is saying, frantically tugging at the button of his jeans. “You drive me fucking crazy.”
Daniel blinks. He can’t move. He’s aware that he should be doing something - like possibly take his own clothes off - but he’s completely paralyzed by the sight of miles and miles of tanned skin being so unceremoniously uncovered right in front of his eyes. Simon shoves his boxers down and Daniel sucks in his breath, eyes widening. Jesus!
“Uh... Daniel? You okay?”
Daniel nods, unable to take his eyes off Simon’s dick being right there. Oh God. All those dreams and fantasies, they were so off. Like miles off. Or more like... Well, inches. Several in fact. Truth is he never really bothered much with descriptive details seeing as it was all in his head anyway, but goddamn that is not small! Something he probably should have anticipated considering everything about Simon is large. Daniel hitches his breath, nervously licking his lips. He feels dizzy again.
“It’s okay. We don’t have to do this.”
Daniel blinks, reluctantly forcing his gaze away from Simon’s cock and up to his face. Simon is looking flushed and embarrassed as he slips a hand down to cover his groin. “Seriously, we can just-”
“I want to suck your cock,” Daniel blurts out. “I have no idea how and I’ll probably do it all wrong but Jesus, Simon, you have to let me suck your goddamn dick.”
Simon blinks. “What? Oh.” He pulls his hand awkwardly away, pre-come sticking to his palm and Daniel groans deep down in his chest. “You sure?”
“Have you seen your dick?” Daniel asks exasperated. “Yes, I’m sure!” He pushes himself up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed before grabbing Simon by the hips and pulling him closer. God, that skin, so smooth and warm under his palms.
“Smell so good,” he mumbles, thumbs stroking down the grove by Simon’s hipbone. “Like candy and Sundays.”
He closes his eyes and nuzzles his nose into Simon’s treasure trail, breathing in the warm and slightly spicy scent. Simon’s stomach jumps, muscles moving like waves under Daniel’s forehead. He laughs and presses a quick kiss to Simon’s bellybutton then sticks his tongue out and licks into it, resulting in another wave as Simon gasps and quivers.
“Jesus, Daniel!” he groans, one huge hand coming to rest on top of Daniel’s head. “You- What you do to me!”
Daniel smiles and presses another kiss into the skin right above the reddened line from Simon’s boxers. Another kiss a little lower and Simon is trembling. His hips jerk forward, seemingly involuntarily because he whimpers an apology, rambling, “Sorry, sorry. God, Danny, you’re… Please. Please just... Oh God, yes!”
It’s nothing like Daniel had imagined. Simon’s cock fills up his mouth, thick and heavy on his tongue. The skin is softer than anything he’s ever touched, like wet velvet slipping between his lips. A drop of pre-come hits the tip of his tongue, it tastes salty and a little bitter. Daniel licks hesitantly along the ridge of the head and Simon gasps, his hips again automatically jerking forward. It’s a little more than Daniel bargained for and he quickly pulls back, tears springing to his eyes as he gasps for air. He’s vaguely aware of Simon apologizing but he’s too annoyed with himself to really listen. He should be better at this. Seriously, it was never this hard when he was doing it in his head!
“Get on the bed,” he orders, moving to the side. “On your back.”
Simon doesn’t argue but scrambles up on the bed and flops down, staring up at Daniel with wonder in his eyes. “Jesus, Danny! Your mouth!” he breathes out. “You’re gonna kill me.”
Daniel frowns. He didn’t really think he was doing that great. “Yeah well,” he says awkwardly, “I’ll try not to.”
Simon’s strangled laugh is cut off by a groan when Daniel gets to work again. It’s easier this way, the angle isn’t as awkward and he has better control over what he’s doing. He’s finally starting to get the hang of it when Simon’s fingers suddenly tighten in his hair. At first Daniel thinks Simon wants to guide him but then he realizes he’s trying to pull him off.
“Wait! Daniel- Jesus! Wait!”
Daniel reluctantly lets him go, wiping his mouth awkwardly on the back of his hand as he sits up. He’s a little out of breath, his cheeks are flushed and his scalp itches from where Simon was pulling at his hair. He can’t help thinking that he must look ridiculous. “What?”
“Jesus! Can we just...?” Simon laughs a little shakily. “I’m gonna blow my load, man. Can we slow down a bit?”
“Okay. You want to...? Maybe we can-” Daniel stops, unsure and awkward.
“Come here,” Simon says softly and pulls him down for a kiss, all warm and gentle. “You’re amazing. Totally killing me. I just want it to last, okay?”
Daniel laughs nervously as Simon nibbles at his lower lip. “I have no idea what I’m doing. It was good?”
“So good. Oh God, so good.” Simon rolls them over, bringing Daniel dangerously close to the edge of the bed. “My turn. Want to taste you,” he says hungrily, pushing Daniel’s t-shirt up to his armpits. “God, I want to know what you taste like.”
“Probably like soap. I had a shower this morning,” Daniel means to say but the words get stuck in his throat as he sucks in his breath, eyes widening. Oh. Oh God!
The thing about dreams is that they are based on reality. Daniel can easily conjure a world where the flowers smell heavenly sweet and the grass under his feet is silky and cool. The air there feels fresh in his lungs, the sun is warm on his skin and everything he touches feels as real as it would out here.
But when he kissed Simon in his dreams it felt like kissing the soft flesh of his palm. When that Simon touched him it felt exactly the same as when Daniel touched himself. And when they made love all he had to base it on was the hazy memory of an experience he wasn’t even sure he’d gone through with.
This? This is nothing like that.
Simon’s fingers on his skin feel hot enough to burn, like they might actually leave pink and raw tracks in their wake. His lips are soft and warm and his tongue does things Daniel’s vivid imagination couldn’t ever have conjured. He keeps one large hand spread over Daniel’s chest, holding him down when his body threatens to lift off the bed. It’s so amazing, so agonizingly good Daniel can feel his control slipping away and it’s as terrifying as it is liberating. He’s biting his lip so hard he can taste copper on his tongue and his nostrils flare as he struggles to keep it together. Simon latches on to one nipple with his teeth while rolling the other between his fingers and Daniel squeezes his eyes shut. His legs kick the covers, hips pushing upward in desperate search for friction as his fingers dig into Simon’s biceps.
“Yeah,” Simon mumbles between kisses. “Just like that. Is that good? You like that?”
He tries to say yes but it just comes out as a strangled moan. Simon slides one leg over Daniel’s knees, holding him as he works his way down Daniel’s chest, kissing and sucking on his skin until he’s close to tears from frustration.
“Simon!” he finally manages to choke out. “Please! I need-”
Simon laughs but Daniel is too desperate to care, especially when Simon’s mouth finally moves further down, kissing a trail down Daniel’s stomach while nimble fingers work on unbuttoning his jeans.
“You want this?” Simon pants between licks and kisses. “You want my mouth on you?”
“Ungh…” Simon’s hands on his bare skin are so hot and so infuriatingly close that Daniel wants to cry. He barely notices Simon pulling his jeans and boxers down until his cock suddenly springs free, slapping his stomach so hard he has to bite his lip to keep from coming.
“God, you’re so beautiful. Jesus, Daniel, you’re so goddamn beautiful,” Simon murmurs, his hands stroking over Daniel’s hips and down his thighs.
Daniel wants to say ‘Not as beautiful as you,’ or just ‘Christ, get on with it,’ but he can’t get a word out. A warm breeze sweeps over his dick and he realizes it’s Simon’s breath, hot and heavy where he hovers over him. Time seems to stand still until suddenly- Oh God. Heat. Wet and smooth and- Jesus, it’s too much! He can’t- ‘Simon!’
The world starts to shake and tremble. It’s an earthquake! Oh God, he’s going to kill everyone!
“Danny, let go off the bed,” Simon laughs. “You’re making it vibrate like crazy.”
Oh. “Sorry, sorry,” he whimpers. His fingers are tangled in the sheets but he finally manages to pull free and slams his palms flat down on the bed instead. “I- Please don’t stop!”
He can hear Simon laughing. It sounds far, far away. “Don’t worry, I’m not stopping until I’m done,” he says and then he’s back, swallowing Daniel down into the same agonizing, infuriating, wonderful heat.
Daniel gasps, heels digging into the mattress and stomach bellowing as Simon works him slow and gentle like he’s got all the time in the world and nothing else he’d rather spend it on. It’s all Daniel can do not to sob like a baby, it’s so good.
“This okay?” Simon mumbles, the words vibrating around Daniel’s cock. A small moan slips out before he can stop it, instantly painting the walls a luminous pink. Daniel digs his fingers painfully into the tense muscle of his thighs. His whole body is strung like a bow, so taut he thinks it might just snap. He doesn’t even realize Simon has moved until he feels his warm breathe on his face.
“Hey,” Simon says gently, nudging Daniel’s jaw with his nose, “you don’t have to be so quiet. It’s okay.”
Daniel shudders. “Feels good,” he whispers. “Feels so good, Simon.”
Simon’s lips curl against his cheek. “Yeah? Let me hear it. Let me hear how good it feels.”
“Can’t. I can’t.” He hitches his breath. “I’ll let it out. Everything.” He opens his eyes, staring at Simon in desperation. “It’s too much. Everyone will feel it.”
Simon’s eyes soften but then they change, turning calculating and sly. “So? Let them.” He slides his hand down Daniel’s stomach, lower, lower... “I want to hear you, Danny. Come on.” His fingers wrap around Daniel’s cock and he starts stroking it, coaxing him in a low voice, “Come on, Danny. Tell me how you like it. Tell me what you want.”
“Oh God,” Daniel whispers, sucking in his breath, and then suddenly it all comes rushing out in a stream of babble and moans. “Fuck, Simon, feels so good. Please, don’t stop. Please, I want… I want your mouth. I want your goddamn cock. I want… Just touch me. Oh God, please touch me. Your hands, I love your hands. You have amazing hands. I can’t… Please, please, please… Wanted you for so long. Wanted this. And it’s nothing, nothing like I thought. It’s so, so much better. So, so much better. Oh God. I love you, I love you so much. Please. Please, please, please…”
“Yes, like that. I can feel it. Come one, Danny. Come on.”
Daniel’s eyes spring open. All he manages is a garbled version of Simon’s name and then he’s arching off the bed, coming harder than he’s ever done before in his whole life. It washes over him, like waves of almost painful pleasure, tightening every muscle in his body and shaking every nerve until finally he crashes down, sucking in a weak breath before going absolutely still.
He’s vaguely aware of Simon crawling up until he’s lying pressed up against Daniel’s side, one hand sliding under Daniel’s crumpled t-shirt to spread over his collarbone. Simon’s sweat-damp hair brushes Daniel’s temple when he lays his head down on the pillow beside him. He’s panting puffs of warm air that smell weird and familiar, and when he slides one leg over and in between Daniel’s he can feel Simon’s erection slipping in the sweat pooling in the grove by his hipbone.
“You okay?” Simon asks, out of breath and clearly amused. “Danny?”
“Mhbuh,” Daniel mumbles.
Simon laughs. “You think maybe you can put us down now?”
Daniel cracks one eye open, just enough to see the ceiling less than two feet above his nose. Oh. He slowly uncurls his fingers from where they’ve once again twisted the sheets and the bed lands with a loud bang on the floor, creaking dangerously but thankfully staying in one piece.
“Never taken anyone halfway to heaven before,” Simon says smugly, laughing when Daniel makes a lame attempt at slugging his arm. “So on the scale of one to ten,” Simon asks, the smirk evident in his voice, “how did I do?”
“Twelve. Billion.”
Daniel turns his head and catches Simon’s grinning lips in a kiss. He can feel Simon’s cock still lying heavy against his thigh, patiently waiting its turn. ‘Want me to do something about that?’ he plans to ask, all bold and confident. Offer to continue his rather sloppy attempt at a blowjob or maybe jerk him off, see if Simon likes the same things he does. Or maybe they could… If Simon wants to. Daniel wants to. So damn much. He wonders if that makes him a sad case, being so desperate for someone to shove their dick into him. But it’s not just someone, it’s Simon. And he’s been waiting twenty-eight years for this. That doesn’t mean he’s not nervous. God, he is. So damn nervous. Because he has no idea what to expect, except that it’s supposed to hurt. The first time that is. Even if it might not actually be his first time. He wishes he knew if it was or not. He wants it to be. He really wants his first time to be with Simon. Because that other time, even if it did happen, it was a mistake. Like he needed a test to know if he wanted Simon! So ridiculous. What was he thinking? He should have saved it for this. For Simon. Because Simon... Simon loves him. Simon is his boyfriend. Oh hey, he has a boyfriend now! The thought makes him want to giggle like a teenager. ‘Aaww, Danny,’ he can hear Chris say, ‘you boys going steady now? Is he going to give you his letter jacket? Are you in luuurve?’ And he’ll have to punch Chris in the arm and then pull him in and hug him, just hold him close and maybe cry a little because God, he’s been waiting for this for so long and now he has it! He has Simon and Simon loves him and he’s never going to leave him again. They’re going to go back to New York and…
[Next chapter]
On that note, I'm also looking for people to beta. The whole thing. Which is like... so much work, I know. Seriously, it's approximately 206.000 words of me rambling. And I have no money to offer, at the moment anyway. If I get famous and they make it into a movie and I get Jared and Jensen to play the lead roles I'll be the first one to share the sex tape but other than that... *turns pockets inside out*
I'm looking for someone or sometwo or somemany good at spelling and grammar. Who can spot Britishisism and plot holes and is not afraid to tell me I'm a crazy motherfucker what doesn't work. Experience with editing/publishing/reading lots and lots of booksies would probably be helpful.
I'm really nervous, I just drank two cups of coffee and I really, really need to go to the toilet. In case all of that made less sense than usual.
Help?
*Adult as in written for adults with violence and/or adult worries/themes and swearing, including frequent use of the F-word. Not adult as in porn.
[ETA: THANK YOU for all your support and suggestions. I'm exhausted right now but I'll get back to you first thing tomorrow. Well, probably not until after work, but then, yes. You guys are awesome. I feel a lot better about the whole thing now. *hugs*]