And a 4th Homework Post

[felipemcguire]

So, a couple of days ago, niemandsrose posted in response to a comment thread in this post saying:

However, in answer to your question, I think there is no difference between poly and gay activists. But I also think that, like gay activism, poly activists aren't going to get very far without mainstream buy-in: where's the poly PFLAG?I'm very interested in

Comments

[magdalene1]

I've been sort of ruminating on your questions and here's what I've come up with.

1) I care whether gay people have the same rights as heterosexual people - right to visit and make health decisions, right to inherit, some sort of framework for child custody, etc. It affects how I vote and evaluate political candidates and where I give money and maybe sometimes I march or write letters and stuff.

2) I don't see hetero poly people as oppressed or discriminated against in the same way, even though, when thinking more about it, Wife #2 or Husband #3 might be screwed in the matters of inheritance or hospital visitation (though not child custody, since regardless of marriage I'm pretty sure the actual biological parents always have the most rights). But I sort of see it as something to deal with a) after we get the gays all squared away and b) something that is better handled through private contracts - IF these contracts could be filed with and somehow recognized by the state. Some of this can be accomplished through wills/living wills/medical powers of attorney/trusts, etc. but it gets very shaky with gay people (I could give medical power of attorney to my lesbian partner but my disapproving parents could challenge it and since the law doesn't recognize my gay partner as "family" and it becomes a problem). I guess I"m lacking these kinds of stories from the poly community that would make me really care about their "plight."

But I can also see the state saying "Um, we don't care - work it out, lovebirds." I don't see a groundswell of political will toward making polygamous marriage part of the legal framework for marriage - look how fucked up the gay marriage issue is. I sort of predict a series of steps that makes it more possible for poly families to achieve some of the rights of "marriage."

1) Step one: More states allow civil unions and civil marriages between heterosexual and gay partners. These open the financial, health, family benefits to all partners who receive a marriage license from the state. This seems so basic to me - I'd love to see religious prejudices and preferences discounted entirely from how the state handles marriage.

2) Churches marry or refrain from marrying whoever they want according to whatever rules they use to decide this. But the civil rules - granted by the marriage license or civil union license - are what governs the application of the law in determining who receives assets and other privileges of officially being "family."

3) While this is being played out, gay and poly marriage activists use all aspects of existing laws - living wills, medical powers of attorney, wills, trusts, pre-nup agreements (adapted for their own circumstances) to push for legal acknowledgment of "family" privileges in regard to health decisions, custody, and health decisions to try to create the right kind of precedents in allowing access to nontraditional partners. I think this is where there is the most room for activisim - "X isn't legally your family so can't legally inherit/visit." "Well, I MADE X my family and legally granted access with such and such legal documents which work in all these instances, so why not for me?"

4) It's perverse, but I wonder how legal recognition of poly marriages would affect religious groups like the FLDS. "Ok, do what you want, make up whatever kind of contract you want, but everyone has to be of age and file paperwork."

5) Also perversely, Islam probably has the best legal/religious framework for poly marriage. I don't see that catching on in mainstream courts anytime soon.

6) Any poly-positive activism has to overcome the association with "Swingers and their Dirty Sex Orgies" and "Freaky Child-Raping Cults" in the American mind - again, the lack of poly marriage doesn't register even to this freaky-deaky Aquarius as being a "plight" that needs an immediate remedy.