Quite apart from sexual behavior, I think that's why some people like being polyamorous-- because they like being KNOWN as polyamorous. They get off on the social infamy, on being alter.
Perhaps we shall call these people "poli-amorous", as in "lovers of sexual politics".
Ah... But then...how do we define the terms politics? Or political? :P
Might not the same thing be said for any practice that one COULD do in secret, quietly, and get away with or go unnoticed at, but about which one chooses to be open?
I'm not actually sure that I'm disagreeing with you...but how is a poly rights activist any different than a gay rights activist?
To my mind, it's analogous to the distinction one can draw--or could draw, back in the post-Stonewall second-wave-feminist days-- between lesbians who wanted to have sex with women, and those who were lesbians for feminist political reasons (as hard as that is for us to wrap our heads around now), basically because they didn't want to be having sex/relationships with men.
Does one love negotiating nonmonogamous relationships, or does one just hate negotiating monogamous ones?
A lot of those political lesbians ended up secretly sleeping with men, and ended up having to "reclaim" their straightness, and thus became straight activists for gay rights.
However, in answer to your question, I think there is no difference between poly and gay activists. But I also think that, like gay activism, poly activists aren't going to get very far without mainstream buy-in: where's the poly PFLAG?
"Does one love negotiating nonmonogamous relationships, or does one just hate negotiating monogamous ones?"
Well that's an interesting way of seeing it. I mean, isn't that a way of phrasing any kind of preference? Do you really love Cocoa-Puffs, or do you just hate Cheerios? (assuming a sad world where those are your only two options for breakfast cerials)
So, then, doesn't that leave a third option: that you like both and just prefer one or the other? Or like both equally?
And doesn't that imply, then, that there are essentially three types of person within any binary choice scenario?
And, then, doesn't it all just come back to a question of a) can you control your preference and b) can you control whether you act on the preference you have?
I think the answer to (b) is always yes in a healthy person. The answer to (a) is really the trick.
I can only speak for myself and my friends, but most of the non monogamous people I know tend to keep it rather quiet except with their closest friends.
I don't like for people to know about my sexual preferences or my lifestyle choices until I get to know them, and even then, it isn't about trying to be different or wanting attention. I actually hate getting attention because I'm poly. I'm so tired of justifying to people why it's a viable option for me.
I guess my point is that not everybody is political or evangelical. Some people just want to live their lives in a different way than other people. Because they don't want to be harassed about it or because they want certain rights, does that automatically make all of their actions politically motivated? Perhaps.
But I would argue that not everybody in a poly lifestyle is even into "kink".
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Perhaps we shall call these people "poli-amorous", as in "lovers of sexual politics".
Reply
But then...how do we define the terms politics? Or political? :P
Might not the same thing be said for any practice that one COULD do in secret, quietly, and get away with or go unnoticed at, but about which one chooses to be open?
I'm not actually sure that I'm disagreeing with you...but how is a poly rights activist any different than a gay rights activist?
Reply
Does one love negotiating nonmonogamous relationships, or does one just hate negotiating monogamous ones?
A lot of those political lesbians ended up secretly sleeping with men, and ended up having to "reclaim" their straightness, and thus became straight activists for gay rights.
However, in answer to your question, I think there is no difference between poly and gay activists. But I also think that, like gay activism, poly activists aren't going to get very far without mainstream buy-in: where's the poly PFLAG?
Reply
Well that's an interesting way of seeing it. I mean, isn't that a way of phrasing any kind of preference? Do you really love Cocoa-Puffs, or do you just hate Cheerios? (assuming a sad world where those are your only two options for breakfast cerials)
So, then, doesn't that leave a third option: that you like both and just prefer one or the other? Or like both equally?
And doesn't that imply, then, that there are essentially three types of person within any binary choice scenario?
And, then, doesn't it all just come back to a question of a) can you control your preference and b) can you control whether you act on the preference you have?
I think the answer to (b) is always yes in a healthy person.
The answer to (a) is really the trick.
Reply
I don't like for people to know about my sexual preferences or my lifestyle choices until I get to know them, and even then, it isn't about trying to be different or wanting attention. I actually hate getting attention because I'm poly. I'm so tired of justifying to people why it's a viable option for me.
I guess my point is that not everybody is political or evangelical. Some people just want to live their lives in a different way than other people. Because they don't want to be harassed about it or because they want certain rights, does that automatically make all of their actions politically motivated? Perhaps.
But I would argue that not everybody in a poly lifestyle is even into "kink".
Reply
Is nonmonogamy a sexual preference?
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