Ranting About My Life Right Now....
I think fairy tales seriously fucked me in the head, because here I am, 20 years old, and I’m searching for “Mr. Right”, my “Prince Charming” in a world where princes are merely figure heads, and there is more a predominance of “Mr. Right Now” then anything else. Hollywood and magazines continue to proliferate these mental images for girls to this day. With sappy love stories every couple of years, after school specials where everything turns out just right between the girl and guy, throughout whatever drama they’ve played out. In a world where make up is your face, smiles and niceties are your demeanor and nothing is left behind these manners beyond their face value.
So I say to hell with it. I’m a stripper, I’ve been doing so since the last week of August 2005. And since then my love life has turned to hell. I’m bisexual, but definitely prefer guys for relationships and regular association. It surprises everyone that I’m single, but they don’t understand. They don’t know the road I walk alone. That I’m not just a 20 year old, college student. I’m a Witch too, with 4 ethereal sisters who mentally live with me. I’m a stripper, formerly a nurse aid. I’m tattooed and pierced, several times over, and more times to come. I drink bitch beer and hard liquor, I smoke cloves. I’m quiet and timid...I don’t know how to interact with people half the time...I’m moody. I like to keep to myself when I brood. I’m talkative. I like to go out and do things, but rarely do, I never have anyone invite me out. I have offers of “I’ll take you out, just let me know.” But they don’t pull through when I am ready. I’m hot and gorgeous, beautiful and pretty. I have a great personality, and I’m intelligent. I’m full of random, useless knowledge. I did my first science project on fungus. All the ones beyond that, three, were done on the Moon.
I want to be a Forensic Pathologist and Forensic Anthropologist. I want a cadaver dog. I want a big house, nice car and to live a fairly upper middle class life style. I don’t want to be affluent or an heiress. I just want to have a comfortable life of some luxury. I want a family, several kids, girls and boys. I want to name my first daughter Hope. (Because my little sister’s middle name was supposed to be Hope, and my mother couldn’t name her that, so I want to continue it.) I don’t want to become my mother - or my grandmother. I don’t want to get divorced if I can help it. I don’t want to be poor or starve to death, or have such things happen to my children or significant other. I don’t want to die of cancer, or HIV/AIDS, or anything but a natural, peaceful death when it is my time.
I don’t want to go through life never having loved anyone. At this point, I don’t think I have...I may have thought so, and in reality felt strongly for them - but I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone truly. I don’t like that, I want to love someone, but not just anyone. Here comes that damned fantasy again...I’d love to meet the love of my life, my one true other...if there is one, and be happy - as soon as possible. But I like being single too. I like having the ultimate freedom to be or not be associating with any male right now. But I hate the inevitable loneliness that ensues when no one is around and I realize how truly alone I am at the moment...
So I say to hell with it. I’m a stripper, I’ve been doing so since the last week of August 2005. And since then my love life has turned to hell. I’m bisexual, but definitely prefer guys for relationships and regular association. It surprises everyone that I’m single, but they don’t understand. They don’t know the road I walk alone. That I’m not just a 20 year old, college student. I’m a Witch too, with 4 ethereal sisters who mentally live with me. I’m a stripper, formerly a nurse aid. I’m tattooed and pierced, several times over, and more times to come. I drink bitch beer and hard liquor, I smoke cloves. I’m quiet and timid...I don’t know how to interact with people half the time...I’m moody. I like to keep to myself when I brood. I’m talkative. I like to go out and do things, but rarely do, I never have anyone invite me out. I have offers of “I’ll take you out, just let me know.” But they don’t pull through when I am ready. I’m hot and gorgeous, beautiful and pretty. I have a great personality, and I’m intelligent. I’m full of random, useless knowledge. I did my first science project on fungus. All the ones beyond that, three, were done on the Moon.
I want to be a Forensic Pathologist and Forensic Anthropologist. I want a cadaver dog. I want a big house, nice car and to live a fairly upper middle class life style. I don’t want to be affluent or an heiress. I just want to have a comfortable life of some luxury. I want a family, several kids, girls and boys. I want to name my first daughter Hope. (Because my little sister’s middle name was supposed to be Hope, and my mother couldn’t name her that, so I want to continue it.) I don’t want to become my mother - or my grandmother. I don’t want to get divorced if I can help it. I don’t want to be poor or starve to death, or have such things happen to my children or significant other. I don’t want to die of cancer, or HIV/AIDS, or anything but a natural, peaceful death when it is my time.
I don’t want to go through life never having loved anyone. At this point, I don’t think I have...I may have thought so, and in reality felt strongly for them - but I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone truly. I don’t like that, I want to love someone, but not just anyone. Here comes that damned fantasy again...I’d love to meet the love of my life, my one true other...if there is one, and be happy - as soon as possible. But I like being single too. I like having the ultimate freedom to be or not be associating with any male right now. But I hate the inevitable loneliness that ensues when no one is around and I realize how truly alone I am at the moment...