"O! How I am Smoking's slave!"
wow, i never post on lj anymore. at best, i've managed one post a month this past year.
it's kind of sad to think that i'm sort of mentally leaving livejournal behind when it has tirelessly followed me around since 2002, no matter what idle path i meandered down.
we finally finished painting the study this complex color that could be purple, gray or blue; it's the kind of color that can look any of those hues, depending on the light and the shades of other things laid against it. tj and i love it, along with everyone that's checked the room out since. i am super retarded pleased with my ability to pick out a nifty color that actually matches the reddish purple we painted the bedroom last month.
i've spent all day unpacking our massive collection of books, setting them up and rearranging them from bookshelf to bookshelf. i managed to clear out about 5 boxes worth of space-- boxes that are now blessedly folded up and waiting for pick-up on the curb.
callooo, callay! we are one more step closer to being 100% cardboardbox-free!
still trying to quit smoking. still stealing drags from friends when they smoke around me. know that this is not the way to "quit", since your body keeps craving nicotine after each new introduction. but the worst times of temptation are still the traditional, accepted "think i really want a cigarette" times: right after movies, meetings at work, sex, and meals; then there's driving (anywhere!) and hanging out with friends who smoke. my craving stems from this admittedly stupid feeling i get that i'm missing out on something when everyone else goes out back to have these same smokes that i'm depriving myself of. why can i not talk to someone else who's smoking and not want one?? my mind starts wandering, i get distracted easily while they're talking because i'm fiending so bad.
cigarettes, ah, cigarettes! why must you be so evil and so wonderful at the same time? why can't i get over you??!! or more realistically: why can't i be born with a mutant healing factor so i can still smoke whenever i want and not worry about dying of cancer??! are you there, god? it's me: addict. ha ha.
cigarettes have so many good qualities to them, these qualities merely relating to their place in some situation and not the acutal chemicals you're subjecting yourself to. cigarettes play a part in so many kinds of social situations. situations like when you're introduced by a friend to someone you don't know at a party and the person who knows both of you starts talking to someone else, and that inevitable silence between you and the person you just met works its way in; smoking that "bored" cigarette at a club or a party when you look around and there's no one you know that's not already engaged in conversation in sight; heh, there's that wonderful "bored" cigarette, but then there's also the "joy" cigarette like when you're at a badass show of a band you love, and you're wiggling or bobbing around, really feeling the music and wanting to have another sensation on top of it; cigarettes also have this certain relaxing quality around strangers, sort of like "hey, you're in the (smoker) club too? you must not be so bad if we have that in common..." they also kind of break the early awkwardness when someone you haven't seen in a while comes over and you don't really know how to start the conversation at first. "how about we go out for a smoke?" ...and then, the conversation starts flowing. it's uncannily weird.
cigarettes must help us feel a sense of finality, a sort of period at the end of a sentence, an olive on your martini, a cherry on your sundae; a pleasurable ritual always performed directly after some task has been accomplished. nicotine - almost like a satisfying dessert for all the different situational meals of life! (yeah, that was cheesy, i know)
"God, i'm so glad that we managed to move that 100 pound metal bookcase up those 3 flights of stairs! *cough, wheeze*"
"Me too! *huff puff* let's sit down and have a smoke to celebrate our progress."
*whine* it's not fair that something i love so much slowly kills me from the inside out, not to mention slowly killng anything with lungs that just happens to be in my vicinity :(
why the hell is inhaling the smoke of something that's burning so pleasurable to human beans anyway? how the hell did man first figure that out? non-human animals wrinkle their noses at the smell of anything burning and instinctively avoid breathing in clouds of smoke. i think the reason we are compelled by smoke where animals are repelled is that their self-preservation instinct is stronger than ours because their sheer survival depends moreso on their bodies' physical condition (escaping an enemy, enduring food shortages, drouts, etc.) than ours does - at least in this century. therefore, they are more sensitive to something they might feel would harm their body. i don't think a dog goes through this whole reasoning process when it recoils from cigarette smoke, but merely that it instinctually avoids breathing in things that it feels are doing harm.
i haven't bought a pack of camel lights in 2 months. but i've bought about 5 or 6 packs of cloves during that time. yes, i was using cloves as a flimsy-blanket defense to keep smoking but still appear to have quit smoking *cigarettes*. smoking cloves and smoking cigarettes are totally the same (except the one that tastes better is actually worse for you) .....and so i know that i can't say that i have actually quit until i kick the clove habit too. oh man, when i first reasoned out buying a pack of them by saying it's going to be occasional, i should have known myself better. 5 packs later and here i am. i finished my last pack 3 days ago. every time i pass by a place that sells them, i have to force myself to think about something else until it's out of sight, otherwise i will break down and buy a pack. well, enough with the cigarette rant. only time will tell whether or not i'm a rubber noodle piece of relapsed shit or someone with a resolve of steel.
blah. i think this is going to be the hardest thing i've ever done.
it's kind of sad to think that i'm sort of mentally leaving livejournal behind when it has tirelessly followed me around since 2002, no matter what idle path i meandered down.
we finally finished painting the study this complex color that could be purple, gray or blue; it's the kind of color that can look any of those hues, depending on the light and the shades of other things laid against it. tj and i love it, along with everyone that's checked the room out since. i am super retarded pleased with my ability to pick out a nifty color that actually matches the reddish purple we painted the bedroom last month.
i've spent all day unpacking our massive collection of books, setting them up and rearranging them from bookshelf to bookshelf. i managed to clear out about 5 boxes worth of space-- boxes that are now blessedly folded up and waiting for pick-up on the curb.
callooo, callay! we are one more step closer to being 100% cardboardbox-free!
still trying to quit smoking. still stealing drags from friends when they smoke around me. know that this is not the way to "quit", since your body keeps craving nicotine after each new introduction. but the worst times of temptation are still the traditional, accepted "think i really want a cigarette" times: right after movies, meetings at work, sex, and meals; then there's driving (anywhere!) and hanging out with friends who smoke. my craving stems from this admittedly stupid feeling i get that i'm missing out on something when everyone else goes out back to have these same smokes that i'm depriving myself of. why can i not talk to someone else who's smoking and not want one?? my mind starts wandering, i get distracted easily while they're talking because i'm fiending so bad.
cigarettes, ah, cigarettes! why must you be so evil and so wonderful at the same time? why can't i get over you??!! or more realistically: why can't i be born with a mutant healing factor so i can still smoke whenever i want and not worry about dying of cancer??! are you there, god? it's me: addict. ha ha.
cigarettes have so many good qualities to them, these qualities merely relating to their place in some situation and not the acutal chemicals you're subjecting yourself to. cigarettes play a part in so many kinds of social situations. situations like when you're introduced by a friend to someone you don't know at a party and the person who knows both of you starts talking to someone else, and that inevitable silence between you and the person you just met works its way in; smoking that "bored" cigarette at a club or a party when you look around and there's no one you know that's not already engaged in conversation in sight; heh, there's that wonderful "bored" cigarette, but then there's also the "joy" cigarette like when you're at a badass show of a band you love, and you're wiggling or bobbing around, really feeling the music and wanting to have another sensation on top of it; cigarettes also have this certain relaxing quality around strangers, sort of like "hey, you're in the (smoker) club too? you must not be so bad if we have that in common..." they also kind of break the early awkwardness when someone you haven't seen in a while comes over and you don't really know how to start the conversation at first. "how about we go out for a smoke?" ...and then, the conversation starts flowing. it's uncannily weird.
cigarettes must help us feel a sense of finality, a sort of period at the end of a sentence, an olive on your martini, a cherry on your sundae; a pleasurable ritual always performed directly after some task has been accomplished. nicotine - almost like a satisfying dessert for all the different situational meals of life! (yeah, that was cheesy, i know)
"God, i'm so glad that we managed to move that 100 pound metal bookcase up those 3 flights of stairs! *cough, wheeze*"
"Me too! *huff puff* let's sit down and have a smoke to celebrate our progress."
*whine* it's not fair that something i love so much slowly kills me from the inside out, not to mention slowly killng anything with lungs that just happens to be in my vicinity :(
why the hell is inhaling the smoke of something that's burning so pleasurable to human beans anyway? how the hell did man first figure that out? non-human animals wrinkle their noses at the smell of anything burning and instinctively avoid breathing in clouds of smoke. i think the reason we are compelled by smoke where animals are repelled is that their self-preservation instinct is stronger than ours because their sheer survival depends moreso on their bodies' physical condition (escaping an enemy, enduring food shortages, drouts, etc.) than ours does - at least in this century. therefore, they are more sensitive to something they might feel would harm their body. i don't think a dog goes through this whole reasoning process when it recoils from cigarette smoke, but merely that it instinctually avoids breathing in things that it feels are doing harm.
i haven't bought a pack of camel lights in 2 months. but i've bought about 5 or 6 packs of cloves during that time. yes, i was using cloves as a flimsy-blanket defense to keep smoking but still appear to have quit smoking *cigarettes*. smoking cloves and smoking cigarettes are totally the same (except the one that tastes better is actually worse for you) .....and so i know that i can't say that i have actually quit until i kick the clove habit too. oh man, when i first reasoned out buying a pack of them by saying it's going to be occasional, i should have known myself better. 5 packs later and here i am. i finished my last pack 3 days ago. every time i pass by a place that sells them, i have to force myself to think about something else until it's out of sight, otherwise i will break down and buy a pack. well, enough with the cigarette rant. only time will tell whether or not i'm a rubber noodle piece of relapsed shit or someone with a resolve of steel.
blah. i think this is going to be the hardest thing i've ever done.