Three thoughts
Has anyone said something to you that cut thru you like a knife? When they told you whatever it was, you physically felt the pain throughout your body? For some who haven't experienced this, it's hard to believe. But I have experienced this pain. And not only did it happen, the words said to me linger. Everytime I speak with this person I hear the words over and over and it hurts all over again. This person has apologized to me and explained that those things were said out of anger; but the apology doesn't mean anything to me. He can't take back what he said.
I know I've said many cutting things to people and I'm genuinely sorry for ever letting those things leave my mouth. (i'm learning to think before I speak) I feel like such a horrible person, I don't want to hurt anyone I love, or anyone for that matter (maybe my archenemy) Nah just playin. I know we hurt the ones we love the most, knowing that our unconditional love is mutual. This is why I am able to blow my family off for the boy; I know they will always be there for me when he can't be (or won't).
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He told me "not everything is about you." "this is how I feel, just listen." Listening is the hardest thing to do. I'm trying to be a better listener and I know not everything is about me. But it's hard to just sit back and listen when your actions or words have been completely distorted. When you respond, you can't speak for anyone but yourself, thats why I speak about myself and my feelings. I don't know what hes feeling or what my neighbor is feeling. I wish I did, I wish he knew how I felt.
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His therapist advised him to leave me. His therapist implied or said that I was bringing him down. His therapist also said he felt sorry for me. FUCK his therapist. Fuck him and his unethical practice of advice giving. Fuck him and his ignorance. Doesn't he know that the big D distorts a persons perception of the world and those around him? Doesn't he know that the big D makes sufferers extremely negative and irritable? Like I said, his therapist needs to take his shit degree and shove it up his ass. But then I think, his therapist only receives his side of the story and its most likely a fucked up story. A story where he is the innocent victim, undeserving of the cruelty and selfish-ness of his hot girlfriend. It takes two to play the game and yeah I've messed up and he has too. Imperfection is a human flaw and we are human.
He makes me feel like I'm lucky to be with him. I'm lucky to spend time with him or speak with him on the phone. I'm a lucky girl to drive an hour to see him (i get there at 8pm leave at 11 am). I'm lucky to be fit into his busy schedule. I love this guy so much and I'm letting him make a fool of me and use me; only to turn around and demonize me to someone who has great influence on him. I let this guy make me cry. The key words are "I let." We do stupid shit for love, allow people to abuse us all in the name of love.
I will never find someone to reciprocate my love, I will never find unconditional love outside of my family. I guess I'll settle, I guess my unconditional love will be enough of both of us.
He makes me feel so small; all I do is build him up.
I know I've said many cutting things to people and I'm genuinely sorry for ever letting those things leave my mouth. (i'm learning to think before I speak) I feel like such a horrible person, I don't want to hurt anyone I love, or anyone for that matter (maybe my archenemy) Nah just playin. I know we hurt the ones we love the most, knowing that our unconditional love is mutual. This is why I am able to blow my family off for the boy; I know they will always be there for me when he can't be (or won't).
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He told me "not everything is about you." "this is how I feel, just listen." Listening is the hardest thing to do. I'm trying to be a better listener and I know not everything is about me. But it's hard to just sit back and listen when your actions or words have been completely distorted. When you respond, you can't speak for anyone but yourself, thats why I speak about myself and my feelings. I don't know what hes feeling or what my neighbor is feeling. I wish I did, I wish he knew how I felt.
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His therapist advised him to leave me. His therapist implied or said that I was bringing him down. His therapist also said he felt sorry for me. FUCK his therapist. Fuck him and his unethical practice of advice giving. Fuck him and his ignorance. Doesn't he know that the big D distorts a persons perception of the world and those around him? Doesn't he know that the big D makes sufferers extremely negative and irritable? Like I said, his therapist needs to take his shit degree and shove it up his ass. But then I think, his therapist only receives his side of the story and its most likely a fucked up story. A story where he is the innocent victim, undeserving of the cruelty and selfish-ness of his hot girlfriend. It takes two to play the game and yeah I've messed up and he has too. Imperfection is a human flaw and we are human.
He makes me feel like I'm lucky to be with him. I'm lucky to spend time with him or speak with him on the phone. I'm a lucky girl to drive an hour to see him (i get there at 8pm leave at 11 am). I'm lucky to be fit into his busy schedule. I love this guy so much and I'm letting him make a fool of me and use me; only to turn around and demonize me to someone who has great influence on him. I let this guy make me cry. The key words are "I let." We do stupid shit for love, allow people to abuse us all in the name of love.
I will never find someone to reciprocate my love, I will never find unconditional love outside of my family. I guess I'll settle, I guess my unconditional love will be enough of both of us.
He makes me feel so small; all I do is build him up.