Xanax and the City
I have been wrestling with the very difficult decision to get on medication for anxiety. Since moving here, my almost panic attacks have become more frequent and more severe. I can always talk myself out of them, but with added frequency I am not sure how much longer I can continue to do so. I went to the doctor and I am now the new recipient of Clonapin for anxiety. It makes me feel like such a cliche. Woman in the big city on meds. It also makes me feel like a failure, that I am not able to keep it together without. That somehow needing the little extra chemical boost makes me not a whole person. I raised this concern to a new friend, and he said that it is actually more indicative of being healthy, the notion that one can ask for help when necessary and knows it is the option. That is a little comforting. It has been a rough transition to life here. Things have not come together as quickly as I had hoped(chalk that up to my impatience.) I know progress is incremental. Every person I have spoken with regarding huge moves like this has told me the same thing, That they cried every day, that they didn't leave the house for 6 months, that they were lonely and disoriented....In my heart I know this, but sometimes I lose sight of it. All in all I think I have it together here. Things are much better than before I left. I am happier and my life seems to be more focused and on track. I just hope this can help take the edge off. It is a sharp edge, let me tell you!