Ring Around The Rosie...All Fall Down...
I can't remember the last time I was such a mess.
A couple months ago Anne's Dad died. A couple weeks after that Edwin dumped me. I recently failed two midterms. I found out that Anne's going to have to move out of her house, move out of Oak Park, to somewhere more affordable. This past weekend grandma got in a car accident, luckily she wasn't hurt too bad. And then on top of everything I kissed this boy, who technically still had a girlfriend, and I don't even know if I like him any more.
I just can't seem to cut a break this semester, and feel like I keep falling apart at the seams.
I know just moping around and counting up all the hardships of my life will not do anything for me, but I had to put it down.
~
I see Edwin's car. "Shit."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Someone you know?"
"Maybe a certain Physics TA..."
"Why does it still bother you?"
"I don't know..."
"If you figured it out it would stop bothering you."
"Yea, probably." It hits me like a ton of bricks. I still miss him.
I sit on a bean bag chair in the living room and stare at the ceiling. I'm trying my hardest to hold back tears, but it's not working. They start to fall and slide down my cheeks to the bean bag chair.
"You ok?"
Here it comes. Dam is broken. I sob and hiccup as tears flow freely. I miss Edwin. I miss Anne's Dad.
"Do you want a hug?" I can't gather myself up enough to answer him.
Eventually he says, "Here." He stands up. "You look terrible." I laugh through tears and a red face. I let go of him and sit back down on the bean bag. I feel so awkward being comforted by a boy who is not my boyfriend.
After I stop crying, and some small talk has passed. "So do you know if you like me yet?"
Eventually I give in, to myself and to him. "Yes. And you?"
"I think I like you."
Later on, after his room mate, who asked me out last year, stood in the doorway nervously unwilling to leave us alone, he asks me, "Well, what do you want me to do?"
"I'm not saying. It would be immoral." He is still technically with his girlfriend, even if it is a dying relationship.
"It's not immoral unless you act on it."
A few hours later...I lose an arm-wrestling match. "I want you to kiss me."
"See? Nothing immoral about that." We look at each other for a while. "You ok? You look like you're freaking out over there." I was. He hadn't kissed me. "You know, my girlfriend and I have talked about this."
"About what?"
"Liking other people. She'd be ok with it...I'm just too chicken shit..." Ah...
Another couple hours later...
I put my arms over his shoulders, he wraps his hands around my waste, and we kiss. He looks at me and smiles. "Happy now?"
"You know me. Once I get started I can't stop." So we kiss for a little while.
~
Anne has to move out of her house, out of Oak Park. I've moved a few times since I first stepped foot in that house, since it became a home of mine...
It's still hard to believe that I showered for the first time in that house just the last time I stayed there. Possibly the last time I will ever stay there.
Ugh.
A couple months ago Anne's Dad died. A couple weeks after that Edwin dumped me. I recently failed two midterms. I found out that Anne's going to have to move out of her house, move out of Oak Park, to somewhere more affordable. This past weekend grandma got in a car accident, luckily she wasn't hurt too bad. And then on top of everything I kissed this boy, who technically still had a girlfriend, and I don't even know if I like him any more.
I just can't seem to cut a break this semester, and feel like I keep falling apart at the seams.
I know just moping around and counting up all the hardships of my life will not do anything for me, but I had to put it down.
~
I see Edwin's car. "Shit."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Someone you know?"
"Maybe a certain Physics TA..."
"Why does it still bother you?"
"I don't know..."
"If you figured it out it would stop bothering you."
"Yea, probably." It hits me like a ton of bricks. I still miss him.
I sit on a bean bag chair in the living room and stare at the ceiling. I'm trying my hardest to hold back tears, but it's not working. They start to fall and slide down my cheeks to the bean bag chair.
"You ok?"
Here it comes. Dam is broken. I sob and hiccup as tears flow freely. I miss Edwin. I miss Anne's Dad.
"Do you want a hug?" I can't gather myself up enough to answer him.
Eventually he says, "Here." He stands up. "You look terrible." I laugh through tears and a red face. I let go of him and sit back down on the bean bag. I feel so awkward being comforted by a boy who is not my boyfriend.
After I stop crying, and some small talk has passed. "So do you know if you like me yet?"
Eventually I give in, to myself and to him. "Yes. And you?"
"I think I like you."
Later on, after his room mate, who asked me out last year, stood in the doorway nervously unwilling to leave us alone, he asks me, "Well, what do you want me to do?"
"I'm not saying. It would be immoral." He is still technically with his girlfriend, even if it is a dying relationship.
"It's not immoral unless you act on it."
A few hours later...I lose an arm-wrestling match. "I want you to kiss me."
"See? Nothing immoral about that." We look at each other for a while. "You ok? You look like you're freaking out over there." I was. He hadn't kissed me. "You know, my girlfriend and I have talked about this."
"About what?"
"Liking other people. She'd be ok with it...I'm just too chicken shit..." Ah...
Another couple hours later...
I put my arms over his shoulders, he wraps his hands around my waste, and we kiss. He looks at me and smiles. "Happy now?"
"You know me. Once I get started I can't stop." So we kiss for a little while.
~
Anne has to move out of her house, out of Oak Park. I've moved a few times since I first stepped foot in that house, since it became a home of mine...
It's still hard to believe that I showered for the first time in that house just the last time I stayed there. Possibly the last time I will ever stay there.
Ugh.