(no subject)
I'm not actually ready, even though I'm trying to play it off like I am. It might not even be that I'm not ready, it might simply be that I don't want to be. The more time goes on, the more I realize that what she wants from me is for me to find somebody else. She once told me if she had her choice, I'd never find anybody else. But I think those words were an untruth. Not a lie (she never lies), just.. not completely what she meant and intended.
It's scary for me to say that I'm seeing somebody else, and that I like it. I'm being so cautious this time, but I'm afraid that I'm being too cautious. She is letting me in, but what have I given back to her? I haven't given her much, except maybe hope. I gave her a decent night of conversation, vegan foods, and video games. I don't feel like I owe her anything, so why am I doing it? What is it proving to me, to her, or to anyone else? Even still, I like it. I don't think I like her yet, but I like the idea of liking her. Is that enough?
It's scary for me to say that I'm seeing somebody else, and that I like it. I'm being so cautious this time, but I'm afraid that I'm being too cautious. She is letting me in, but what have I given back to her? I haven't given her much, except maybe hope. I gave her a decent night of conversation, vegan foods, and video games. I don't feel like I owe her anything, so why am I doing it? What is it proving to me, to her, or to anyone else? Even still, I like it. I don't think I like her yet, but I like the idea of liking her. Is that enough?