The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
"Blood is thicker than water."
Hmm...not quite sure about that one.
What is family any way?
They're a group of people that are related to you and are supposed to be there for you no matter what??? Is that it?
Honestly, I think that's complete bullshit.
Even if they are your family, they only care about themselves just like any one else in the world. No one cares about anyone else. It's just natural to place yourself before others. So you could say "oh, it's okay he's my brother, he won't screw me over" or whatever the case may be, that's bullshit. I don't believe that for a second. It doesn't matter if they've known you all your life, and if they possibly know you better than anyone else...they still only care for themselves.
I mean, look at this...
I can barely talk to my Granny without getting annoyed with her.
I never talk to any of my cousins...and my cousin Candace fucking ditched me tonight for her boyfriend.
I don't talk to my aunts or uncles.
I rarely EVER talk to my grandparents and they live right fucking across the street.
I never see my own fucking brother, i see him maybe once a week..if that.
My parents treat me like i'm two fucking years old and that i am the most IRRESPONSIBLE SACK OF SHIT.
Entry Word: family
Function: noun
Text:
1
a group of persons of or regarded as of common ancestry
Synonyms: clan, folk, house, kin, kindred, lineage, race, stock, tribe
Related Words: brood, dynasty, line, stirp, strain; issue, offspring, progeny
I mean, look at that definition...it says nothing about even loving each other...and i believe it. Do you really love your family, or do you feel as though it's more of an obligation? I don't even know any more.
Ok ok ok ...scratch that. i'm talking nonsense.
Let's start this over.....
Don't get me wrong, i love my family to death...but it's as though they don't want me to. It's as though they could care less that i exist. I guess i'm grateful that i even have them. But honestly, the only reason why i am miserable right now is because of my family.
and my dad said
"You need to get new friends."
and i said
"I need to get a new family..because my friends aren't hurting me right now..my family is."
and it's not just my cousin...it's my parents. i need my freedom so much right now but i'm not getting it. it's gotten so bad that it literally physically/mentally hurts.
but is it all my fault? is this all my fault? i just need to know. i wish i could sit here and just say "look it's all my fault and no one elses..i'm the asshole here. i am the only reason why i am miserable. i am the reason for being alone right now. i am the reason why i am crying and wanting to break something or drive off a cliff or fucking drop kick my dog"
i just wish i could say that.
but i can't.
i can't bring myself to actually sit here and blame all of this on myself. because for the first time...i actually think it's everyone else that is bringing me down. for the first time i am looking at how inconstant people are...how i cannot count on anyone. i cannot rely on anyone. the trust is just gone.
and right now i just wish i could feel nothing. i just wish i could not care so much about what chris is thinking, or what candy is thinking, or what my parents are thinking, or what my friends are thinking..
i just wish it could all end. i just want to sit here and not give a shit about anything or just run away....live by myself on the side of some highway with a shit load of hobos. i'd probably be a lot happier...because then i could actually sit there and say "this was my choice. i decided to be alone right now. no one decided this for me. this is my fault."
because right now...people are choosing my path FOR me. MY FAMILY is the reason why i am sitting here alone right now. MY FAMILY is making me want to run away. MY FAMILY is the reason for making me take 293487329847 tylenol to stop any pain that it could possibly stop.
and my friends are just there. they could careless either.
because no one cares.
no one TRULY cares.
and the world is just so, so lonely. so fucking cold and lonely.
Hmm...not quite sure about that one.
What is family any way?
They're a group of people that are related to you and are supposed to be there for you no matter what??? Is that it?
Honestly, I think that's complete bullshit.
Even if they are your family, they only care about themselves just like any one else in the world. No one cares about anyone else. It's just natural to place yourself before others. So you could say "oh, it's okay he's my brother, he won't screw me over" or whatever the case may be, that's bullshit. I don't believe that for a second. It doesn't matter if they've known you all your life, and if they possibly know you better than anyone else...they still only care for themselves.
I mean, look at this...
I can barely talk to my Granny without getting annoyed with her.
I never talk to any of my cousins...and my cousin Candace fucking ditched me tonight for her boyfriend.
I don't talk to my aunts or uncles.
I rarely EVER talk to my grandparents and they live right fucking across the street.
I never see my own fucking brother, i see him maybe once a week..if that.
My parents treat me like i'm two fucking years old and that i am the most IRRESPONSIBLE SACK OF SHIT.
Entry Word: family
Function: noun
Text:
1
a group of persons of or regarded as of common ancestry
Synonyms: clan, folk, house, kin, kindred, lineage, race, stock, tribe
Related Words: brood, dynasty, line, stirp, strain; issue, offspring, progeny
I mean, look at that definition...it says nothing about even loving each other...and i believe it. Do you really love your family, or do you feel as though it's more of an obligation? I don't even know any more.
Ok ok ok ...scratch that. i'm talking nonsense.
Let's start this over.....
Don't get me wrong, i love my family to death...but it's as though they don't want me to. It's as though they could care less that i exist. I guess i'm grateful that i even have them. But honestly, the only reason why i am miserable right now is because of my family.
and my dad said
"You need to get new friends."
and i said
"I need to get a new family..because my friends aren't hurting me right now..my family is."
and it's not just my cousin...it's my parents. i need my freedom so much right now but i'm not getting it. it's gotten so bad that it literally physically/mentally hurts.
but is it all my fault? is this all my fault? i just need to know. i wish i could sit here and just say "look it's all my fault and no one elses..i'm the asshole here. i am the only reason why i am miserable. i am the reason for being alone right now. i am the reason why i am crying and wanting to break something or drive off a cliff or fucking drop kick my dog"
i just wish i could say that.
but i can't.
i can't bring myself to actually sit here and blame all of this on myself. because for the first time...i actually think it's everyone else that is bringing me down. for the first time i am looking at how inconstant people are...how i cannot count on anyone. i cannot rely on anyone. the trust is just gone.
and right now i just wish i could feel nothing. i just wish i could not care so much about what chris is thinking, or what candy is thinking, or what my parents are thinking, or what my friends are thinking..
i just wish it could all end. i just want to sit here and not give a shit about anything or just run away....live by myself on the side of some highway with a shit load of hobos. i'd probably be a lot happier...because then i could actually sit there and say "this was my choice. i decided to be alone right now. no one decided this for me. this is my fault."
because right now...people are choosing my path FOR me. MY FAMILY is the reason why i am sitting here alone right now. MY FAMILY is making me want to run away. MY FAMILY is the reason for making me take 293487329847 tylenol to stop any pain that it could possibly stop.
and my friends are just there. they could careless either.
because no one cares.
no one TRULY cares.
and the world is just so, so lonely. so fucking cold and lonely.