so what
So, got to the point where the dosage of crazy pills is upped. First day I felt a little manic, so much energy! Today was better, did things that I'd normally stress about much quicker. Finally gave some one I saw a few times the boot, which I had so much anxiety over that I'd been avoiding doing for some time.
Went on a coffee date with a woman, Mel. Super nice, we laughed so much but I don't feel the physical attraction. Definitely want to hang out with her more though. We had a lengthy conversation about corporations battling it out in a new dystopian capitalism future which was hilarious.
I find it strange how great I can feel when I'm around people or have someone chatting with me online then how awful I feel once I get home and no one's online. I had fun at work today, made plans with a coworker friend, met Mel and had a great evening...then I get home, make food, sit here all alone. Then the lack of consistent physical contact and affection hits me like a ton of bricks. I want to cry, I feel so lonely and un-loved. I know it's not true, but I don't know how to make myself feel less depressed when I'm not getting regular physical contact. Would it be nice if someone wanted me sexually right now? Sure. But really, if someone asked to come spend time just hanging out, cuddling while watching a movie or just talking in bed about the stupid boring shit that we do each day....it would be so nice.
I'm tired, I should go to sleep. I wish I could fall asleep to the sound of someone's voice tonight.
I'll try to keep the small victories in mind....I made it from 8am to 10pm without feeling horrible. I am making new friends. I am trying to figure out how I've been a shitty person and improve myself. I am trying to be healthier and take care of myself. So, I say to myself right now: chin up, don't sweat the small stuff and other generic positive mottos.
Went on a coffee date with a woman, Mel. Super nice, we laughed so much but I don't feel the physical attraction. Definitely want to hang out with her more though. We had a lengthy conversation about corporations battling it out in a new dystopian capitalism future which was hilarious.
I find it strange how great I can feel when I'm around people or have someone chatting with me online then how awful I feel once I get home and no one's online. I had fun at work today, made plans with a coworker friend, met Mel and had a great evening...then I get home, make food, sit here all alone. Then the lack of consistent physical contact and affection hits me like a ton of bricks. I want to cry, I feel so lonely and un-loved. I know it's not true, but I don't know how to make myself feel less depressed when I'm not getting regular physical contact. Would it be nice if someone wanted me sexually right now? Sure. But really, if someone asked to come spend time just hanging out, cuddling while watching a movie or just talking in bed about the stupid boring shit that we do each day....it would be so nice.
I'm tired, I should go to sleep. I wish I could fall asleep to the sound of someone's voice tonight.
I'll try to keep the small victories in mind....I made it from 8am to 10pm without feeling horrible. I am making new friends. I am trying to figure out how I've been a shitty person and improve myself. I am trying to be healthier and take care of myself. So, I say to myself right now: chin up, don't sweat the small stuff and other generic positive mottos.