(no subject)
i don't remember how we met, but we hit it off. i think sarah cotner had something to do with it. and i think it can be said that any friend of sarah cotner's is a friend of mine.
we spent most of our time on the phone together. talking about clothes, namely. and gossiping. i never felt particularly close to heidi, but we were definitely friends in seventh grade.
i remember after a few initial phone conversations - some of which were partylines with natty and/or kristin (uhh... irony) - we decided that we lived so close, why weren't we always hanging out? close enough to bike, we had decided. so we planned this super dorky biking adventure.
i brought heidi a pair of JNCOS that kristin had given me - the khaki ones, for girls, that were super flared, real tight in the ass, and had that hideous, signature JNCO embroidery on the rear right pocket. her mom provided the goldfish crackers and the pop, and we tried on clothes all night.
and then, we grew apart. which was fine. there aren't many i haven't at one point grown apart with. and i never started to hate or resent her, even after all that happened with kristin.
i really try to avoid drama at all causes. and you're not going to find any e-mail chain poems at the bottom of this post.
but things are scary. and i almost feel like this is some sort of warning. i'm not a superstitious or paranoid person, not in this regard at least, but jesus. anyone can say that they were "once really good friends" with heidi, or with kristin - i can say that i was once really good friends with heidi and kristin. when they both died, respectively, i wasn't. but it's starting to feel like a constant fucking reminder that it could have been a really good friend. and that's terrifying. i already feel separated from everyone as it is.
so, i'm going home on thursday, a day earlier than planned, so i can go to the visitation and funeral.
instead of being lazy today, i'm going to be productive. i say this now. but really. i'm off to do something engaging.
we spent most of our time on the phone together. talking about clothes, namely. and gossiping. i never felt particularly close to heidi, but we were definitely friends in seventh grade.
i remember after a few initial phone conversations - some of which were partylines with natty and/or kristin (uhh... irony) - we decided that we lived so close, why weren't we always hanging out? close enough to bike, we had decided. so we planned this super dorky biking adventure.
i brought heidi a pair of JNCOS that kristin had given me - the khaki ones, for girls, that were super flared, real tight in the ass, and had that hideous, signature JNCO embroidery on the rear right pocket. her mom provided the goldfish crackers and the pop, and we tried on clothes all night.
and then, we grew apart. which was fine. there aren't many i haven't at one point grown apart with. and i never started to hate or resent her, even after all that happened with kristin.
i really try to avoid drama at all causes. and you're not going to find any e-mail chain poems at the bottom of this post.
but things are scary. and i almost feel like this is some sort of warning. i'm not a superstitious or paranoid person, not in this regard at least, but jesus. anyone can say that they were "once really good friends" with heidi, or with kristin - i can say that i was once really good friends with heidi and kristin. when they both died, respectively, i wasn't. but it's starting to feel like a constant fucking reminder that it could have been a really good friend. and that's terrifying. i already feel separated from everyone as it is.
so, i'm going home on thursday, a day earlier than planned, so i can go to the visitation and funeral.
instead of being lazy today, i'm going to be productive. i say this now. but really. i'm off to do something engaging.