and so it is.
Something must be wrong with me. It's easier to pin point the problem by pointing it at one person rather than all those who surround me. It's me then, right?
I put too much trust in others. I put too much hope. I know they've let me down before, but I try to move on and give them another chance. I feel, after awhile, it's like they're all just taking advantage of me. Is that stupid to think? Sure, I bet it is. What else should I think? I know humanity will let me down time and time again, but you'd think your friends would make a bit more of an effort to restore your faith in humanity. There are, of course, people that remind me how beutiful life is. They just seem to be few and far between.
I'm in my room. I can't let this go. I can't let the fact that people less than a mile down the road from me no longer have houses to come home to. I know how blessed I am to be where I am. Blessed, not in the fact that I was given much, but that much was not taken away.
I feel this need to live it up. To go to new places, experience new things- simple things, fun things, things that seem boring yet may be completely different with the right people and outlook. I feel the need to because I can and this life won't last forever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I let people get to me. I don't know why I had such a bad evening. I don't know why I sat in Coffee Cafe listening to The Blower's Daughter while reading news reports on the tornadoes. Reading about how things that once were in this town that I've grown up in are no longer standing, no longer there. I don't know why I sat in Coffee Cafe to do that, crying alone in public is always pathetic.
I need new friends. No? Not to replace the current ones, but to have nonetheless. Consisten, reliable people. Maybe I just need to talk more to the people I see almost daily yet only exchange cheap words with. Maybe I need to open up, say what's on my mind. Be friendly. But how?
I want a boy. I want someone who will want me. I don't want what I had that one time. That's the last thing I want. I want to be wanted. For a human to see some sort of worth in me.
I feel I've nothing to offer. I know this is all going to come off as some sort of pitty party...
I don't know how else to put it; and as I drove the always 30 minute or more drive home this is how it sort of came together in my head. The words in this post are what went through my head as I drove and listened to music and wondered what roads would be open and if the cops would still be patrolling my street. I have to do something while I drive.
I'm forgettable. There's nothing overly special about me. I'm not that beautiful girl. I don't have a particularly gorgeous smile, or perfect teeth. My skin has it's flaws. I still have weight to lose. Sometimes my hair can look cute, if I try. I'm too chubby to be good enough for most. I'm too quiet for you. I don't know what to say in many situations. Sometimes, like right now, I fall back into this horrible mindset. I'm not the smartest. I'm not even that cute, sometimes ditzy one. All I've got is a fun nickname and nothing to go along with it.
This is so pathetic, I'm so pathetic sometimes.
This was all pointless.
I don't know what everyone was looking at
I don't care what everyone was laughing at
I don't know what everyone was staring at
but I think, I think that it's me
{most of the time}
I put too much trust in others. I put too much hope. I know they've let me down before, but I try to move on and give them another chance. I feel, after awhile, it's like they're all just taking advantage of me. Is that stupid to think? Sure, I bet it is. What else should I think? I know humanity will let me down time and time again, but you'd think your friends would make a bit more of an effort to restore your faith in humanity. There are, of course, people that remind me how beutiful life is. They just seem to be few and far between.
I'm in my room. I can't let this go. I can't let the fact that people less than a mile down the road from me no longer have houses to come home to. I know how blessed I am to be where I am. Blessed, not in the fact that I was given much, but that much was not taken away.
I feel this need to live it up. To go to new places, experience new things- simple things, fun things, things that seem boring yet may be completely different with the right people and outlook. I feel the need to because I can and this life won't last forever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I let people get to me. I don't know why I had such a bad evening. I don't know why I sat in Coffee Cafe listening to The Blower's Daughter while reading news reports on the tornadoes. Reading about how things that once were in this town that I've grown up in are no longer standing, no longer there. I don't know why I sat in Coffee Cafe to do that, crying alone in public is always pathetic.
I need new friends. No? Not to replace the current ones, but to have nonetheless. Consisten, reliable people. Maybe I just need to talk more to the people I see almost daily yet only exchange cheap words with. Maybe I need to open up, say what's on my mind. Be friendly. But how?
I want a boy. I want someone who will want me. I don't want what I had that one time. That's the last thing I want. I want to be wanted. For a human to see some sort of worth in me.
I feel I've nothing to offer. I know this is all going to come off as some sort of pitty party...
I don't know how else to put it; and as I drove the always 30 minute or more drive home this is how it sort of came together in my head. The words in this post are what went through my head as I drove and listened to music and wondered what roads would be open and if the cops would still be patrolling my street. I have to do something while I drive.
I'm forgettable. There's nothing overly special about me. I'm not that beautiful girl. I don't have a particularly gorgeous smile, or perfect teeth. My skin has it's flaws. I still have weight to lose. Sometimes my hair can look cute, if I try. I'm too chubby to be good enough for most. I'm too quiet for you. I don't know what to say in many situations. Sometimes, like right now, I fall back into this horrible mindset. I'm not the smartest. I'm not even that cute, sometimes ditzy one. All I've got is a fun nickname and nothing to go along with it.
This is so pathetic, I'm so pathetic sometimes.
This was all pointless.
I don't know what everyone was looking at
I don't care what everyone was laughing at
I don't know what everyone was staring at
but I think, I think that it's me
{most of the time}