Make-believe is a wonderful game to play
When things got bad I used to fixate on making my way to the desert by any means possible simply to sit under a Joshua tree and nap in the sun. I'd think that one day I'd be my own Kerouac, make good choices and some bad, and marry a man just so he could pay my bail. 'If only I bought that ticket,' I'd think, 'if only I hopped that train.'
I'd never know where I was, and at least I could finally stop pretending to know where I was heading. Maybe in transversing mile after mile I would learn that my childhood dreams were just as foolish, if not more, than my adult ones, except for that the dreams of a nine year old cost less and cause less heartache. Perhaps riding in cars with strangers, I'd learn that I would never be as important as I had hoped, and could stop being so damn smug. Maybe in being lost, I could let myself down gently.
I'd never know where I was, and at least I could finally stop pretending to know where I was heading. Maybe in transversing mile after mile I would learn that my childhood dreams were just as foolish, if not more, than my adult ones, except for that the dreams of a nine year old cost less and cause less heartache. Perhaps riding in cars with strangers, I'd learn that I would never be as important as I had hoped, and could stop being so damn smug. Maybe in being lost, I could let myself down gently.