Character Essay -IN PROGRESS-
There are times when a mun just needs to step back and really, really look at a character they play. When they need to just pick and dig into their mind and, even by the course of rambling about it in a lose essay format, somehow make a map of it. I have reached this point with Kurt. In fact, I should have reached it a while ago. It’s not a questioning of his characterization, as I feel that I have him down to an okay point now, but more of a yearning to fully understand what makes the character tick. I’m no psychology major, nothing close to it actually, but I do like attempting to crack open characters skulls and dig into their minds.
So, in short, there are a few things I want to drabble on, to write about in an attempt to come to a sort of realization - an epiphany of sorts - about the motivations behind his actions and reactions in the show, in order to figure out when these canon reactions would be applicable in a game setting. I always find “normal” characters the hardest to play in panfandom settings, as they don’t deal with any of this stuff in canon. And as such, playing them in character and actually getting anywhere with them are two separate things. After all, for any of the Glee kids an actual in character reaction to landing in another world would be inconsolable trauma. It just doesn’t happen. (And honestly, how would you react to winding up in a post-apocalyptic world?) As such, this characterization needs to be botched a bit in order to play them well, which seems to be acceptable across the canon and the RP scene in general.
But I’m wandering off-topic. What I really want to get into are a few key things that I’ve really been thinking about lately as far as Kurt and his actions go:
Blaine (and by extension Finn)
Being Gay
Rachel
Sex and Romance
Control
Lucifer
Dreamscape Aftermath
Okay, so that’s not really a few key things, but anyway. Lets start, shall we?
Blaine and Finn
Otherwise known as: Where dapper, handsome mofos win and quarterbacks get butchered characterization
Kurt has had crushes before, sure, but nothing has quite been the same as Blaine. Everyone who knows Glee canon knows of his near obsession with Finn Hudson, and the lengths he went to borderline stalk him in an attempt to get closer to him. And Kurt, bless him, thought that was true love at the time. But really, that was him latching onto the first person who was nice to him. Well, the first guy that was nice to him. Kurt, at one point during an episode took a moment to explain his crush on Finn, describing himself as being “madly in love” with him. This all stemmed from the fact that Finn stood up for him - albeit just enough to not be a total dickwad - during a few locker shoving and dumpster throwing incidents. So for the longest time Kurt thought he was in love with Finn, and desperately tried to get together with him. Things blew up in his face, of course, and while he didn’t “get” Finn romantically, he did get him as a friend, and now as a step brother.
And that brings us full-circle to Blaine. Half of the reason Kurt latched onto Blaine so immediately and easily - at least in my interpretation of what happened during the show - was due to the utter lack of support from Finn, someone he considered a friend and near-family at the time. He failed during the time Kurt’s father was in the hospital, stood back and, in effect, chose his reputation over helping protect someone who was, by the end of Never Been Kissed, his brother. Throw that in with the fact that Kurt was still hurting and distrustful of Finn from what happened during Theatricality with that whole homophobic blow-up and all, and Kurt was left kind of alone. Sure, he had his friends, but Finn is someone who looks out for others, and had always seemed to know when something was up with any members of the group. Without Finn there to act as a barrier between Kurt and the tougher guys at school? He fell into a bullied depression.
And then he met Blaine. Blaine was the first person Kurt met who got it. And more importantly, he’d lived through it. He knew the pain of the bullying first hand, and he was the first one that didn’t just tell Kurt to be tough, but he actually seemed to be proud of the fact that Kurt was still functioning, still fighting back through everything. Blaine was, really, his saving grace. From day one he was the one who gave Kurt strength, and his words - even the one simple one he kept texting Kurt with, courage - kept Kurt going even through all the bullying, even through the violation Karofsky pushed onto him. But not only was he smart, empathetic, and actually seemed to care unlike everyone at McKinley... Blaine went out of his way to help. He even went with Kurt to talk to Karofsky. And really, that was the first time someone went with Kurt to stand up to the bullying. Even the Glee kids didn’t really jump to Kurt’s defense in the halls, they merely stared, shocked, and formed little bands to face the bullies down without Kurt being there. And while that sentiment was nice and appreciated, it just wasn’t enough. Blaine stood right there with Kurt in order to help him face his fears, in order to really make him stronger.
That was the first time Kurt had ever had anyone do that for him. It was also the first time he’d had a guy get to that level of friendship and loyalty with him without any underhanded methods, like he continuously used with Finn.
And, you know, Blaine was the first other openly gay guy Kurt had ever met. That definitely counted for something.
And while Kurt’s controlling personality - which will be discussed later - has surfaced with Blaine, the older boy had none of it, and while they did spend a while mad at each other, eventually Kurt was forgiven and, really, Blaine’s words stung. I feel that Kurt was sufficiently schooled, and while its inevitable that the little side of him that likes pushing people like that will no doubt surface again, their relationship - both romantically and friend-wise - seems to have progressed to the point where Blaine will confront Kurt about it, slap it down, and otherwise curb that negative side of the boy. As he did during Blame it on the Alcohol, albeit more subtly.
In Adstringendum, Kurt’s relationship with Blaine is taking a generally canon course, but its also stronger and a little more desperate, in a way. They’re trapped in a horrible world, protected by people but otherwise completely vulnerable on their own. He, Blaine, and Rachel have grown incredibly close during their stay here, to the point where one leaving utterly unbalances every ounce of stability they’ve managed to find. Together they’re strong, firm, and can hold each other together against the mental wear of living in a world like that. But take one away and the others will crumble. And while the boys are totally, completely gay, from Kurt’s end he sees Rachel as part of the family - but this will be discussed later. GTFO RACHEL THIS IS BLAINE’S TIME.
Either way, especially in the aftermath of the Dreamscape event, Kurt has found himself using Blaine as a stabilizer. Blaine is, right now, the thing holding Kurt together. He got the brunt of Kurt’s breakdown, and he got the dump of the insecurities and fears Lucifer dredged up. If anything, the latest event has only made Kurt love Blaine even more than used to, as he’s completely and wholly devoted to the boy both because of and in exchange for the worry and anxiety he caused him when he got kidnapped from Solve. Not to mention, Blaine is one of the few people that has stood by him through thick and thin - one of the few people who’s a boy mind you - and always, always seems to know the best thing to say to Kurt to cheer him up, to distract him, to calm him down. He’s also one of the few people who shares the same likes and dislikes from music to movies, to fashion and books.
But that’s the easier side of things.
Kurt hasn’t, in Adstringendum, confessed to Blaine. He was going to back in February, on Valentine’s day since he was convinced that Blaine liked him. However, Rachel soon showed him otherwise, and he was absolutely crushed about it. Since then, events have kind of fucked with Kurt’s head in a way that he can’t quite see the obvious anymore, and all the hints he’d been picking up for Blaine are just totally going over his head. He just doesn’t have the mental capacity to process romance outside of his own feelings, and even then he gets confused sometimes. But as it stands, Kurt is continually maturing because of Adstringendum. Case in point; when Blaine was trying to comfort Kurt after the nightmares. He spent a while in Blaine’s arms, crying and breaking down and letting himself be held and cared for. He basked in that “love” for a while until his mind cleared, he calmed a little, and he gained a portion of his old self back. While the Kurt of the past would have taken full advantage of the affection, basking in it and trying to use it and tweak Blaine’s concern to get him thinking he liked Kurt instead of Jeremiah, Blaine is just... different.
Unlike Finn, Blaine has stood up for him and just... saved him. In so many ways. So while he starts in on manipulating and trying to drag out the emotions he wants Blaine to feel, he ends up grinding to a halt as the guilt crashes down on him. Which is why he continuously pulls away from Blaine’s comforting touches. And once again, even though Blaine has realized now that he’s as in love with Kurt as Kurt is with him, (and you know he’s being so freaking obvious about it its kind of adorably ridiculous) Kurt just can’t see it. His mind can’t focus on things as much as it usually does - Rachel’s recent departure and Pavarotti’s death have seen to that so damn much - and as a result he’s left thinking that Blaine is still in love with Jeremiah, torn between just basking in the affection he’s displaying (something he sees as normal for whatever reason) or confessing that he likes Blaine and its kind of tearing him up inside because he wants to enjoy it and he needs it as a friend and... a little more, but mostly as a friend... feeling guilty for using Blaine. Because that’s how he sees it.
Which just confuses him even more because, as I’m going to explain more later, Kurt is a very manipulative person. He usually has no qualms against doing things like this, and usually he basks and beams as the result comes out in his favor. But with Blaine, its different. It induces guilt and he just doesn’t get it. Which is making him hesitant, making him nervous when he should really be calm and forceful. Where he should be the diva he normally is. When he should be confident. Blaine is an unknown, and his own feelings towards the boy are morphing into so much more than a simple school crush, like it was with Finn it actually scares him a little. Which is making him just that much more stressed, which... really isn’t helping his entire mental state.
As it is now, and with how things are progressing, it doesn’t seem like Kurt is gonna be able to handle Blaine’s confession for a while longer, since he can’t even bring himself to confess to him, for fear - although he denies it vehemently - of putting Blaine in an uncomfortable position. Unwittingly, he’s now doing exactly what Blaine was before, worrying about their friendship, the thing that’s really been keeping him going in Adstringendum as of late, getting destroyed if he confesses to Blaine, because that turns all the time he’s let himself be held into something with ulterior motives. And the last thing he needs is for Blaine to think that Kurt’s been manipulating and using him. The last thing he wants is for Blaine of all people to step away from him.
Little does he know everything’s going to be fine. Someone seriously just needs to slap those two boys.
The Devil
AKA - Kurt is so screwed up right now :|a
Stockholm Syndrome is really the driving force behind Kurt’s opinion of Lucifer. Rationally, he should hate him even more than Rachel and Blaine do, since he was the one who tortured him, who was about to sacrifice him. And yet he believes him, trusts him, and can’t quite bring himself to hate him. This all stems from what I’ve headcannoned for the duration of the Dreamscape event, the parts that weren’t played out, when Kurt wasn’t poking around a few ‘scapes on his own. But first, a rundown of the four main things people look for in those with the Stockholm Syndrome.
Hostages who develop Stockholm syndrome often view the perpetrator as giving life by simply not taking it. In this sense, the captor becomes the person in control of the captive’s basic needs for survival and the victim’s life itself.Simply enough, Lucifer did this from the beginning. He had total control over Kurt, and while the boy didn’t know it at the time, after being told that his body was stolen, he knew how simple it would be for Lucifer to just rip out his throat and be done with him. The fact that he didn’t? Well, it just played into the development of a skewed sense of this affliction.
The hostage endures isolation from other people and has only the captor’s perspective available. Perpetrators routinely keep information about the outside world’s response to their actions from captives to keep them totally dependent.Kurt was, literally, kept apart from everyone else via his consciousness. Even when he was in the Dreamscapes, he just wasn’t used to weird things happening enough to really maintain his sense of self. He merely acted like he was part of the story, as if everything was normal. And while he remembers bits and pieces of the Dreamscapes he visited, the majority of his memory of that week in a coma is him alone in the halls of McKinley, constantly and repeatedly confronted by his worst nightmares. Alone.
The hostage taker threatens to kill the victim and gives the perception of having the capability to do so. The captive judges it safer to align with the perpetrator, endure the hardship of captivity, and comply with the captor than to resist and face death.This one didn’t really happen, but... that’s pretty much Kurt’s existence in Adstringendum, due to his lack of abilities and powers. So yeah.
The captive sees the perpetrator as showing some degree of kindness. Kindness serves as the cornerstone of Stockholm syndrome; the condition will not develop unless the captor exhibits it in some form toward the hostage. However, captives often misinterpret a lack of abuse as kindness and may develop feelings of appreciation for this perceived benevolence. If the captor is purely evil and abusive, the hostage will respond with hatred. But, if perpetrators show some kindness, victims will submerge the anger they feel in response to the terror and concentrate on the captors’ “good side” to protect themselves.I could go on and on about this one, but instead I’ll just let that sit there and go on to the major explanation of the Dreamscape event.
Kurt spent, as mentioned before, a large bulk of the week alone in the corridors of McKinley. Seeing as his body was already sleeping, he could do nothing the entire time he was trapped in his consciousness other than live through nightmares brought on by the nature of the event, by the negativity stemming from just about everything and everyone. And as such, he was continuously, nearly endlessly, confronted by and bullied by his nightmare version of Karofsky. Over time, as the ritual drew closer, everything became a little more violent, to the point where Kurt was so near his breaking point from fear of being killed or... violated. In ways that he hasn’t already been.
And then Lucifer appeared. And while Kurt knew he was bad news, at the same time he was offering him a way out from the torture, from the nightmares. He was encouraging him, talking to him about being strong, about standing up to what was against him. And in Kurt’s mind, by then, that meant kill or be killed. His fear of Karofsky, due to the nightmares, had gotten to that point. But more than anything, what affected Kurt was the fact that Lucifer, unlike nearly everyone else, wasn’t just passing Kurt by. He wasn’t letting the gay kid suffer because he’d rather not deal with it. He was helping him up and standing behind him. Keeping him safe. Protecting and helping him.
And this is where, when he woke up, this trust of Lucifer came from. Sure, he knew logically at first that he shouldn’t trust him, that he should hate him, but as time goes on and Kurt’s mental condition due to the trauma and his general lack of dealing with it gets worse and worse, he’s finding himself slipping more and more into the state he was in his dream. And the more he does that, the more logic escapes him, and the more he remembers that only two people have really stood up for him without being obliged to like family is. Blaine... and Lucifer.
So, in short, there are a few things I want to drabble on, to write about in an attempt to come to a sort of realization - an epiphany of sorts - about the motivations behind his actions and reactions in the show, in order to figure out when these canon reactions would be applicable in a game setting. I always find “normal” characters the hardest to play in panfandom settings, as they don’t deal with any of this stuff in canon. And as such, playing them in character and actually getting anywhere with them are two separate things. After all, for any of the Glee kids an actual in character reaction to landing in another world would be inconsolable trauma. It just doesn’t happen. (And honestly, how would you react to winding up in a post-apocalyptic world?) As such, this characterization needs to be botched a bit in order to play them well, which seems to be acceptable across the canon and the RP scene in general.
But I’m wandering off-topic. What I really want to get into are a few key things that I’ve really been thinking about lately as far as Kurt and his actions go:
Blaine (and by extension Finn)
Being Gay
Rachel
Sex and Romance
Control
Lucifer
Dreamscape Aftermath
Okay, so that’s not really a few key things, but anyway. Lets start, shall we?
Blaine and Finn
Otherwise known as: Where dapper, handsome mofos win and quarterbacks get butchered characterization
Kurt has had crushes before, sure, but nothing has quite been the same as Blaine. Everyone who knows Glee canon knows of his near obsession with Finn Hudson, and the lengths he went to borderline stalk him in an attempt to get closer to him. And Kurt, bless him, thought that was true love at the time. But really, that was him latching onto the first person who was nice to him. Well, the first guy that was nice to him. Kurt, at one point during an episode took a moment to explain his crush on Finn, describing himself as being “madly in love” with him. This all stemmed from the fact that Finn stood up for him - albeit just enough to not be a total dickwad - during a few locker shoving and dumpster throwing incidents. So for the longest time Kurt thought he was in love with Finn, and desperately tried to get together with him. Things blew up in his face, of course, and while he didn’t “get” Finn romantically, he did get him as a friend, and now as a step brother.
And that brings us full-circle to Blaine. Half of the reason Kurt latched onto Blaine so immediately and easily - at least in my interpretation of what happened during the show - was due to the utter lack of support from Finn, someone he considered a friend and near-family at the time. He failed during the time Kurt’s father was in the hospital, stood back and, in effect, chose his reputation over helping protect someone who was, by the end of Never Been Kissed, his brother. Throw that in with the fact that Kurt was still hurting and distrustful of Finn from what happened during Theatricality with that whole homophobic blow-up and all, and Kurt was left kind of alone. Sure, he had his friends, but Finn is someone who looks out for others, and had always seemed to know when something was up with any members of the group. Without Finn there to act as a barrier between Kurt and the tougher guys at school? He fell into a bullied depression.
And then he met Blaine. Blaine was the first person Kurt met who got it. And more importantly, he’d lived through it. He knew the pain of the bullying first hand, and he was the first one that didn’t just tell Kurt to be tough, but he actually seemed to be proud of the fact that Kurt was still functioning, still fighting back through everything. Blaine was, really, his saving grace. From day one he was the one who gave Kurt strength, and his words - even the one simple one he kept texting Kurt with, courage - kept Kurt going even through all the bullying, even through the violation Karofsky pushed onto him. But not only was he smart, empathetic, and actually seemed to care unlike everyone at McKinley... Blaine went out of his way to help. He even went with Kurt to talk to Karofsky. And really, that was the first time someone went with Kurt to stand up to the bullying. Even the Glee kids didn’t really jump to Kurt’s defense in the halls, they merely stared, shocked, and formed little bands to face the bullies down without Kurt being there. And while that sentiment was nice and appreciated, it just wasn’t enough. Blaine stood right there with Kurt in order to help him face his fears, in order to really make him stronger.
That was the first time Kurt had ever had anyone do that for him. It was also the first time he’d had a guy get to that level of friendship and loyalty with him without any underhanded methods, like he continuously used with Finn.
And, you know, Blaine was the first other openly gay guy Kurt had ever met. That definitely counted for something.
And while Kurt’s controlling personality - which will be discussed later - has surfaced with Blaine, the older boy had none of it, and while they did spend a while mad at each other, eventually Kurt was forgiven and, really, Blaine’s words stung. I feel that Kurt was sufficiently schooled, and while its inevitable that the little side of him that likes pushing people like that will no doubt surface again, their relationship - both romantically and friend-wise - seems to have progressed to the point where Blaine will confront Kurt about it, slap it down, and otherwise curb that negative side of the boy. As he did during Blame it on the Alcohol, albeit more subtly.
In Adstringendum, Kurt’s relationship with Blaine is taking a generally canon course, but its also stronger and a little more desperate, in a way. They’re trapped in a horrible world, protected by people but otherwise completely vulnerable on their own. He, Blaine, and Rachel have grown incredibly close during their stay here, to the point where one leaving utterly unbalances every ounce of stability they’ve managed to find. Together they’re strong, firm, and can hold each other together against the mental wear of living in a world like that. But take one away and the others will crumble. And while the boys are totally, completely gay, from Kurt’s end he sees Rachel as part of the family - but this will be discussed later. GTFO RACHEL THIS IS BLAINE’S TIME.
Either way, especially in the aftermath of the Dreamscape event, Kurt has found himself using Blaine as a stabilizer. Blaine is, right now, the thing holding Kurt together. He got the brunt of Kurt’s breakdown, and he got the dump of the insecurities and fears Lucifer dredged up. If anything, the latest event has only made Kurt love Blaine even more than used to, as he’s completely and wholly devoted to the boy both because of and in exchange for the worry and anxiety he caused him when he got kidnapped from Solve. Not to mention, Blaine is one of the few people that has stood by him through thick and thin - one of the few people who’s a boy mind you - and always, always seems to know the best thing to say to Kurt to cheer him up, to distract him, to calm him down. He’s also one of the few people who shares the same likes and dislikes from music to movies, to fashion and books.
But that’s the easier side of things.
Kurt hasn’t, in Adstringendum, confessed to Blaine. He was going to back in February, on Valentine’s day since he was convinced that Blaine liked him. However, Rachel soon showed him otherwise, and he was absolutely crushed about it. Since then, events have kind of fucked with Kurt’s head in a way that he can’t quite see the obvious anymore, and all the hints he’d been picking up for Blaine are just totally going over his head. He just doesn’t have the mental capacity to process romance outside of his own feelings, and even then he gets confused sometimes. But as it stands, Kurt is continually maturing because of Adstringendum. Case in point; when Blaine was trying to comfort Kurt after the nightmares. He spent a while in Blaine’s arms, crying and breaking down and letting himself be held and cared for. He basked in that “love” for a while until his mind cleared, he calmed a little, and he gained a portion of his old self back. While the Kurt of the past would have taken full advantage of the affection, basking in it and trying to use it and tweak Blaine’s concern to get him thinking he liked Kurt instead of Jeremiah, Blaine is just... different.
Unlike Finn, Blaine has stood up for him and just... saved him. In so many ways. So while he starts in on manipulating and trying to drag out the emotions he wants Blaine to feel, he ends up grinding to a halt as the guilt crashes down on him. Which is why he continuously pulls away from Blaine’s comforting touches. And once again, even though Blaine has realized now that he’s as in love with Kurt as Kurt is with him, (and you know he’s being so freaking obvious about it its kind of adorably ridiculous) Kurt just can’t see it. His mind can’t focus on things as much as it usually does - Rachel’s recent departure and Pavarotti’s death have seen to that so damn much - and as a result he’s left thinking that Blaine is still in love with Jeremiah, torn between just basking in the affection he’s displaying (something he sees as normal for whatever reason) or confessing that he likes Blaine and its kind of tearing him up inside because he wants to enjoy it and he needs it as a friend and... a little more, but mostly as a friend... feeling guilty for using Blaine. Because that’s how he sees it.
Which just confuses him even more because, as I’m going to explain more later, Kurt is a very manipulative person. He usually has no qualms against doing things like this, and usually he basks and beams as the result comes out in his favor. But with Blaine, its different. It induces guilt and he just doesn’t get it. Which is making him hesitant, making him nervous when he should really be calm and forceful. Where he should be the diva he normally is. When he should be confident. Blaine is an unknown, and his own feelings towards the boy are morphing into so much more than a simple school crush, like it was with Finn it actually scares him a little. Which is making him just that much more stressed, which... really isn’t helping his entire mental state.
As it is now, and with how things are progressing, it doesn’t seem like Kurt is gonna be able to handle Blaine’s confession for a while longer, since he can’t even bring himself to confess to him, for fear - although he denies it vehemently - of putting Blaine in an uncomfortable position. Unwittingly, he’s now doing exactly what Blaine was before, worrying about their friendship, the thing that’s really been keeping him going in Adstringendum as of late, getting destroyed if he confesses to Blaine, because that turns all the time he’s let himself be held into something with ulterior motives. And the last thing he needs is for Blaine to think that Kurt’s been manipulating and using him. The last thing he wants is for Blaine of all people to step away from him.
Little does he know everything’s going to be fine. Someone seriously just needs to slap those two boys.
The Devil
AKA - Kurt is so screwed up right now :|a
Stockholm Syndrome is really the driving force behind Kurt’s opinion of Lucifer. Rationally, he should hate him even more than Rachel and Blaine do, since he was the one who tortured him, who was about to sacrifice him. And yet he believes him, trusts him, and can’t quite bring himself to hate him. This all stems from what I’ve headcannoned for the duration of the Dreamscape event, the parts that weren’t played out, when Kurt wasn’t poking around a few ‘scapes on his own. But first, a rundown of the four main things people look for in those with the Stockholm Syndrome.
Hostages who develop Stockholm syndrome often view the perpetrator as giving life by simply not taking it. In this sense, the captor becomes the person in control of the captive’s basic needs for survival and the victim’s life itself.Simply enough, Lucifer did this from the beginning. He had total control over Kurt, and while the boy didn’t know it at the time, after being told that his body was stolen, he knew how simple it would be for Lucifer to just rip out his throat and be done with him. The fact that he didn’t? Well, it just played into the development of a skewed sense of this affliction.
The hostage endures isolation from other people and has only the captor’s perspective available. Perpetrators routinely keep information about the outside world’s response to their actions from captives to keep them totally dependent.Kurt was, literally, kept apart from everyone else via his consciousness. Even when he was in the Dreamscapes, he just wasn’t used to weird things happening enough to really maintain his sense of self. He merely acted like he was part of the story, as if everything was normal. And while he remembers bits and pieces of the Dreamscapes he visited, the majority of his memory of that week in a coma is him alone in the halls of McKinley, constantly and repeatedly confronted by his worst nightmares. Alone.
The hostage taker threatens to kill the victim and gives the perception of having the capability to do so. The captive judges it safer to align with the perpetrator, endure the hardship of captivity, and comply with the captor than to resist and face death.This one didn’t really happen, but... that’s pretty much Kurt’s existence in Adstringendum, due to his lack of abilities and powers. So yeah.
The captive sees the perpetrator as showing some degree of kindness. Kindness serves as the cornerstone of Stockholm syndrome; the condition will not develop unless the captor exhibits it in some form toward the hostage. However, captives often misinterpret a lack of abuse as kindness and may develop feelings of appreciation for this perceived benevolence. If the captor is purely evil and abusive, the hostage will respond with hatred. But, if perpetrators show some kindness, victims will submerge the anger they feel in response to the terror and concentrate on the captors’ “good side” to protect themselves.I could go on and on about this one, but instead I’ll just let that sit there and go on to the major explanation of the Dreamscape event.
Kurt spent, as mentioned before, a large bulk of the week alone in the corridors of McKinley. Seeing as his body was already sleeping, he could do nothing the entire time he was trapped in his consciousness other than live through nightmares brought on by the nature of the event, by the negativity stemming from just about everything and everyone. And as such, he was continuously, nearly endlessly, confronted by and bullied by his nightmare version of Karofsky. Over time, as the ritual drew closer, everything became a little more violent, to the point where Kurt was so near his breaking point from fear of being killed or... violated. In ways that he hasn’t already been.
And then Lucifer appeared. And while Kurt knew he was bad news, at the same time he was offering him a way out from the torture, from the nightmares. He was encouraging him, talking to him about being strong, about standing up to what was against him. And in Kurt’s mind, by then, that meant kill or be killed. His fear of Karofsky, due to the nightmares, had gotten to that point. But more than anything, what affected Kurt was the fact that Lucifer, unlike nearly everyone else, wasn’t just passing Kurt by. He wasn’t letting the gay kid suffer because he’d rather not deal with it. He was helping him up and standing behind him. Keeping him safe. Protecting and helping him.
And this is where, when he woke up, this trust of Lucifer came from. Sure, he knew logically at first that he shouldn’t trust him, that he should hate him, but as time goes on and Kurt’s mental condition due to the trauma and his general lack of dealing with it gets worse and worse, he’s finding himself slipping more and more into the state he was in his dream. And the more he does that, the more logic escapes him, and the more he remembers that only two people have really stood up for him without being obliged to like family is. Blaine... and Lucifer.