For lastvoyages : Journal Entry 3
In Romanian:
This place really is Hell.
In English:
Mr. Armand:
I have done as you asked and ventured from my cabin.
I strongly suggest that you never ask such a thing of me again.
In addition, our meeting in person will have to wait. Due to the outcome of this experiment, I am not safe to keep company with.
D------
This place really is Hell.
In English:
Mr. Armand:
I have done as you asked and ventured from my cabin.
I strongly suggest that you never ask such a thing of me again.
In addition, our meeting in person will have to wait. Due to the outcome of this experiment, I am not safe to keep company with.
D------
Count Dracula, you can call me simply Armand or... if you must be formal, my family name is St. Just. But you are from a higher social status than I. I'm used to being simple Armand. [He really seems very embarrassed, and perhaps a little sunburned.]
I'm sorry your excursion didn't go well. Are there any ruffled feathers to be soothed elsewhere?
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Eh? ...oh.
[Dracula moves to his seat at the desk, his face a white oval in the semidark. He has even covered his window with a towel so the Port's sunlight cannot stream in.]
Hello Armand. How goes it with you?
Ruffled feathers? Only mine. The blonde hunter harassed me again, this time in person, and nearly drew me into a fight. It took the last of my resolve to walk away.
But I suppose nobody particularly cares if I am antagonized by another. I am the villain of the piece, after all. [Another manic laugh]. The infidel to be converted....
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I'm so very sorry. Blonde hunter. [His eyes unfocused and he looked aside trying to figure out who that was.] Mademoiselle Summers. [He swallows, a little upset about the situation.] She can't lay a hand on you unless you break the rules. Remember that.
[He looks around at where he's sitting.] I suppose you realize that I cannot get back until the Admiral decides we're done here. Monsieur Gi is an amiable and capable companion. We didn't go to sleep hungry.
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Her harassments will continue until I snap. That, I can count on. Just as I can count on her not being punished or discouraged from any of this. This place's precious double standard, which she will take full advantage of, will reign supreme over justice or reason. [His voice had dropped to a poisonous hiss from all the bitterness.]
[He shrugged.] It matters not regarding your proximity, though it is good to see you well. I will not be taking visitors regardless of who they are. I am not safe company.
You can thank Mademoiselle Summers for that.
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I want to help you. You aren't meant to stay in your room, more a prisoner than anyone else.
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Also some...thing...named Rinzler.
[He looked rather startled at his statement.] But I am a prisoner. My foray merely reinforced the fact in my mind. I can choose between solitude, or being surrounded by temptation and antagonism while threatened with punishment at every turn.
It is the Turkish prison of my youth all over again, but even more deeply wrapped in insanity, ridiculous expectations, and false hope.
Would you have me stay in my cell, or would you have me finally snap and kill or be killed?
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[Armand frowned in complete frustration.] I see where you're saying that, but other inmates aren't confined to their rooms all the time. You need more freedom than that.
And no one has the right to pressure you until you snap.
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[He sighed, absently running his claws over the surface of the table and gouging up little curls of wood.]
No, the other inmates are not confined to their rooms. I do need more freedom than this. But I see absolutely no point to "freedoms" that force me to endure constant baiting, criticism and ostracism from humans, with the threat of punishment hovering ever over my head if I should lose my temper even for a moment.
If I had had one single positive experience, perhaps I would feel a bit more as you do. But as I told you, my foray only confirmed my suspicions about the attitudes I would encounter.
What would you have me do, Armand? Try again, be baited, lose my temper, and get punished? What potential reward is worth that very real risk?
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I may request to be appointed your interim warden. Sometimes it takes a while to get a permanent assignment, and you need someone with authority to stand up for your rights. With your permission, of course.
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I...appreciate your efforts on my behalf, Armand. But that will be a risk to you, advocating for the likes of me. I am hated and feared; you may be hated by association.
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I don't think I ever told you who my last inmate was, the one I graduated. It was Loki, the Norse god of mischief. I'm used to be people hating me.
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...what?
[A long silence while he tries to process this.]
[The chair creaks as he sits forward. He pulls the towel off the window, and peers out at the island as if trying to spy Armand among the antlike figures on the beach. His eyes look even more sunken and manic than usual.]
As you wish, then. I am willing to attempt the exercise. But...
...you may need to know some things about me.
First off, if my anger and my suspicion of hunters seems excessive, understand that when I say they robbed me of my Brides, my court, and all that I had, they did it within the last few days. It is another reason I have sequestered myself. Even a mortal man would be having...problems...right now.
Does that perhaps put my state in more perspective? As I told Mr. Wayne, I could perhaps handle all this better once my losses are less raw.
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It is at just such a time you might need someone to stand up for you.
Mister Wayne is not the type to make an offer like he did frivolously. He's always been very forthright with me, so perhaps finding a way to burn up some aggression with him would do you some good, when your temper isn't as high.
I don't know yet how to make the request, but I promise that I will.
Do you really think that you'd hurt me if we saw one another in person?
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But it is ultimately your decision. I do not dislike the idea, I am simply...
...being cautious.
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Do you need to rest during the day?
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But I also know a man's choices are his own.
Nevertheless, any visit you make may need to be cut short if I begin to have...trouble.
During the day? No. Though I normally do, I do not actually need it.
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