(no subject)
It's been a while since I've let myself be a mess over some bullshit, so here you go...
I want to apologize for my part in the conversation, but i absolutely have not forgiven you for what you've said to me. A part of me is in love with you. The other part of me hates you.
I'll never speak to you again, but i can't imagine my life without you in it. Yeah, we've fought a lot in the past, but never like this. You said absolutely horrible things to me, but the more i think about it, the more I realize that I took the time to get to know you a lot better than you know me. For instance, do you know why I lived at Lindsey's house? (because it's an hour closer to school than alhambra is and it enabled me to enroll) Do you know why I moved to my sisters house in Illinois from my parents house in wisconsin? (because I have a learning disability in math, and the education system in illinois allowed me to get a lot more help than I would have gotten in wisconsin) Do you know that I talk to my parents all the time? Do you know that I opted to celebrate my twenty first birthday with my older brothers before I celebrated with my friends? Do you know that my brother drove me all they way up there, and my cousin drove me all the way back down? I think that says a lot about my family. Considering that "they don't even want me around." Do you know why I quit pizza hut to work at mcdonalds? (because I don't have my parents to pay for my schooling, and I pay rent. mcdonalds offered me a fifty cent raise.) So say what you will about it. There's a lot more to me than just some homeless girl that's cleaning up spilled mcflurries. You just never took the time to see that part of me.
All those late night conversations, and all day text message conversations obviously meant more to me than they did to you. They helped to get through the day. Why do you think that I sent you those pictures? Do you think I would have sent them to just anyone? You are the only person that i have ever sent pictures of my boobs to. Yeah, it was all in good fun, but it did take a lot for me to do that and you know it. Threatening to post them on the internet is absolutely ridiculous.
Yes, I've made out with really random people before. In fact, most of the people that I kiss are pretty damn random. I don't consider you one of them.
Do you realize what it was like for me when I kissed you? I couldn't think. I Couldn't breathe. All I could do was feel how much I liked you and kiss you back. I almost died when you ended up in my lap.
I think that you making out with me when you absolutely knew how much i liked you and then calling my some random girl is pretty shitty. Especially because I had been extremely straight forward with you up to that point. I had even asked you what was going on with us the day before.
You told me I'm gross and to find someone else to lower their standards enough to fuck me. Well you sure as hell didn't think I was gross when you were all over my boobs and trying to fuck me. Do you want to know the real reason that I didn't fuck you? It's so petty, but it's because the wire in my bra broke while we were jumping on the trampoline and it scratched the hell out my boob and I was embarassed, so I told you no even though I wanted to. Like, bad. I'm so glad I didn't now. It's so obvious that that's all you wanted. Everything changed after that night. there are so many other horrible things that I could say. That I feel like saying; but for whatever reason i still have a lot of respect for you.
No Worries, I know that we'll never be like we were again. I'm not sure if I would even want to be with you if I had that chance anymore i'm nor really sure where i'm going with this. so I guess i'll stop there.
I want to apologize for my part in the conversation, but i absolutely have not forgiven you for what you've said to me. A part of me is in love with you. The other part of me hates you.
I'll never speak to you again, but i can't imagine my life without you in it. Yeah, we've fought a lot in the past, but never like this. You said absolutely horrible things to me, but the more i think about it, the more I realize that I took the time to get to know you a lot better than you know me. For instance, do you know why I lived at Lindsey's house? (because it's an hour closer to school than alhambra is and it enabled me to enroll) Do you know why I moved to my sisters house in Illinois from my parents house in wisconsin? (because I have a learning disability in math, and the education system in illinois allowed me to get a lot more help than I would have gotten in wisconsin) Do you know that I talk to my parents all the time? Do you know that I opted to celebrate my twenty first birthday with my older brothers before I celebrated with my friends? Do you know that my brother drove me all they way up there, and my cousin drove me all the way back down? I think that says a lot about my family. Considering that "they don't even want me around." Do you know why I quit pizza hut to work at mcdonalds? (because I don't have my parents to pay for my schooling, and I pay rent. mcdonalds offered me a fifty cent raise.) So say what you will about it. There's a lot more to me than just some homeless girl that's cleaning up spilled mcflurries. You just never took the time to see that part of me.
All those late night conversations, and all day text message conversations obviously meant more to me than they did to you. They helped to get through the day. Why do you think that I sent you those pictures? Do you think I would have sent them to just anyone? You are the only person that i have ever sent pictures of my boobs to. Yeah, it was all in good fun, but it did take a lot for me to do that and you know it. Threatening to post them on the internet is absolutely ridiculous.
Yes, I've made out with really random people before. In fact, most of the people that I kiss are pretty damn random. I don't consider you one of them.
Do you realize what it was like for me when I kissed you? I couldn't think. I Couldn't breathe. All I could do was feel how much I liked you and kiss you back. I almost died when you ended up in my lap.
I think that you making out with me when you absolutely knew how much i liked you and then calling my some random girl is pretty shitty. Especially because I had been extremely straight forward with you up to that point. I had even asked you what was going on with us the day before.
You told me I'm gross and to find someone else to lower their standards enough to fuck me. Well you sure as hell didn't think I was gross when you were all over my boobs and trying to fuck me. Do you want to know the real reason that I didn't fuck you? It's so petty, but it's because the wire in my bra broke while we were jumping on the trampoline and it scratched the hell out my boob and I was embarassed, so I told you no even though I wanted to. Like, bad. I'm so glad I didn't now. It's so obvious that that's all you wanted. Everything changed after that night. there are so many other horrible things that I could say. That I feel like saying; but for whatever reason i still have a lot of respect for you.
No Worries, I know that we'll never be like we were again. I'm not sure if I would even want to be with you if I had that chance anymore i'm nor really sure where i'm going with this. so I guess i'll stop there.