A journal entry.
I feel like talking to somebody.
I've come to realize that I am a very optimistic person. To a fault, almost. No matter how many times somebody/something throws me down or makes me feel stupid, I always come crawling back. Not in a desperate way, just in a hopeful way. I really never lose hope in anything. Sometimes I try to tell myself "well, (put random event here) is DEFINITELY not going to happen, so don't even consider it." And I trick myself into believing it for a while, but when the time comes for that event, and when it really doesn't happen, I am still disappointed. For example: there is somebody I would LOVE to get a phone call from tonight (well, I'd love to get a phone call from anyone right now, actually) but I am SO sure that it's not going to happen. But still, when I wake up in the morning and realize he didn't call, I'll be a little sad. That's because I still have HOPE even when the odds are overwhelmingly against me. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. I always think that things will get better, so I hold on to things for a long time, but I end up getting hurt because some things just were not meant to happen.
I can't wait until college, for so many reasons:
- Getting away from my parents. They're wonderful people who love me more than anything, but I'm to the point where we just clash a lot. I grin and bear it though and try not to start any confrontations, because they're doing a lot for me right now. My dad's getting old and forgetful and it's really pretty sad. But also annoying and embarrassing. My mom just seems to be getting more annoying. I think it's because I'm older and she still says the same stupid things that I thought were funny when I was 10. But I love them.
- Living on my own. I guess this ties in with the above statement, but I'm just SO excited to have total control over my life. I'm also SO GLAD I'm living with my best friend ever, Dustin, and my two other apartment-mates are really cool too. And the apartment/apartment complex itself is amazing and AH I want to be there NOW!
- Meeting new (and better) guys. Self-explanatory.
- Partying/Clubbing/Having things to do on the weekends. Living in Tampa is going to be so amazing. (Right, Elyse?)
I'm a very happy person. I absolutely LOVE to laugh, and I do it A LOT. WAY too much, actually. It's embarrassing. Same with smiling. I wish everybody saw so many good things in the world everyday like I do. Or find corny jokes as funny as I do. Then I wouldn't be the only one laughing 75% of the time. I'm not sure if this means I'm naive? No, I just find reasons to be happy. I'm far too young to be bitter.
I really love people. Not ALL people, of course, but people that are nice. And fun. Lately I've been feeling really social, but I just don't have anybody to hang out with. I've gone to places by myself a lot lately, just for something to do. I kinda enjoy it. I feel independent.
I wish I had a talent/hobby. I really wish I was artistic and could paint or draw. Or play the guitar. I've had so many emotions lately that I need to get out somehow but I just don't have a way to do it. I know there's something though, and I just haven't found it.
I want a new job.
I want to clean my room, but I'm not sure if I can find the energy to do it. I'll try to start with the top of my dresser tonight. We'll see how that goes.
I'm going shoe shopping tomorrow after school. I need orange/yellow and green shoes. This weekend I went to the Sarasota mall and bought a pair of blue shoes that match ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that I own, and a sorta faded dark blue shirt... What kind of pants do I wear faded dark blue with? It's an aeropostale shirt, with "aeropostale" written in white. So I can't wear it with khakis or anything. WHAT WAS I THINKING. It's such a cute shirt but It doesn't really match with blue jeans, since it's BLUE. And like a faded blue at that. I guess maybe I can get a colorful belt and matching colorful shoes and it will tie it all together. I also bought a few other shirts, two camisoles and a pair of jeans. Oh, but the camisoles are kind of long. I need some shorter ones. One is white and the other is like a light brown. They were like 7 dollars a piece, I couldn't resist. A shorter white camisole is another thing on the shopping list tomorrow.
Goodnight.