a long one...
los angeles was wonderful. i had so much fun! i met so many great people, and got to spend time with someone who has unexpectedly become a very important part of my life. i haven't laughed the way i did out there in a very, very long time. i have never been so happy just driving aimlessly around. when i am with him, the side of me i wish everyone could see and know comes out. i danced in a club with movie stars watching. i ate crickets. i talked to strangers. i tried new cuisines. i let my guard down (nearly all the way). i feel safe and at ease for once. my stay inspired so many good, positive feelings.
i got some bad news and i was feeling pretty down about it last night. then, i received this message from him (whilst he's en route to mexico..): "please stay happy, sweetheart. if you ever get down, just think of all the things and possibilities you and i have to look forward to".
what's the catch? why am i suddenly deserving of such sincerity and kindheartedness?
(your love will be safe with me)
another positive note: i made amends (once again) with an old, dear friend. it was nerve-racking - the walk to meet him. i had been ignored the past four months, without a clue as to what i had done. i got some justification tuesday night. it eased my mind - and although we both admit, nothing will ever be the same, at least now my mind is at ease. it makes breaks my heart that such an incredible friendship has dissolved, but not knowing, not having heard, that was much worse. at least this way i have hope.
there are still so many things just dwelling in my mind, but in time i know things will work out. the only words i have spoken to er since the middle of december are "merry christmas" and "happy new year". otherwise, i have heard nothing from him... but that's typical i suppose. i'm not sure why i expected anything more. i presume it's for the best - but something in me can't let go - not completely. how ridiculous is that? i'm pathetic - after what he did to me (intentionally or not) any normal person would have forgotten him long ago... but i guess that's what makes him my weakness, eh? stupid. (with all your lies, you're still very lovable)
escuela begins in just THREE days and i am going to rock it.
i got some bad news and i was feeling pretty down about it last night. then, i received this message from him (whilst he's en route to mexico..): "please stay happy, sweetheart. if you ever get down, just think of all the things and possibilities you and i have to look forward to".
what's the catch? why am i suddenly deserving of such sincerity and kindheartedness?
(your love will be safe with me)
another positive note: i made amends (once again) with an old, dear friend. it was nerve-racking - the walk to meet him. i had been ignored the past four months, without a clue as to what i had done. i got some justification tuesday night. it eased my mind - and although we both admit, nothing will ever be the same, at least now my mind is at ease. it makes breaks my heart that such an incredible friendship has dissolved, but not knowing, not having heard, that was much worse. at least this way i have hope.
there are still so many things just dwelling in my mind, but in time i know things will work out. the only words i have spoken to er since the middle of december are "merry christmas" and "happy new year". otherwise, i have heard nothing from him... but that's typical i suppose. i'm not sure why i expected anything more. i presume it's for the best - but something in me can't let go - not completely. how ridiculous is that? i'm pathetic - after what he did to me (intentionally or not) any normal person would have forgotten him long ago... but i guess that's what makes him my weakness, eh? stupid. (with all your lies, you're still very lovable)
escuela begins in just THREE days and i am going to rock it.