Killing her siloutte
Madness. I have changed so much. None of you even know me anymore. I am holy. holey. Worn out. Like old jeans. Only a couple more months. Thank god. Thank no god. No desire. I can't believe myself. Neither can you. We are all lies. I miss everyone so much. Life is natural. My life is natural. I live in the house of sickness. My mind is slowly rotting. Trotting off into the sunset. Just like in the movies. Love. So in love. Despite all the bad my life seems almost perfect. We moved away from Pat. We got a new house. Me my mom and Logan, and eventually Rachell. good god. Bad god. No treat. Jesus is coming, hide the bodies. Apocalyptic nonsense. If only you knew. I've been doing good in Gateway. I'm such a "positive leader" it makes me sick to my stomach. Mirror imagery. I'm getting good on my little geetar. I'm going to be famous. Change the world for the worst. The list goes on. THis is the end. My views are changing. It seems strange to me the difference in myself after only 3 months in hell. Heaven. Good versus evil. I go to court soon. For my sentencing, being judged is always a thing of beauty. Do you all remember me? Remember the times? .The times are significant, all insignificant. Life may be insignificant but I find it beautiful these days. I forgot the names of all my favorite songs. Trying to remember feelings lost in translation. From French to sign. If you can even comprehend. Soon I'll be free. I just got my GED and I'm looking for a job or something like that. "Doing what I'm supposed to be" Haha. THe American way of doing things. I am an American proud of the stars and stripes upside down in flames. One finger salute. My friends suck. I suck too though. So it all works out in the end I guess. I'm a winner because all my friends are losers. Drugs. Tripping occasionally into the formality of sobriety. I've been clean for almost 4 months. What a shame. My dad is driving semis to parts unknown. My mom is recovering. Drugs. Vicodin. I might just sniff markers. My new drug of choice. That or pop organic pills and drink listerine. Listerine, keeps your breath smelling fresh and new. Newborn. Kills germs too. I want to capitalize on ignorance. Open a business that sells natural condoms. and I might go to church in the morning. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck church and some feeble belief in a security blanket subtitled Jesus. Jesus Christ. THe mother the son and the holy ghost. My security blanket was pot. Now my security blanket is Rachell. Because sometimes I think if she wasn't around I would become a hermit and end up overdosing on sadness. She keeps me sane when everything goes fucked up . Fucked down. Fucked until your head bashes against the wall. Screaming means. Meaning. What do I mean. Why are you so mean. Bullying my freewill. You fucking quacks. My therapist thinks I have a stable mind and household. Maybe my household is stable, as long as whoever built it did his job right. Right, left. Left wing is fading. Liberalist, wait. Conservationists, move to the right. Save the whales and don't eat meat. I don't eat anything unless I can picture it screaming and bleeding in death. Slaughtering innocent cows. How sad. All bred for our treats. So delicious.mmmmm..... I like beef, pork and sheep. I hate fish, I fuck myself in the nighttime. Only in my mind. I wish I could though. Only a few more inches. MOving to Arizona, So Rachell can go to school and I can work on my looks. Plastic surgery means more chicks. Hermaphrodites love me. I love crayons. A kid stuck a pencil in his ear and got the cap stuck, we had to pull it out with tweezers. What a fucking moron, this happens to be the same kid I convinced to jump off a cliff and he broke his arm. HAHAHA. Thats what Gateway is teaching me, to take advantage of stupid people. I have kids giving me money for cigarettes because they think I'm "cool" Can you imagine? Me, being cool. What the fuck? You are cool. what? Me? Cool? I don't have anything worthy of coolness, besides a fat head. ilove you I love you too, and thats why we are so close, even on the brink of a perfect picture. All colors blending so right. SO left. Whats left? A direction? A belief, political? No, Left is my state of mind. My state of mind is probably Arkansas, if I have the choice....The chance to make a change for the better. A kindly knit sweater, made for you by your grandma on Christmas. The one you only wear when she comes to visit, because it smells kind of like an old piece of bacon. Yeah that sweater, the sweater thats better. SO loving. I can't wait to get the fuck out of Delta. I can't wait to see what the future holds. Holds. Love holds, love handles. Burning candles. brown sandals. Ricks and randalls. Whats in name? My name is Eric. I was named after my great uncle who died in a car crash. Whaen he was 19. I'm almost 19, coincidence? I think not. I don't want to live to see old age. I might just kill myself at forty for the fun of it. Rachell just sighed when I wrote "kill myself" the past decsisions I made were nearly retarded. Wasting my life that almost ended. HOw weird. Yeah that s it for now. I doubt you'll ge tthis far. THe end.