What the hell is going on?!
What is with today?!
First Stacey e-mails me to tell me her electric is getting shut off today for the second month in a row and now the kids don’t have heat, a way to make food, everything! She is so damn irresponsible. I don’t feel bad for her one bit, I could care less if it was just her and Bob and they didn’t have anything but to do that to your kids?! How can you do that? I just don’t get it; I seriously believe I care more about those kids than she does. All she does is scream at them and tell them what they’re doing wrong. I am taking them tonight. I will get them to and from school, I will make sure they are fed and warm when they crawl into bed at night. It just makes me so angry, grow up already! You are 32 with two kids and a marriage that you’re miserable in. You’re too lazy to get off your ass and get a job. You have $698 dollars leftover per month after rent and you get food stamps. How can you not pay electric with $698? Where does that money go? I will tell you where, it goes to cigarettes for her and her husband, beer for her husband and then stupid ass shopping sprees that she takes herself on with all of the money HE makes where she buys lame ass shit that she does NOT need. If I could get those kids away from her, I would do it in a heartbeat. You pay rent then you pay electric and then you pay your $100 and some cable bill. What’s more important? SERIOUSLY?!?!
Second Katie texts me “My worst fear came true, Megan and Jeff hooked up Saturday night.” So Megan (her BEST friend) hooked up with Jeff (their mutual best guy friend) and Katie is fuckin devastated, she doesn’t know what to do or say and here’s the thing. They have a group of like 7 or 8 of them that hang out ALL the time and are really good friends. Well in this group is Megan’s ex Nate who also happens to be Jeff’s best guy friend and Jeff’s ex girlfriend is mixed in there too. So basically when all of this comes out friendships are going to be completely shattered. Especially Nate and Jeff. But what the hell? Katie has been suspecting this for weeks because Megan has been so possessive over Jeff and Jeff kept saying he didn’t like Megan. Katie is hurting, I’m pretty sure she liked Jeff and I know how that feels. So what is in the air today?! Seriously?!
Then I made David cry last night: I put myself down a lot because of my weight, not a little A LOT. More often than not I make comments about how fat I am without even realizing it, I'm just so used to saying those things you know? So last night I found out some things that I wish I would have never learned and it made me feel 10x worse about myself so when we got home from the Laundromat I was crying and just felt like shit. And David just sat me down and he started crying. He told me he can't stand to see me like this, that it's depressing and that he doesn't understand how I don't see what he sees. He loves me the way I am and he thinks I'm gorgeous etc etc He basically was just telling me how much it hurts him to see how much I hate myself. It was very emotional and I felt bad for him. I've got to try to nix the out loud self-hate talk.
And so I was already stressed from last night and then stressed about my grandma being in and out of the hospital and now I have sister drama because both of them come to me for support and comfort. I NEED A DRINK, I need to let loose and forget about all of this. This is too much, too fast. I hate stressing out. I am now going to throw myself into my work and pretend I live somewhere else that has white sandy beaches and hot men cleanig the pooooools. AGH!
First Stacey e-mails me to tell me her electric is getting shut off today for the second month in a row and now the kids don’t have heat, a way to make food, everything! She is so damn irresponsible. I don’t feel bad for her one bit, I could care less if it was just her and Bob and they didn’t have anything but to do that to your kids?! How can you do that? I just don’t get it; I seriously believe I care more about those kids than she does. All she does is scream at them and tell them what they’re doing wrong. I am taking them tonight. I will get them to and from school, I will make sure they are fed and warm when they crawl into bed at night. It just makes me so angry, grow up already! You are 32 with two kids and a marriage that you’re miserable in. You’re too lazy to get off your ass and get a job. You have $698 dollars leftover per month after rent and you get food stamps. How can you not pay electric with $698? Where does that money go? I will tell you where, it goes to cigarettes for her and her husband, beer for her husband and then stupid ass shopping sprees that she takes herself on with all of the money HE makes where she buys lame ass shit that she does NOT need. If I could get those kids away from her, I would do it in a heartbeat. You pay rent then you pay electric and then you pay your $100 and some cable bill. What’s more important? SERIOUSLY?!?!
Second Katie texts me “My worst fear came true, Megan and Jeff hooked up Saturday night.” So Megan (her BEST friend) hooked up with Jeff (their mutual best guy friend) and Katie is fuckin devastated, she doesn’t know what to do or say and here’s the thing. They have a group of like 7 or 8 of them that hang out ALL the time and are really good friends. Well in this group is Megan’s ex Nate who also happens to be Jeff’s best guy friend and Jeff’s ex girlfriend is mixed in there too. So basically when all of this comes out friendships are going to be completely shattered. Especially Nate and Jeff. But what the hell? Katie has been suspecting this for weeks because Megan has been so possessive over Jeff and Jeff kept saying he didn’t like Megan. Katie is hurting, I’m pretty sure she liked Jeff and I know how that feels. So what is in the air today?! Seriously?!
Then I made David cry last night: I put myself down a lot because of my weight, not a little A LOT. More often than not I make comments about how fat I am without even realizing it, I'm just so used to saying those things you know? So last night I found out some things that I wish I would have never learned and it made me feel 10x worse about myself so when we got home from the Laundromat I was crying and just felt like shit. And David just sat me down and he started crying. He told me he can't stand to see me like this, that it's depressing and that he doesn't understand how I don't see what he sees. He loves me the way I am and he thinks I'm gorgeous etc etc He basically was just telling me how much it hurts him to see how much I hate myself. It was very emotional and I felt bad for him. I've got to try to nix the out loud self-hate talk.
And so I was already stressed from last night and then stressed about my grandma being in and out of the hospital and now I have sister drama because both of them come to me for support and comfort. I NEED A DRINK, I need to let loose and forget about all of this. This is too much, too fast. I hate stressing out. I am now going to throw myself into my work and pretend I live somewhere else that has white sandy beaches and hot men cleanig the pooooools. AGH!