(no subject)
well here we go again...
well sice the last WONDERFUL entry..i have had alot of tiem to think...basically here is everything in a nutshell....
last year..i had alot of friends...older freinds that is...seniors because i found my self hanging out with alot of my sisters friedns...and just because i was friends with alot of them....well the end of the year came..and guess what..they all went to college...yes i was expecting it to happen...no big deal...well so i thought...it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do...saying bye to my sister and leaving her at college? you can only imagine how hard that was for me...wow the tears started flowin that night...next came chris...everything was alright for a little while..i thought i had it all..i thought i would be alright...then he left....me and jordan broke up and about 12 other ppl i was super close with....left...so there leaves me..all alone...sure i have some ppl i can talk to and count on....and i love dearly i must tell you...but i dont know i jst feel soo alone...
all i want..and i would give anything for...is to feel loved again..not just the kind of love that someone just says i love you to see how far they can get...and get into your pants but the REAL love...
i felt that with someone...and now...i feel hate..i dont even feel close to him at all any more..he seems like he could care less about me...i just wanna know how is it someone can go from being that close and "loving" you that much...well as much as they made it seem..to just up and saying im too busy for you and moving on to someone else..? didnt they promise me that he couldnt do that? wasnt he the one that said he would always love me no matter what happened?? where did he go? where did that person go....i dont see him any more....and all i want and would give anything for is not even for him to love me again..not even to be with me again..i dont want that...well who am i trying to kid..of course i do..but right now im pretty much past that point...all i want is to be able to hug him when we say bye...to be able to mess around and have everything be chill...to be able to talk to him...and tell him things again....for him to be able to tell me things....for us to be able to be the way we should be....not this fighitng ll the time..not this bitterness and hatred i feel inside..thats not how its supposed to be...i just want to feel like he cares....thats all i want..and if he doesnt at all..then tell me..i want to know whats going on in your mind...i just wanna know..if you dont want me in your life...tell me...i just have got to know...
well sice the last WONDERFUL entry..i have had alot of tiem to think...basically here is everything in a nutshell....
last year..i had alot of friends...older freinds that is...seniors because i found my self hanging out with alot of my sisters friedns...and just because i was friends with alot of them....well the end of the year came..and guess what..they all went to college...yes i was expecting it to happen...no big deal...well so i thought...it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do...saying bye to my sister and leaving her at college? you can only imagine how hard that was for me...wow the tears started flowin that night...next came chris...everything was alright for a little while..i thought i had it all..i thought i would be alright...then he left....me and jordan broke up and about 12 other ppl i was super close with....left...so there leaves me..all alone...sure i have some ppl i can talk to and count on....and i love dearly i must tell you...but i dont know i jst feel soo alone...
all i want..and i would give anything for...is to feel loved again..not just the kind of love that someone just says i love you to see how far they can get...and get into your pants but the REAL love...
i felt that with someone...and now...i feel hate..i dont even feel close to him at all any more..he seems like he could care less about me...i just wanna know how is it someone can go from being that close and "loving" you that much...well as much as they made it seem..to just up and saying im too busy for you and moving on to someone else..? didnt they promise me that he couldnt do that? wasnt he the one that said he would always love me no matter what happened?? where did he go? where did that person go....i dont see him any more....and all i want and would give anything for is not even for him to love me again..not even to be with me again..i dont want that...well who am i trying to kid..of course i do..but right now im pretty much past that point...all i want is to be able to hug him when we say bye...to be able to mess around and have everything be chill...to be able to talk to him...and tell him things again....for him to be able to tell me things....for us to be able to be the way we should be....not this fighitng ll the time..not this bitterness and hatred i feel inside..thats not how its supposed to be...i just want to feel like he cares....thats all i want..and if he doesnt at all..then tell me..i want to know whats going on in your mind...i just wanna know..if you dont want me in your life...tell me...i just have got to know...