(no subject)
This is my confession, part whatever.
I sometimes feel like I'm in neutral.
Like my life isn't really going anywhere.
Where's the momentum?
Where's the payoff?
I knew from day one of pursuing a career in Psychology that I'd have to make many sacrifices.
I know that I'll miss out on alot of bullshit that people go through when they're in college.
It's bullshit.
I know it's bullshit.
Why the fuck should I care if I'm not partying or whatever.
But I care that I haven't been in a relationship since I was 17.
And I'm turning 22 soon.
And I still live at home.
I don't even understand how things have gotten so stagnant.
I should really push this horse.
But back to the relationship.
I don't know why, but I can't
I can't make myself interested in chicks.
No, that came out wrong.
I've been on a few dates.
And I mean real dates, not just fucking.
I cannot seem to make myself interested in what some chicks are talking about.
At least, I can't...
I can't seem interested without being fake, and when I don't, I end up looking like an asshole.
I don't know why that is.
Fuck this shit.
I couldn't even get into a crappy relationship.
Not even if my life depended on it.
Maybe I'm too honest?
Maybe I'm too nice, I end up not attracted, then shove bitches in the friend zone.
It's got nothing to do with confidence.
It's got something to do with confidence.
WHAT?
I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHAT ANYBODY THINKS.
Why do I fucking care what some chick thinks?
Why am I sabotaging things before anything even starts?
How can I be so fucking afraid of rejection, after all I've been through?
How can I care?
It's probably just this mental block.
I'm not letting myself get into a relationship because...
WELL, because I have a shitty job.
Because I'm still in school.
Because I still live at home.
Is that why?
Is that the reason for all this?
Shouldn't love just happen?
Shouldn't it be spontaneous?
Shouldn't it not make sense?
Shouldn't it complicate things?
Shouldn't it shouldn't it shouldn't it?
Shouldn't it make things less simple?
All because I really wanna be with someone?
I mean, isn't that the point?
Hell, isn't "love" the kind of thing that makes people wanna abandon their situations and move to Mexico?
I guess I'm not finding it anytime too soon.
I sometimes feel like I'm in neutral.
Like my life isn't really going anywhere.
Where's the momentum?
Where's the payoff?
I knew from day one of pursuing a career in Psychology that I'd have to make many sacrifices.
I know that I'll miss out on alot of bullshit that people go through when they're in college.
It's bullshit.
I know it's bullshit.
Why the fuck should I care if I'm not partying or whatever.
But I care that I haven't been in a relationship since I was 17.
And I'm turning 22 soon.
And I still live at home.
I don't even understand how things have gotten so stagnant.
I should really push this horse.
But back to the relationship.
I don't know why, but I can't
I can't make myself interested in chicks.
No, that came out wrong.
I've been on a few dates.
And I mean real dates, not just fucking.
I cannot seem to make myself interested in what some chicks are talking about.
At least, I can't...
I can't seem interested without being fake, and when I don't, I end up looking like an asshole.
I don't know why that is.
Fuck this shit.
I couldn't even get into a crappy relationship.
Not even if my life depended on it.
Maybe I'm too honest?
Maybe I'm too nice, I end up not attracted, then shove bitches in the friend zone.
It's got nothing to do with confidence.
It's got something to do with confidence.
WHAT?
I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHAT ANYBODY THINKS.
Why do I fucking care what some chick thinks?
Why am I sabotaging things before anything even starts?
How can I be so fucking afraid of rejection, after all I've been through?
How can I care?
It's probably just this mental block.
I'm not letting myself get into a relationship because...
WELL, because I have a shitty job.
Because I'm still in school.
Because I still live at home.
Is that why?
Is that the reason for all this?
Shouldn't love just happen?
Shouldn't it be spontaneous?
Shouldn't it not make sense?
Shouldn't it complicate things?
Shouldn't it shouldn't it shouldn't it?
Shouldn't it make things less simple?
All because I really wanna be with someone?
I mean, isn't that the point?
Hell, isn't "love" the kind of thing that makes people wanna abandon their situations and move to Mexico?
I guess I'm not finding it anytime too soon.