It’s A Beautiful Life… Well, You Won’t Always See It That Way
If you’re just like me
You’re trying to believe
That it’s all going to work out fine
We can live with the doubt
We’re trying to do without
Maybe we don’t have to fight
It’s a beautiful life
Well, you won’t always see it that way
When you’re deep in a hole with nowhere to go
And you can’t see it change
(It’s a beautiful life)
Coz it’s just out of sight
It’s a beautiful life
I tried so hard to keep hanging on
Well maybe you should just let it go
Let the hope in your heart break the fall
- Beautiful Life, James Morrison (The Awakening Album)
This was playing on media player while having a ‘coincident’ conversation with one of my colleagues.
This morning, he received a news that his best pal, after being so quiet on Facebook for a long time, suddenly posted a picture that he’s finally become a dad. I kidded that he should try to make one since he’s getting old so as his partner. Then came our small talk about having kids and stuffs. He asked me why was it easy for me to say that and I looked happy with the idea of having kids, and maybe I should try to have my own. I told him, “Yes, I wanted to have kids! I love kids! If I can make one right now, I will! But how? I don’t even have a partner.”
We made the rest of the convo offline. I sort of pity him for having too much negativity in his outlook in life, such a naysayer per se.
He quoted “…in todays world of 'monkey see, monkey do'...people just follow... so if people have kids, people feel like they are compelled to do the same...BUT is this right? I know some people should never had kids.”
I know he has a point but I still opposed him that it’s not about going with the flow, maybe society really has an influence.. but it still depends on him. He will feel it himself if it’s already the right time building a family of his own. He will eventually come heads-on to a point that he will just want to experience being a parent, raising a kid and stuff.. maybe for him it’s not yet now, but eventually he’ll just feel it's time.
He then asked me that it’s quite strange how I haven't got any boyfriend/partner. I kidded that “as much as i want i can't find?!??!” He replied that maybe I wasn’t trying.
Funny thing is, I don’t want to search for love. I want it to come as a blessing in disguise. Some of my best friends even suggested to go do an online chat or anything like that. But honestly speaking, though it has worked for some people, I’m not up for it anymore. I’ve tried doing that online thing - IRC, yahoo chat - way back in college years. You invest time and emotion over the internet to someone you haven’t seen then “fall in love” then eventually meet-up then comes the it-didn’t-work-stage then you start all over again back at square one. It was a cyclic process. Normally, online infatuation stays over the internet, or at least in my opinion. I never generalize that it won’t work - it sometimes does, but let’s admit - sometimes, it does fail. It’s still better off meeting someone physically and see for yourself if both of you have chemistry or something like that. Yeah, some way or another, you will experience first-hand rejection, but rejection certainly happens in life. It’s part of human nature. We just need to learn to how to take it and move on, change up then build ourselves to be better.
This is so old fashioned ideology! It’s like the “Maria Clara” of the 20th century! I guess being brought up in a certain way dictates a part of someone else’s life.
Honestly speaking, it’s not rejection that I am afraid of or the growing old or the ageing part. A friend once said, ‘age is but a number', and I do agree on that. It’s the growing old ALONE that scares me. Your folks will eventually die, siblings will eventually have a family of their own, and so do friends. So what will happen to you?
That same colleague said “WE DIE!!!”
Yes, I know we’ll die. But not alone. Friends, loved ones and special people in your life don’t die with you, literally. But being around with those who care right before leaving this Earth is still something you can hold on to. You won’t ever feel alone if you die that way. It’s still, I think, one of the best feelings in the world.
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I don’t know but being pessimistic that he is and talking to him about those stuffs drained my brain cells big time! You just suddenly felt the negativity black hole that he’s pulling you into. Maybe that’s how he looks at things right now. But for me, I know everything happens for a reason AND AT THE RIGHT TIME, ACCORDING TO “HIS” TIME - the things that happen in our life, the jobs that hire us, the experiences we encounter, the places we set foot on, and especially the people that we meet - they all were put there for a reason. I may not find the “one” right now at this place, maybe he got lost somewhere else and took the longer route instead. But I know that God is molding that person for me and leading him back on the correct track.
At the end of the day, it’s still my ultimate dream to have a family of my own, to have kids that I could rear, and to have a partner that will endure the ups and downs of life with me.
…I’m still not losing hope.