The App Post the Gov't doesn't want you to see
Character Name: Fox Mulder
Series: The X-Files
Character Age: 32
Job: Lead Paranormal Investigator with the Camp Bureau of Investigation
Canon: The Truth is Out There. I Want to Believe. Trust No One. The television show the X-Files put these conspiracy theory catch phrases on bumper stickers everywhere.
The X-Files, cases shunted off to a special section of the F.B.I., dealt with anything the government determined was not of a serious nature: the Jersey Devil, Sasquatch, the Monster Under Your Bed; these cases would have been accepted with relish by Special Agent Fox Mulder, lead investigator of the paranormal. Highly trained in behavioral psychology, he was a top agent in the Bureau's Behavior Science and Violent Crime Units before he became involved with the X-Files cases.
Possessing an extremely dry, sardonic sense of humor, Mulder can crack a deadpan joke even when faced with the very real possibility that he is about to have his liver stolen. Scorning the conventional and wholly obsessed with the paranormal, Mulder likes to live on the 'wild side' where he watches porn as if it were a sitcom and munches on sunflower seeds.
Sample Post:
Nothing says "Get the hell out of my office" quite like being assigned to rural Louisiana. First off kids, always listen to the F.B.I. Director in charge unless said Director is being a jackass. Then make faces at him when his back is turned. Oh the hilarity that ensues when he turns around and catches you with your nose up your own ass. Can I say "ass" in a camp for kids? Someone have that ass stricken from the record. And kids, if you can identify the double entendre there shame on your parents.
Now in all seriousness I'm here for one reason: to lead investigations into the many reports of paranormal activity I have received since I was dropped here. I've only been here a couple of days but I can already very clearly see the beginnings of a highly developed alien colony at work, and that that colony is gearing for some kind of confrontation. Luckily for you, unlike the American government I can recognize a real WMD when I see one. So let's take a moment now and look at these Weird Misshapen Deviants a little more closely.
Humonius Shufflinus: Not to be confused with Homonius Snifflinus (what you do after dark isn't my business). You may know these aliens as the often misnamed 'zombie'. Let me handle these; they can be very dangerous. Ever see that Thriller video? Look how their leader Michael Jackson turned out and you'll see what I mean.
Indigotum Hairysoni: And people have been telling me that Planet of the Apes is impossible. I have a whole cabinet full of information on how to approach these things safely. Of course, that cabinet is in Washington D.C. buried underneath a year's worth of Celebrity Skin but that's just incentive to get close enough to get more information to replace it.
I could, and will, go on and on about everything I'm beginning to recognize. This place is just a black market organ swapping conspiracy away from having all that I've researched for years. That's really how the aliens get started with their colonization: by nabbing an unsuspecting teenager while he's out peeing in the woods and then the next thing he knows he's up in their mother ship explaining that before they start making judgments they should keep in mind that it was very cold outside.
But I can count on you kids to help me out, right? I knew the government installing those mind control devices into your kidneys was a great idea. What's that? Someone stole your kidney? Outstanding. Wait, now is no time for a doctor! Come into my office, we need to talk.
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Voting went here!
Series: The X-Files
Character Age: 32
Job: Lead Paranormal Investigator with the Camp Bureau of Investigation
Canon: The Truth is Out There. I Want to Believe. Trust No One. The television show the X-Files put these conspiracy theory catch phrases on bumper stickers everywhere.
The X-Files, cases shunted off to a special section of the F.B.I., dealt with anything the government determined was not of a serious nature: the Jersey Devil, Sasquatch, the Monster Under Your Bed; these cases would have been accepted with relish by Special Agent Fox Mulder, lead investigator of the paranormal. Highly trained in behavioral psychology, he was a top agent in the Bureau's Behavior Science and Violent Crime Units before he became involved with the X-Files cases.
Possessing an extremely dry, sardonic sense of humor, Mulder can crack a deadpan joke even when faced with the very real possibility that he is about to have his liver stolen. Scorning the conventional and wholly obsessed with the paranormal, Mulder likes to live on the 'wild side' where he watches porn as if it were a sitcom and munches on sunflower seeds.
Sample Post:
Nothing says "Get the hell out of my office" quite like being assigned to rural Louisiana. First off kids, always listen to the F.B.I. Director in charge unless said Director is being a jackass. Then make faces at him when his back is turned. Oh the hilarity that ensues when he turns around and catches you with your nose up your own ass. Can I say "ass" in a camp for kids? Someone have that ass stricken from the record. And kids, if you can identify the double entendre there shame on your parents.
Now in all seriousness I'm here for one reason: to lead investigations into the many reports of paranormal activity I have received since I was dropped here. I've only been here a couple of days but I can already very clearly see the beginnings of a highly developed alien colony at work, and that that colony is gearing for some kind of confrontation. Luckily for you, unlike the American government I can recognize a real WMD when I see one. So let's take a moment now and look at these Weird Misshapen Deviants a little more closely.
Humonius Shufflinus: Not to be confused with Homonius Snifflinus (what you do after dark isn't my business). You may know these aliens as the often misnamed 'zombie'. Let me handle these; they can be very dangerous. Ever see that Thriller video? Look how their leader Michael Jackson turned out and you'll see what I mean.
Indigotum Hairysoni: And people have been telling me that Planet of the Apes is impossible. I have a whole cabinet full of information on how to approach these things safely. Of course, that cabinet is in Washington D.C. buried underneath a year's worth of Celebrity Skin but that's just incentive to get close enough to get more information to replace it.
I could, and will, go on and on about everything I'm beginning to recognize. This place is just a black market organ swapping conspiracy away from having all that I've researched for years. That's really how the aliens get started with their colonization: by nabbing an unsuspecting teenager while he's out peeing in the woods and then the next thing he knows he's up in their mother ship explaining that before they start making judgments they should keep in mind that it was very cold outside.
But I can count on you kids to help me out, right? I knew the government installing those mind control devices into your kidneys was a great idea. What's that? Someone stole your kidney? Outstanding. Wait, now is no time for a doctor! Come into my office, we need to talk.
---
Voting went here!