We gather ourselves, locked
I need to bring all these scattered thoughts to one place. One mindset. I'm too distracted by one thing to start another, too busy doing one thing to continue the next, too laggard to realize a whole day has past. Time is a precious commodity in my life. I can never decide if I need more or if I need to just skip it all.
School's started again. I've got a tough ass in-between test. Ten frames. I spent a good two hours on the first frame and I haven't finished. Though, I'm told by most people the first one is the toughest, but once you get the hang of it, the succeeding frames only take about one hour a piece (yay time). I've also got two sketchbook assignments. One's easy. Nine compositions. I have to make them rock the house, though. Then forty pages of this that and the next thing. I've also got this write up for Bio tomorrow. Two paragraphs, no big deal. But, I really have to be creative if I want to stand out. I'm sure there's been more than one Clown Fish Hominid creation. I didn't get to attend my first film class of the semester because the school closed down today at seven and cancelled all classes after five. I got to spend two and a half hours driving home, thinking about all this shit.
I'm getting a new car. Probably tomorrow. A black nissan that won't crap out on me. I love the Beigeinator; I do. But, I've put way too much money into this car. I want to move out soon, and my dad doesn't want to worry about my car snapping yet another fan belt (four times in two months), stalling in warm weather, screeching in cold weather, or just plain breaking down when-the-fuck-ever. I think I'm going to name it Spade. I have to get up early and clean out my Mazda. It's gonna be difficult, considering we have a giant-ass pile of tree bits in our driveway. They still have to rip out three more rotting trees. I guess weather prevented them from coming today. My family has four cars to park... they're all in miscellaneous parts of the culdesac. It's really annoying.
I have to get a job because I have to get a new car. I have to pay my parents $100 a week until I can work full time and pay them back faster. I'd like to pay them more if I could, because I hate spending money I don't have, and I've been using my mom's debit or gas card for the past couple months. I hate having to owe money. I already owe $1300 because my mom paid that straight out of her pocket for my first semester.
I was short a whole fucking $1300 because my mom doesn't want me applying for loans outside of FAFSA. I tried explaining to her that college loans aren't that bad, that it's the best kind of debt to be in... it's not like DigiPen is terribly expensive. Everyone else is doing it on loans, so can I. It's not that my parents haven't dealt with debt (because boy have they), but they've never dealt with college loans. They don't understand that the job I'm gunning for... the jobs that students get upon graduating from DigiPen start at what they've worked twenty years to achieve. I want to make them proud. It's amazing everything they've done without a college education, and I want to show them that all this effort is worth it in the end. I want them to see that they've done a good job raising me, and that I'm ready to succeed.
Speaking of which, I want to move out by June. End of June, beginning of July. I've talked about this with some people, and they've voiced their reservations about this decision. But, it's mine to make, and I believe I'm making it for all the right reasons. Ben and I want to move in together. His first choice school is the University of Washington. But, he wants to establish residency to get a lower tuition (it's the difference between $5,000 a year and $21,000 a year). To do that, he has to fulfill a certain list of requirements. I won't go into it, but it's fucking extensive. Aside from establishing residencey, UW dorms are complete shit. I'm sure most of you know that and have heard horror stories. I know I have. I want to move in with someone I know and trust. I want to live within walking distance of DigiPen so I don't have to deal with a commute. I don't have to worry about timing and weather to finish an animation assignment. I don't want to hesitate bringing my art box because I hate lugging it around and forgetting it in random classrooms, then I go home and realize I can't finish the assignment because my supplies are a thirty minute drive and a ten minute walk away from me (thirty minutes to and thirty minutes fro, mind you). I want to be able to live away from my parents, too. I love them and I appreciate everything they've done for me. They've been more accommodating than I ever hoped they would be. They support my decisions, however foolish they may seem on the outside, they know I have a good head on my shoulders. Not to mention, they could see this particular decision coming from a mile away. So did Ben's mom, which is probably why she hates me. We've both talked to our parents, and while mine are supportive and cautious, his are angry and vindictive. Most of you already know his mom tried to cancel his plane tickets to get here. His dad is gonna "lay down the hammer" or some shit. He wants to come out here to see UW and meet my family without Ben--which is extremely awkward on my part. Hopefully they'll come around, but it's not likely to happen soon.
The two of us may need another roommate. I've been checking out the different apartment complexes within walking distance of DigiPen and my favorite, by far, is Avalon (formerly Ravenswood). I've been to one of the two bedroom places (currently occupied by a few of my friends), and it's really nice and relatively inexpensive compared to the others in the area. I really don't want to have to live with a stranger, but I could probably put up with it if I at least had Ben there, you know? If we got another roommate, we'd be paying less than $400 a piece. Avalon is right next to 520, and there's bus stops all over the place that can take him straight to the U-District. Or, he can use my car if ever necessary because I'll be within walking distance. He may even have his own car; we aren't exactly sure.
Why did that fucking tree have to fall into my roof? It's cost us $3800 to remove it, and whatever else to rip out the other two full grown douglas firs and the western red cedar. On top of that, my car... and my tuition. I really need that McMillen Scholarship. Last year, 3 DigiPen students got it (and our dear friend Ashley Kamacho, as well). You should look into it, Amanda, if you're still interested in going to a college in this state. I think it's only available for students attending certain schools. I'll be starting the essay and gathering my portfolio by my spring break, which happens in March. Damn, it would help a lot.
I'm beginning to hate it when my friend Charlie talks about his girlfriend Ashley. "Ohh I miss Ashley" this, "Ashley's so beautiful" that. Shut the fuck up. A mountain and a half separates you two. You've got Fridays off, and she's not in school this semester, so you can see her every fucking week. Stop being a fucking woman. Stop making me sick with your bullshit heartache. Stop whining about a girl who is undoubtedly using you to get back at her cherry-popping ex-boyfriend and your frienemy. I've known gerbils to suffer more heartbreak than you, and I don't want to fucking hear about it.
And suck it, Kevin.
I'm becoming painfully aware of my hesitance at this school. I think most people can tell. My favorite class last year was English. I hate Acting already. Everyone's bothered by my wanting to go to Graduate school. I'm still doing quite well, and I'm progressing a lot. Maybe not as much as I would have hoped, but I have a lot to worry about at the moment. I just wish I could be neck-deep in art, rather than just knee-deep in art which is buried under a mountain of other worries and responsibilities. Everyone has a rough first year. I got a 3.34 last semester. I hope to have a much better one at the end of this, but my lagging from the getgo, coupled with the weather, and my lack of funds to purchase not only the textbooks we need, but a fourth of what's on all three of our art supplies lists is probably gonna hold me back from that goal. If you're interested to know what their supplies list looks like, I'll send you a copy or two. It's not a list. It's fucking inventory.
This has just been a bad week. Hopefully it ends soon.
Maybe I won't have school tomorrow for weather reasons. I should notify my teachers of my probable absence or tardiness, because I'm really not up for another two hour drive (plus ten minute walk) in the fucking snow, with fucking articulated fuck buses sliding off the road next to me. It sucks because my hominid assignment is due tomorrow. I suppose I could just email it to him. I think I'll do that now.
Well, I'm sure there's more, but that's all I want to type. My wrists kind of hurt.
Thank you for taking the time, if you read that all. If you didn't, I don't blame you, lol.
School's started again. I've got a tough ass in-between test. Ten frames. I spent a good two hours on the first frame and I haven't finished. Though, I'm told by most people the first one is the toughest, but once you get the hang of it, the succeeding frames only take about one hour a piece (yay time). I've also got two sketchbook assignments. One's easy. Nine compositions. I have to make them rock the house, though. Then forty pages of this that and the next thing. I've also got this write up for Bio tomorrow. Two paragraphs, no big deal. But, I really have to be creative if I want to stand out. I'm sure there's been more than one Clown Fish Hominid creation. I didn't get to attend my first film class of the semester because the school closed down today at seven and cancelled all classes after five. I got to spend two and a half hours driving home, thinking about all this shit.
I'm getting a new car. Probably tomorrow. A black nissan that won't crap out on me. I love the Beigeinator; I do. But, I've put way too much money into this car. I want to move out soon, and my dad doesn't want to worry about my car snapping yet another fan belt (four times in two months), stalling in warm weather, screeching in cold weather, or just plain breaking down when-the-fuck-ever. I think I'm going to name it Spade. I have to get up early and clean out my Mazda. It's gonna be difficult, considering we have a giant-ass pile of tree bits in our driveway. They still have to rip out three more rotting trees. I guess weather prevented them from coming today. My family has four cars to park... they're all in miscellaneous parts of the culdesac. It's really annoying.
I have to get a job because I have to get a new car. I have to pay my parents $100 a week until I can work full time and pay them back faster. I'd like to pay them more if I could, because I hate spending money I don't have, and I've been using my mom's debit or gas card for the past couple months. I hate having to owe money. I already owe $1300 because my mom paid that straight out of her pocket for my first semester.
I was short a whole fucking $1300 because my mom doesn't want me applying for loans outside of FAFSA. I tried explaining to her that college loans aren't that bad, that it's the best kind of debt to be in... it's not like DigiPen is terribly expensive. Everyone else is doing it on loans, so can I. It's not that my parents haven't dealt with debt (because boy have they), but they've never dealt with college loans. They don't understand that the job I'm gunning for... the jobs that students get upon graduating from DigiPen start at what they've worked twenty years to achieve. I want to make them proud. It's amazing everything they've done without a college education, and I want to show them that all this effort is worth it in the end. I want them to see that they've done a good job raising me, and that I'm ready to succeed.
Speaking of which, I want to move out by June. End of June, beginning of July. I've talked about this with some people, and they've voiced their reservations about this decision. But, it's mine to make, and I believe I'm making it for all the right reasons. Ben and I want to move in together. His first choice school is the University of Washington. But, he wants to establish residency to get a lower tuition (it's the difference between $5,000 a year and $21,000 a year). To do that, he has to fulfill a certain list of requirements. I won't go into it, but it's fucking extensive. Aside from establishing residencey, UW dorms are complete shit. I'm sure most of you know that and have heard horror stories. I know I have. I want to move in with someone I know and trust. I want to live within walking distance of DigiPen so I don't have to deal with a commute. I don't have to worry about timing and weather to finish an animation assignment. I don't want to hesitate bringing my art box because I hate lugging it around and forgetting it in random classrooms, then I go home and realize I can't finish the assignment because my supplies are a thirty minute drive and a ten minute walk away from me (thirty minutes to and thirty minutes fro, mind you). I want to be able to live away from my parents, too. I love them and I appreciate everything they've done for me. They've been more accommodating than I ever hoped they would be. They support my decisions, however foolish they may seem on the outside, they know I have a good head on my shoulders. Not to mention, they could see this particular decision coming from a mile away. So did Ben's mom, which is probably why she hates me. We've both talked to our parents, and while mine are supportive and cautious, his are angry and vindictive. Most of you already know his mom tried to cancel his plane tickets to get here. His dad is gonna "lay down the hammer" or some shit. He wants to come out here to see UW and meet my family without Ben--which is extremely awkward on my part. Hopefully they'll come around, but it's not likely to happen soon.
The two of us may need another roommate. I've been checking out the different apartment complexes within walking distance of DigiPen and my favorite, by far, is Avalon (formerly Ravenswood). I've been to one of the two bedroom places (currently occupied by a few of my friends), and it's really nice and relatively inexpensive compared to the others in the area. I really don't want to have to live with a stranger, but I could probably put up with it if I at least had Ben there, you know? If we got another roommate, we'd be paying less than $400 a piece. Avalon is right next to 520, and there's bus stops all over the place that can take him straight to the U-District. Or, he can use my car if ever necessary because I'll be within walking distance. He may even have his own car; we aren't exactly sure.
Why did that fucking tree have to fall into my roof? It's cost us $3800 to remove it, and whatever else to rip out the other two full grown douglas firs and the western red cedar. On top of that, my car... and my tuition. I really need that McMillen Scholarship. Last year, 3 DigiPen students got it (and our dear friend Ashley Kamacho, as well). You should look into it, Amanda, if you're still interested in going to a college in this state. I think it's only available for students attending certain schools. I'll be starting the essay and gathering my portfolio by my spring break, which happens in March. Damn, it would help a lot.
I'm beginning to hate it when my friend Charlie talks about his girlfriend Ashley. "Ohh I miss Ashley" this, "Ashley's so beautiful" that. Shut the fuck up. A mountain and a half separates you two. You've got Fridays off, and she's not in school this semester, so you can see her every fucking week. Stop being a fucking woman. Stop making me sick with your bullshit heartache. Stop whining about a girl who is undoubtedly using you to get back at her cherry-popping ex-boyfriend and your frienemy. I've known gerbils to suffer more heartbreak than you, and I don't want to fucking hear about it.
And suck it, Kevin.
I'm becoming painfully aware of my hesitance at this school. I think most people can tell. My favorite class last year was English. I hate Acting already. Everyone's bothered by my wanting to go to Graduate school. I'm still doing quite well, and I'm progressing a lot. Maybe not as much as I would have hoped, but I have a lot to worry about at the moment. I just wish I could be neck-deep in art, rather than just knee-deep in art which is buried under a mountain of other worries and responsibilities. Everyone has a rough first year. I got a 3.34 last semester. I hope to have a much better one at the end of this, but my lagging from the getgo, coupled with the weather, and my lack of funds to purchase not only the textbooks we need, but a fourth of what's on all three of our art supplies lists is probably gonna hold me back from that goal. If you're interested to know what their supplies list looks like, I'll send you a copy or two. It's not a list. It's fucking inventory.
This has just been a bad week. Hopefully it ends soon.
Maybe I won't have school tomorrow for weather reasons. I should notify my teachers of my probable absence or tardiness, because I'm really not up for another two hour drive (plus ten minute walk) in the fucking snow, with fucking articulated fuck buses sliding off the road next to me. It sucks because my hominid assignment is due tomorrow. I suppose I could just email it to him. I think I'll do that now.
Well, I'm sure there's more, but that's all I want to type. My wrists kind of hurt.
Thank you for taking the time, if you read that all. If you didn't, I don't blame you, lol.