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[casey1979]

i have this odd fear that this baby is going to take away from me in a negative way. like, keep me from being ME. i guess it's a struggle for moms to be their own selves apart from being just a mom. some women just want to be mom's but i dont want to just be a mom. someone asked me today how my baby was doing and i was like, "um, i dunno. i can't

Comments

[annagraham]

I completely understand what you're saying. When my husband and I got married six years ago it was with the agreement that we would not have children because we enjoyed our life together so much and didn't want anything to change. Well, after about four years we started talking about it and we (obviously) changed our minds. It was fortunate we came around at the same time!

But part of what changed my mind was seeing two of my friends become mothers. Yeah, their lives changed in a huge way, but their fundamental personalities did not change. We could still discuss the same things as before, as well as talk about how their babies are doing. They were still THEM, and they still had the same interests as before. Plus they talked about how amazing it was to become a parent.

This is different from my first close friend who had a baby 3 years ago. After the baby was born, we hardly ever saw them anymore, and they stopped doing things they'd enjoyed doing before. I thought things would settle down for them after a year, but they are still the same. After seeing my other two friends become great moms while enjoying both their babies and their own lives, I realized it didn't have to be like that. I think some people do want to focus all of their attention on being a mom, and I respect that, but one thing I'm learning about parenting -- there is definitely not just one right way to do something, so you have to find what's best for you and your baby.

I think some of the best advice I've received is that it's important to integrate your baby into YOUR life, not the other way around. And besides, my husband and I are going to be together for a long time after our kid grows up, so it's important that we focus on maintaining all the good things about our life together, and share those good things with our baby. While there are huge things that are going to change in your life, that doesn't mean YOU have to change who you are. And yeah, life will NEVER be the same again, but hopefully I'll be able to fundamentally stay who I am.

And you will too! Don't worry about what your family is saying. Your baby isn't going to care about your tattoos or earrings (at least not until s/he becomes a teenager and EVERYTHING about you embarrasses him!!). In fact, after your baby is born, you should get another one with his or her name on it!