the blue dolphin is the best dolphin
this is the journal entry (well, most of it) from the park yesterday. and before I begin, let me add that this is a seperate park visit than the one earlier today with the isreali named adam who made me feel like I was in waking life. but I didn't post that here so i guess it doesn't matter anyway. but it was the same day, same rolls, same park, different entirely. and yes, apparently I'm turning into my boyfriend.
here we go:
I'm rolling in the park.
listening to dragon
working shit out
finding time alone
rethinking my behavior
but don't let yourself feel too guilty. just let it go.
it is SO beautiful outside!
I have to find ways to de stress myself because adam can't do it for me. This day. yesterday. being alone. thinking. feeling good. breathing. all good for me. I am continuiing to grow.
I feel much better since we talked the other day. don't keep it all inside. adam is your soulmate. talk to him about your feelings.
we really are perfect for each other. he amazes me more every day.
It is no one else's fault that you are a stress eater. take charge of you.
you've taken charge of your life.
now take charge of you.
you can't blame everything on your sickness. stop being such a pussy and live your life.
this is it, laura.
portrait innovations, adam, music laughter, this is your life. stop constantly looking for things outside of yourself and enjoy your life.
and be grateful for the body you have. it takes you places, it smeels it sees it hears it feels it breathes it blinks it creates NEW LIFE FOR FUCK'S SAKE you can change your outer appearance if you work really hard.
but please stop hating it. you're so blessed to have this body. this body that feels orgasms and massages and can ride a bike the fingers that make music and the voice box that sings the legs that dance love this body. be thankful for this body.
the blue dolphin is the best dolphin.
this was the best idea I have ever had.
I wonder when I should bust out my blow pop.
oh yeah so this guy came up to me in the park this morning and it was like i was in waking life. it was so fucking bizarre. we were the only 2 people in the park and this exact view of changing my outlook to enjoy life what i was looking for. i thoguht about it all night last night.
life is fucking crazy. how shit just intertwines like that.
this music is fucking incredible. it is so good and crazy.
the last 2 rolls that i ate weren't very goodthey both made me sick and it was a smallbody high but no excitement or life changing thought process.
THIS is what it should be like. I'm hyper but my body is relaxed. i'm happy but i'm lucid. I'm thinking clearly.
this is what god wants us to experience.
gratitude for the world.
I want to be able to channel this view of the world at all times or try to make it last longer and have it be real. actually live my day to day life in awe and gratitude instead of fear.
constant fear.
i don't want the drug to wear off and my new found glory go with it.holy shit this music is aweseome. I have sort of been adam the last 2 days.
stayed up all night, went to a party and danced, doing psychadelics alone.
I want to tell him that I'm sorry and that he is my world. that i'm really going to try to be happier and more peaceful and less stressed.
I want to tell him how much he means to me, not bc he is my boyfriend but bc of who he is, bc he's so full of life and wonder and he's always questioing and learning about the world and he's always dreaming and happy.
he brings so much happiness to the people in his life. seriously. everyone who knows him knows that he is so full of life and spunk and everyone loves him and he is my BOYFRIEND
HA HA HA!
I'M THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE!
my boyfriend is the coolest person ever!
I love his pants, his hair, his smile, his brain, his eyes, the way he's always questioning, how much fun he has, how he has made me rethink so much about the world I thought I knew, how he loves meeven though I'm bitchy and cranky and OCD and cleaning house. I seriously want to spend every day of the rest of my life with him.
the blue dolphin is the best dolphin.
I'm listening to low- bat.
It is seriously giving me boners.
things are going to happen that I can't control. Things are not always going to be perfect. things are not always even going to be good. but sometimes they will be. the truly will be. live for these moments and work through the rest without bringin everyone down with you.
listen to your words laura. "something more than this"
there isn't. this is it. love it. stop searching for things outside of yourself and outside of your world because happiness is inside of you. you have to allow yourself to be hapy. stop punishing yourself. you deserve happiness.
the blue dolphin is the best dolphin.
so lots of people are coming to the park now. whatever as long as I get to continue listening to this music, it will be ok. some of the new arrivals will be tripping.
uh oh. when they get here we'll have to move from this spot. but this spot is awesome.
move from the spot
to smoke pot
sounds like a robot
eating a tater tot
I think not
the sun is hot
hot to trot.
did you forgot?
It was all for naught.
ladies and gentleman, what a degree in poetry will do for you.
(what was I thinking?)
____
ok, if you made it through all that, thanks for sticking with me. it was an incredible day.
here we go:
I'm rolling in the park.
listening to dragon
working shit out
finding time alone
rethinking my behavior
but don't let yourself feel too guilty. just let it go.
it is SO beautiful outside!
I have to find ways to de stress myself because adam can't do it for me. This day. yesterday. being alone. thinking. feeling good. breathing. all good for me. I am continuiing to grow.
I feel much better since we talked the other day. don't keep it all inside. adam is your soulmate. talk to him about your feelings.
we really are perfect for each other. he amazes me more every day.
It is no one else's fault that you are a stress eater. take charge of you.
you've taken charge of your life.
now take charge of you.
you can't blame everything on your sickness. stop being such a pussy and live your life.
this is it, laura.
portrait innovations, adam, music laughter, this is your life. stop constantly looking for things outside of yourself and enjoy your life.
and be grateful for the body you have. it takes you places, it smeels it sees it hears it feels it breathes it blinks it creates NEW LIFE FOR FUCK'S SAKE you can change your outer appearance if you work really hard.
but please stop hating it. you're so blessed to have this body. this body that feels orgasms and massages and can ride a bike the fingers that make music and the voice box that sings the legs that dance love this body. be thankful for this body.
the blue dolphin is the best dolphin.
this was the best idea I have ever had.
I wonder when I should bust out my blow pop.
oh yeah so this guy came up to me in the park this morning and it was like i was in waking life. it was so fucking bizarre. we were the only 2 people in the park and this exact view of changing my outlook to enjoy life what i was looking for. i thoguht about it all night last night.
life is fucking crazy. how shit just intertwines like that.
this music is fucking incredible. it is so good and crazy.
the last 2 rolls that i ate weren't very goodthey both made me sick and it was a smallbody high but no excitement or life changing thought process.
THIS is what it should be like. I'm hyper but my body is relaxed. i'm happy but i'm lucid. I'm thinking clearly.
this is what god wants us to experience.
gratitude for the world.
I want to be able to channel this view of the world at all times or try to make it last longer and have it be real. actually live my day to day life in awe and gratitude instead of fear.
constant fear.
i don't want the drug to wear off and my new found glory go with it.holy shit this music is aweseome. I have sort of been adam the last 2 days.
stayed up all night, went to a party and danced, doing psychadelics alone.
I want to tell him that I'm sorry and that he is my world. that i'm really going to try to be happier and more peaceful and less stressed.
I want to tell him how much he means to me, not bc he is my boyfriend but bc of who he is, bc he's so full of life and wonder and he's always questioing and learning about the world and he's always dreaming and happy.
he brings so much happiness to the people in his life. seriously. everyone who knows him knows that he is so full of life and spunk and everyone loves him and he is my BOYFRIEND
HA HA HA!
I'M THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE!
my boyfriend is the coolest person ever!
I love his pants, his hair, his smile, his brain, his eyes, the way he's always questioning, how much fun he has, how he has made me rethink so much about the world I thought I knew, how he loves meeven though I'm bitchy and cranky and OCD and cleaning house. I seriously want to spend every day of the rest of my life with him.
the blue dolphin is the best dolphin.
I'm listening to low- bat.
It is seriously giving me boners.
things are going to happen that I can't control. Things are not always going to be perfect. things are not always even going to be good. but sometimes they will be. the truly will be. live for these moments and work through the rest without bringin everyone down with you.
listen to your words laura. "something more than this"
there isn't. this is it. love it. stop searching for things outside of yourself and outside of your world because happiness is inside of you. you have to allow yourself to be hapy. stop punishing yourself. you deserve happiness.
the blue dolphin is the best dolphin.
so lots of people are coming to the park now. whatever as long as I get to continue listening to this music, it will be ok. some of the new arrivals will be tripping.
uh oh. when they get here we'll have to move from this spot. but this spot is awesome.
move from the spot
to smoke pot
sounds like a robot
eating a tater tot
I think not
the sun is hot
hot to trot.
did you forgot?
It was all for naught.
ladies and gentleman, what a degree in poetry will do for you.
(what was I thinking?)
____
ok, if you made it through all that, thanks for sticking with me. it was an incredible day.