Black-and-Red Conflict Ch. 32/Final
Pairing: Renji and Byakuya
Rating: PG (overall M)
Spoilers: for the end of the SoulSociety arc
Discl.: Bleach and all its characters are (c) to kubotite. I do not make money with this.
Content: Byakuya is an arrogant bastard, says Renji. Abarai is an impertinent nuisance, says Byakuya. Unfortunately for them, fate never cared about their opinions.
Notes: So here, finally, after a long wait, that very last chapter of Black-and-Red Conflict. It might not seem like much, especially not after all that happens before, but it was something that just needed to be written for me to feel this is really finished. I don't know how many of you have stayed with me until now, but to all who did: thank you so much! i started writing this for myself, but believe me, all your comments definitely helped me to go on and by now i didn't finish it only for myself, but also for all of my readers ;)
beta-read is on the way (by marinliliz ) though, seriously, LJ's formatting is driving me absolutely crazy right now which means i probably won't updated the corrected version here, but it will be online on AFF and aarinfantasy as soon as it's available
i would very much like to hear your opinions now that it's complete!
~~~Thirty-Two~~~
Epilogue
It was a cool day in Seireitei. A swift wind was pushing small, torn clouds over a blue sky, carrying with it the faint scent of a rain that would fall as soon as those gray shreds were given the chance to gather.
The window to Byakuya's office was slightly opened, welcoming the fresh air. But as there was a knock on his door and an unusual guest was invited inside, the captain closed that window out of politeness toward the white-haired man who took a seat on the other side of the noble's desk.
Ukitake Jyuushirou looked pale as always, but then his breathing was calm and even and he seemed to be feeling reasonably well today. But there was worry in his eyes.
“What brings you here?”, Byakuya asked after he had returned to his seat and they had just looked at each other for a few moments. Ukitake remained silent for a little bit longer, watching the other captain as if searching for something in the blank face, but eventually he smiled his gentle smile.
“I wanted to ask you how you feel. If everything is alright,” he said.
Byakuya's brows rose slightly.
“I feel as always and everything is alright,” he answered.
Ukitake chuckled.
“Yes, I thought you would say that.” But then he looked with unusual intensity straight into the gray eyes of his opposite, his smile fading only so slightly.
“But you weren't two weeks ago, when you saw Renji-kun wake up in the hospital.”
The sentence seemed to remain fixed between them as if held in the air by thin wires. There it hung squirming, freezing under the noble's cold glare. But Ukitake recommenced to speak before the 6th squad's captain could say anything himself.
“Kuchiki-taichou. Byakuya.” He used the noble's given name in a way that put the dark-haired man back into the days of his past when Ukitake Jyuushirou had still been his teacher and one of the men Byakuya had then trusted the most.
“You can't really think that whatever it was or is that is going on in your squad, between you and Renji-kun, has gone completely unnoticed.”
Byakuya's eyes widened slightly but he kept control otherwise. Jyuushirou wondered once again when the strong-headed, ambitious boy Byakuya had been, had changed into this distant, reserved man. “Byakuya,” Ukitake said, more gently now, and leaned forward.
“Do you not remember me?”
Jyuushirou himself was more than unsure about him being here than should have been acceptable. He still did not want to meddle, he still did not want to pry. But the picture of how Kuchiki-Taichou had almost broken down at his lieutenant's sickbed had not left Ukitake and he had relived that moment more than once over the last few days. He had never thought to see Byakuya that way, and even though the 6th squad's captain did look normal now, Jyuushirou wasn't able to just let it lie this time. As he had said before, two weeks had passed since Rukia and Renji had convinced him not to follow the noble, and since then there had been no further incidents, which did seemed like a good sign. Still, the last time that they had hoped things would work out by themselves Renji had almost died in the Real World and his captain, probably considered the most emotionless man in Soul Society, had had a full-fledged nervous breakdown.
No, Ukitake Jyuushirou did not want to pry, but there was a limit for how long he could just stand by and watch.
“Have you forgotten who I am?” he continued, all the time returning Byakuya's stare unwavering.
“Don't you think that, before I come and confront you like this, I will have a good reason to do so?”
Ukitake's words sounded as if they had first been written onto a piece of paper and then learned by heart, because in a way they almost were. He had thought long about how to confront Kuchiki Byakuya and even in the minute before he entered Byakuya's office he had still been running the sentences back and forth through his head. He was nervous, even though he was Byakuya's senior by more years than he bothered to count and even though he had been the noble's teacher a long time ago.
But practiced or not, those words did seem to get through to Byakuya. He first lowered his eyes, then looked away at some empty space on the wall and took a deep breath.
If there was any outsider he could talk to it was of course Ukitake Jyuushirou. Byakuya had trusted his former teacher as teenager, and even throughout the change into the man he was today, it seemed that trust had somehow persevered. Especially now that something in him had been changed once more through Renji, the noble noticed that that old faith was still there. Also was Ukitake's and Kyouraku's relationship no secret, and in a way he might be able to relate, though of course theirs was a different situation, with both of them captains, not captain and lieutenant, and both of them very much different people than Byakuya and Renji.
But Jyuushirou was here now. He was worried, as Rukia had been and he had come to him, as she had done, holding out his hand, offering it, in case a little support was needed. Maybe it was about time Byakuya took a hand like that, or at least showed a little bit of trust in return for that offer.
He looked back at his former teacher and the coldness had left his eyes.
“I swore to myself a long time ago that I would not break any rules anymore. But sometimes it seems to me as if I am doing nothing else. I was determined I would not let emotions interfere with good sense, but abiding by that and giving up...,” he frowned, hesitated, “giving up what I have come to feel seemed like an even worse option. It was... very frustrating.”
Jyuushirou stayed leaning forward and his voice was gentle.
“I can see how hard something like that must be for you,” he said.
“Then you can see why I behaved the way I did when...,” his voice trailed off and he stopped completely, the frown still on his brow.
“When Renji almost died,” Jyuushirou finished the sentence for him, and finally the possibility that Kyouraku really had been right with his assumption about those two didn't seem all that unlikely anymore.
“But now you have made your decision, for what felt right,” Jyuushirou added.
There was a single nod from Byakuya. There was no hesitation.
Suddenly that unlikely possibility, that idea of Kyouraku's that had been so strange that it had almost been funny, somehow started to make sense. Jyuushirou didn't think he would ever come to know what had really happened between Renji and Byakuya, would never be able to understand how both, and especially the noble had reacted, but with this explanation - Byakuya being caught between what he thought was right and wrong, trying to suppress his emotions - things suddenly seemed to fit. The older captain did not delude himself about the chances of having Byakuya talk about his feelings, but one sentence nonetheless left Ukitake's mouth, before he could even think it over once more.
“You care deeply for Renji.”
For a moment he thought he had pushed too far, that Byakuya would close up again and ask him to leave, but the captain of the 6th just regarded his colleague calmly.
Many seconds passed in which part of Byakuya - the old part, the 'rule-abiding' part - wanted to deny, wanted to stress that there was nothing between him and Renji. But he realized how little sense there would have been to that in this moment and, above all, how much it would in fact hurt to deny.
“Yes,” he finally said.
Jyuushirou smiled. He did not need to hear any more. Did not need to push further. That one word and the way it had been spoken, was all the assurance he needed. Byakuya's eyes had been filled with warmth that was only slowly fading and he had seemed, for a moment, truly contented. Ukitake didn't think the noble would be able to look that way if not some great and difficult issue had finally been resolved. His first questions had been more or less answered as well. Byakuya did feel well, it seemed, and everything was alright, or at least alright enough for now.
Ukitake leaned back in his seat and then, with a small wink, said, “Abarai-kun is a very capable lieutenant. I think it's normal for his captain to care for him.”
And they both knew that Ukitake was perfectly aware that he was not talking about the usual captain-lieutenant-relationship. Both also knew, that this secret would be safe with Jyuushirou.
“Well,” the 13th squad's captain said as he rose from his chair, “I think I might be on my way then. I'm pretty sure there is some hot tea waiting for me, two cups, as far as I know my lieutenants.”
Byakuya politely rose from behind his desk to walk Ukitake to the door. But before he could step out, Jyuushirou turned once more to his dark-haired colleague and former student. Then he said a sentence that, when it had been spoken last, from teacher to student, despite its simplicity, had been one of the highest forms of praise. Now, spoken from captain to captain it showed Ukitake's support for the decision Byakuya had made. A decision against the rules, and for what he felt.
“You have grown, Byakuya.”
And Byakuya had grown. It wasn't so obvious on the outside, but Ukitake was just beginning to grasp how different Byakuya had really been. So calm in the end, calm and composed without that mask of icy rejection he had worn before. Thinking back on that, the white-haired man allowed himself to relax. This time it did not feel like just another calm before just another storm, it actually felt like something really had changed.
Now the only thing to deal with would be Kyouraku's smugness about having been right. Ukitake did not delude himself about the chance of keeping the fact that he had spoken to Kuchiki-Taichou a secret from his partner. Kyouraku would know somehow. The way he just knew some things was outright scary. His hunches were like the Soul Society equivalent of the Real World Oracle of Delphi. Realizing that, Jyuushirou probably should have believed Shunsui's idea about Byakuya and Renji from the start. If it just hadn't seemed so impossible
But then it obviously wasn't. And in contrast to Kuchiki-Taichou, just the idea that anything could be wrong about the 6th's captain and lieutenant being in love with each other didn't even appear in Ukitake's head. In Jyuushirou's opinion, rules weren't rigid cages that people had to be fitted into, but quite the opposite. Rules needed to be applied to each unique situation in an own unique way. Ukitake was certain that Byakuya's diligence in doing his work well could hardly be influenced for the worse. On the contrary. The dark-haired man might even be a better captain if he learned - may it be through his lieutenant - to listen a little more to his feelings.
Ukitake was right.
It was the fact that Byakuya had finally crossed that one last border and that he had made the difficult decision to be with Renji that gave him a whole new kind of countenance. Finally the path in front of him was clear once more and not riddled with uncertainty, confusion and a thousand emotions threatening to drown him. It wasn't an easy path to take, but it was a path nonetheless, no labyrinth.
On the days and on duty, Renji and Byakuya, lieutenant and captain, worked well together, maybe better than ever before. Maybe Byakuya was leading with just a little bit more humanity and a little less cold rationality. For Renji there were moments when he was close to crossing the line he had agreed to respect, when the need to reach out for his captain was too great and he stole a moment to touch Byakuya's hand or even tried to kiss him when they were alone, but altogether he had himself under control fairly well. And in the nights...
In the nights they were equal, as Byakuya had promised to himself they would be.
They were equal in every sense. Sometimes, just for fun, they would have small training bouts to decide about 'giving' and 'receiving', but mostly, when the price of losing was almost as sweet as the price of winning, the question of who would be what when they had sex, did not need to be decided beforehand. It happened in however way it suited best to each situation at hand. As much as having Byakuya beneath him made Renji's heart speed up, being tamed by the noble was almost equally arousing, and as much as Byakuya liked to tame wild and passionate Renji, he soon realized that being overpowered by the redhead held its own, deeply satisfying excitement.
In other words, the nights of being together were enough to balance out the days of being apart. At least for now.
As for the future, whatever it would hold, there was nothing else to do for them but face it together whenever and however it appeared.
Until then, the baboon realized the reflection in the water for what it was: but a mirror image, but a cold mask. He reached out for the real moon in the sky instead and he was granted a touch. A touch and much more. And he realized that that cold white light wasn't as cold as had it seemed.
It was warm. Warm like cherry blossoms in the strong spring light of the year's young sun.
~~~
very important now that 'all is over'...
Rating: PG (overall M)
Spoilers: for the end of the SoulSociety arc
Discl.: Bleach and all its characters are (c) to kubotite. I do not make money with this.
Content: Byakuya is an arrogant bastard, says Renji. Abarai is an impertinent nuisance, says Byakuya. Unfortunately for them, fate never cared about their opinions.
Notes: So here, finally, after a long wait, that very last chapter of Black-and-Red Conflict. It might not seem like much, especially not after all that happens before, but it was something that just needed to be written for me to feel this is really finished. I don't know how many of you have stayed with me until now, but to all who did: thank you so much! i started writing this for myself, but believe me, all your comments definitely helped me to go on and by now i didn't finish it only for myself, but also for all of my readers ;)
beta-read is on the way (by marinliliz ) though, seriously, LJ's formatting is driving me absolutely crazy right now which means i probably won't updated the corrected version here, but it will be online on AFF and aarinfantasy as soon as it's available
i would very much like to hear your opinions now that it's complete!
~~~Thirty-Two~~~
Epilogue
It was a cool day in Seireitei. A swift wind was pushing small, torn clouds over a blue sky, carrying with it the faint scent of a rain that would fall as soon as those gray shreds were given the chance to gather.
The window to Byakuya's office was slightly opened, welcoming the fresh air. But as there was a knock on his door and an unusual guest was invited inside, the captain closed that window out of politeness toward the white-haired man who took a seat on the other side of the noble's desk.
Ukitake Jyuushirou looked pale as always, but then his breathing was calm and even and he seemed to be feeling reasonably well today. But there was worry in his eyes.
“What brings you here?”, Byakuya asked after he had returned to his seat and they had just looked at each other for a few moments. Ukitake remained silent for a little bit longer, watching the other captain as if searching for something in the blank face, but eventually he smiled his gentle smile.
“I wanted to ask you how you feel. If everything is alright,” he said.
Byakuya's brows rose slightly.
“I feel as always and everything is alright,” he answered.
Ukitake chuckled.
“Yes, I thought you would say that.” But then he looked with unusual intensity straight into the gray eyes of his opposite, his smile fading only so slightly.
“But you weren't two weeks ago, when you saw Renji-kun wake up in the hospital.”
The sentence seemed to remain fixed between them as if held in the air by thin wires. There it hung squirming, freezing under the noble's cold glare. But Ukitake recommenced to speak before the 6th squad's captain could say anything himself.
“Kuchiki-taichou. Byakuya.” He used the noble's given name in a way that put the dark-haired man back into the days of his past when Ukitake Jyuushirou had still been his teacher and one of the men Byakuya had then trusted the most.
“You can't really think that whatever it was or is that is going on in your squad, between you and Renji-kun, has gone completely unnoticed.”
Byakuya's eyes widened slightly but he kept control otherwise. Jyuushirou wondered once again when the strong-headed, ambitious boy Byakuya had been, had changed into this distant, reserved man. “Byakuya,” Ukitake said, more gently now, and leaned forward.
“Do you not remember me?”
Jyuushirou himself was more than unsure about him being here than should have been acceptable. He still did not want to meddle, he still did not want to pry. But the picture of how Kuchiki-Taichou had almost broken down at his lieutenant's sickbed had not left Ukitake and he had relived that moment more than once over the last few days. He had never thought to see Byakuya that way, and even though the 6th squad's captain did look normal now, Jyuushirou wasn't able to just let it lie this time. As he had said before, two weeks had passed since Rukia and Renji had convinced him not to follow the noble, and since then there had been no further incidents, which did seemed like a good sign. Still, the last time that they had hoped things would work out by themselves Renji had almost died in the Real World and his captain, probably considered the most emotionless man in Soul Society, had had a full-fledged nervous breakdown.
No, Ukitake Jyuushirou did not want to pry, but there was a limit for how long he could just stand by and watch.
“Have you forgotten who I am?” he continued, all the time returning Byakuya's stare unwavering.
“Don't you think that, before I come and confront you like this, I will have a good reason to do so?”
Ukitake's words sounded as if they had first been written onto a piece of paper and then learned by heart, because in a way they almost were. He had thought long about how to confront Kuchiki Byakuya and even in the minute before he entered Byakuya's office he had still been running the sentences back and forth through his head. He was nervous, even though he was Byakuya's senior by more years than he bothered to count and even though he had been the noble's teacher a long time ago.
But practiced or not, those words did seem to get through to Byakuya. He first lowered his eyes, then looked away at some empty space on the wall and took a deep breath.
If there was any outsider he could talk to it was of course Ukitake Jyuushirou. Byakuya had trusted his former teacher as teenager, and even throughout the change into the man he was today, it seemed that trust had somehow persevered. Especially now that something in him had been changed once more through Renji, the noble noticed that that old faith was still there. Also was Ukitake's and Kyouraku's relationship no secret, and in a way he might be able to relate, though of course theirs was a different situation, with both of them captains, not captain and lieutenant, and both of them very much different people than Byakuya and Renji.
But Jyuushirou was here now. He was worried, as Rukia had been and he had come to him, as she had done, holding out his hand, offering it, in case a little support was needed. Maybe it was about time Byakuya took a hand like that, or at least showed a little bit of trust in return for that offer.
He looked back at his former teacher and the coldness had left his eyes.
“I swore to myself a long time ago that I would not break any rules anymore. But sometimes it seems to me as if I am doing nothing else. I was determined I would not let emotions interfere with good sense, but abiding by that and giving up...,” he frowned, hesitated, “giving up what I have come to feel seemed like an even worse option. It was... very frustrating.”
Jyuushirou stayed leaning forward and his voice was gentle.
“I can see how hard something like that must be for you,” he said.
“Then you can see why I behaved the way I did when...,” his voice trailed off and he stopped completely, the frown still on his brow.
“When Renji almost died,” Jyuushirou finished the sentence for him, and finally the possibility that Kyouraku really had been right with his assumption about those two didn't seem all that unlikely anymore.
“But now you have made your decision, for what felt right,” Jyuushirou added.
There was a single nod from Byakuya. There was no hesitation.
Suddenly that unlikely possibility, that idea of Kyouraku's that had been so strange that it had almost been funny, somehow started to make sense. Jyuushirou didn't think he would ever come to know what had really happened between Renji and Byakuya, would never be able to understand how both, and especially the noble had reacted, but with this explanation - Byakuya being caught between what he thought was right and wrong, trying to suppress his emotions - things suddenly seemed to fit. The older captain did not delude himself about the chances of having Byakuya talk about his feelings, but one sentence nonetheless left Ukitake's mouth, before he could even think it over once more.
“You care deeply for Renji.”
For a moment he thought he had pushed too far, that Byakuya would close up again and ask him to leave, but the captain of the 6th just regarded his colleague calmly.
Many seconds passed in which part of Byakuya - the old part, the 'rule-abiding' part - wanted to deny, wanted to stress that there was nothing between him and Renji. But he realized how little sense there would have been to that in this moment and, above all, how much it would in fact hurt to deny.
“Yes,” he finally said.
Jyuushirou smiled. He did not need to hear any more. Did not need to push further. That one word and the way it had been spoken, was all the assurance he needed. Byakuya's eyes had been filled with warmth that was only slowly fading and he had seemed, for a moment, truly contented. Ukitake didn't think the noble would be able to look that way if not some great and difficult issue had finally been resolved. His first questions had been more or less answered as well. Byakuya did feel well, it seemed, and everything was alright, or at least alright enough for now.
Ukitake leaned back in his seat and then, with a small wink, said, “Abarai-kun is a very capable lieutenant. I think it's normal for his captain to care for him.”
And they both knew that Ukitake was perfectly aware that he was not talking about the usual captain-lieutenant-relationship. Both also knew, that this secret would be safe with Jyuushirou.
“Well,” the 13th squad's captain said as he rose from his chair, “I think I might be on my way then. I'm pretty sure there is some hot tea waiting for me, two cups, as far as I know my lieutenants.”
Byakuya politely rose from behind his desk to walk Ukitake to the door. But before he could step out, Jyuushirou turned once more to his dark-haired colleague and former student. Then he said a sentence that, when it had been spoken last, from teacher to student, despite its simplicity, had been one of the highest forms of praise. Now, spoken from captain to captain it showed Ukitake's support for the decision Byakuya had made. A decision against the rules, and for what he felt.
“You have grown, Byakuya.”
And Byakuya had grown. It wasn't so obvious on the outside, but Ukitake was just beginning to grasp how different Byakuya had really been. So calm in the end, calm and composed without that mask of icy rejection he had worn before. Thinking back on that, the white-haired man allowed himself to relax. This time it did not feel like just another calm before just another storm, it actually felt like something really had changed.
Now the only thing to deal with would be Kyouraku's smugness about having been right. Ukitake did not delude himself about the chance of keeping the fact that he had spoken to Kuchiki-Taichou a secret from his partner. Kyouraku would know somehow. The way he just knew some things was outright scary. His hunches were like the Soul Society equivalent of the Real World Oracle of Delphi. Realizing that, Jyuushirou probably should have believed Shunsui's idea about Byakuya and Renji from the start. If it just hadn't seemed so impossible
But then it obviously wasn't. And in contrast to Kuchiki-Taichou, just the idea that anything could be wrong about the 6th's captain and lieutenant being in love with each other didn't even appear in Ukitake's head. In Jyuushirou's opinion, rules weren't rigid cages that people had to be fitted into, but quite the opposite. Rules needed to be applied to each unique situation in an own unique way. Ukitake was certain that Byakuya's diligence in doing his work well could hardly be influenced for the worse. On the contrary. The dark-haired man might even be a better captain if he learned - may it be through his lieutenant - to listen a little more to his feelings.
Ukitake was right.
It was the fact that Byakuya had finally crossed that one last border and that he had made the difficult decision to be with Renji that gave him a whole new kind of countenance. Finally the path in front of him was clear once more and not riddled with uncertainty, confusion and a thousand emotions threatening to drown him. It wasn't an easy path to take, but it was a path nonetheless, no labyrinth.
On the days and on duty, Renji and Byakuya, lieutenant and captain, worked well together, maybe better than ever before. Maybe Byakuya was leading with just a little bit more humanity and a little less cold rationality. For Renji there were moments when he was close to crossing the line he had agreed to respect, when the need to reach out for his captain was too great and he stole a moment to touch Byakuya's hand or even tried to kiss him when they were alone, but altogether he had himself under control fairly well. And in the nights...
In the nights they were equal, as Byakuya had promised to himself they would be.
They were equal in every sense. Sometimes, just for fun, they would have small training bouts to decide about 'giving' and 'receiving', but mostly, when the price of losing was almost as sweet as the price of winning, the question of who would be what when they had sex, did not need to be decided beforehand. It happened in however way it suited best to each situation at hand. As much as having Byakuya beneath him made Renji's heart speed up, being tamed by the noble was almost equally arousing, and as much as Byakuya liked to tame wild and passionate Renji, he soon realized that being overpowered by the redhead held its own, deeply satisfying excitement.
In other words, the nights of being together were enough to balance out the days of being apart. At least for now.
As for the future, whatever it would hold, there was nothing else to do for them but face it together whenever and however it appeared.
Until then, the baboon realized the reflection in the water for what it was: but a mirror image, but a cold mask. He reached out for the real moon in the sky instead and he was granted a touch. A touch and much more. And he realized that that cold white light wasn't as cold as had it seemed.
It was warm. Warm like cherry blossoms in the strong spring light of the year's young sun.
~~~
very important now that 'all is over'...