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[feathered]

I keep trying to think of interesting things to say here, but I never can. It's been so very long since I've written here regularly that I have no idea what to say or how to begin to say it. You all are strangers to me, and that idea gives me performance anxiety or something. So how about a picture of Venice's San Marco instead of a proper entry?

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[squaresun]

Ooh. A couple of days ago I finished Thomas Mann's Death in Venice. I want to go there. It's weird how I so zealously identify myself as a European and yet I've only been out of the UK a couple of times, to France and Spain, and both of those were five or more years ago. But Venice...my parents had a holiday in Venice shortly after their marriage. Which leads me to wonder whether I was concieved there. That would be cool. But how can you raise that sort of subject with your Mum and Dad? "MUM! DAD! LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU TWO FUCKING! IN VENICE! MY PARENTS FUCKING! IN VENICE! VAGINAL PENETRATION! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY FATHER'S MEATY SHAFT PLUNGING REPEATEDLY INTO MY MOTHER'S PUSSY!" ugh...I'll never work up the courage to ask. Maybe it's for the best. The truth is that I was probably concieved in my Grandparents' double bed while they were out, or in some depressing British hotel, or something. At least if I don't ask I can continue to entertain the hope that I was a Venetian baby.

Which reminds me, I've always been a little bitter about how my Mum left her Italian boyfriend (from the bank she worked in when she was my age or so) for my Dad before she had kids. He'd probably have been a shittier father but he had a cool surname so I sometimes wish he'd knocked her up with me instead. Can't remember his name exactly but it ended in a vowel and sounded excitingly mafia-ish to me. Now I'm stuck with Allan. What the fuck is Allan? It sounds a) scottish and b) weirdly grey. The reason it sounds grey to me is because I associate it with the "allan key" a hexagonal screwdriver thingy moulded into a right angle, the dullest of all angles.

Allan isn't so bad

[squaresun]

The name Allan comes from "aluinn", which is either one that is lovely to behold, or the word to describe the way that a stream or lake sparkles. Apparently a lot of bodies of water bear a variation of this name in Scotland.

I once met a man with the surname Allen, who was Irish (maybe Scotch once upon a time) I think. He was beautiful, with crisp curly hair and blue eyes. He had a gorgeous accent and always let me and his wife sit while he made and elaborately poured tea and served cookies. He had a way of looking at people that made them feel very important; I think you could call that charm. I'll always associate the surname with this man and his lovely ways. Not so bad after all.