[ENG ] .Grey03:Night /edited
NIGHT
The time after sunset and before sunrise while it is dark outside
**
(night of sleep, night of rest, night of oblivion and forgiveness)
You had to see it to believe it. Yunho snatched the magazine from the table and opened it abruptly, almost ripping out the glossy paper. The article was full of praises and Junsu looked fabulous in the photos. Full of charisma, professional, and inexplicably, egoistically, Yunho had hoped the opposite.
He put down the journal and let himself fall on the couch. Their Japanese flat was spacious and comfortable, located on the 14th floor of a building in the center of Tokyo. Neighbors were rarely present and the fact that they lived in a private residency made it easier to move around. Yunho stared hard at the kitchen door in the vain hope that a glass of water would materialize in the air, but of course… He sighed and got up to reach the kitchen.
Junsu. Junsu, Junsu, Junsu. Maybe repeating his name like a prayer in his head would bring him back. They were separated by more than a thousand kilometers, but Yunho had the feeling Junsu was somewhere in the flat, in one of the rooms, bickering with Changmin or working with Yoochun on a new song. Everything seemed so strange when it was only the four of them. He missed Junsu’s laugh, his voice, his habits, his smile, the way he tilted his head when he asked something stupid and knew nobody could resist him. He even missed his lame jokes. It was disturbing, and Yunho winced. He felt like a young girl waiting for her boyfriend to come back home. Seriously disturbing. He couldn’t help but feel a little angry with himself.
“You’re back already?” Changmin asked when he entered the kitchen.
“Jae and Yoochun are still in the studio, they didn’t finish recording,” Yunho said. “What are you eating? Cookies?”
Changmin handed him the bag of biscuits and got up from his chair to serve him a glass of juice. The youngest had had a day off since he recorded his parts last night. Yunho was a little envious.
“When will Junsu-hyung arrive tonight?” Changmin asked, coming back with the drink. “I volunteered to fetch him at the airport.”
“11:34pm. I’ll go with you.”
“You know,” Changmin muttered. “I’m not sure Junsu will enjoy your scolding at this hour of the night.”
“What are you talking about?” Yunho asked, looking annoyed. “And why would I do that?”
“Never mind…”
Changmin decided to drop the subject, arching an eyebrow to express his disbelief. During all the week Junsu was absent - because the originally planned three-days had turned into four, then six - Yunho was visibly sulking in a corner, cursing at some corrupted manager who should just disappear from the surface of the earth, and at some idiot who didn’t understand what vacations meant. Changmin could swear he saw the leader surfing on fansites hunting for fresh news, like some rabid fangirl stalking her idol. It was kind of pathetic, really.
He plunked down on a chair and observed Yunho. It was so strange to see him react like that. Leader-sshi wasn’t infallible, after all. He couldn’t always be the calm, responsible, fatherly Yunho. Quite the contrary. Changmin couldn’t help but worry about tonight, when Yunho would see Junsu. It wouldn’t be pretty if all the frustration Yunho had accumulated thought the week unleashed right when Junsu was coming back home. A nice way to be welcomed. He sighed and rubbed his temples, unable to find a solution. Yunho arched an eyebrow.
“Need an aspirin?”
“I’m fine. I was just thinking…”
Yunho snorted. “Mr. The Genius and his highly intellectual meditations… What is it about this time, a way to fight against hunger in the world?”
“Yeah, something like that. And since we’re at it,” Changmin observed. “Someone is supposed to run errands today!”
“Isn’t it Yoochun’s chores for the week?”
“But he’s going to forget half of the groceries we need…”
Yunho was very amused.
“I’m sorry Changmin, we, poor mortals, do not have the super memory you have been doted with.”
“Oh please, it’s not that complicated to follow a grocery list unless you’re very stupid or something!”
Feeling deeply hurt in his leader’s pride, Yunho spent the five following minutes exchanging kicks with the youngest under the table, and pinching him wherever he could. He was trying to make a giggling Changmin fall down from his chair when the two other members came back.
“I’m so hungry!” Yoochun yelled from the vestibule. “’MIN, DID YOU GET THE GROCERIES?”
“ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS, HYUNG!”
“Okay.”
Yoochun stumbled in the kitchen, still wrapped up in his coat.
“I’m officially announcing that tonight, Junsu will invite all of us to the restaurant. We just need to fetch him at the airport and go to the Chinese restaurant from last time… You know, the one with the cute waitress.”
“I don’t want to eat Chinese,” Changmin protested.
“I don’t care; you should have run errands while we were at the studio!”
“It wasn’t my turn, hyung!”
Yunho decided to let them alone and went to the living-room to find Jaejoong spread on the couch. He chuckled and went to look for the TV remote control, somewhere under the cushions.
“I’m dead,” Jaejoong pompously announced. “I’m officially dead and I want my body to be incinerated and the ashes scattered in the ocean.”
“It’s nice, the fish will enjoy.”
“Yunhoooooo!!”
The leader didn’t want to know why Jaejoong was suddenly clinging at him, pretending to sob in his hands.
“Such cruelty! So in fact you don’t like me! Do you hate me? But why? I thought I was your soul mate, your sunshine, I thought I was the love of your life! Why, Yunho, why!?”
“Jaejoong,” Yunho deadpanned. “Did you read JaeHo fics again?”
The other singer tilted his head on the side, smiling prettily.
“Our fans are so creative. The other day, I found a picture of the both of us making love in a cupboard.”
“…”
“Honey, how about some vacuum cleaning today?”
The following violence was entirely deserved, Yunho decided. Jaejoong finally rolled his eyes and snatched the remote controller from his hands.
“I see, you’re too tired for that today, but it’s ok, don’t worry, my confidence in my sexy self is still intact. But you’ll have to make up for that later, Yun-yun. For now, I want to see this drama with these twisters, go fetch the DVD for me.”
“…”
“Please?”
“If I don’t know better,” Yunho said. “I’ll think you’re drunk.”
“Our Jae is fabulous,” Yoochun said, entering the living room. “He has this exceptional particularity of being drunk when he is sober and sober when he is drunk. So for the sake of the world… I add a bottle of sake to our groceries list, okay?”
“Add one more, he’ll need it!” Changmin piped from the kitchen.
“If we want to save the world, we’ll need at least three bottles,” Yunho concluded.
Jaejoong stared, looking scandalized. “Guys, don’t tell me you’re planning to drink when our schedule doesn’t even let us the time to sleep,” he muttered, horrified. “… please add a bottle of soju,” he shouted to the baritone. “And don’t forget the beers!”
“And some orange juice for Junsu,” Yoochun decided. “We don’t want cutie-boy to smash himself.”
“What are you talking about, of course we want! Forget the orange juice!” Jaejoong proclaimed.
Yunho rolled his eyes but couldn’t help and smiled. Indulging Jaejoong, he rummaged through the pile of DVDs amassed in front of the television to find the Kurosagi one. He looked at his watch. They still had a whole hour before fetching Junsu at the airport. Just enough to take a quick shower and rest a while. He was about to leave the room when Changmin appeared in the doorframe, arms folded on his chest.
“Before we fetch Junsu tonight, I’d like to discuss about… you know, about what’s currently happening.”
“Yes?” Jaejoong asked without looking at him, too engrossed in his drama.
Yoochun arched an eyebrow. Yunho froze and Changmin cringed a little, conscious of the fact the leader probably wouldn’t like what he wanted to say. He cleared his throat and passed a hand in his hair to relieve his uneasiness.
“Well… Maybe we shouldn’t talk about it?” he hazarded. “Junsu will be surely tired after his trip, so we could just welcome him tonight and not mention some unpleasant things.”
“What unpleasant things are you talking about?”
Yunho looked like he was ready to beat the crap out of Changmin - well, not really but you get the point -, and Yoochun felt he had to intervene:
“I don’t understand why we get worked up over this… It’s just an ad, nothing more. He did it before. It’s not like he’s quitting the group…”
“I agree with Yoochun,” Yunho snapped, as if he wasn’t the one being all sulky during the week Junsu was absent.
Jaejoong finally consented to forget his DVD to take part of the conversation.
“I miss ‘Su,” he said without warning. “I want to tease him a bit.”
“You’ll have all the opportunities you want tonight,” Yoochun said, grinning.
“I’m sure he’s looking forward to it,” Changmin muttered. “Okay guys, let’s pretend I never brought up this subject…”
“Wait a minute,” Yunho said. “I find ‘this subject’ very interesting… I’m curious to know why you think there is something wrong with ‘what’s currently happening’, like you said. I think it would be fabulous to hear the resident genius’s opinion on that matter,” he added, ironicly.
“Let me think about it,” Changmin snapped. “Maybe because some leader is acting like an old goat since last week?”
A heavy silence fell over the room, frozen in its stillness. They were in deep shit, Yoochun thought a little frantic. There was no sound in the living-room, except the television which was still playing in the background. Changmin looked absolutely horrified by his own words. And Yunho… well, Yunho looked terrifying.
“I’m sorry,” Changmin faltered. “It wasn’t… Hyung, I’m sorry… I…”
Jaejoong got up from the couch to rescue the youngest. “Changmin, you should go call the manager and ask him when he’ll be there. Junsu won’t let it go if we’re late at the airport.”
Changmin took the opportunity and disappeared in the hallway. Yoochun wisely decided to migrate toward a safer corner of the room, i.e. somewhere far away from the two oldest members. Jaejoong was dying to say something, you could tell from his face.
“Don’t say anything,” Yunho spited before him.
He looked seriously pissed off, his cheeks rosy. Yoochun could tell he was doing his best to keep his cool, and this fact just made things scarier. The baritone was glad Changmin somewhat respected his eldest. Or else, with their respective personalities, there would have been a war in their living room. Yoochun wasn’t sure he would enjoy seeing blood on their new carpet.
“I wasn’t going to speak,” Jaejoong retorted. “But if you insist… I agree with Changmin, you’re acting like some old goat these last days, Yunho.”
Good move, Yoochun thought, deeply afflicted. He just needed to strangle Jaejoong. He saw Yunho clenching his fists and exit the room, without sparing a glance at them.
“Listen, just let me act like an old goat in my room then. Don’t expect me for dinner tonight, I’m not hungry.”
“Congrats, Jae!” Yoochun said, once the other singer out of hearing reach. “I knew you were a tactful guy. Please remind me to never ask you anything if need a mediator, okay?”
“I’m fed up with his mood swings,” Jaejoong muttered, annoyed. “He’s like that since last week and it’s seriously irritating.”
“He’s worrying for Junsu.”
“And so? Ah, I’m sorry, I forget that you, me and Changmin don’t fucking care of ‘Su. Of course.”
Yoochun sighed heavily.
“You know he’s always like that with Junsu… What can we do?”
“It’s not a valid reason to act like a fucker.”
“… you’re not very nice.”
“But did you see?” Jaejoong exploded. “So he’s fucking pissed, yeah… it doesn’t give him the right to snap at everyone and flee in his room each time we tell him he’s annoying!”
“Jaejoong.”
“Poor Changmin. Did you see how he glared at him?”
“Jaejoong. Please.”
Yoochun rolled his eyes. He was living with a bunch of idiots, he decided.
“Shit,” Jaejoong muttered. “And of course, I missed the moment where Kurosagi rejects this girl!”
“Riiiight. Well. I have errands to run. I’m taking Changmin with me if he’s still in the flat and we’ll fetch Junsu at the airport.
“Okay. AND. Don’t forget the alcohol ‘Chun! The alcohol!”
If people could see them at home, Yoochun was sure he would be the one with the biggest number of fans. He was the most normal of the group, after all.
(night of nightmare, night of silence, night so dark, full of despair)
It was past midnight when they came back home. Junsu only wanted to pull off his shoes and faint on his bed, but the others had other plans. No sooner had he put a foot in the flat than Jaejoong was on him, cooing and cajoling as if he hadn’t seen him for a year. He let himself be eyed critically and pushed in the living-room. Jaejoong sighed dramatically.
“You’re skin and bones… Young Hee didn’t let you eat or what? Changmin, bring the Bibimbap I did yesterday!”
“Hyung, are you trying to poison him?” the youngest snorted from the kitchen. “I’ve bought take-out while waiting the plane, just need to reheat it a bit.”
“Hey, what’s wrong with my Bibimbap you ungrateful bastard!?”
“Let’s drink,” Yoochun cheered, “I’ve got the alcohol!”
Yunho was nowhere to be seen and Junsu couldn’t help but find it a little worrying. After all, Yunho had made sure to tell him how pissed he was when he had phoned home some days ago. Junsu wasn’t really sure how the leader would welcome him tonight, even the others seemed quite happy to see him again. Well. Just wait the moment that he would announce the fabulous news that he had in his sleeve… He winced at the thought.
“Everything went well?” Jaejoong asked. “Did you miss us?”
“No way,” he answered absently, “it was absolutely pure bliss, nobody annoying the crap out of me and… AHHHH!”
Looking smug, Yoochun, hands still full of ice cubes, watched him struggling on the carpeted. He was grinning stupidly when the other threw a glare at him, faking anger.
“IT’S COLD, YOU IDIOT!”
“Well, it would be worrying if it wasn’t,” Yoochun said. He drew out five glasses on the table. “Okay. So who wants sake, and who prefers soju? Don’t be shy, come on!”
“Just a little glass of sake, please.” Junsu looked annoyed. “Where’s Yunho?”
Jaejoong had a rule of never answering questions when they were about touchy subjects.
“Junsu, did you see your family this weekend?”
“No, didn’t have the time,” Junsu sighed, “with all these press conferences… Hyung’s not at home?”
“I feel sorry for you if it was as annoying as the Subu one,” Jaejoong said, obviously ignoring the question. He made a vague motion with his hand. “To update you, we spent the week repeating the new songs for the upcoming concert. We had seen a lot of Japanese bands the other day, it’s kind of freaky. They don’t have a sense of fashion at all. Oh, and we visited Johnny’s Entertainment yesterday. It’s very similar to SM, and they have this thing with their trainees, junior-something, it’s quite interesting really and -“
“Jaejoong.”
Changmin smiled and brought out the food, skillfully interrupting the monologue before it got out of hand. Junsu sighed. He tried to sit up but Yoochun caught his wrist, pulling him back.
“Drink that,” the baritone suggested, shoving a full glass of sake in his hands. “And eat, or else you’ll become flat-assed and girls will go kill themselves. Can you give me a bowl, Changmin?”
Clearly, if he persisted to resist, he would end tied to his chair with the three other spoon-feeding him. Rolling his eyes, Junsu took a sip of his drink and pouted.
“I’m not hungry,” he said.
“I can’t hear you, Junsuyah,” Jaejoong proclaimed. “Let me give you this, I hate mushrooms!”
A mini-war exploded in the living-room, with everyone trying to shove vegetables in Junsu’s bowl - and with Changmin ending to eat them all, because it was healthy and he liked it. They were in the process of choosing a new stupid game involving food (“Don’t waste food!” Changmin yelled) when the phone ringed. Because he was closer, the youngest picked it up.
“It’s Young Hee-sshi,” he said after a while, expression perfectly neutral. “For you, Junsu.”
Junsu swore softly. Why couldn’t the manager let him in peace, were it only for a day? He sighed when Changmin handed him the receiver and tried to ignore the fact the others were staring at him, dinner suddenly forgotten.
“Junsu, good news,” the wavering voice of Young Hee said through the phone. “I’ve negotiated with the record label… They’re going to release a limited edition of the Samsung theme you recorded the other day, isn’t it fabulous? Congrats, Xiah!”
“What?”
“Your first solo single! Well, a limited version of it, but it’s a great step forward! Things are moving faster that I thought. I spoke to very competent people, and they’re ready to work with you. You’ll need to come back to Seoul to audition composers you wish to collaborate with. Do you remember Kenzie? She wrote ‘One’ for Dong Bang… She sent me some of her new songs, it’s really great. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
“Wait a minute… Wait…”
It was too fast, too disturbing, he didn’t even have the time to reveal this matter to his bandmates, to warn them, to ask them their opinions… A little panicked, he took a glance at them, met Changmin’s eyes and, unable to hold his gaze, quickly stared at his feet.
“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “Could you… call me again later? I’m tired, I don’t want to speak about that right now…”
“What time is it in Tokyo? 1.am? Kind of late... Then, I’m calling you back later this afternoon. But think about it, it would be for the best to release something before the end of the year… “
There was a strange echo in the phone. Junsu frown and looked at the receiver. Why could he hear like… someone breathing in? And it wasn’t the heavy respiration of Young Hee.
“Junsu, it is good with you?”
“Wait.”
Oh no, he couldn’t believe it… He was hallucinating. It couldn’t be…
“Junsu, I’ll call back later,” Young Hee said again. “Rest well, and don’t strain your voice. You’re going to have a schedule from hell those next weeks…”
“Yunho,” Junsu deadpanned. “Are you listening? Are you using the second line?”
The muffled curse he heard in the receiver gave him an answer. Junsu couldn’t fucking believe it. He just got up, dropped the phone on the floor and rushed toward the workroom, ignoring the astounded glare the other three threw at him. Then flung open the door. Yunho was sitting in his chair, phone still in his hand.
“Hey ‘Su.” Yunho smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Look like you’re doing well.”
“You…”
He was stuttering like an idiot, words distorted by anger and struggling in his throat. Cheeks burning - with irritation, with embarrassment? To have been caught in the act because someone didn’t have the decency to respect one’s private life, -- he bit his lips when Yunho sat up and leaded him back to the living-room.
“Well, I’m happy everything’s so fine for you… To think I was worried,” Yunho laughed, and it was so fake, so Yunho-unlike that Junsu felt ill, his stomach was hurting as if Yunho had punched him in the guts. He felt his own anger instantly vanish.
“Hyung…”
“What are you waiting for, come here! I bet the others will be happy too. Yoochun had bought enough to celebrate tonight!”
“Yunho!”
“Don’t say any more,” the oldest whispered in his ear, suddenly gripping his arm. “You don’t want to see me angry, do you?”
And Junsu felt hands pushing him in the corridor, tugging him toward the living room where Jaejoong, Changmin and Yoochun were waiting. He needed to run away, an irrational voice in his head whispered. Too late. He was already in front of his bandmates, biting his lips nervously.
“Junsu has something fabulous to tell you,” Yunho announced. “You can tell them, ‘Su. Now.”
“Uh… I…”
Why did he feel like a little boy being admonished by his parents? He couldn’t help but throw a pitiful glare to the others three - and hated himself for that. Yunho forced him down on his chair and clapped his hands together.
“Let’s celebrate! Yoochun, draw out the bottles! Ah, maybe I need to tell you first. Junsu, can I?”
“Of course,” Junsu said, his voice breaking like ice. “Hyung.”
“Our Junsu is going solo,” Yunho said, separating each word for effect. “Maybe a CD release before the end of the year. Isn’t it just… fabulous. You should congratulate him, guys.”
Silence. Junsu stubbornly decided he wouldn’t be the one breaking it, since there was a high probably that what he would say wouldn’t be warmly welcomed. He had so much better to do, after all. Like staring at the floor and counting the stains on the carpets, done when he had spilled his coffee some months before. Absolutely fascinating. The silence went on and on, until Yunho finally also sat down and snatched a bottle. The others stared at him filling the glasses.
“Well, let’s drink to the news. Cheers!”
He finished his drink in one shot. The rest still didn’t move. Yunho frowned.
“You’re not really lively tonight…”
Jaejoong offered him a somewhat forced smile, and turned to face Junsu.
“Well,” he began. “Hum. I’ve never imagined receiving this kind of news this way but… well.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve never imagined announcing that this way either,” Junsu whispered.
“Congrats, of course,” Jaejoong quickly added.
Junsu just shrugged and snatched his glass, gulping it down so fast he felt his throat burning and tears menacing to spill from his eyes. Changmin patted him on the shoulder.
“Congrats,” Changmin firmly said. “I’m sure it will be a success.”
Yoochun nodded timidly from the other end of the table. They all saw Yunho refilling his glass, probably considering finishing the bottle by himself. Leader-sshi, you’re so responsible, Jaejoong thought. The main vocal quickly finished his drink and took the bottle from the other man’s hands. A bottle drank by two people was better than a bottle drank by one, he decided. And well. He kind of needed it himself.
“Yunho, one-shots?”
“¥5000 you’ll collapse before me.”
“I’m taking the bet!”
Changmin sighed painfully at the pathetic scene playing before his eyes. Junsu looked like he was trying to make a hole in his empty glass by glaring at it, and Yoochun visibly didn’t know what to say. To his credit, it wasn’t easy to think with two idiots smashing themselves in front of you.
“You want to drink something?” Yoochun finally asked Junsu. “There’s juice in the kitchen if you prefer.”
“No thanks… I think it would be better if I go to bed, I’m tired…”
“It’s already past 2.am.” Changmin noticed. He checked their schedule pinned on the wall. “Manager-san is supposed to fetch us in three hours.”
“Then I should really go to bed.”
Junsu got up and smiled tentatively before exiting the room. Maybe he should follow him, Changmin mused. They shared the same room after all. But then, maybe it was even better to let him some time to calm down and recompose himself. Furthermore, for a reason he couldn’t apprehend, Jaejoong had decided he was a nice and fluffy pillow and was drooling on his shoulder. Erk. Because he wasn’t without heart and because he was a good dongsaeng, he didn’t brush him off - until Jae spilled half of the content of his glass on his knees. Stupid hyung.
“Do you think they’ll be alright?” Yoochun asked him softly, arching an eyebrow as the others two were opening a new bottle of soju.
“They’re responsible adults,” Changmin declared. “At least, it’s what they’re supposed to be. Since I won’t be the one ending with a hangover tomorrow, everything is alright for me.”
“JUNSU,” Jaejoong shouted, clearly drunk from the six one-shots he just had gulped down. “JUNSU SINGS SO WELL. I’M SO PROUD OF HIM.”
“I was wrong earlier,” Yoochun snorted. “Jae is drunk when he is sober but even drunker when he is drunk. My, the world is seriously doomed.”
“JUNSUUUUU!! YOU SHOULD… BE LEAD VOCAL! Yeah, yeah… YOU’LL BE SO… so…”
“Hyung, shut up already,” Changmin snapped, getting annoyed.
“How dare you…” Jaejoong was stuttering, waving dangerously his glass under the youngest’s nose, “dare you… speak, speak like that to your hyung! You’re hurting me Chang-min-mini! Hurting me!”
“I think I’m going to hit something,” Changmin deadpanned.
Yoochun chuckled and patted his back comfortably.
“I’m taking this one to bed,” he said, pointing at Jaejoong. “Go check on Junsu,” he added after a while. “Please.”
Changmin nodded. The both of them took a glance at Yunho, still drinking and refilling his glass with accurate movements and sharp eyes. Changmin didn’t know he was so good a drinker - and never wished to know. Because neither of them had the guts to tell him to stop and to go to bed, they let him alone in the living-room.
When he reached his room, Junsu was already sleeping, curled into a tiny ball under his blanket. For a moment, Changmin felt lost on what to do - and fuck, wasn’t he supposed to be the resident genius? He sighed, then moved closer to his roommate and just decided to poke him. Junsu did a grunted sound.
“Hyung…”
“Let me sleep, ‘Min,” Junsu mumbled. “And stob pinchin’ my nose.”
Muffling a quiet laugh, Changmin pinched his cheeks instead, teasing his skin with the tips of his fingers. It felt good to be able to touch him again after all these days.
“You’re feverish,” he muttered softly. “Do you need something?”
“No… I’m just tired, need to catch up on some sleep…”
“I’ll be in the workroom. Call me if you need anything. Just call me, okay?”
“Nn… ‘kay.”
Junsu closed his eyes and rolled over, allowing Changmin to stroke his hair for a while. The youngest bit his lower lip. It was heartbreaking, to see Junsu like that. It was so fucking wrong, to witness Sunshine losing its brightness and its good mood. Changmin just wanted to hug him tightly, and - it was even more wrong. He was getting affected by Jaejoong’s stupidity, he swore.
He was still tenderly stroking Junsu’s head when a shadow stopped in the doorstep of their room. Yunho threw them a glare. Changmin didn’t even have the time to open his mouth that he disappeared in his own room. He bit his lips again. Something told him tomorrow would be a tough day…
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The time after sunset and before sunrise while it is dark outside
**
(night of sleep, night of rest, night of oblivion and forgiveness)
You had to see it to believe it. Yunho snatched the magazine from the table and opened it abruptly, almost ripping out the glossy paper. The article was full of praises and Junsu looked fabulous in the photos. Full of charisma, professional, and inexplicably, egoistically, Yunho had hoped the opposite.
He put down the journal and let himself fall on the couch. Their Japanese flat was spacious and comfortable, located on the 14th floor of a building in the center of Tokyo. Neighbors were rarely present and the fact that they lived in a private residency made it easier to move around. Yunho stared hard at the kitchen door in the vain hope that a glass of water would materialize in the air, but of course… He sighed and got up to reach the kitchen.
Junsu. Junsu, Junsu, Junsu. Maybe repeating his name like a prayer in his head would bring him back. They were separated by more than a thousand kilometers, but Yunho had the feeling Junsu was somewhere in the flat, in one of the rooms, bickering with Changmin or working with Yoochun on a new song. Everything seemed so strange when it was only the four of them. He missed Junsu’s laugh, his voice, his habits, his smile, the way he tilted his head when he asked something stupid and knew nobody could resist him. He even missed his lame jokes. It was disturbing, and Yunho winced. He felt like a young girl waiting for her boyfriend to come back home. Seriously disturbing. He couldn’t help but feel a little angry with himself.
“You’re back already?” Changmin asked when he entered the kitchen.
“Jae and Yoochun are still in the studio, they didn’t finish recording,” Yunho said. “What are you eating? Cookies?”
Changmin handed him the bag of biscuits and got up from his chair to serve him a glass of juice. The youngest had had a day off since he recorded his parts last night. Yunho was a little envious.
“When will Junsu-hyung arrive tonight?” Changmin asked, coming back with the drink. “I volunteered to fetch him at the airport.”
“11:34pm. I’ll go with you.”
“You know,” Changmin muttered. “I’m not sure Junsu will enjoy your scolding at this hour of the night.”
“What are you talking about?” Yunho asked, looking annoyed. “And why would I do that?”
“Never mind…”
Changmin decided to drop the subject, arching an eyebrow to express his disbelief. During all the week Junsu was absent - because the originally planned three-days had turned into four, then six - Yunho was visibly sulking in a corner, cursing at some corrupted manager who should just disappear from the surface of the earth, and at some idiot who didn’t understand what vacations meant. Changmin could swear he saw the leader surfing on fansites hunting for fresh news, like some rabid fangirl stalking her idol. It was kind of pathetic, really.
He plunked down on a chair and observed Yunho. It was so strange to see him react like that. Leader-sshi wasn’t infallible, after all. He couldn’t always be the calm, responsible, fatherly Yunho. Quite the contrary. Changmin couldn’t help but worry about tonight, when Yunho would see Junsu. It wouldn’t be pretty if all the frustration Yunho had accumulated thought the week unleashed right when Junsu was coming back home. A nice way to be welcomed. He sighed and rubbed his temples, unable to find a solution. Yunho arched an eyebrow.
“Need an aspirin?”
“I’m fine. I was just thinking…”
Yunho snorted. “Mr. The Genius and his highly intellectual meditations… What is it about this time, a way to fight against hunger in the world?”
“Yeah, something like that. And since we’re at it,” Changmin observed. “Someone is supposed to run errands today!”
“Isn’t it Yoochun’s chores for the week?”
“But he’s going to forget half of the groceries we need…”
Yunho was very amused.
“I’m sorry Changmin, we, poor mortals, do not have the super memory you have been doted with.”
“Oh please, it’s not that complicated to follow a grocery list unless you’re very stupid or something!”
Feeling deeply hurt in his leader’s pride, Yunho spent the five following minutes exchanging kicks with the youngest under the table, and pinching him wherever he could. He was trying to make a giggling Changmin fall down from his chair when the two other members came back.
“I’m so hungry!” Yoochun yelled from the vestibule. “’MIN, DID YOU GET THE GROCERIES?”
“ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS, HYUNG!”
“Okay.”
Yoochun stumbled in the kitchen, still wrapped up in his coat.
“I’m officially announcing that tonight, Junsu will invite all of us to the restaurant. We just need to fetch him at the airport and go to the Chinese restaurant from last time… You know, the one with the cute waitress.”
“I don’t want to eat Chinese,” Changmin protested.
“I don’t care; you should have run errands while we were at the studio!”
“It wasn’t my turn, hyung!”
Yunho decided to let them alone and went to the living-room to find Jaejoong spread on the couch. He chuckled and went to look for the TV remote control, somewhere under the cushions.
“I’m dead,” Jaejoong pompously announced. “I’m officially dead and I want my body to be incinerated and the ashes scattered in the ocean.”
“It’s nice, the fish will enjoy.”
“Yunhoooooo!!”
The leader didn’t want to know why Jaejoong was suddenly clinging at him, pretending to sob in his hands.
“Such cruelty! So in fact you don’t like me! Do you hate me? But why? I thought I was your soul mate, your sunshine, I thought I was the love of your life! Why, Yunho, why!?”
“Jaejoong,” Yunho deadpanned. “Did you read JaeHo fics again?”
The other singer tilted his head on the side, smiling prettily.
“Our fans are so creative. The other day, I found a picture of the both of us making love in a cupboard.”
“…”
“Honey, how about some vacuum cleaning today?”
The following violence was entirely deserved, Yunho decided. Jaejoong finally rolled his eyes and snatched the remote controller from his hands.
“I see, you’re too tired for that today, but it’s ok, don’t worry, my confidence in my sexy self is still intact. But you’ll have to make up for that later, Yun-yun. For now, I want to see this drama with these twisters, go fetch the DVD for me.”
“…”
“Please?”
“If I don’t know better,” Yunho said. “I’ll think you’re drunk.”
“Our Jae is fabulous,” Yoochun said, entering the living room. “He has this exceptional particularity of being drunk when he is sober and sober when he is drunk. So for the sake of the world… I add a bottle of sake to our groceries list, okay?”
“Add one more, he’ll need it!” Changmin piped from the kitchen.
“If we want to save the world, we’ll need at least three bottles,” Yunho concluded.
Jaejoong stared, looking scandalized. “Guys, don’t tell me you’re planning to drink when our schedule doesn’t even let us the time to sleep,” he muttered, horrified. “… please add a bottle of soju,” he shouted to the baritone. “And don’t forget the beers!”
“And some orange juice for Junsu,” Yoochun decided. “We don’t want cutie-boy to smash himself.”
“What are you talking about, of course we want! Forget the orange juice!” Jaejoong proclaimed.
Yunho rolled his eyes but couldn’t help and smiled. Indulging Jaejoong, he rummaged through the pile of DVDs amassed in front of the television to find the Kurosagi one. He looked at his watch. They still had a whole hour before fetching Junsu at the airport. Just enough to take a quick shower and rest a while. He was about to leave the room when Changmin appeared in the doorframe, arms folded on his chest.
“Before we fetch Junsu tonight, I’d like to discuss about… you know, about what’s currently happening.”
“Yes?” Jaejoong asked without looking at him, too engrossed in his drama.
Yoochun arched an eyebrow. Yunho froze and Changmin cringed a little, conscious of the fact the leader probably wouldn’t like what he wanted to say. He cleared his throat and passed a hand in his hair to relieve his uneasiness.
“Well… Maybe we shouldn’t talk about it?” he hazarded. “Junsu will be surely tired after his trip, so we could just welcome him tonight and not mention some unpleasant things.”
“What unpleasant things are you talking about?”
Yunho looked like he was ready to beat the crap out of Changmin - well, not really but you get the point -, and Yoochun felt he had to intervene:
“I don’t understand why we get worked up over this… It’s just an ad, nothing more. He did it before. It’s not like he’s quitting the group…”
“I agree with Yoochun,” Yunho snapped, as if he wasn’t the one being all sulky during the week Junsu was absent.
Jaejoong finally consented to forget his DVD to take part of the conversation.
“I miss ‘Su,” he said without warning. “I want to tease him a bit.”
“You’ll have all the opportunities you want tonight,” Yoochun said, grinning.
“I’m sure he’s looking forward to it,” Changmin muttered. “Okay guys, let’s pretend I never brought up this subject…”
“Wait a minute,” Yunho said. “I find ‘this subject’ very interesting… I’m curious to know why you think there is something wrong with ‘what’s currently happening’, like you said. I think it would be fabulous to hear the resident genius’s opinion on that matter,” he added, ironicly.
“Let me think about it,” Changmin snapped. “Maybe because some leader is acting like an old goat since last week?”
A heavy silence fell over the room, frozen in its stillness. They were in deep shit, Yoochun thought a little frantic. There was no sound in the living-room, except the television which was still playing in the background. Changmin looked absolutely horrified by his own words. And Yunho… well, Yunho looked terrifying.
“I’m sorry,” Changmin faltered. “It wasn’t… Hyung, I’m sorry… I…”
Jaejoong got up from the couch to rescue the youngest. “Changmin, you should go call the manager and ask him when he’ll be there. Junsu won’t let it go if we’re late at the airport.”
Changmin took the opportunity and disappeared in the hallway. Yoochun wisely decided to migrate toward a safer corner of the room, i.e. somewhere far away from the two oldest members. Jaejoong was dying to say something, you could tell from his face.
“Don’t say anything,” Yunho spited before him.
He looked seriously pissed off, his cheeks rosy. Yoochun could tell he was doing his best to keep his cool, and this fact just made things scarier. The baritone was glad Changmin somewhat respected his eldest. Or else, with their respective personalities, there would have been a war in their living room. Yoochun wasn’t sure he would enjoy seeing blood on their new carpet.
“I wasn’t going to speak,” Jaejoong retorted. “But if you insist… I agree with Changmin, you’re acting like some old goat these last days, Yunho.”
Good move, Yoochun thought, deeply afflicted. He just needed to strangle Jaejoong. He saw Yunho clenching his fists and exit the room, without sparing a glance at them.
“Listen, just let me act like an old goat in my room then. Don’t expect me for dinner tonight, I’m not hungry.”
“Congrats, Jae!” Yoochun said, once the other singer out of hearing reach. “I knew you were a tactful guy. Please remind me to never ask you anything if need a mediator, okay?”
“I’m fed up with his mood swings,” Jaejoong muttered, annoyed. “He’s like that since last week and it’s seriously irritating.”
“He’s worrying for Junsu.”
“And so? Ah, I’m sorry, I forget that you, me and Changmin don’t fucking care of ‘Su. Of course.”
Yoochun sighed heavily.
“You know he’s always like that with Junsu… What can we do?”
“It’s not a valid reason to act like a fucker.”
“… you’re not very nice.”
“But did you see?” Jaejoong exploded. “So he’s fucking pissed, yeah… it doesn’t give him the right to snap at everyone and flee in his room each time we tell him he’s annoying!”
“Jaejoong.”
“Poor Changmin. Did you see how he glared at him?”
“Jaejoong. Please.”
Yoochun rolled his eyes. He was living with a bunch of idiots, he decided.
“Shit,” Jaejoong muttered. “And of course, I missed the moment where Kurosagi rejects this girl!”
“Riiiight. Well. I have errands to run. I’m taking Changmin with me if he’s still in the flat and we’ll fetch Junsu at the airport.
“Okay. AND. Don’t forget the alcohol ‘Chun! The alcohol!”
If people could see them at home, Yoochun was sure he would be the one with the biggest number of fans. He was the most normal of the group, after all.
(night of nightmare, night of silence, night so dark, full of despair)
It was past midnight when they came back home. Junsu only wanted to pull off his shoes and faint on his bed, but the others had other plans. No sooner had he put a foot in the flat than Jaejoong was on him, cooing and cajoling as if he hadn’t seen him for a year. He let himself be eyed critically and pushed in the living-room. Jaejoong sighed dramatically.
“You’re skin and bones… Young Hee didn’t let you eat or what? Changmin, bring the Bibimbap I did yesterday!”
“Hyung, are you trying to poison him?” the youngest snorted from the kitchen. “I’ve bought take-out while waiting the plane, just need to reheat it a bit.”
“Hey, what’s wrong with my Bibimbap you ungrateful bastard!?”
“Let’s drink,” Yoochun cheered, “I’ve got the alcohol!”
Yunho was nowhere to be seen and Junsu couldn’t help but find it a little worrying. After all, Yunho had made sure to tell him how pissed he was when he had phoned home some days ago. Junsu wasn’t really sure how the leader would welcome him tonight, even the others seemed quite happy to see him again. Well. Just wait the moment that he would announce the fabulous news that he had in his sleeve… He winced at the thought.
“Everything went well?” Jaejoong asked. “Did you miss us?”
“No way,” he answered absently, “it was absolutely pure bliss, nobody annoying the crap out of me and… AHHHH!”
Looking smug, Yoochun, hands still full of ice cubes, watched him struggling on the carpeted. He was grinning stupidly when the other threw a glare at him, faking anger.
“IT’S COLD, YOU IDIOT!”
“Well, it would be worrying if it wasn’t,” Yoochun said. He drew out five glasses on the table. “Okay. So who wants sake, and who prefers soju? Don’t be shy, come on!”
“Just a little glass of sake, please.” Junsu looked annoyed. “Where’s Yunho?”
Jaejoong had a rule of never answering questions when they were about touchy subjects.
“Junsu, did you see your family this weekend?”
“No, didn’t have the time,” Junsu sighed, “with all these press conferences… Hyung’s not at home?”
“I feel sorry for you if it was as annoying as the Subu one,” Jaejoong said, obviously ignoring the question. He made a vague motion with his hand. “To update you, we spent the week repeating the new songs for the upcoming concert. We had seen a lot of Japanese bands the other day, it’s kind of freaky. They don’t have a sense of fashion at all. Oh, and we visited Johnny’s Entertainment yesterday. It’s very similar to SM, and they have this thing with their trainees, junior-something, it’s quite interesting really and -“
“Jaejoong.”
Changmin smiled and brought out the food, skillfully interrupting the monologue before it got out of hand. Junsu sighed. He tried to sit up but Yoochun caught his wrist, pulling him back.
“Drink that,” the baritone suggested, shoving a full glass of sake in his hands. “And eat, or else you’ll become flat-assed and girls will go kill themselves. Can you give me a bowl, Changmin?”
Clearly, if he persisted to resist, he would end tied to his chair with the three other spoon-feeding him. Rolling his eyes, Junsu took a sip of his drink and pouted.
“I’m not hungry,” he said.
“I can’t hear you, Junsuyah,” Jaejoong proclaimed. “Let me give you this, I hate mushrooms!”
A mini-war exploded in the living-room, with everyone trying to shove vegetables in Junsu’s bowl - and with Changmin ending to eat them all, because it was healthy and he liked it. They were in the process of choosing a new stupid game involving food (“Don’t waste food!” Changmin yelled) when the phone ringed. Because he was closer, the youngest picked it up.
“It’s Young Hee-sshi,” he said after a while, expression perfectly neutral. “For you, Junsu.”
Junsu swore softly. Why couldn’t the manager let him in peace, were it only for a day? He sighed when Changmin handed him the receiver and tried to ignore the fact the others were staring at him, dinner suddenly forgotten.
“Junsu, good news,” the wavering voice of Young Hee said through the phone. “I’ve negotiated with the record label… They’re going to release a limited edition of the Samsung theme you recorded the other day, isn’t it fabulous? Congrats, Xiah!”
“What?”
“Your first solo single! Well, a limited version of it, but it’s a great step forward! Things are moving faster that I thought. I spoke to very competent people, and they’re ready to work with you. You’ll need to come back to Seoul to audition composers you wish to collaborate with. Do you remember Kenzie? She wrote ‘One’ for Dong Bang… She sent me some of her new songs, it’s really great. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
“Wait a minute… Wait…”
It was too fast, too disturbing, he didn’t even have the time to reveal this matter to his bandmates, to warn them, to ask them their opinions… A little panicked, he took a glance at them, met Changmin’s eyes and, unable to hold his gaze, quickly stared at his feet.
“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “Could you… call me again later? I’m tired, I don’t want to speak about that right now…”
“What time is it in Tokyo? 1.am? Kind of late... Then, I’m calling you back later this afternoon. But think about it, it would be for the best to release something before the end of the year… “
There was a strange echo in the phone. Junsu frown and looked at the receiver. Why could he hear like… someone breathing in? And it wasn’t the heavy respiration of Young Hee.
“Junsu, it is good with you?”
“Wait.”
Oh no, he couldn’t believe it… He was hallucinating. It couldn’t be…
“Junsu, I’ll call back later,” Young Hee said again. “Rest well, and don’t strain your voice. You’re going to have a schedule from hell those next weeks…”
“Yunho,” Junsu deadpanned. “Are you listening? Are you using the second line?”
The muffled curse he heard in the receiver gave him an answer. Junsu couldn’t fucking believe it. He just got up, dropped the phone on the floor and rushed toward the workroom, ignoring the astounded glare the other three threw at him. Then flung open the door. Yunho was sitting in his chair, phone still in his hand.
“Hey ‘Su.” Yunho smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Look like you’re doing well.”
“You…”
He was stuttering like an idiot, words distorted by anger and struggling in his throat. Cheeks burning - with irritation, with embarrassment? To have been caught in the act because someone didn’t have the decency to respect one’s private life, -- he bit his lips when Yunho sat up and leaded him back to the living-room.
“Well, I’m happy everything’s so fine for you… To think I was worried,” Yunho laughed, and it was so fake, so Yunho-unlike that Junsu felt ill, his stomach was hurting as if Yunho had punched him in the guts. He felt his own anger instantly vanish.
“Hyung…”
“What are you waiting for, come here! I bet the others will be happy too. Yoochun had bought enough to celebrate tonight!”
“Yunho!”
“Don’t say any more,” the oldest whispered in his ear, suddenly gripping his arm. “You don’t want to see me angry, do you?”
And Junsu felt hands pushing him in the corridor, tugging him toward the living room where Jaejoong, Changmin and Yoochun were waiting. He needed to run away, an irrational voice in his head whispered. Too late. He was already in front of his bandmates, biting his lips nervously.
“Junsu has something fabulous to tell you,” Yunho announced. “You can tell them, ‘Su. Now.”
“Uh… I…”
Why did he feel like a little boy being admonished by his parents? He couldn’t help but throw a pitiful glare to the others three - and hated himself for that. Yunho forced him down on his chair and clapped his hands together.
“Let’s celebrate! Yoochun, draw out the bottles! Ah, maybe I need to tell you first. Junsu, can I?”
“Of course,” Junsu said, his voice breaking like ice. “Hyung.”
“Our Junsu is going solo,” Yunho said, separating each word for effect. “Maybe a CD release before the end of the year. Isn’t it just… fabulous. You should congratulate him, guys.”
Silence. Junsu stubbornly decided he wouldn’t be the one breaking it, since there was a high probably that what he would say wouldn’t be warmly welcomed. He had so much better to do, after all. Like staring at the floor and counting the stains on the carpets, done when he had spilled his coffee some months before. Absolutely fascinating. The silence went on and on, until Yunho finally also sat down and snatched a bottle. The others stared at him filling the glasses.
“Well, let’s drink to the news. Cheers!”
He finished his drink in one shot. The rest still didn’t move. Yunho frowned.
“You’re not really lively tonight…”
Jaejoong offered him a somewhat forced smile, and turned to face Junsu.
“Well,” he began. “Hum. I’ve never imagined receiving this kind of news this way but… well.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve never imagined announcing that this way either,” Junsu whispered.
“Congrats, of course,” Jaejoong quickly added.
Junsu just shrugged and snatched his glass, gulping it down so fast he felt his throat burning and tears menacing to spill from his eyes. Changmin patted him on the shoulder.
“Congrats,” Changmin firmly said. “I’m sure it will be a success.”
Yoochun nodded timidly from the other end of the table. They all saw Yunho refilling his glass, probably considering finishing the bottle by himself. Leader-sshi, you’re so responsible, Jaejoong thought. The main vocal quickly finished his drink and took the bottle from the other man’s hands. A bottle drank by two people was better than a bottle drank by one, he decided. And well. He kind of needed it himself.
“Yunho, one-shots?”
“¥5000 you’ll collapse before me.”
“I’m taking the bet!”
Changmin sighed painfully at the pathetic scene playing before his eyes. Junsu looked like he was trying to make a hole in his empty glass by glaring at it, and Yoochun visibly didn’t know what to say. To his credit, it wasn’t easy to think with two idiots smashing themselves in front of you.
“You want to drink something?” Yoochun finally asked Junsu. “There’s juice in the kitchen if you prefer.”
“No thanks… I think it would be better if I go to bed, I’m tired…”
“It’s already past 2.am.” Changmin noticed. He checked their schedule pinned on the wall. “Manager-san is supposed to fetch us in three hours.”
“Then I should really go to bed.”
Junsu got up and smiled tentatively before exiting the room. Maybe he should follow him, Changmin mused. They shared the same room after all. But then, maybe it was even better to let him some time to calm down and recompose himself. Furthermore, for a reason he couldn’t apprehend, Jaejoong had decided he was a nice and fluffy pillow and was drooling on his shoulder. Erk. Because he wasn’t without heart and because he was a good dongsaeng, he didn’t brush him off - until Jae spilled half of the content of his glass on his knees. Stupid hyung.
“Do you think they’ll be alright?” Yoochun asked him softly, arching an eyebrow as the others two were opening a new bottle of soju.
“They’re responsible adults,” Changmin declared. “At least, it’s what they’re supposed to be. Since I won’t be the one ending with a hangover tomorrow, everything is alright for me.”
“JUNSU,” Jaejoong shouted, clearly drunk from the six one-shots he just had gulped down. “JUNSU SINGS SO WELL. I’M SO PROUD OF HIM.”
“I was wrong earlier,” Yoochun snorted. “Jae is drunk when he is sober but even drunker when he is drunk. My, the world is seriously doomed.”
“JUNSUUUUU!! YOU SHOULD… BE LEAD VOCAL! Yeah, yeah… YOU’LL BE SO… so…”
“Hyung, shut up already,” Changmin snapped, getting annoyed.
“How dare you…” Jaejoong was stuttering, waving dangerously his glass under the youngest’s nose, “dare you… speak, speak like that to your hyung! You’re hurting me Chang-min-mini! Hurting me!”
“I think I’m going to hit something,” Changmin deadpanned.
Yoochun chuckled and patted his back comfortably.
“I’m taking this one to bed,” he said, pointing at Jaejoong. “Go check on Junsu,” he added after a while. “Please.”
Changmin nodded. The both of them took a glance at Yunho, still drinking and refilling his glass with accurate movements and sharp eyes. Changmin didn’t know he was so good a drinker - and never wished to know. Because neither of them had the guts to tell him to stop and to go to bed, they let him alone in the living-room.
When he reached his room, Junsu was already sleeping, curled into a tiny ball under his blanket. For a moment, Changmin felt lost on what to do - and fuck, wasn’t he supposed to be the resident genius? He sighed, then moved closer to his roommate and just decided to poke him. Junsu did a grunted sound.
“Hyung…”
“Let me sleep, ‘Min,” Junsu mumbled. “And stob pinchin’ my nose.”
Muffling a quiet laugh, Changmin pinched his cheeks instead, teasing his skin with the tips of his fingers. It felt good to be able to touch him again after all these days.
“You’re feverish,” he muttered softly. “Do you need something?”
“No… I’m just tired, need to catch up on some sleep…”
“I’ll be in the workroom. Call me if you need anything. Just call me, okay?”
“Nn… ‘kay.”
Junsu closed his eyes and rolled over, allowing Changmin to stroke his hair for a while. The youngest bit his lower lip. It was heartbreaking, to see Junsu like that. It was so fucking wrong, to witness Sunshine losing its brightness and its good mood. Changmin just wanted to hug him tightly, and - it was even more wrong. He was getting affected by Jaejoong’s stupidity, he swore.
He was still tenderly stroking Junsu’s head when a shadow stopped in the doorstep of their room. Yunho threw them a glare. Changmin didn’t even have the time to open his mouth that he disappeared in his own room. He bit his lips again. Something told him tomorrow would be a tough day…
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