Sigh.
I feel really... I dunno. Creatively frustrated since I've been back in Oregon. Back in Colorado, I was writing at least a song a week there for some time and now... I dunno. I've got a couple decent Coleman songs, but I haven't written anything serious in 3 months. And now hearing that The Build-Up are recording an album... I dunno. It's great news, but I'm also really saddened by it because I was a part of something really awesome--what I've always wanted to happen--and now I'm not.
And I can't seem to make it really happen again, is the thing. Bianka and that crew aren't really into making the kind of music I want to make and neither Brian nor I have the kind of personality Chris has--the "get shit done" kind of ability he has. I need to find a like-minded musician that has that again, but that's a really hard prospect.
I also really need to move to the city. It would be easier in that case, because I could get out and meet people more often/easily. Here, I feel really isolated most of the time. And that's not helping me feel better about things.
Neither is the damn job market. It's not like I'm not applying. I'm checking various sites every day and doing at least a few applications a week, usually one or two every morning. I just haven't heard back from anybody, other than to say "we're keeping your resume on file." And I posted said resume and didn't get any responses. It's disheartening to say the least.
And I have no idea how I'm going to get back into school. I have to figure that out, except I have no idea how I'm going to figure it out. It's a matter of finance, first. I already have outstanding loans from UCD and I have to figure out how to get around those to afford anywhere else. And financial strategy is NOT my strong point--it's actually probably my weakest point. Plus I have this deep fear that, because of my record (of being a two-time college dropout), I'm not going to get accepted, despite having a pretty strong GPA. It's kind of negative thinking, and I acknowledge that, but it's hard not to worry about it.
All in all, I feel somewhat like I'm stagnating horribly and it's killing me. I've met some cool people and I know that if I can haul myself out of this rut somehow, things could develop in really cool ways. It's just a matter of getting out from under the debilitating pressure and being able to make those initial steps.
But again. Sigh.
And I can't seem to make it really happen again, is the thing. Bianka and that crew aren't really into making the kind of music I want to make and neither Brian nor I have the kind of personality Chris has--the "get shit done" kind of ability he has. I need to find a like-minded musician that has that again, but that's a really hard prospect.
I also really need to move to the city. It would be easier in that case, because I could get out and meet people more often/easily. Here, I feel really isolated most of the time. And that's not helping me feel better about things.
Neither is the damn job market. It's not like I'm not applying. I'm checking various sites every day and doing at least a few applications a week, usually one or two every morning. I just haven't heard back from anybody, other than to say "we're keeping your resume on file." And I posted said resume and didn't get any responses. It's disheartening to say the least.
And I have no idea how I'm going to get back into school. I have to figure that out, except I have no idea how I'm going to figure it out. It's a matter of finance, first. I already have outstanding loans from UCD and I have to figure out how to get around those to afford anywhere else. And financial strategy is NOT my strong point--it's actually probably my weakest point. Plus I have this deep fear that, because of my record (of being a two-time college dropout), I'm not going to get accepted, despite having a pretty strong GPA. It's kind of negative thinking, and I acknowledge that, but it's hard not to worry about it.
All in all, I feel somewhat like I'm stagnating horribly and it's killing me. I've met some cool people and I know that if I can haul myself out of this rut somehow, things could develop in really cool ways. It's just a matter of getting out from under the debilitating pressure and being able to make those initial steps.
But again. Sigh.