[INFO]
Character Information
Name: John Egbert
Canon Origin/Series: Homestuck
School Year: 3rd
Gender: Male
Age: 13
House: Gryffindor
Wand: 11", Apple wood, Gryffon feather core
Out of school living location: Oxford, England
Blood status: Halfblood
Personality:
Ladies and gentlemen, meet your average nerd. John is an average kid with average looks and average everything else.
Like every other nerd, John possesses a variety of interests-from pranks and paranormal lore to computer programming, web comics and bad movies. He’s very passionate about his interests; he can ramble about them even during the most inappropriate situations. He tries his damndest to improve on what he does but no matter how hard he tries, his skills when it comes to his interests are average at best, terrible at worst. In fact, the only things that he seems to be competent in are playing the piano and combining objects, usually with the intent of making them more hilarious.
Despite what some of his actions might suggest, John is fairly intelligent; he just doesn’t think before he talks/acts. Because of that, he’s honest and straightforward, occasionally stupidly brave, sweet or tactless. He allows his feelings to guide him, so he’s really optimistic, innocent and naive. He almost died because he listened to some psychopathic alien girl’s advice, but he forgave her when she explained it was unintentional. This particular naiveté makes it easier for people to trust and befriend him, but as a downside, it also makes him more susceptible to manipulation (much to Vriska’s delight). Even his friends (particularly Dave) acknowledge how he could get in real trouble because of this part of his personality.
John is silly. He does stupid things for the sake of doing stupid things. What can he say? He loves his comedy. He stuffed fake arms-a pair he uses for hilarious purposes-into a cake because it guaranteed maximum hilarity. He later stuffed it down the toilet. At some point, he also handed out stuffed bunnies like cheap cigars to babies because it reminded him of a scene from his favorite movie “Con Air” and because why the hell not? He had an emotional breakdown afterwards because it was just so beautiful. Please note that he did this with the knowledge that some huge shit was going to transpire in a few minutes.
John isn’t completely happy, though. Similar to most thirteen year olds, he suffers from a low self-esteem. Literally etched on the walls of his subconscious are degrading words like “STUPID”, “DUMB”, and “RETARD”. Jade scribbled hearts and supporting words all over the daunting text, but that probably didn’t help much.
Canon Background:
Homestuck is full of really confusing time themes and ridiculous plot, so come, mod, hold my hand as I try to make sense of this shit. Coherency not guaranteed.
The reader is introduced to a young man named Zoosmell Pooplord John Egbert. It just so happens that today (...not today, April 13 2009) is this young man’s birthday! He eagerly awaits his gifts, especially one particular game, Sburb. While waiting, he does a lot of silly things involving CAPTCHALOGUING random stuff.
He eventually gets the game, and he and Rose play it together. He is the client and Rose is his server player. They notice a countdown and realize a meteor is heading towards John’s house in precisely four hours. His quest to get into the Medium is relatively easy; he has to take a bite from the cruxite apple, to symbolize his loss of innocence. He succeeds and gets transferred to another world which is still part of the game; his world, The Land of Wind and Shade. His Dad gets kidnapped by stupid, lousy goddamn imps.
His Nanna, who, at this point, is prototyped with a sprite, explains to him he’s The Heir of Breath, and that the point of the game isn’t to save the world but to create a new universe. This saddens him, but he has a tiny span so off to questing he goes. Trolls bother him, his friends get into trouble and he fights a lot of imps. He ends up on Rose’s world, returns to his world and gets sidetracked several times. So yeah, what the flying fuck is even happening here.
He ends up in a meteor and creates paradox clones of him, his friends and their respective guardians. Then he sends the babies back in time where they become the real them during his reckoning. But first, he must re-enact a scene from Con Air. Meanwhile, Jack completely destroys Prospit because that’s the normal reaction to hating fashion. Dream Jade dies, John wakes up as his dreamself and now with a bunny bodyguard. He gets rid of Jack this way. He spots his formerly kidnapped father and some scarf lady (who’s that bitch?) and almost reunites with him. Almost. He drops the White Queen’s ring into the river.
He wakes up in the real world, AGAIN, but is now bothered by a new troll, Vriska. She becomes his Fairy God Troll because Karkat only liked to yell at him. Other stuff happens, namely stuff involving The Tumor, Bill Cosby Laptops, Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factories and Jade entering the Medium. The LOWAS is set on fire, the Wayward Vagabond orders him to do the Windy Thing and, voila, he does the Windy Thing! Fire averted.
He climbs to the top of his echeladder and reaches the level of Heir Transparent. Vriska guides him to his Quest Bed. Jack Noir (or should I say, Bec Noir) finds him and proceeds to kill him. It is clear that Vriska intended for this to happen, but whether her intentions were good or bad is unclear. Thanks to the Wayward Vagabond, he awakens as his dreamself, now as the fully realized Heir of Breath. This is the most recent update about him.
Now, wasn't that fun?
Background (AU!Canon; HP):
Once upon a time, John’s muggle dad fell in love with a weird, mysterious woman. Their love bore fruit; not literal fruit, but two, beautiful twin babies. The woman had a sense of adventure, though, so she left him and took one of the babies. Dad, who did not realize they were twins, decided to raise poor, now motherless John.
His life was pretty unremarkable. Dad taught him how to play the piano, to execute hilarious pranks and to bake. He loved the first two but loathed the last one. He was an outcast in muggle school; he was pretty odd, and he was kind of a huge nerd, so of course people stayed away from him. This, coupled with the fact that he never knew his mother, spawned a tiny self-esteem.
At some point, he started drawing clowns and writing insults all over his movie posters in his sleep but they’re currently invisible to him. His dad assumed he liked clowns because of the drawings, so he decided to cover the entire house with them. John thought he developed an insane obsession with those things, so he directed his self-hate towards the damned harlequins.
His letter arrived on his Eleventh Birthday. After rambling about how awesome that was and referencing some of his movies, his dad finally told him that his grandmother was a muggleborn. It was a surprising revelation. His dad finally gave him the contents of the chest he kept in his room; he inherited his grandmother’s wand, galleons to support his studies, an old copy of Colonel Sassacre’s Daunting text, some robes and a few books. He happily accepted the invitation.
Life in Hogwarts was uneventful. He excels in Math-related subjects like Arithmancy and sucks at History of Magic (and everything else). Bluh bluh, who are these douchebags?
Note: Will be updated because THIS SUCKS.
Name: John Egbert
Canon Origin/Series: Homestuck
School Year: 3rd
Gender: Male
Age: 13
House: Gryffindor
Wand: 11", Apple wood, Gryffon feather core
Out of school living location: Oxford, England
Blood status: Halfblood
Personality:
Ladies and gentlemen, meet your average nerd. John is an average kid with average looks and average everything else.
Like every other nerd, John possesses a variety of interests-from pranks and paranormal lore to computer programming, web comics and bad movies. He’s very passionate about his interests; he can ramble about them even during the most inappropriate situations. He tries his damndest to improve on what he does but no matter how hard he tries, his skills when it comes to his interests are average at best, terrible at worst. In fact, the only things that he seems to be competent in are playing the piano and combining objects, usually with the intent of making them more hilarious.
Despite what some of his actions might suggest, John is fairly intelligent; he just doesn’t think before he talks/acts. Because of that, he’s honest and straightforward, occasionally stupidly brave, sweet or tactless. He allows his feelings to guide him, so he’s really optimistic, innocent and naive. He almost died because he listened to some psychopathic alien girl’s advice, but he forgave her when she explained it was unintentional. This particular naiveté makes it easier for people to trust and befriend him, but as a downside, it also makes him more susceptible to manipulation (much to Vriska’s delight). Even his friends (particularly Dave) acknowledge how he could get in real trouble because of this part of his personality.
John is silly. He does stupid things for the sake of doing stupid things. What can he say? He loves his comedy. He stuffed fake arms-a pair he uses for hilarious purposes-into a cake because it guaranteed maximum hilarity. He later stuffed it down the toilet. At some point, he also handed out stuffed bunnies like cheap cigars to babies because it reminded him of a scene from his favorite movie “Con Air” and because why the hell not? He had an emotional breakdown afterwards because it was just so beautiful. Please note that he did this with the knowledge that some huge shit was going to transpire in a few minutes.
John isn’t completely happy, though. Similar to most thirteen year olds, he suffers from a low self-esteem. Literally etched on the walls of his subconscious are degrading words like “STUPID”, “DUMB”, and “RETARD”. Jade scribbled hearts and supporting words all over the daunting text, but that probably didn’t help much.
Canon Background:
Homestuck is full of really confusing time themes and ridiculous plot, so come, mod, hold my hand as I try to make sense of this shit. Coherency not guaranteed.
The reader is introduced to a young man named Zoosmell Pooplord John Egbert. It just so happens that today (...not today, April 13 2009) is this young man’s birthday! He eagerly awaits his gifts, especially one particular game, Sburb. While waiting, he does a lot of silly things involving CAPTCHALOGUING random stuff.
He eventually gets the game, and he and Rose play it together. He is the client and Rose is his server player. They notice a countdown and realize a meteor is heading towards John’s house in precisely four hours. His quest to get into the Medium is relatively easy; he has to take a bite from the cruxite apple, to symbolize his loss of innocence. He succeeds and gets transferred to another world which is still part of the game; his world, The Land of Wind and Shade. His Dad gets kidnapped by stupid, lousy goddamn imps.
His Nanna, who, at this point, is prototyped with a sprite, explains to him he’s The Heir of Breath, and that the point of the game isn’t to save the world but to create a new universe. This saddens him, but he has a tiny span so off to questing he goes. Trolls bother him, his friends get into trouble and he fights a lot of imps. He ends up on Rose’s world, returns to his world and gets sidetracked several times. So yeah, what the flying fuck is even happening here.
He ends up in a meteor and creates paradox clones of him, his friends and their respective guardians. Then he sends the babies back in time where they become the real them during his reckoning. But first, he must re-enact a scene from Con Air. Meanwhile, Jack completely destroys Prospit because that’s the normal reaction to hating fashion. Dream Jade dies, John wakes up as his dreamself and now with a bunny bodyguard. He gets rid of Jack this way. He spots his formerly kidnapped father and some scarf lady (who’s that bitch?) and almost reunites with him. Almost. He drops the White Queen’s ring into the river.
He wakes up in the real world, AGAIN, but is now bothered by a new troll, Vriska. She becomes his Fairy God Troll because Karkat only liked to yell at him. Other stuff happens, namely stuff involving The Tumor, Bill Cosby Laptops, Fruity Rumpus Asshole Factories and Jade entering the Medium. The LOWAS is set on fire, the Wayward Vagabond orders him to do the Windy Thing and, voila, he does the Windy Thing! Fire averted.
He climbs to the top of his echeladder and reaches the level of Heir Transparent. Vriska guides him to his Quest Bed. Jack Noir (or should I say, Bec Noir) finds him and proceeds to kill him. It is clear that Vriska intended for this to happen, but whether her intentions were good or bad is unclear. Thanks to the Wayward Vagabond, he awakens as his dreamself, now as the fully realized Heir of Breath. This is the most recent update about him.
Now, wasn't that fun?
Background (AU!Canon; HP):
Once upon a time, John’s muggle dad fell in love with a weird, mysterious woman. Their love bore fruit; not literal fruit, but two, beautiful twin babies. The woman had a sense of adventure, though, so she left him and took one of the babies. Dad, who did not realize they were twins, decided to raise poor, now motherless John.
His life was pretty unremarkable. Dad taught him how to play the piano, to execute hilarious pranks and to bake. He loved the first two but loathed the last one. He was an outcast in muggle school; he was pretty odd, and he was kind of a huge nerd, so of course people stayed away from him. This, coupled with the fact that he never knew his mother, spawned a tiny self-esteem.
At some point, he started drawing clowns and writing insults all over his movie posters in his sleep but they’re currently invisible to him. His dad assumed he liked clowns because of the drawings, so he decided to cover the entire house with them. John thought he developed an insane obsession with those things, so he directed his self-hate towards the damned harlequins.
His letter arrived on his Eleventh Birthday. After rambling about how awesome that was and referencing some of his movies, his dad finally told him that his grandmother was a muggleborn. It was a surprising revelation. His dad finally gave him the contents of the chest he kept in his room; he inherited his grandmother’s wand, galleons to support his studies, an old copy of Colonel Sassacre’s Daunting text, some robes and a few books. He happily accepted the invitation.
Life in Hogwarts was uneventful. He excels in Math-related subjects like Arithmancy and sucks at History of Magic (and everything else). Bluh bluh, who are these douchebags?
Note: Will be updated because THIS SUCKS.