library terror, perspective, request!
.i. library terror
Peeps, I have so many overdue items from the local library that I've been putting off searching the site for a particular book because some tiny corner of myself, the same corner of myself that can't sleep with the closet door open, believes that I will be awakening the beast with my query in the search box. The library will realize that I owe them 378495 items (only a slight exaggeration), and send operatives to my house, who will beat down my door, awakening the neighbors, a la COPS.
Or like the Bookman, from Seinfeld!
(the New York Public Library is alleging that Jerry never returned a book to them in 1971, one that Jerry says he returned. Philip Baker Hall arrives at Jerry's door, playing Mr. Bookman, a library detective.)
BOOKMAN: You took this book out in 1971.
JERRY: Yes, and I returned it in 1971.
BOOKMAN: Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.
JERRY: Look, Mr. Bookman. I--I returned that book. I remember it very specifically.
BOOKMAN: You're a comedian, you make people laugh.
JERRY: I try.
BOOKMAN: You think this is all a big joke, don't you?
JERRY: No, I don't.
BOOKMAN: I saw you on T.V. once; I remembered your name--from my list. I looked it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity that somehow the law doesn't apply to you, that you're above the law?
JERRY: Certainly not.
BOOKMAN: Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!
As if you couldn't tell, I've been experiencing a Seinfeld Renaissance lately. Hence the icons, such as this one, from another one of my favorite episodes, The Marine Biologist.
.ii. perspective
I woke up this morning feeling much more even-tempered and kind of can't believe I wrote such a lengthy LJ post about a movie theater employee being rude to me. Kids are starving in Africa, etc! I do realize my plight was not that terrible. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I'm back to hateful law office employment, and there are NO JOBS FOR SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHERS around here, so I'm just generally cranky. Oh well.
.iii. request!
I'm going on vacay on Saturday, and I am going after work tomorrow to the bookstore to burn some of the gift certificates I got for my birthday/graduation. Does anyone have any recommendations? I'm looking for novels, I guess. Sample set of books I adore: Sloppy Firsts etc., most of Meg Cabot's YA, Bridget Jones's Diary, American history books (I tend to value good writing above almost everything else here), Bill Bryson's stuff, Georgette Heyer, Barbara Kingsolver, lots of other things I can't think of.
Has anyone just finished a truly awesome book?
Peeps, I have so many overdue items from the local library that I've been putting off searching the site for a particular book because some tiny corner of myself, the same corner of myself that can't sleep with the closet door open, believes that I will be awakening the beast with my query in the search box. The library will realize that I owe them 378495 items (only a slight exaggeration), and send operatives to my house, who will beat down my door, awakening the neighbors, a la COPS.
Or like the Bookman, from Seinfeld!
(the New York Public Library is alleging that Jerry never returned a book to them in 1971, one that Jerry says he returned. Philip Baker Hall arrives at Jerry's door, playing Mr. Bookman, a library detective.)
BOOKMAN: You took this book out in 1971.
JERRY: Yes, and I returned it in 1971.
BOOKMAN: Yeah, '71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.
JERRY: Look, Mr. Bookman. I--I returned that book. I remember it very specifically.
BOOKMAN: You're a comedian, you make people laugh.
JERRY: I try.
BOOKMAN: You think this is all a big joke, don't you?
JERRY: No, I don't.
BOOKMAN: I saw you on T.V. once; I remembered your name--from my list. I looked it up. Sure enough, it checked out. You think because you're a celebrity that somehow the law doesn't apply to you, that you're above the law?
JERRY: Certainly not.
BOOKMAN: Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!
As if you couldn't tell, I've been experiencing a Seinfeld Renaissance lately. Hence the icons, such as this one, from another one of my favorite episodes, The Marine Biologist.
.ii. perspective
I woke up this morning feeling much more even-tempered and kind of can't believe I wrote such a lengthy LJ post about a movie theater employee being rude to me. Kids are starving in Africa, etc! I do realize my plight was not that terrible. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I'm back to hateful law office employment, and there are NO JOBS FOR SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHERS around here, so I'm just generally cranky. Oh well.
.iii. request!
I'm going on vacay on Saturday, and I am going after work tomorrow to the bookstore to burn some of the gift certificates I got for my birthday/graduation. Does anyone have any recommendations? I'm looking for novels, I guess. Sample set of books I adore: Sloppy Firsts etc., most of Meg Cabot's YA, Bridget Jones's Diary, American history books (I tend to value good writing above almost everything else here), Bill Bryson's stuff, Georgette Heyer, Barbara Kingsolver, lots of other things I can't think of.
Has anyone just finished a truly awesome book?